>18 almost 19
>started thinking about killing myself since 9
>always feel sad and have an incredible hatred for myself
>too embarrassed to tell anyone that I'm having these thoughts or that I feel sad, especially don't want to fall into the "emo kids" group of social outcasts
>don't ever want to do anything
>my siblings are extremely prestigious at school
>they are always treated well by parents
>I'm a black sheep and I can tell that family hated me by age 10, even if they didn't say so directly
>feel depressed to anything and don't study or even attempt to do anything
>get placed in special ed
>put with the tards for math/ language art classes
>language teachers don't know why I'm there since I seem like a "smart guy"
>seen as "smart" by kids at school since nobody knows I'm in those classes
>feel shitter that I'm in these classes
>feel like shit because I keep fucking myself over just because of my feelings
>finally taken out of tard classes just before senior year
>take AP classes in an attempt to make my feel smart for once, even take a college class in HS
>do shit, fail college class because I was too embarrassed to ask anyone to get me something required to do the course work online
>graduate barely
>shit GPA
>go to shit tier college that my family laughs at me for going to since my siblings go to top colleges
>Still live with parents because I can't find a job and college is in town
>finical aid is taken away for this semester, only retaking the class I failed paid for by parents
>they tell me that I won't amount to much and that I should have stayed in special ed
>want to become engineer but know that I'm not smart enough for that
>nobody hires me
>I feel like absolute shit have constant internal rage
>all friends are gone at far better colleges
I actually want to just die
I really can't find a reason as to why I should continue living seeing as how the rest of my life is going to continue to be even more down hill
Even though I think of it all the time I'm still too much of a pussy to end myself
Join the army, they'll straighten you out and can give you an education which ia similar to an engineer
you can't be that retarded cause you spelt everything right, i'm around your age and my friend says 'im hear' instead of here. Just go for a shitty job that pays enough so you can move out you don't need to do better than your siblings
become self-taught and freelance
You're not your college and your job title.
>18 almost 19
>I actually want to just die
Suck it up you fucking pussy. You're still a child.
Instead of suicide consider letting robots butt fuck you so they can lose their virginity it is a noble thing to do, lets face it you will never be a TOP always a bottom if you want to go further transition but as long as you are and you are a sissy sub it will be fine start on Grindr for easy bottom sex
It sounds like you are a closet homosexual have thought about coming out yet?
This
If you put enough into your physique you can make to the top ranks, as everyone in army starts roughly the same level of knowledge and skill. Damn, if you are not afraid of death and devote everything to training you can join the elites, like fucking Delta squad.
I was born in a good family, if life was to put me in a shithole, I'd join the army right away.
You whine like a 12 yo girl lmao shit man
If you hate your life take HRT (estrogen) and be Stacy and collect orbits (robots) youbmight as well have sex there is a high market for traps
Grindr is the answer simply put be a sissy sub and let chads ravage that bussy what else is going on?
Please stop posting. Is serious thread.
Your life is not over, wallowing in self-pity is dangerous and WILL kill you though.
You're 19 man, you don't even know how much you have to look forward to. When you're older you will look back and wonder why you felt so hopeless.
I would recommend going to a psychologist or 12 step program. These feelings you are feeling right now are incorrect, sometimes we have to do the opposite of what our feelings tell us to do. If you were to work on self-improvement it would feel bad at first, but you would begin to feel better after time.
I went through something similar OP, instead of getting help I wallowed in pity for years, becoming deranged and almost killed myself several times. I'm 23 now, I started seeking help last year. I wish I did when I was 19, you don't know how valuable your life is OP.
You can make it OP, I believe in you.
Do you think you might be gay? Its fine if you are no one cares OP no need to suffer if you are.
I was being serious not telling you to transition but just come out of the closet this is why you are the "black sheep"
Just kill yourself now. Im the 30 year old version of you and now that i have kids it just makes it harder to do.
Thats because you are a piece of shit go change stop crying about all you kids these days and your petty problems fix it yourself if not fuck off
I'm not going to a psychologist just to charge a shit ton just tell me what "might" be wrong and what "might" help and there is no way I'm to 12 step. I don't ever show my emotions to anyone in real life and can manage to be more productive than most when I feel okay. It's just that I feel a really strong scene of impending doom and that the universe has intense hatred for me for a while a day. It use to happen when I didn't touch a spot on the wall a certain number of times or stare at the clock for exactly one minute at specific times but now it just happens when ever. The feeling is becoming more and more common and fear that I'll become too pathetic to actually be able to fight back against it anymore. I'm trying to find a way to end that shit before it happens by lifting or trying to socialize with strangers or go places or apply for jobs but it isn't working like it use to anymore
I'm right and you know it there is no reason to not let robots fuck you it would make them happy
Fuck off you little brat you bitch moan and cry for help you get options and not do it go suck a dick
You need a dose of estrogen this should help
I think a psychologist would help you when you transition or at least help in admitting you are gay
Kms like me. It's the only way.
Here's my take OP. Listen if you must, or ignore if you dont like what im saying. After reading what you wrote, I must say you sound like a lost cause, however that's ok. Im not gonna jerk you off mentally or tell you everything is gonna be alright, but ill suggest something according to what you wrote.
Attempt to follow your engineer dream. You might thing its pointless and maybe you're right, but the fact of the matter is that out of all the things that you wrote THAT interests you the most. Get a shitty job, save up, get lecturers and attempt to build yourself. If you succeed, you get to prove everyone wrong and gain self worth. If you don't, you trully haven't lost anything.
What do you look like in a dress wig and makeup?
Anyone can get a job at McDonalds you are just lazy and want everything handed to you
There is nothing wrong with liking men OP work on this and build confidence with being who you are
>28 replies
>13 posters
stop same fagging
Have you ever wore a dress or use a butt plug?
Either way it doesn't change the fact OP is a homosexual and should be getting topped by robots
Holy shit fuck off Reiko
>support the American war machine
shill
No idea who that is but if hes going to suicide might as well try life as a trap first
He is already half girl the way he boohoos he should take estrogen and let virgin robots fuck him
>ifunny faggot detected
don't you have school today?
I have a few years on you, it didn't get better since for me. Life is a total joke and an act. Everyone bullshitting their way through, then just to get their fix. Entertainment subjective to the individual themself.
>His feelings hinder him
Get your shit together and be a sociopath like 3/4ths of our population, they'll eat you alive if you don't conform stupid head.
Do NOT do it OP.
You are young as fuck, i managed to get my shit together at 20 after years of depression , you can do it niger.
Join the military. No really. I just turned 19, and if I hadnt gone all-in I would still be the same loser I was when I was 15. It gives you purpose and discipline and, if youre lucky, friends, women, etc.
You will never pass. You will lock yourself away in your home and become more and more bitter and delusional as you desperately try to convince yourself that you look like a women.
Your only friends, and I use that word very lightly, will be fellow castrated men who will also be suffering the same regret and mental anguish over their poorly thought out decision. The entirety of your "friendship" will be mutual reassurance that you didn't make a mistake and discussing how to make other people fuck up as bad as you did so you won't be alone in your misery.
But you will be alone, even around other people.
Always alone in your head, always suspicious of what others really think about you, always knowing the truth that they are only humoring you out of pity.
Despised by all, hideous, a freak. Incapable of having love, a family, or genuine human connections. Slowly slowly slowly your grip on reality will slip away until, on the rare moment you are forced to confront it, it will be such a shock to you such a painful reminder of what you actually are that the intrusive thoughts will highjack your every waking moment.
Let out your angER user
Does this work? I'm seriously thinking of doing this
dont let the tranny spammers break you user, you'll become much more ugly then you are right now
This.
Stay strong comrade.
No
You end up like Pyle
Army recruits is like 99% turbochads, and i hate being around those
Violent DI's, intense training and high stress would be easy to handle, but only if your buddies aren't absolute arseholes
And i'd be the happiest man on earth if i could die in battle, but guess what? Since i was small everyone around was just going "you're too weak" or "you're a coward" all day
It fucked me up, and i accepted it, falling down into this spiral of self-pity and other fagginess
Don't. You're going to kill yourself there.