> me classical case, i.e. no friends, khhv, can't connect with people, no idea how relationships work, how does world of adults work, etc.
> successfully defended my dissertation on theoretical physics this August
kind of had to force myself to study because last 5 years physic and mathematics didn't bring me so much pleasure as they used to before
because of this started to feel inferior in comparison with my peers and colleagues
last two years watching anime quite a lot, no one knows that about me
inferiority only intensified
always trying to act nice to people, because I have no idea what else I'm supposed to do when interacting with them
> tried jobhunt during last weeks of my phd study but failed af
> now unemployed, went back to live with my family which I used to visit once or twice a month
during nine years spent in university I became distant from them
I was always nice to them too, tried to be helpful, dodging their questions about friends and gf with jokes
> since I always act nice and helpful I end up doing several hours of physical labor a day, gardening, cleaning, preparing wood for winter heating...
during my university time I helped with these things when I came home for weekend
> very often happens that relatives with small kids come to see us and I must act like I like these visits, act normal in front of them
> labor office sent me to retraining course for accountant, I should start day after tomorrow
> I'm totally exhausted from all of this, I hated my previous life, but this is even worse
> almost every night when I can be alone I stand with noose around my neck and try to lose consciousness by pressing my neck arteries, yesterday I felt like I was very close to success
> every morning force myself to wake up, force myself to smile when talking with my family, force myself to pretend I want my life to continue
I don't even know why I do post this
maybe knowing that someone may read this makes me feel a bit better
I don't know...
Can't go on anymore
>be failed scientist
>can relate
have a (you) a hug user
thanks man
what's your field?
Quantum information, with the focus on entanglement theory
so advanced algebra except you call everything differently than ordinary mathematicians
Nah, we use the same notation like ordinary mathematicians.
yes, but you call some operators as ''observables'', ''channels'', ''states'' and other funny names
> more importantly, how did you fail? or did you not?
See, there is a part where you establish the connection between objects from quantum physics and mathematics. That usually is the part where you put those. If you write a formal proof, then you use mathematical terms.
> more importantly, how did you fail? or did you not?
I could ask you that as well. I guess, my topic is just too narrow.
not op but what do you do now?
NEET, I have some sources of passive income and I don't need much
well I narrowed my topic myself, because I focused on cosmology + some basic quantum field theory applied to cosmological perturbations
I also fucked my phd study by lack of travelling and making contacts with other institutes
I spent whole 9 years at one university and chose the phd just because I had no better idea, it's beyond pathetic
what are your sources of passive income?
ehm... techincally I'm not a neet
my family is still tolerant, since I try to help with some labor
never thought I will live long enough to become this
sorry, OP here, I just thought
pretends to be me, my bad
Look at it from that point, my work uses homological algebra and mathematicians refer to that as "abstract nonsense".
Stocks. I have a 100k$ portfolio.
but to homological algebra belong complexes which are important in topology and this is used also in string theory
not good enough advertisement?
I might add that I do some (margin) trading as well. It's not very profitable, but it's still nice.
>string theory
The last talk about foundation of astrophysics, which I went to (2017), said string theory is disputed today. It seemed like observation from gravitational lensing don't match the theoretical predictions.
>topology
Yeah, but I'm not a topologist.
>going into academia if you aren't from the start very sociable and a golden boy that effortlessly gets grants and presents shit at conferences each year
>churning out instead papers no one cares instead just for the hope that things will improve somehow, pro-tip they never will
not gonna make the same mistake as you, after finishing med school this year I'll move to a small town to become an average doctor, even if I won't play at the university with the big boys in the cities
you have to understand that most of academia is a joyless and useless endeavor
I relate so much to this
> tried jobhunt during last weeks of my phd study but failed af
I'm at this point right now, except I'm in the early stages. It doesn't feel right to me to be doing this, but I dont know if its just like a fear of failure and a tendency to run from my problems or if I genuinely don't like it.
maybe this is an obvious one, but try to get professional help. sounds like you could really benefit from it. and what's the worst that could happen?
professional help for what?
a psychologist won't give him a well paying job, a nice place to call home, a group of friends or a loving wife
people like OP have been fed a sad lie about life, that somehow the endless carrot on the stick that is higher education will translate in a life he will be happy about, when it's not the case
the only thing he can do is move on and ignore his last years and focus on actually doing something he enjoys, working in something that even if it's not some gibberish science field it allows him at the end of the day to feel comfortable at home and in his weekends
>Last semester of my undergrad in Microbiology
>Want to get a job after I get my degree
>No internship, no experience, no connections
>Family forced me to work at the family business since high school, 28 and no other work experience
I'm feeling pretty fucked right now, but feelings change. I remain hopeful for my future.
how bad is your family business on scale from comfy to horrible
>degree in biology with no extracurricular anything (L.O.L.)
temp job just ended. trying now to decide between a warehouse... line cook, maybe... or shotgun.
Before I graduated with a BS Biology, I made sure to get some experience with various lab techniques, so I could put it on my resume. Cell culture, virus culture, wet chemistry, operating an HPLC, whatever buzzwords an HR department is filtering for. This allowed me to get into a position as a pharma and biotech bench-monkey.
It's not too late, you might be able to enroll part-time for a few classes, and find some unpaid internships (professors love free labor). You don't even have to publish anything, just get practical laboratory experience and some letters of recommendation.