/catharsis/

Write and be free from what you are holding back right now.

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I'm a Christian and I can't stop thinking about suicide even though I've convinced myself it's absolutely wrong. Modernity is so twisted and confusing, there are so many barriers between us and everything we ought to be doing, I simply don't know how to be a good person. I feel like all I'm doing is taking up space. The only activities readily available seem to be either masturbatory, predatory or servile in nature. There's no room for virtue in modernity, how am I supposed to love my neighbours when we don't speak? Nobody speaks. And why should we? Beyond being human beings we have nothing in common. Nobody does.

I'd devote myself to my studies but they make me so miserable I practically go braindead every time I look at them. I'd try to build up real relationships with my family but I just can't seem to communicate with them, I'm too crazy, they're too normal. The inside of my head is a fucking car crash and the only time I feel better is when I'm arguing with or berating people. I'm going to die alone. This thought shouldn't disturb me since we all have God, and many wonderful saints lived celibate lives, but there's celibacy and then there's being truly alone. I have very few friends and very rarely leave home for anything but work. I'm incompetent at both of my jobs.

I agree with the guy above me... I deserve friends. It hurts so bad I just want friends. I wish I had someone that loved me besides family. Ahhh I want to die. If anyone is out there, please be my fren

I have literally no talent. I cant sing, cant dance, cant play sports, am awful at nearly all video games. Im incredibly out of shape,cant drive and havent had a girlfriend. My only sexual encouters have been through Craigslist and Tinder. I live with my alcoholic mother and younger brother, who is infinitely better then me at life. I have dreams of being a succesful comedian, but I dont know how to go about that. My oneitis used to like me but now despises me due to the fact I had a manic episode and spam messaged her on every platform. its been 8 months. and i miss her everyday.

This except I'm not religious. Modern life is incomprehensible and everyone is an alien.

If all we do to sustain ourselves is terrorize (arbitrarily deny everyone else's choices, affirm and desist on various topics, decide what presides over what else) how can anything go on? Even to say there needs to be a new order, or something needs to be changed is to thoughtlessness what heat is to thermite. If everything is permitted as it will be anyway no matter how hard to force your presence you are no longer a force for anything and you never were. im really tired but what im saying is i dont think i can go on. no, not some faggy denial of what shall be is not what this is. i really mean i cannot make myself eat knowing its all an addiction to superiority to plant life and so on. i will kill myself wanting to live more than ever and ill know it too.

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Read The Divine Comedy. It really sorted out my religious views as in now im being as pious as possible

I have. I actually recently got into a semi-serious argument with some Orthodox guys over whether or not the story is gnostic/hermetic in nature. That was fun.

I still think it's an enormously valuable work and Dante's understanding of God's love is incredibly moving. Helps with loneliness and the necessity of God, but I'm still all fucked up and all over the place. Good thing about Christianity is that with it you realize we all have what we need to make it given to us, but then that's also a downer because the only excuses for failure are within ourselves. No external force is oppressing me to the point where I can't make it, I just need to pull it together. May move onto some Augustine soon. Currently trying and failing to focus on Copleston.

I feel like a loser, don't even have any friends. Attempts at relationships have been futile.
How am I supposed to figure all of this out myself? Why isn't there a guide for this shit?

I'm going into junior year of high school knowing I'm fucked. Most of the people I've hung out with no longer like me. I dont know why. They've stopped talking to me and have made no effort keeping in touch. This is the only friend group I had and I feel fucking betrayed. Honestly fuck them, they're genuinely toxic people to be around but I just need to be part of some group. I don't want to go another year alone, I've been through to many. Everyone in my school is as fake as they fucking come, there are barely any good people. I'm fucking alone cause I feel like I'm better or some shit. Idk r9k but I just can't handle having no one, feeling this fucking alone

I'm tired of all the abuse at home I miss my dad. My brother and my mom just team up on me. I'm tired of this bullshit I found a wonderful girl online and we're having a roadtrip to see her my friends are driving me from canada to the other side of the usa. I'm probably going to get married at 18 for a greencard to the usa and go to the Navy with her or I might join the military. I've become suicidal once again as life has never felt more real than ever.

I haven't done anything noteworthy of my life since at least some four years. Everyone is so advanced that I feel i cannot ever reach'em in nothing I do.
I feel i'am the best at my work but since is a retail is not like I am a master of something worth, and even then sometimes i think I'm just doing everything worse each day.
The need for someone to keep myself in route is greater everyday and I hate when I see a couple or two people loving each other as I dont think I ever will feel or live sometling like that. It hurts, lads.

IT'S NOT FAIR IT'S NOT FAIR IT'S NOT FAIR

I dindu nuffin wong

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Too much me right now, except junior year of college

Im suffering from some pretty severe writers block right now, so this will probably help. I also gotta conform by the absurd limitations placed on me by the Jow Forums ban on apostrophes on mobile devices. Currently Im just writing to the sounds of the Megalobox soundtrack, trying to build up something cool in my head. Just right now I was thinking about making a fake ad for a TV show.

The modern world is a heap of malicious nihilism, absurdity, violence, facades, and banal garbage. We cannot exist in the world the way we once did. We are in the midst of a social collapse the likes of which hasn't been seen since the roman empire. Marriage, the cornerstone of society, is crumbling. The very base pieces of community structure are dangerous to engage in and a wasted investment. It would be better to simply wait till a total apocalypse before trying to rebuild.

We live in clown world.

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I started thinking about my oneitis and how badly I fucked things up. It was months ago but sometimes it really gets to me. Felt like I actually had a chance with her, but I'll never know if it was just wishful thinking or some kind of miracle. She hates me now and I know it doesn't matter, but it feels fucking bad man. I keep replaying the memory of her visiting me at work out of the blue and giving me a big hug. God I hate myself.

Every time I reach a roadblock or obstacle in my life, I keep pushing but there's always that fear in my gut that this is where I'll get stuck and have to be forever. In high school, it was getting into a college. In college, it was actually being able to graduate. And now it's getting a job. The best solace I have is that it's always worked out in the past, but that never seems to comfort me in the present.

Being pressured by family my entire life has left me constantly evaluating my progress and position and probably contributed to my anxiety and sometimes autistic behavior. I never asked to be born, I never agreed to your terms and conditions, so why should I have to suffer just because you're unhappy with my current standing? I never asked for too much, and you remind me of my debts every day.

Just leave me alone so I can pressure myself to succeed. I'll make my life as I want to and that includes whatever friends I deem worthy. For all your past sins I'd be justified in cutting contact forever. Hopefully one day you'll look at my life and see the reflection of what you could have had, if you were a better man. That would be the best revenge I could ever enact.

I have a strong urge to go downtown into the city and just walk around and explore it as if it was an open world sandbox game. Problem is I have now way of going since I don't have a car and can't drive anyway. I guess I could pay a lyft but it would cost me like 200 bucks roundtrip.

I have the same feels brother

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Everything is very dark. I can't sleep, I'm passing gas. I had diarrhea today. There's no fever, although I wish there was, because it might excuse me from me responsibilities tomorrow. Instead, I have to face them bleary-eyed and worn-out.

God I feel like I'm sloughing my skin.

I can't trust women and this is reaffirmed at every step.

Adieu.

Are you me?
I have (or had) a very active social life, but even surrounded by "friends" I feel completely alone.. too much going on in my mind, too little going on in theirs, and the end of the night I just end up breaking down and crying in the shower.
Sometimes I fantasize about packing my bags and just wandering off without direction, seeing how long I can last before thirst or malnutrition takes me.

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why does this shit happen. i have friends but i still feel so inadequate. everyone seems to be having far better relationships than me. i haven't been anyone's ""best friend"" since i was 12. there's always someone better than me, in everything. my family doesn't love me because my brother is better than me in every aspect. every single one of my friends has an acquaintance they would rather hang with than with me. every single time I fall for a female I am not good enough. at almost every task I perform worse than everyone else.

what is the point of living then. I am trying to improve myself so hard, but no matter how hard I try I always end up at the same spot. everytime I step out of my comfort zone I get hit harder than before and I'm forced to go back inside. I am honestly thinking of giving up man