I'll probably end it soon. Sorry for the wall of text, but I have literally nobody to talk to...

I'll probably end it soon. Sorry for the wall of text, but I have literally nobody to talk to. I do not know what is wrong with me. I am 23 years old now. Everything until the end of Highschool was great (hottest girl of the school as prom date kind of great), since I am not the nerdy type but actually athletic (played soccer in our villages club) and objectively good looking. I had friends among the sport jocks and the gamers, since I practiced both. Also NEVER autistic in social situations.

Here is where it started though:
The last year of highschool I already noticed myself drifting away from the friends I grew up with. All they were into seemed to be partying and drinking. I moved to the city to study chemistry. I can still remember how I told myself "No worries, I will make a lot of great new friends and enjoy my life in the city". Never happened. In my first semester I tried to do it (went to all the getting-to-know meetups for new students and shit). Made some acquaintances that soon left the Uni cause chemistry was too hard for them. Ever since then nobody seemed to take interest in me, although I am definitely always the most attractive guys in the course, because all I do in my free time is lift. I talked to a lot of students during lab work and all that jazz. Everybody usually likes me, I am no asshole and not autistic. I AM GOOD IN SOCIAL INTERACTIONS. But I never made a real connection. During my Bachelors (7 semester), I got 4 phone numbers from other students. I went to all the parties we'd do after a successfull lab course and have fun and talk to the people, but I somehow didn't stay in contact with anyone. It usually always just ended with a "bye see you soon". Nobody ever hit me up for activities outside of uni work.

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Time flew, and now I entered my 1st semester of Master studies with no friends in the new city. Whenever I leave the city for my hometown (weekends, because I have no friends in the city to do things with) I always tell my mum how "my week was stressful, and I met with a friend from highschool" when she asked me what I did (literally the only person from highschool left and I in reality see maybe once every 4 weeks as he went to the same city). She doesn't know any better, she thinks I party, have fun and stuff and just don't want to talk about it, although by now, after 3.5 years I think she must already feel something is going on. I am not stressed with uni work at all. Never did. I maybe study 2 hours a week at most. Got my Bsc without failing one course or exam. Most of the time I listen to some lectures form 9-12, then go lift and then be pic related in my room until the next day (I live alone). I am depressed in the holidays because I have no uni to attend to and do not know that to do with myself.

The thing that put the nail in the coffin now was a girl that left be. Inb4 "normalfaggot get out u had a gf!!!11!". I met her on Tinder, which I used throughout all the time. I do not have any good pictures of myself since there never is somebody to take them. In the 3 years I have been using it, I scored 5 dates and fucked all of them that night (I am not autistic and attractive). One of them wanted to stay with me and what can I say, I just longed for affection. We never put the lable of a relationship on it, but we stayed together for 15 months so that is pretty much a relationship if you ask me. She even said she loved me. Bear in mind, she was the literal only person that cared about me in this city. I never told anybody at home about her though. Last week she told me she found somebody "for a real relationship and we can still be friends". Totally cold.

And here we are, now it hit me. Since she is gone I realised I have NOBODY. My old friends back home still are only into getting wasted. I never drank. Like they are great guys but I share nothing with them anymore. I am sitting at home right now with my parents. Not out partying in the city nor out partying right where I am now. Nobody cares about me. I do not know where it all went wrong. I am not autistic. I am not ugly. But I never developed new friendships. Except for the one guy from highschool I have absolutely no contacts. I do not know why. And nobody knows, as I never try to show weakness. My parents are proud of me because I do a very good job at uni. My old friends probably just think how I fuck bitches each weekend in the city. I do not know how to deal with this anymore. 2 more years and I'll have to start work with my Master's degree. It will only get harder to turn my non existing social life around from the on. The literal only happiness I feel is when working out.
At least I am close to 2/3/4.5/5.5.

thanks for blogposting. tl;dr fuck off

Dont worry about getting friends, they come natural just get hobbies with where you can meet many guys such as car guys for exemple.
pls dont do it there are people who care about you and who will be hurt if something happen to you. There are also many good things you haven't experienced yet and which you must try. Please dont do it!

Don't end it my mate! I know it must be hard to lose all social contact to other human beings but in the end if you think about it it doesn't really matters anyways.
From now on you can dedicate your life to science in full extent! You are a chemist, right? Aren't you curious about what thing's are still to discover, about what tricks we can teach mother nature?
Don't kill ur self over some stupid lesser things.
Why is your pic related an empty room, if you live alone you can use the space for a private laboratory to keep yourself entertained and challenged outside of university.
It's time to make your job into your hobby!
Worked for me, have a quite similar story like you, except more autistic probably.

eat shit and die moralfagging nigger
how are you gonna kill yourself, what method?

lol @ not having friends for a few years saying you want to kill yourself. if that's your only reason then you're completely pathetic. Also if you can't connect with ppl then you're basically an autist by definition.

That guy has some valuable knowledge inside his head, would be a shame if it got blown out by some 12 gauge shotgun shrapnel... Just saying

I didnt read it because you are a massive faggot, come to terms with this and go on Grindr suck people (men) off or let robots TOP you so they can lose their virginity you would be doing a great service for them. I also think you are a whiny faggot, are you that weird ass faggy sounding dude who makes daily vocaroo threads?