Apart from being annoyed or bored, anyone else just feel nothing but apathy (apart from spikes of pleasure etc from eating, masturbation getting drunk etc)? Been real shitted off lately and paranoid, pushed a good friend I used to talk to everyday away because of it and I feel the older I'm getting the more antisocial/hostile/paranoid etc I'm becoming.
Question I have is, is anyone else like this lately? If so, is it something you've noticed the older you get? Or have you always been like this? And how has it affected you/how have you fixed the issues caused by this behaviour if you have.
also can anyone here tell me whether its worth playing postal 3, I know it's meant to be shit but is it at least worth a shitty laugh or something
Apathy and complacency plague me. I just sit around bored all day doing dumb shit and never working on anything productive even though I have a lot I want to do. I'm even putting it off now just by typing this response. I get easily annoyed by like anything anybody says remotely mean or annoying. I hate being fucked with, i'm just too exhausted for it. I try to really force myself into doing non boring shit.
I go through fazes.
Also never played Postal but I like other games.
Josiah Ortiz
Life is pretty annoying and it only becomes more apparent the longer you have to deal with it. Why do you think old people are grumpy?
Or maybe you're slowly slipping into paranoid schizophrenia, who knows.
Joshua Richardson
Completely understand, but doing the dumb shit was fun when I used to do it, now I dont even get joy from doing that. Also, throw in that I dont even want to do the things I used to want to do/dreams crushed w.e.
What do you force yourself to do? I do some stuff when I can outside of work and uni etc. which are alright, but I still feel just bored and fed up. Do you take medication at all/have you ever considered it? I don't want the mark on my medical record for psych evaluations.
What other games do you like user?
I'm not old by any extent, I'm 19, I just didnt notice this when I was younger
Andrew Jenkins
I understand. I have played vidya for so fucking long I literally don't want to anymore. I want a lover to do shit with irl i'm so bored of the internet but I just do it anyways still.
I try to write. Working on a second book. Guitar and making music Watch movies, read, paint, productive stuff. I like to work my brain or get something new.
I used to take light medication. prozac. Doctor can prescribe you and not be on a psych evaluation. I'm off it now, should probably do more serious shit. I'm just so tired, i've tried really hard to work for what i want and have been told to my whole life and that good things will come, and they haven't so I have given up because its always other people deciding my success regardless of my effort. I just wait for something to happen now.
I like a ton of games. Old and new. I play a lot of Rainbow Six Siege. Favorite games are Shadow Man and Freedom Fighters, Metal Gear 3, I like Hunt Showdown and Civ V, playing a lot of Subnautica, just replayed Max Payne 1.
Juan Parker
Yea, I guess we all slip into old habits of vidya and internet etc. I spend the majority of my free time on here so it's hard for me too.
Thing is, you said you have given up because yea usually it's people with more control/power deciding things, how have you kept going? You seem to do a lot of productive things, but how do you convince yourself you enjoy it? I often think I should do productive things too, but I often just go "what's the point, I won't enjoy it".
I do still do productive stuff like uni and other activities, but these are a struggle and a chore because of how much I hate it. Idk I just wanna curl up and die, also doesn't help that at random I'll feel like someone or everyone is out to get me, which usually just leads to me pushing everyone away for a bit. You'll have to teach me the secret to maintaining the motivation lol
Does the medication work much? Im not in USA but Im not sure my doctor would prescribe me it, because I do still sort of manage to hold my life together on the surface, but I'm not sure for how much longer before I sperg out too hard. I'm also waiting for something, particularly a doomsday scenario, so that's one of the only hobbies I sort of have left is checking the news all the time.
How do you get the motivation is the main thing, I know you said you like to work your brain so I guess you enjoy it but do you force yourself to enjoy it or do you just enjoy it naturally? Also same with games here but yea, theyve really lost their entertainment value over the years and I sort of play the same bunch of them.
Is the metal gear series worth playing? I've read up on a fair portion of the lore from the games but never actually played them
Jaxon James
I'm chronically apathetic and I lack any sort of drive to do anything. I have a high playing job lined up for me atm, and I have a realtively good life objectively, but I can never seem to shake my listless mindset. It really is miserable and it feels inescapable. On the other hand I've never played Postal 3, sorry.
Jaxon Sullivan
Have you tried anything to work through it that has worked? I have no idea what would, and I can't bring myself to actually fix it either, this is the most of a step ive taken towards dealing with this really. Do you think its a chemical imbalance? Personally this has been a gradual thing, ive been apathetic for ages but ive only really "cared" about it now if that makes sense. I take meds for a thyroid condition, but its meant to be balanced, wbu?
also yea havent heard good things about it
Landon Watson
I don't really keep the motivation honestly. I just kind of do it, i get bored and they are activities I guess. The main thing that might make me keep going is hope? I HATE writing but I do it because I hope that one day someone will see it and find it beautiful or see the passion in it. I write to see the look on others. Also i'm not in uni or work or anything so at least writing I feel like I'm doing SOMETHING. The medication i guess helped a little. Prozac is more of an extra boost and might work for you, it sort of is supposed to just be an umph of motivation to keep you from curling in a ball and dying. I'm not on it anymore. And trust me like 80% of the day I am playing vidya not productive, but the little productivity I do have I wish I could hone in on. but like I said i'd rather take like half the day to be with someone I like and then i feel like the motivation to write would be more.
Metal gear 1 and 3 are amazing. 2 i didn't like but you may, 4 I never played and 5 was bad compared to the allure of 3 and 1, I'd say I like 3 a little more than 1 gameplay wise but emotion wise 1 is sadder.
Landon Brooks
ahh righto fair enough, I've tried modafinil before but it had seemingly no effect (except for a libido boost oddly), so idk about prozac. Plus it's good at least I suppose that youre doing something productive even if you don't enjoy it, I guess that shows discipline and a good work ethic, even if you do mostly just play vidya relax etc.
Also don't feel bad about not doing uni or work etc, if you spent the same amount of time someone in uni spent doing assignments etc on a single task you would probably be in a much better situation and accomplished a lot more.
Why did you stop prozac btw? and idk about the whole partner thing, I used to think like that all the time too but now I'm not sure I could trust someone else or myself because any real relationship would probably go completely up in flames because most people wouldnt want to tolerate my little spaz outs I have. Are there any people you have your eye on in particular, or is this just a general thing, you wanting a partner? I found as I've gotten older i've gone less from wanting a specific person/crush to just wanting anyone, and now to not thinking I should be with anyone at all. Best of luck though, you jsut gotta seize the opportunity i guess
Might get an emulator and play a few, gonna have a long stretch of free time coming up very shortly, thanks for the recommendation user.
Bentley Jones
Emulators are kinda weird so just be weary of them.
Eh i probably don't spend as much time as a uni student does, plus my first book nobody wanted to pick up.
I stopped cause I thought things were getting better or it wasn't doing much but it was a small dose. It works better for others. I talk to a LOT of girls and went on like, one date. but otherwise I get fucked over hard and always end up as the guy they say a girl will love but I'm never good enough for them. In everything I do i'm good but just barely not enough.
I talk to people but it means nothing. yeah at this point I feel like even if I found someone i would just be disappointed cause I wanted it so badly. One girl really likes me, she's literally across the world. So I don't even dream of it.
i use a ps1 emulator those work great, ps2 ones are wonky.
Gavin Taylor
usually emulators work well when i use them, but thats mainly for older games like on genesis or whatever, so yea idk how ps2 would go either but if they exist i can give it a try.
God, you've actually finished a book? Even if you didnt publish it, that's still a huge achievement that a lot of people can't or haven't done. Also, in some way, you have your mark on the world, gratz and keep it up.
At least youre talking to girls etc, thats pretty good start I suppose. Do you just talk to them normally or are you trying to date them etc? Kinda sucks that they dont love you back, but the fact that you talk to so many and also went on a date is a good start, plus youre a writer so you have that going for you.
Yea, idk ive never entertained the thought of a ldr, im not sure how people do it. Do you not think of it because you dont trust them, or other reasons? I dont think i could ever do a ldr because not actually seeing them would be shitty and also i wouldnt trust them, which probably is gonna fuck over any chance of any relationship in real life or anywhere else.
If she really likes you though, maybe you should pursue it, even if just a bit? To see where it goes? Provided you dont have someone irl
Noah Russell
Some games lag on the ps2 emulators even with godly pcs.
Yeah I finished a book but no publishers have wanted it out of like 300 so it might suck hard or something and I can't tell. Or too weird.
I mean I talk to them normally but obviously I am looking for something more, I try not to be overbearing because yeah but also clear that I don't wanna end up as a shitty friend to cry on their shoulder. The writer things not so good when it makes you no money. Even though thats not why I do it.
I would be totally into a LDR if I knew the other person was TOTALLY dedicated but the issue is not seeing each other and the distance. The money it would take to eventually meet and or move to be together. A massive commitment and possible waste if it doesn't work out .They'd have to be very dedicated cause that's a huge deal and I don't believe they are. She likes me but she could like me more lol.
I'd like someone closer but, nobody is ever interested. Like I'm always considered but always the last choice. Lot of times women find me and REALLY like me the first day talking to me but then immediately are bored by two or three days. Like I met someone two days ago and they were super into talking to me but already today didn't really say anything much at all. I'd rather nobody at all than just be toyed with forever. It keeps a false painful hope.
Luis Wilson
yea had that with dolphin too, weird
maybe its more just because you dont have anything already under your belt? I hear that everyone's first book deal with a publisher is usually them getting shafted in the arse because noone will take you until you can prove that you can sell stuff as an author. Either way keep it up.
Ah fair enough, how do you do that though? I only ever talk to everyone the same pretty much, like I don't think ive ever made a move on a girl in my life apart from blatantly "be my gf" that one time that didnt work. I guess id be careful though, try to get into a relationship with someone you like maybe, i dont think being stuck wit someone you hatte would ebe good.
ldrs sound dumb idk. I guess if you are able to commit then it could work? I've seen people on places like discord meet up even when they lived on opposite sides of the world, but yea just not my cup of tea i guess. If it works for you though, go for it. What do you mean though by she could like you more?
Lol can kinda relate except usually women i guess just think im awkward/dumb when they first see or talk to me, but then after talking to me think im downright retarded/dumb after talking to me for a bit lol, and i have a knack for pissing them off. a really really good knack at pissing them off.
The fact that women are considering you at all though shows that you do have a chance (a pretty good one) and maybe you just need to work into sealing the deal faster, it would both either end the thing faster or get you your result. easier said than done though, and im hardly someone to take advice from lol
John Richardson
Its weird because yeah they want something under your belt but if you don't how do you break in. Another thing is usually they don't even read the book before they deny you. Also they deny writers solely off of age, the younger the more denied you are.
I mean I talk to people the same too. I just be myself. From dating sites and stuff I am pretty clear about what i want even if their shit says "just looking for friends". I don't meet many girls in real life. I also couldn't be with someone I hated but I'm not super picky.
I mean by like she's obviously not as dedicated as I'd want her to be. We'd have to be head over heals certain with the distance we're talking and neither of us are. I would only consider meeting probably over a year of talking with someone long distance AT LEAST.
eh 'considering" is a strong word, they talk to me and thats about it, sometimes they fuck with me too so, I might come off as a joke. But if they cross me I turn into an asshole. Cause I just don't have the motivation for the mental gymnastics bullshit. Depending on how real I think the person i'm talking to is I try to rush in faster then others.
Cameron Stewart
same with jobs, just the way the higher ups screen people i guess
what do you mean you be yourself? if im ever truly "myself" people really dont like sticking aroudn me for long. Are you a filtered version of yourself or just yourself?
Fair enough, you dont have to say but how far are we talking? just ive seen people from europe meetup with people from asia/mid east, i dont think its that expensive if you only got for a short holiday and stay at theirs, jsut to test the waters if you want.
what do you mean they fuck with you? what do they do in particular? seems like something they wouldnt really benefit from, maybe youre misreading or maybe they are just arseholes.
Kevin Wood
Well yeah but some stuff that gets published is garbage. It's all whether they think they can make money from it.
I don't know I just be honest about what I like and talk about my interests, sometimes its a filtered version, I show less interest in some things and more interest in things we have in common etc.
Like from U.s. to Hungary plus I haven't known her too long so it's not gonna happen anytime soon. Plus no income so a short holiday is out plus I'd be nervous as hell anyway.
Like one girl flirted with me for two weeks and we planned out a date and two days before the date she cancelled and told me she was never interested in me. One girl hung out with me a few times and we really liked each other then she ghosted and blocked me without saying a word. A few times I've talked with girls and made plans and I show up and they never show up and i'm blocked when I check. They don't benefit.
More often than not I just end up as "just a friend" and I hate myself for it.
Obviously its something wrong with me, but I can never tell what. Also i'm not like the greatest looking guy so. I mean, i pretty much talk to girls how I'm talking to you now. Normal. Maybe slight differences.
Luis Barnes
i guess another thing is just yea luck, maybe theyll publish it maybe they wont, depends on who is reviewing it. best of luck anyway man, the hard bit is already done (writing the book) just keep sending it to publishers until it sticks with one
I guess that makes sense, i think that is generally how people do it i think
That's a fair bit but i mean the flight mightnt be that long, maybe if you get to know her more you two can compromise and split the flight cost or something? or you could save up over time or something, idk how much a return flight would be but you could do odd jobs or sell some of your extra stuff i guess. and yea nervousness would be a big part of it i imagine, but wouldnt she be nervous too?
yea thats just downright malicious, BUT, i guess its better to have learnt early on that they would do this sort of stuff instead of further on down the line when youre more committed. Also, even if as a joke, at least women are agreeing to date you or bring up the subject, so thats always a start. Also how do you get over it? I still brood on stupid stuff from years ago, and even though I dont really feel anything from it it just reminds me that anything similar i try might end up the same way
At least youre getting friends. But if you really really wanted them to not be a friend, and it hurts you more being with them then maybe ou should distance yourself. But id be fine with female friends personally, maybe because of the high turnover rate of people in general lol (especially the rare few times i have tried to be friends with one)
Yea looks probably do play a big part in the relationship part of it, so maybe thats really all thats wrong with you. the fact that you are at least talkign to these women and they are, even if joking, arranging dates with you means you must even slightly be doing something right. ive had one "date" at 16 or so where i went to mcdonalds but neither of us said it was a date and idk if she thought it was one.
Logan Diaz
Yeah she'd be nervous too but I mean moreso nervous of ending up in a Hungarian van tied up to somewhere lmao. Also I don't speak a lick of that so. I've also never traveled. The farthest I've gone is I drove about an hour away for the one date I really had.
I don't get over it. I'm still not over the one relationship i had YEARS ago that went poorly. I just stuff it away. And honestly if they are really that bad of people fuck them they deserve nothing, even if i'm not much they don't deserve my time or my dedication. It hurts still though to be so denied. Honestly just getting denied and ending up as a friend again and again builds up and hurts more than anything else. Trust me I'm pretty depressed and fucked up if it isn't showing here.
I do distance myself if I know I'm getting friendzoned except for a handful that I keep around but even still i keep more distant so they know. Always sometimes hope that makes them come around. Female friends are fine. It's nice when they bring more around but internet friends can't much do that.
yeah i'm pretty average lookwise, plus I sort of have that 90's grunge look going with long hair so it makes it more specific for women. The girl I did see in the end told me it was just a "friends" date and I hate myself.
So in that case, I guess I haven't had a real date. And I've been nonstop trying for like 2 years now.
Christian Martinez
yea guess so, idk if women really are scared of everything or thats just a meme that they push. also, if she can speak english, chances are a lot of other people there can i guess, if not then she could translate for you, but yea i think travelling is expensive so might not be worth it for an ldr until later but maybe by then shell get bored idk got no real experience there sorry
and na igy, its hard to convey emotions etc over text i get that. yea would be shitty but i cant think of any other alternatives that you would like or would give you a desired outcome (e.g. giving up entirely lol).
do they ever come around? i dont really have any female friends anymore, but the rare times i do its been 100% platonic or whatever, if someone has ever been romantically interested in me then i havent really known.
at least you have a look i guess, that probably helps? does it help to fit into a niche appearance wise? i dont think retard spastic is working well for me lol
maybe she changed her mind after the date, so you still wouldve gone on a date. at least she hung out with you all day, so thats something.
how long have you been writing for now?
David Gonzalez
I mean I just have my look cause I like it and don't like my short hair. I'm me for me and would like them to like me for that too. If they came around I guess I'd have a girlfriend haha.
She mighta changed her mind but she's weird anyway.
been writing about 4 years now maybe less. 3 maybe. Year and a half for the first book and editing, took a break to get published now writing another.
Josiah Fisher
fair enough, opposite for me always had shorter hair lol. and yea fair enough win win lol
maybe, oh well if you didnt like her either then no point getting into it
thats a fair while, you must be pretty hard working. and yea i hear books take a while but in a year i think is pretty quick by book standards, so gj.
i have to go soon because i have an exam tomorrow, but do you have a discord or anything i can add you on? id like to talk to you more if possible, you seem like a cool guy
Ethan Anderson
>food, alcohol and masturbating still give him pleasure You haven't even begun to truly sink.
Charles Baker
pleasure in the sense i get physical pleasure, but yea when that goes then idk what im gonna do, anything to fix this?
Grayson Peterson
I have a discord if you give me yours I don't like giving mine on here but. Yeah i mean only 20 have a book written so thats pretty good in terms of how writers work.
Nolan Baker
hey i cant really give out my discord rn sorry i dont like putting mine on here either much especially with the nature of this post i think theres people sort of plottign stuff idk man but yea that is pretty good u should keep it up, it takes a lot to write a book as i said. idk do you have a throwaway or anything? i could message that like an email
James Murphy
guess ill see you round when i see you round, was good talking to you mate
