/catharsis/

Write and be free from what you are holding back right now.

Attached: Screen Shot 2018-05-01 at 5.02.34 PM.png (529x534, 133K)

I'm a Christian and I can't stop thinking about suicide even though I've convinced myself it's absolutely wrong. Modernity is so twisted and confusing, there are so many barriers between us and everything we ought to be doing, I simply don't know how to be a good person. I feel like all I'm doing is taking up space. The only activities readily available seem to be either masturbatory, predatory or servile in nature. There's no room for virtue in modernity, how am I supposed to love my neighbours when we don't speak? Nobody speaks. And why should we? Beyond being human beings we have nothing in common. Nobody does.

I'd devote myself to my studies but they make me so miserable I practically go braindead every time I look at them. I'd try to build up real relationships with my family but I just can't seem to communicate with them, I'm too crazy, they're too normal. The inside of my head is a fucking car crash and the only time I feel better is when I'm arguing with or berating people. I'm going to die alone. This thought shouldn't disturb me since we all have God, and many wonderful saints lived celibate lives, but there's celibacy and then there's being truly alone. I have very few friends and very rarely leave home for anything but work. I'm incompetent at both of my jobs.

I agree with the guy above me... I deserve friends. It hurts so bad I just want friends. I wish I had someone that loved me besides family. Ahhh I want to die. If anyone is out there, please be my fren

I have literally no talent. I cant sing, cant dance, cant play sports, am awful at nearly all video games. Im incredibly out of shape,cant drive and havent had a girlfriend. My only sexual encouters have been through Craigslist and Tinder. I live with my alcoholic mother and younger brother, who is infinitely better then me at life. I have dreams of being a succesful comedian, but I dont know how to go about that. My oneitis used to like me but now despises me due to the fact I had a manic episode and spam messaged her on every platform. its been 8 months. and i miss her everyday.

This except I'm not religious. Modern life is incomprehensible and everyone is an alien.

If all we do to sustain ourselves is terrorize (arbitrarily deny everyone else's choices, affirm and desist on various topics, decide what presides over what else) how can anything go on? Even to say there needs to be a new order, or something needs to be changed is to thoughtlessness what heat is to thermite. If everything is permitted as it will be anyway no matter how hard to force your presence you are no longer a force for anything and you never were. im really tired but what im saying is i dont think i can go on. no, not some faggy denial of what shall be is not what this is. i really mean i cannot make myself eat knowing its all an addiction to superiority to plant life and so on. i will kill myself wanting to live more than ever and ill know it too.

Attached: 1535347168159.png (482x436, 175K)

Read The Divine Comedy. It really sorted out my religious views as in now im being as pious as possible

I have. I actually recently got into a semi-serious argument with some Orthodox guys over whether or not the story is gnostic/hermetic in nature. That was fun.

I still think it's an enormously valuable work and Dante's understanding of God's love is incredibly moving. Helps with loneliness and the necessity of God, but I'm still all fucked up and all over the place. Good thing about Christianity is that with it you realize we all have what we need to make it given to us, but then that's also a downer because the only excuses for failure are within ourselves. No external force is oppressing me to the point where I can't make it, I just need to pull it together. May move onto some Augustine soon. Currently trying and failing to focus on Copleston.

I feel like a loser, don't even have any friends. Attempts at relationships have been futile.
How am I supposed to figure all of this out myself? Why isn't there a guide for this shit?

I'm going into junior year of high school knowing I'm fucked. Most of the people I've hung out with no longer like me. I dont know why. They've stopped talking to me and have made no effort keeping in touch. This is the only friend group I had and I feel fucking betrayed. Honestly fuck them, they're genuinely toxic people to be around but I just need to be part of some group. I don't want to go another year alone, I've been through to many. Everyone in my school is as fake as they fucking come, there are barely any good people. I'm fucking alone cause I feel like I'm better or some shit. Idk r9k but I just can't handle having no one, feeling this fucking alone