I fell for it and I'm getting a handheld vagina

I fell for it and I'm getting a handheld vagina.
What am I in for?
Can the bank see my purchase?

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Not worth it, too much hassle, too much prep, too much time to cleanup, and only marginally feels better

It'll likely show up as an obscure place or item on your bank statement. Plus I don't think the banks give a shit at even looking at what you buy unless it's random and absurdly expensive

Companies that sell these type of products have really generic names on bank statements, like "PDT Inc" for instance. Also use a good lube

That cute clerk at the bank reads through your purchase history on her lunch break. She'll secretly judge you every time you go into the bank, but she'll never let you know that she knows.

i have to make an amazon account to buy this thing?
theyre old

>theyre old
She tells her niece, and shows her pictures of you that the bank takes through the security system.
She's that cute girl at the drive-through.

>What am I in for?

I bought a fleshlight and regret it. It doesn't feel much better than my hand. The only upside to a fleshlight is that you can stick it between places and fuck it, like a couch or sockem bopper for some missionary style humping.

Prepping is not an issue, just toss it into a large bowl of warm water for a few minutes so it can warm up, lube your cock and the sleeve and you're ready to go. Once you're done just run water down it to wash out the spunk, apply some cleaner, and then corn starch powder. It takes 15 mins max to do all of this afterwards.

>fifteen minutes of extra shit
No thanks I can barely bring myself to go apathetically jerk it a time or two every day as it is, and it takes like five minutes now

found the femails

There are no females on this board. They're all LARPing neckbeards

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you really think women have nothing better to do than go on r9k and larp as men who can barely work up the energy to apathetically fap for 5 minutes

Not sure what other people in the thread are talking about. I got one and it is leagues better than using my hand. Also, pick up some PVE to make lube with.

>bought a fleshlight in person at a sex shop
>was pretty nervous
>took 2 laps around the block before I had the courage to walk in to the shop
>conversation with the cashier was the most mundane of my life
>told me how to look after it and what type of lube to use
>no judgement
>completely calm at the end of transaction
>walking out the shop
>70 year old man walks up to the counter and loudly asks for a penis pump
>lose my shit laughing
It was actually a fun experience and you can pay in cash so there's no evidence you even bought it.

what I'm trying to say is that a guy buying a fleshlight is pretty normal compared to some of the shit people in sex shops see on a daily basis.

i tried a tenga once, it was shit and a waste of money. barely felt better than a hand. is a decent vagina modeled one any better?

>sockem bopper

I beg your pardon?

Rly I simply let mine rot for weeks then use it with no prep. If I clean it at all its some quick soap and water

I see that you are also a man of culture when jerking it

Got drunk and bought a fleshlight. Nice for a change of pace but nothing special past that. If i could do it over I'd buy some weird shit like hoers pussi

Go look it up, underageb&.

They're pretty fantastic but cleanup is a fucking hassle unless you pullout but what's even the point then? Also it feels pretty similar to fucking if I'm being totally honest, at least with the fleshlight pilot I have, but you obviously miss the warmth and the actual feeling of holding another person, though. Still infinitely better than your hand, not sure what this guy's about.

It also allowed me to quit porn since the feeling alone combined with imagination is way better by itself. It feels mentally and physically better, also you get sensation back and if you fuck it it's actually some physical activity as well. They're just great, wish I was famous so I could sponsor this shit and advise people to stop watching shitty porn

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oh also, this is important, buy this shit right here, thank me later. It's made for women to match their natural lubricant, this shit basically is 90% of the experience for me. Honestly ignore the "for women" shit, this is as close as you'll get to the natural feeling if you've never felt it. Seriously I'm not fuckin' around, it'll change your life.

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Dude they are better than a lot of girls pussies or at least the nice ones are. nothing beats a perfect pussy, but these definitely beat the shit out of some roasties.

more like cutlets

what makes it different to any other brand of water based lube you can get off amazon? consistency?

Make sure to get a decent japanese one, not a fleshlight.

I worked at a bank. Nobody is really looking at that shit honestly. Transactions , unless you fill out a paper at the bank, are not checked by any human being.

>sir it says here on September 25th you ordered a "Virgin Tight Innocent Pussy Hard Edition" and 'Gichi Gichi Tight Virgin Lotion'
>can you explain this?

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It's really hard to explain but it like coats your dick the exact same way natural lube would, and creates kind of a gentle 'friction' without drying out. It's the shit

>Sockem bopper
Well theres a name i havnt heard in ages.

Protip, ONLY buy silicone based toys whether dildos or fleshlights. Anything other than silicone will smell bad, irritate your skin and not last long, and can't be cleaned properly.

Get xanthan gum to make cheap and long-lasting lubricants that can be used with any toy... Just toss the xanthan gum in a blender and add water.

Reason to use a fleshlight:
1. You avoid damaging your penis from your hard hand grip (mine is already nerve damaged and bent)
2. It feels better
3. For some reason it's not like masturbating in the sense that you don't feel tired afterwards like you do when masturbating

Reasons not to get a fleshlight:
4. They are annoying to clean
5. They get sticky so you constantly need to lubricate them externally and internally (not really an issue for silicone based toys)
6. They are noisy, in case you have parents or neighbors that can hear everything

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I bought a fleshlight once from the official website. They promised they would be discrete.

On my bank account there was an alternative name. But when I got it I saw the UPS guy that delivered had a fucking grin all the time, on the burst on laughing.

Then I saw on the UPS tracking that the name was "Fleshlight Corp" or something like that. Never again goddamnit, it's not that much better either.

Same. Bought dildos. Delivery guy was giving me look of disgust. Don't know how he knew because package content and company name were made obscure, literally company name is something like "company abs"

I've had sex with a lot of women, and still am glad I bought my fleshlight.

If you guys think cleaning a fleshlight is hard then gg when trying a real doll. Using a condom so I just have to clean the lubricant. But still makes a fleshlight look like heaven regarding the time you need to clean

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How's the experience like though?
I bet it feels good being able to hug and connect to a physical body right?

Definitely feels good and it's fun to dress and put wigs on her the way you want. She's heavy as fuck though (+40 KG (About 88 pounds)) so it's like a workout having sex with them

Also mine is made out of TPE which absorbs heat very quickly, so when you cuddle with her she warms up and it feels even more real

That both sounds great. I'd sit her butt on my face.
You should get a maid dress or an anime outfit that you like for her.

Yeah a maid dress would be rad. I've already got her a Mirai Nikki cosplay, a green-white sailor suit, black twintails wig and some cute panties so far. Regarding the facesitting, I've tried that out too but gotta be careful not to accidently pass out or break my neck. Once she sits on you it's not easy to move her around.

i don't know why you're at my door, but you're getting sued because tracking my purchases unlawfully is illegal
now, kindly get off of my property after you give me your badge number

Hahahah.
I bet it feels good when you put her on top too. All that weight would feel lovely.