If you're feeling suicidal you've come to the right place

I've got no path or future and working dead end jobs makes me want to kill myself
i see/hear this way too often

and yeah people always complain about being alone on valentines day but personally i find christmas and new years eve far worse to deal with especially if you live with your family and they all expect you to be all smiles and get pissed if you're obviously not in the mood to celebrate

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that sucks,would like to give you some advice but I'm probably not the first so.....

valentines day is a dumb corporate meme, holiday season is 30+ days of suicide fuel with my family and the rest of the world expecting me to smile and be happy. I just cant take it a fourth year round.

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>roll out of bed and puke
>barely awake for 3 hours
>8 shots of vodka
>worried about money
>running out of weed
>need to eat something but not sure what
>no social contact beyond this board
>family is getting sick of me
>thinking about suicide again but i want to see where this goes
>alienated my last two friends
>still haven't heard from the ex in a few months

but my stray kittens are ok. that's a plus.

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care to explain?
it doesn't sound like a religious thing and if it was a health issue it's really for the best no?
i had to go through something similar when i was like 3 or something
then again i'm missing a few thing so who am i to talk

oh christ don't remind me It's almost that time.

I swear some day I'm gonna an hero during this period.

it's that time of year. usually between november and april i just shut the fuck down for those few months. i just hate the holidays. the only good part about it is the food.

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amen senpai

origineller kommentar

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Nope,my father is muslim,he did it for religion.
My mother was not smart enough to stop him(my mother is 100% italian)

I'm convinced I'll kill myself at some point in my life, I think about suicide too much for that not to be the case. However I won't do it until I've tried everything that might make me a happy person.

>chronic depression since 16, 21 now
>can't even sleep comfortably due to nofap causing wet dreams on a near nightly basis
>can't enjoy anything at all, own hundreds and can emulate hundreds of games but don't play them for more than five minutes
>exercise and eat healthier
>still feel like shit

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i really don't want to turn this into Jow Forums so may i just ask how old you are?
because i don't know were you're from but i guess europe or america and it's not like he could have forced you and getting the socially accepted equivalent of fgm because of probably the most retarded religion on earth is just mind numbing to me

also no offence user not shooting against you here at least not intentionally

well,if you are sad enough...right now my reasons to live are 50% because of someone else who would be sad about my death.

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I've just turned 18.
Got the cut 14 years ago.
Yes,Europe.

for me it has always been weird with the seasons
yeah sure most normies "feel" "depressed" during winter but i always loved it ever since i can remember there's just something magical if you live near the countryside and can head out in the middle of nowhere wrapped in a nice comfy jacked and everything is quiet and covert in snow
it's hard because of the holidays and i become most depressed during that time of year but at the same time i hate summer but i'm the least depressed because i can't handle heat very well and i'm constantly exhausted which distracts me a bit

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>14 years ago
oh ok
you made it sound like that just happened like a few months ago or something
it still sucks of course not saying it's unjustified

I had a big down for the past two months, but then decided to pick up my pencil again and draw. It got made me happy and got motivated to get better again.
I can only recommend creative outlet for anyone whos feeling down.

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>but my stray kittens are ok. that's a plus.
glad to hear that
pets can really help you with shit like that or be your downfall if something goes wrong

i paid almost 1k in vet bills after my pet rabbit got sick but in the end we had to put it down regardless

yeah,right now my only hope is in this guys
foregen.org/

i'm actually trying something similar
i suck at drawing but i always had a pretty lively imagination so i'm doing a lot of worldbuilding under the guise of preparing a homebrew rpg world for pen&paper and stuff like that

Really not looking forward to the next few months, fuck the holiday season

animals can be great for feeling good

>just last week i accelerated and ran over a magpie and felt the thud as it was bashed by my bumper
>mfw

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it's kinda sad that we even need something like that but it's good to know that something like that exists

I played the piano for 1 month but I have no time or money right now,rip.

>chronic depression since 16, 21 now
since 17,now 22
>can't even sleep comfortably due to nofap
never get why people do that desu except if it's for nnn
>can't enjoy anything at all, own hundreds and can emulate hundreds of games but don't play them for more than five minutes
same i just play endless grind fests where i don't have to think too much so why even play to begin with
>exercise and eat healthier
literally the only thing is that i'm not fat but scrawny as fuck
rode my bike for the first time in years and was fucking exhausted after 5 minutes

it would be bearable if people wouldn't try to force that shit on you so heavily

>1k on a rabbit
my family has always owned cats and dogs. last year a few of them hit that age where it's a risk factor.
>$350 to put down my 16 year old cat
>had to watch the family dog get put down while she had a seizure right there on the table
>watched one of the family cats go out like a bitch gasping for air. i couldn't resuscitate him.

it's a thankless job. currently we have 3 stray kittens and one of them doesn't look well. you can kind of just tell after awhile. i don't have the money to help the guy though so i'm waiting to dig a hole i guess. he's happy in the mean time.

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considering were we are that is actually a pretty good attitude and hits home way to close to how i feel about that myself

>all, and I do mean all, of my friends have been paired up and have loving girlfriends, despite all having numerous flaws
>after constant self-improvement and attempts, still no results
I die inside every time my friends mention their so's or I see them interact irl. It just leaves an empty pit in my stomach.
I put in way more work than any of them did. Almost all of them didn't even look for a relationship, some of them even tried postponing it and only got in because the girls chased them.
Everyone's got someone that can look behind their flaws. Where the fuck is mine?

Try to find new hobbies,I lost my will to play videogames this summer and since then I'm trying all sorts of hobbies,some are better than other but I think I found mine

honestly that was just me being stupid
it would have been better for everyone if i would have put her down way earlier than i did and i wouldn't be so financially fucked

i used to really enjoy shooting guns
my great uncle owned guns but had to sell them and i can't afford to get my own but i used to hike a lot and i hope i can get back into it
i have a really hard time getting motivated to even get up in the morning

do you know the life of brian?
always look on the bright side of life (i know big fucking words for this thread)
at least you have friends and the will to self improve, i have neither

>I have a really hard time getting motivated to even get up in the morning
me too.
anyway,try with a place holder for the moment,untill you can get a real weapon.

I wish I could look at the bright side. But I don't see a bright side.
My romantic handicap is driving me insane. With each passing day I become more obsessed with it.
My mind can't stop wrecking itself over with it.
>why them and not me?
>what am I missing?
>what is wrong with me?
Are the questions that invade my mind more and more. And I have no answer.
>at least you have friends
I am afraid I will lose this too, I'm getting more bitter and aggressive towards people in relationships. It fills me with rage. I'm scared I will end up alienating them but I can't stop.

user my go to board is Jow Forums do you know what they will do to me when they find out that i even consider airshit
being a no gun is bad enough but this will end in bloodshed

no seriously you are right
i did look into buying an air rifle since i live like 500m away from an old army training ground (to be fair it was meant for tanks) a would have a place to shoot all day
but again since i don't have the money to buy a decent one right now i will have to make do

The child grooming going on here is really getting me down, lads.

>extremely anxious and nervous my whole life but try to hide it as best as I can, do it well as a kid since my curiosity about the world is stronger than fear
>eventually get overloaded with stress and involuntarily become a shut in, become numb and apathetic
>over many years in this state get depression, more recently likely ADD and some form of schizophrenia. Ignore it, be in denial, get used to it
>in my mid 20s start waking up, look back and realize what happened, see what an absolute wreck I am, this triggers everything, start completely losing my mind
How could I let this happen? Everything stopped making sense.

well i can see where you're coming from but i can't really help you with that
i sometimes feel the same but i feel it gets harder and harder for me to identify with other people on even a basic level
i simply isolated myself for to long and i often don't get why people do things
i mean i get why they do it but i can't get behind it if that makes sense
and when it comes to myself and relationships i'm so filled with self doubt that getting in a relationship with someone who isn't at the very least just as self hating as i am is basically an impossibility add to that that i'm still a virgin with 22 and you have a recipe for a lonely death
(and for those who jump on that no i don't care that i'm a virgin the problem is other people do)

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rip,do you at least have a decent job?

no this is me>You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original.

Yeah, I start getting that too. The more they talk about relationships, the less I can relate. It's so foreign to me.
It's like I'm another species entirely. For them, it's a common fact of life. For me, it's an abstract distant notion.
I straight up can't even comprehend the fact that it's actually real and happening.

obligatory "it's not your fault " post
no, seriously though
that's a pretty common thing with people who suffer from mental/mood disorders and its similar to what happened/happens with me
you don't talk to people for one reason or another making it worse without noticing it
at one point you become so used to it that you think it's over or you have it under control
just for it to suddenly boil over and hit you when you least expect it
you're not alone in this

well,sorry if I ask.
How are you still alive without a job,parents?

>no car to practice driving, can't get a license
>no real work experience, can't get a job
>no money, can't go to college
>still living with parents, see them more and more disappointed everyday
>haven't dated in 7 years, been completely alone ever since
>virgin
>contemplated suicide for years, finally going to do it soon
I never thought I would completely give up on everything in life, but here I am.

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savings and parents
i never really had any real friends or relationship so i had a lot of money saved up and i still live with my parents
i have to pay rent but it's way cheaper than moving out and since i don't have a right to get welfare i honestly couldn't even if i wanted to

My self worth is too low and I feel like i wont ever be able to fix it. I have a great body and did everything I could to improve my looks but my face is still ugly af, also I am short for the country I live in and my race doesnt help either. I feel like I am fighting a hopeless battle.

Also my entire life doesnt seem worth it. there is nothing I truly enjoy anymore. I am just trying to finish uni to get a shitty job for the rest for my life. I am not suicidal but not living seems so much more comfortable than what I have now or what I expect to have.

I really dont know how to go on desu. Normally I dont post because people just call you a whiny faggot and get to over it.

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well,there are some people who are in a worse positon,look at it this way.

I'm doing it tonight if my illness doesn't kill me first, wish me luck robots

I really want to do it today. I have to pay debts but idc if the money just sits in the bank. I am gonna take a bunch of sleeping pills and just lie down and hope for the best.

basically checks all my boxes except the last one
i'm thinking about it more regularly these days but i honestly can't see it as a viable option to how things are right now and if i'm entirely honest i don't know if this is something good or not

Thanks, breh. I think I'm still better off like this, aware of my situation than being numb and in denial. I just can't imagine how am I going to find peace and fix all of this.

It just goes to show that, even as a burn out, I'm still not unique or original.
lol

well i wish i had a real argument to convince you not to do it but besides things might get better i only have my own reason which is a mixture of hope and fear

but at least promise me that you will make sure that you don't wake up
there's a lot that can go wrong and the last thing you want is to end up crippled or a vegetable

I know that becoming a vegetable is a considerable risk, but you reach a level of suffering where it doesn't even matter anymore and you just want out whatever it takes
I was sacked with a horrible vascular condition that will probably turn me vegetative regardless, this outcome is nothing new to me
thanks tho

lmao my dad told me he was depressive for a major part of my childhood

between that and my mum also being a huge mess, i dont fucking know how to feel about it

all that i can remember are the huge fights and them not being here for me; on the other hand, i feel like an unthankful fuck whenever i think this way

well, who can truly say that they are unique in a world like ours
kek someone write this down

no for real now this is kinda why i made this thread, to recall that i'm not the only one who doesn't work "properly"

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i had an extremely emotionally manipulative friend for around 11 years. this guy admitted to taking pleasure in seeing me lose all my friends, and altogether made me lose about 15 friends over the span of just a few years. he's out of my life now and things are a lot more peaceful, but i still live with the things he's done. i have 1 friend left that i speak to on a daily basis, and whenever he spends time with his own friends i'm left alone all day in complete isolation. to top it all off, my mother is also extremely manipulative and unstable and i'm doing shitty in school. anxiety is stopping me from making new friends, and i'm too scared to talk to a doctor about my problems because in the past i was just set up with shitty counsellours that blamed my problems on me because i had a hard time speaking to them or even looking them in the eye. honestly fuck it all. i'm even too scared to kill myself
>tl;dr i'm a depressed faggot who needed to rant somewhere

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I didn't take a lethal dose. Hell I'm not even feeling anything at all.

sleeping pills are notoriously unreliable, if you want guaranteed death you should look into stuff like azide

I'm still afraid. I just don't want to be here anymore.

>who needed to rant somewhere
this is exactly what this thread is for
and on the account of doctors that you went to in the past, don't worry you're not alone with what they told you
when i was a kid and first shown signs of mental problems way back when, before it actually became a thing, the guy legit told me, and i quote: "you're a selfish hasshole"
how's that for a diagnosis?

if you're afraid of doing it you really shouldn't
this is exactly when things go wrong
if you're absolutely sure that you want to go then i won't stop you but if you have any doubt you should really rethink your decision
it's not like you're on a timer that will run out anytime soon

I'm originally glad for you.

>I was sacked with a horrible vascular condition
what is your condition? i've been having vascular problems myself lately, but probably for different reasons.

Nothing major is happening, i just dont see why i should keep living. Like holyfuck, imagine doing this shit till you're 70. Even if i spent the rest life my life doing my favorite things, i still dont think it would be worth living. I wake up exhausted everyday, and stay exhausted until i go to sleep. I got off my meds which makes life slightly more enjoyable. I cant talk to anyone about it out of fear of being put back on meds. Everytime i talk to my parents they just say somthing along the lines of; "you're fucking insane" or "its just distorted thinking, things arnt like that at all". My doctor after years of putting me on drugs that made me depressed and violent( not being cynical i am completly serious) starting at the age of 4, finally lost her lisence but somhow is still able to prescribe whatever the fuck she wants. She put 11yo me on fucking ZOLOFT, i beat the fuck out of everyone who i disliked in the school. My parents are overly sensitive which is likely why i self sabatouge every close bond i get out of fear of letting them get attached because i know that it hurts less when you barely know somone and they hurt you as opposed to when their close. Sadly motherly imprints cant easliy be undone with conventional treatment so ill likely be like this till i die. I have to just pretend im fine and go to school like normal or else my retarded doctor will make me worse. I have pets so i cant kill myself either because my mom knows nothing about animal behaivor so im the only one protecting them. Both my parents were abused to fuck so i cant tell them their wrong without my dad having a seizure and my mom losing here shit. I have to fucking escape, im a total isolate so i cant confide in anyone irl. I just need a fucking break, i need to sleep but i cant because of school.

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Last year around mid October till mid May was probably the worst time of my life, luckily I don't feel anywhere near as bad as I did before but I am worried about how it'll be with the days becoming shorter. I didn't go to proper therapy during summer when I should have and medication doesn't work well at all for me so I will have to hope that the new environment and the fact that I opened up to my friends and family about it (meaning that I would make them feel even worse if I did relapse) will be enough of a safety net to stop myself from doing very self destructive things. I hope everyone else manages to become well one day!!

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keep calm, find a job, any job you can work, it doesn't matter. it's very important that you save ALL or MOST of the money you make. just keep quiet about your problems, go to work, and go home to the computer. keep saving money until you have a sizeable amount, maybe like 5000 (really isn't that hard), and start looking into apartments, or cars, or whatever other stuff you need to be happy. plan your escape silently, and then one day just leave. it's what i'm doing. it's my last hope. i can always kill myself later.

Things have been getting better lately.

But even though things in the bigger picture are better, the darkness has swallowed me again this evening. It's always the small personal things that make me slip back in depression - this time it was just my male breeder wanting to take me to the shoe store to buy me a pair of shoes because I've been wearing the same old worn out ones since 2015.

I'm in third year computer science. It's one more year and I'll fuck off out of this house and never see or hear him or anyone else from my close family again - I hate them so much.

So, he is trying to get back into my life in any way he can. I've cut him off as much as I possibly could - he doesn't pay my college tuition, he doesn't give me money - I don't want to take it - I only eat food and use electricity and water. I've become completely minimal when it comes to expenses. I don't go out. I don't date. I stopped drinking and doing drugs. I've stopped everything.

And it's petty bullshit like this that makes me feel like I don't have my life under control. He's been pushing me for months now to buy me the fucking shoes. I can't let him do that. By giving me money he is trying to crawl under my skin, to take control over my life.
I can't let him take control of my life. I have to control my own life. If I let him buy me anything I will owe him and he will have one more bit of control of my life that he is holding onto. I don't want him to control my life. I WANT TO CONTROL MY FUCKING LIFE, I CAN'T LET HIM CONTROL MY FUCKING LIFE, I'M NOT THAT CRYBABY FATHERLESS CHILD THAT CAN'T DO ANYTHING ON HIS OWN BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE IS INCOMPETENT.

I'm competent. I'm finishing college, I'm a good mathematician, a good software developer. I play good music. I'm socially competent. People respect me. I'm able to stand for myself and protect myself and take care of myself. I'm a completely competent human begin, capable of taking care of himself and achieving great things....

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...so why the fuck am I so upset about him wanting to buy me a fucking pair of shoes?

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Been dealing with depression and anxiety for my whole life basically, but it gets better and worse at different times. Recently got together with my first ever girlfriend, lost virginity, etc, 3 months ago (I'm 26)

I was in the beginning of a negative trending period when we started and unfortunately I've been getting worse. It's gotten to the point where I've had some emotional breakdowns and sobbed in front of her, and she saw me punch myself in the face/head repeatedly, which is something that has only happened in the really bad moments, a couple times in my life.

I like this girl a lot, I don't think it's her fault I'm feeling worse at all, I think I'm just scared of change and having somebody who wants to talk on the phone and text at all hours, and wants to hang out 5 nights a week, and wants to get married even though we live with our parents still, it feels like a lot is happening really fast

she says she won't see me again until I book an appointment with a therapist. The thing is, I've had a long history with therapy and it's never been great at helping me break out of the bad times of depression and anxiety. What helped the most was getting a full time job and making enough money to feel a bit of independence from my parents.

Right now I'm in full time school and part time job

I will try to do my best academically for the next 5 years and try to see if the daily life is worth living. If not I will either live in a cabin or be an hero to help the help the fall of society (I'm convinced by Ted Kaczyinski ideas).

not going to lie this is actually really good to hear
depressive episodes are just that, they come and go so you should try to make the best out of it while you feel better before something triggers you to fall back into one

i really would look into your medication though, that stuff can seriously help you or fuck you up completely, just don't stop taking them all of the sudden because depending on what you take just stop taking them can really get you in trouble
there is a reason why many don't differentiate between them and regular drugs

I'm sure I want to go, I'm just afraid of the pain. There is nothing in this world that I truly want anymore. Unfortunately I'm probably just going to end up drinking again like I do every fucking night. I don't even want to do that, but at some point I'll want to sleep and since these pills do fuck all I'll probably need it.

Ill try that before i off myself. Plus im super into occult stuff and my parents are super religous, so atleast if i move i wont have to keep all my shit secret.

because he made you suffer,a lot.Now you can't stand the fact that he his trying to (maybe)fix the relation between the 2 of you.
I have a similar relation with my father...but I won't forgive him,never.

jus ignore him,find a girl (or a boy) who loves you and star a life by yourselfe.

Reading the problems of those 10+ years younger than me really puts mine into perspective.
As in, the point I'm at is completely irredeemable.
I've tried twice before. perhaps, perhaps 3rd time is the charm.

"And I knew that my last lines were gone
While stupidly I lingered on
Other wise men know
When it's time to go and so I should too"

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I was feeling down but I also feel like I want to release my anger at everything in some way.

Last night I got drunk alone again. Today I just feel kinda shitty and melancholic.

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i'm just saying this up front so you don't get the wrong idea because no, i'm not insulting you or calling you a child with this

i was in pretty much the same relationship with both my parents from a certain point in my childhood all the way into my late teens
i feeled basically the same way you do right now
everytime we had a fight, and believe me we fought a lot, i would sever all ties with them in any way i could
i would give them the silent treatment, stop eating with them, lock me in my room and all the other dumb shit you do as a kid
i rejected everything they would throw my way no matter what because i felt the same way you do now "if i accept anything from them they win, it will show that i'm weak, that i can be bought, that i will give up my ideals and emotions for nothing and that they can get away with everything"
the last time that happened was almost exactly 3 years ago, on my 19th birthday when i suffered a mental breakdown after which i completely start to ignore them for ... well i honestly don't know how long but in the end i gave inn
was this a good thing? in hindsight, yes
did i do it because i had to instead of because i wanted to? yes
but here's the thing
the big difference between the two of us is that, if you didn't lie, you live a successful live
you said you will leave anyways, so what is the worst thing that can happen?
your relationship does not improve, which matters how if you're not going to stay anyways?
but what is the best that can happen? you actually improve the relationship with him and you have one less problem in live?
sounds like a good idea to me
so let him buy you the goddamn shoes, see what will happen
if he has some ulterior motive how far does he think a pair of shoes will get him

so i would say risk the jump into the unknown and see what happens

I've given myself an ultimatum. If I can't improve my life by May of next year, I'm going to kill myself. I don't want to live the rest of my life if it's just going to be like this.

talk, that's really all the advice i can give you
try to talk to her about it, if she didn't ditch you after seeing you having a breakdown i doubt she will leave you because you want to talk to her about all this

i honestly think that helping her understand your position and maybe figuring out a solution together is better than risking losing her over something as simple as a conversation

and who knows maybe now that you have someone close to you, the therapy will actually help if after that you have someone else to talk to

Living out of a car isnt that bad picking up everything and leaving isnt as hard as you think. I mean you'll need to find a place to shower for job hunting try a local church after you are done moving.

>hikki destined to live and die alone
>mind/body doesn't want to cooperate with me refuses to perform outside of the box
>everything i do blows up in my face
>every day is the same nothing matters
>can't even do well in vidya
I wouldn't kill myself but fucking hell life sucks.

how are you going to do it fellow lost cause user?

i don't even drink alone anymore
i become so incredibly depressed every single time and then i just wander off in the middle of nowhere
and after almost freezing to death once i don't want to do this anymore

>turned 30 this year
>got a full time job
>lost some weight
>ugly face
>still alone and virgin

I keep thinking it's going to be better, but it's probably going to stay like this

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For me, the alcohol isn't even helping anymore. When I first started getting drunk, I felt happy. Overall time it kind of turned into this numbness. Not sad necessarily, just numb and dull. But now, even when drunk, I still feel sad and the thoughts of suicide don't go away like they use to when I was drunk.

I fucking hate this.

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