This guy is coming to bust down your door and kill you and the only thing you can defend yourself with is whatever is...

This guy is coming to bust down your door and kill you and the only thing you can defend yourself with is whatever is in your room right now. Note:guns won't work on him as he is from a time when they didn't exist. don't think about climbing out the window either as his band of brigands is aiming a volley of arrows at any exits there may be. if you bring his head to them they'll respect you and leave you alone.

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How bout some fire?

I will shower him with beer cans, crack his helmet off with a bass guitar and gouge his sight with chops sticks in five seconds

Good day to be a HEMAfaggot. I have a greatsword to take care of this pussy halberd wielding cunt.

Tip my bookcase over on him then stab him in the eyehole with a screwdriver

Fake armor
i have a warhammer i'd cave his head in

B-but muh Plate!

Wrap him with 3 blankets then sit on his face

Don't matter. I doubt anyone can take a blow to the knee without falling. then a simple strike to the head and it's over.

I have a longsword and a few knives. I doubt I could defeat him if he was halfway competent with that halberd though

I would thank him for his visit and die, my life sucks and getting killed by a motherfucking knight sounds cool in 21st century.

Not to mention he probably has separate smaller weapons on him too but I doubt he'd be faast enough to get them out so rushing him would be the best bet for you.

>guns didn't exist back then
Bruh

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His admittedly very stylish looking visor is just screaming for a couple of arrows to his face aand my bow is happy to oblige.

Also:
>those arms
>wielding a helberd
I don't think so.

I'll use my noble phantasm.

That's not a halberd, a halberd wouldn't have a hammer on the back. It's a poleaxe, albeit a long one.

Ok, thanks for the insight.
Still
>muh bow 'n arrow
>his face

>>those arms
>>wielding a helberd
what

Same thing more or less.

>guns won't work on him as he is from a time when they didn't exist.

Firearms preceded Halberdiers by about a century. Your knowledge of the evolution of warfare is lacking.

I already learned it's just a long axe but still it looks a bit heavy for that guy.

>guns won't work on him as he is from a time when they didn't exist
what a stupid fucking caveat. would a particle beam that could instantly disintegrate my skeletal system not kill me because it hasn't been invented yet?

Can I use my gun as a bo staff? Other than that my only weapons in my room are what I carry on my person.

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That little twink? Please. I got this.

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Wood axe

obviously I mean modern guns that they're trying to ban because it's NOT MUH FOREFATHERS BLUNDERBUSS
a wizard did it and it's a side effect of the time warp

Technically if it hasn't been invented yet it doesn't exist so it can't kill you.
But I know that's not what you wanted to ask. :^)

But I didn't exist yet. So... OP's post clearly only stated guns wouldn't work.

his ass is grass

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If you don't exist there's nothing to worry about. The halberd halfling is going to look pretty dumb after smashing down your door while screaming bloody murder.

>pokes you in the un-armored legs
pssh, nothing personal kid

>Slices directly through his over-engraved aluminum foil armor, cutting him in half in one swing
Omae wa mou shindeiru

That retard would be banging on my front door for long hours if he hoped to have any chance of breaking through. Even if he ever managed, good fucking luck breathing with that pot over your head after I empty a fire extinguisher into it

My weapons of choice will be as follows:
>A fan(pictured above)
>A 32 inch aluminum baseball bat
>A vacuum cleaner weighing roughly 65 lbs
>Glass cups of varying shape and size
>Shit and piss(this is a variable)

The plan is this:
>I will move my dresser in front of the small passage that leads into the main part of my room, blocking his entry. it is small enough for him to get over it, but he will have to climb, exposing himself
>After this I will position myself at the far end of my room facing the door with my vacuum, fan, and bat
>During the time while I am waiting for him to arrive I will do my best to shit into my chair and piss into a bottle. I listed this as a variable because I might not be able to piss or shit by the time he makes his way to my room
>As soon as he opens my door I will hurl my vacuum cleaner at him, aiming for the chest. Even if I miss it will throw him off guard and allow me to press the attack
>If I do hit him he will probably remain standing. I will then throw my cups at him, aiming for the groin. I also have two large bottle's of Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar with Mother to be thrown, they are both full.
>This will halt his advance
>Next I will fling my piss and shit directly into his ornate face mask, this is my key offensive strategy.
>After that it's a waiting game. I will simply sit and watch youtube until he either decides that my chemical warfare was too much or collapses from exhaustion.
>The fan will be used as a shield to deflect his attacks and the bat is in case he tries to scale the dresser, in which case I will doink him in the head with it or attack his sword and fuck it up, as it wont be as durable as my bat, and he won't be able use his pole-axe in my cramped room

I think given the scenario I have a higher chance to win than this man does. Please critique my strategy and inform me if I'm overlooking something, I want to be prepared for this situation if it actually arises.

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I challenge him to a Yugioh duel and when he is unable to understand the complexities of what Pot of Greed does he'll commit suicide and I'll be victorious

spray so much deodorant that he can't breathe and starts choking. Then as he's gasping on the floor I take his helmet off and bludgeon him with pic related.

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You are clearly running an off license jenkem factory and have been reported to the proper authorities

I have a couple of pocket knives that would be useless in a fight against a fully armored trained knight. No way I could wrestle him to the ground and jam a knife in his eye hole.

Will take note

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so theres a licensed jenkem factory?

The legal process is long and grueling. It's honestly better off to go under the table and not make a lot of noise. It's like driving licences, the licence doesn't do the driving, and it certainly doesn't make the jenkem

Thanks for that user, good knowledge to have in this day and age

I have a bow, I think the arrow would pass straight through the visor of his helmet

I've got a longbow in my room
remember Crecy knigger

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Both the polething and the sword would not work worth shit in my tiny place, fuck should have tried bringing a dagger.
I would simply outmaneuver and strangulate him, no weapon needed.

His suit looks fancy and impractical
He might be just a clown or smthn
I would grab a metal stick from my corner and aim in the helmet which is here more for looks then defence and try to concuss him, since he's most likely inexperienced with his stick and we're on even terms

>guns won't work on him as he is from a time when they didn't exist
No he isn't you absolute fucking retard

>halberd
>close quarters cramped space but not a corridor
yeah i think i'm fine here user

I have a pocket knife and a belt. I guess I could make it work somehow.

>mfw have a compound and recurve in my room
lets go knightnigger

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I use the scary knife that I found in my new apartment

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>weeb cosplay armor/weapon
dab on the fag