21 and been a hikki NEET for 5 years doing nothing

>21 and been a hikki NEET for 5 years doing nothing
>every time my mom tries to get me to open up about how I feel, I shut her down and tell her not to worry and that I'm just working things out
>mom asked me if i was depressed
>tells me I never open up to her and she can't take me not telling her how I feel anymore
>avoid the question and just tell her I don't know
>''user you were such a happy kid and full of joy when you were 11, 12, 13. what happened?''
>she starts crying
>''I can't help but think this is my fault, I blame myself. I failed you as a parent, I should of set you up for a happy life''
>start tearing up after seeing my mom cry and at the fact that she blames herself for me being a miserable failure
>tell her that it's not her fault and that it's my fault, and she shouldn't ever think it was her

how do I explain to her that no event caused this, that I just started feeling miserable, anxious and depressed when I hit about 14. I just don't want her to blame herself

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What do you mean how do you explain it to her? You just say it exactly the same way you just wrote it down ffs.

Ignoring your depression isn't going to magically cure it. Your mother is begging to offer you help and instead you are deciding the best thing to do is to make her feel like she's a failure? Go outside, tell her your problems and seek help. You are 21, there is plenty of time to revert back to a life with meaning and fulfillment

Shit you're lucky. You basically got a free pass with all this "It's all my fault" shit. Now your mother will do her best to support you're NEET ways all your life, unlike mine who thinks depression isn't real and that I just need to get a job to "take my mind of things".

Look like you have a good mother user.

Well what I mean't was, how do I say it in a nice way so she doesn't think my childhood was so miserable.

You say to seek help, but I feel like being forced to go outside and doing that would just make me kill myself. I don't want her to think she failed me but I'm in no state of mind to even try and seek help

I know how you feel, parents try to get me to open up everyday. Feels bad knowing they have such a shit son, they deserve better.

>>''user you were such a happy kid and full of joy when you were 11, 12, 13. what happened?''
man I know this feel. what does happen? too bad the youthful enjoyment of life as a kid rarely continues into adulthood.

THIS, OP.
To start healing, you have to act. The first action you can take, and that is close to you, is opening up to your mother. She offered her hand to you. Take it, she's ready to be there for you like no one else. Say to her how you feel. Then you'll feel better, and you will be able to take the next steps, as seeking some other help. Your life is not meant to be like it is now.
Together with her, you'll be stronger. Talking with her, both of you can figure out what's the best thing to do, you'll feel supported, and you'll be able to do things that now look too much difficult to you.
>how do I say it in a nice way
Just say it. You are crushing her right now preventing her knowing what's wrong. When she'll be aware of your feelings, she'll know what's the matter, and it will be better for her bc she'll know what you are dealing with. Say you don't blame her and you love her, nothing more required.

Yeah, my mom deserves better too. What do you say when they try to get you to open up?

I don't know man, is mental health issues and misery just genetic? no event happened to make me this way, it just happened.

my mom claims i told her about my depression when i was 11 but i didn't tell her until high school

You're probably right, but it's so hard when you haven't ever opened up to anybody. But I don't want to come across as weak by complaining about being miserable to her when I have no reason to feel this way

Normally It's "I'm fine, trust me, if something was wrong with me I'd tell you" and I'd just repeat something like that while smiling and laughing until she gives up, but she probably knows I'm not ok.

Stop judging yourself for Christ sake user! Otherwise you'll never get out of that.
It's not a complaint, it's not being weak. It's the opposite, opening up is an act of strenght.
If you feel depressed, or what else, you do have some reasons, even if you can't still rationalize them. A ((good)) therapist, if you'll decide for this, will help you to uncover the "why".
She won't judge you, for the simple reason that is obvious how much she loves you.
It's hard to open up, sure, I know. But she's ready and willing to listen to you. Go for it and you'll start to move up. And she'll be happy and relieved to see that and to know that you can do it with her support. Do it for her, too, really. Both you and she deserve it!

This reminds me of myself 4 years ago. I avoided it and didn't tell her and did nothing to change my situation. Now that I'm in my mid 20s I'm involuntarily starting to open up because it's becoming unbearable. It's too late though. Do something, anything or you'll end up in hell.

Thanks user, she deserves to know how I feel since its effecting her so much. But how can a therapist help me? I didn't think that much actually worked

that's what I've been saying for years now until today I finally opened up a bit, it feels strange but I think it's for the best

it's never too late. I'm much older than you and I'm basically doing something only now about my issues. but it works. obviously, the sooner the better. however, I started to act out of desperation too. sometimes you have to reach the bottom to move up.

Can't help you there, bud. My mental issues *were* caused by my mother's constant emotional abuse and always telling me that everyone talks about how weird I am. And my father also shares some blame for rarely being at home because he couldn't stand my mother.

>tfw actually diagnosed with autism, major depression, ADD and PTSD
>my mom basically just forgets all of this
>parents expect me to have all my shit together and leading a normal life
>Dad constantly telling me I should be working 60 hour weeks to save up and /getmylifeatraight/
At least your parents care user. If I was on the streets my family wouldnt bat an eye

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great user. keep it up! sit down with her and talk. don't mind tears if they come, they are just liberating.
>how can a therapist help me?
eh, delicate point.
if you can find a good one, he/she has some instruments to help you to "dig" in the right parts of yourself to find out where the causes of your problems are, and then to face and resolve them. but it can also end in years of useless rambling. you've got to make the real work.
for now, go one step at time. talk to your mother, then you could ask for a general medicine visit. the doctor could advice you for the right path. but for now, talk to her, and then discuss it with her.

this is it bud, it's time to face your problems. don't just brush this off and continue on as you were. begin momentum - make changes, take steps, big or small - just do it. it's never too late to turn things around.

I knew you would say that, now I feel like an attention whore. It got so bad I'm just not strong enough to change it anymore. Good luck with whatever you're doing.

you are changing it right now, user.
you said you started to open up. you are moving up. you are doing something, and this will start to make things change.
keep it up. time will prove me right.
good luck to you, user! sincerely.

I can't even step outside my door without feeling anxiety, so I think talking with a therapist about my problems is a long way off but maybe some time in the future when I get brave enough. As you said before, I want to start being more open with my mom now. She deserves to know how I'm feeling since she worries so much.

just telling my mom 1% of how I feel inside has been a big step for me today

great. don't worry now for the therapist. one step at a time.
THIS, user:
Good Luck, sincerely.

Thanks for the words, I appreciate it. Maybe I'll see a therapist in the new year as my resolution or something

I wish my mother cared she resents me for not being a normie.
Maybe she knows im destined to be forever alone and hates me because i cant provide her grandchildren

>''I can't help but think this is my fault, I blame myself. I failed you as a parent, I should of set you up for a happy life''
>should of
your mum's a mongo like you

How did you get PTSD lad?

Is your dad present in your life?

100% this
Youre lucky enough to have a mom who actually realizes mental illness is a real thing. Go out and get the help before she stops caring, maybe youll even get neetbux

I wish my mom cared that I am a failure and pushed me to fix my shitty neet life