/Sadbots/ get in here

Venting used to help, but after hundreds of feels threads, it doesn't help anymore.

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I'm just tired user, I promised myself to stop drinking when I'm sad because that would lead me into alcoholism, I used to play league of legends and that helped me a lot. But now... I just want so sleep. I sometimes think about dying or get really sick so my girlfriend would act gentle and treat me with love..

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>How have you been dealing with your depression lately?
I get periods of depression that last for months at a time, then suddenly my mood changes and
I'm feeling happy for a few weeks then I go back to being feeling numb..
Not great, haven't left my house in 4 months, before that it was 7 months. I've been a neet for more than year and a half now.
But I'm starting to feel less depressed over the past few days for some reason (even though nothing has changed), Hopefully
I can take advantage of this by finally going outside, gather enough courage to start getting my life together and lessen my self hatred
and anxiety around others.

I wish someone would care about my story. I would tell it but it's complicated and I also feel pathetic. Would also be along read.

For the veting: I am so fucking lonely I want to die

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I think I'm coming out the other side. I think. I hope.

Music and sleeping, but I still need to spend my day in classes, which is just abominable. It's gotten better with my friends' help, but still not where I'm feeling peachy about the world.

I'd read it. But honestly I can't give you advice or do anything other than give you a well deserved (You) for it.

Care for it? I dunno. But i can give some advice for what they are worth

Xanax, alcohol, pain killers, music, anime etc

It's not that i want to be dead, i just don't want to live anymore.

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I suggest going on nightwalks. It can make living in such a place feel less like a prison.

I just don't think that you're seeing it eye to eye. If it was me I would just crouch down and try to get a better view.

Drinking, always. I wish I had some alkie friends to talk shit with

Fuck dude, quit and find a new place. Don't put up with that shit

>You sit inside all day and then wonder why you're depressed? Go outside!
ok
>leave house
>the sky is white
>every single building is grey or has fading colors
>every tree is dead
>every person i see makes me feel sad because they probably have some sense of direction in their lives and a stable group of friends and a job and i'll never be able to connect with them

thats why i only go out @ sunset.

not eating so my senses are dulled
easier to live if u can't comprehend anything

Heavy cream will help you in the long run. I always have a bottle in my refrigerator for this.

forgot to add that taking a shitload of adderall & writing malware is therapeutic

I have pretty bad paranoia and anxiety so I don't feel safe walking around at night either.

Horny and lonely.

I prefer to get everything from the nearest 7-eleven. It's a bit more expensive, but it saves me so much time.

Okay what the fuck is up with these random posts. Did we get invaded by bots

thats why i said sunset. google "sunset: your location" go out half an hour before exact time. its just dim light. comfy af

I'm just popping antidepressants and letting my brain slowly decay into a pulp of misery and isolation, desu.

No friends or gf (obviously), my family and the only guy I talk to are 8k kilometers away. Still not depressed enough to become a drunkard or a NEET.

Honestly, I feel good but I'm being so self destructive.

I got a job tutoring mathematics at university. I get $32 per hour to do it and I work 28 hour weeks, the people I tutor there really seem to respect me. I actually made some friends.

The problem is I'm addicted to methamphetamine which I get off tor. I micro dose it to reduce anxiety and increase overall happiness. It's a less than 30 dollar per day habit but I know it's going to catch up to me. Sigh.

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Chess and social isolation

Have basically removed myself from all the clubs and social outings I went to where I felt like people hated me. It will cost me in the long run probably but so long as I have less people around its all cool. I have been feeling very schizophrenic as of late, feeling like people are unironically looking and laughing and recording me wherever I go. No real reason or rhyme why I think that, but I just cannot shake the feeling. Also just hit hard recently with the >tfw no loli gf.

Honestly, I feel like if I got a tab of lsd I would have many of these problems removed. Was in a similar mindset over a year ago and LSD staved it off for months. Was a beautiful time in my life.

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This is not a conversation you want to be having right now. A good manager will see straight through it and you will be worse off than when you started the whole thing. Write it down instead and hold onto it. Then when the time comes you can bring it up with your superiors and they will commend you for you attention to detail.

I'll try to keep it as short as I can.

My self confidence has basically been insulted out of me through school. I got fat (not obese though) and was always made fun of. I was basically the annoying fat greasy kid with ADHD.
Now fast forward to uni: I was at the end of my second semester during exam period. I usually lose a lot of weight during summer and then get it all back during winter (think 93kg - 107kg radius, I'm 6'2). At this point, I was basically a very lonely fat fuck, virgin with no experience with girls. Now, my only saving grace is the fact that I am very adapt when it comes to talking, social situations and such. Meaning that I have a lot of friends and acquaintances when it comes to guys.
Now to the point. I had only one friend at the dorms (College city is 200km away from my hometown) and we often went for nightwalks when we were bored late at night. He had a lot of interest in playing the guitar and often borrowed it from this one girl from his classes that also lived at the dorms. He showed me her insta. She is basically an adorable tiny goth chick. I said that he could invite for a nightwalk if she's bored and she accepted. At this time, we were just walking around, joking, badly singing songs and having a fun time.
One day, she proposed that we could go to the city centre with one of their male classmates and drink a bit. So we went, bought a bunch of beer and crashed at a nice sight seeing spot. We had our fun and then before we went home, she proposed that we could buy one extra 2l bottle of beer and since I like beer and have a big tolerance I said sure. The other guy split since he lives elsewhere and us three went to the dorms. My friend said that he was super tired and just straight up went to bed.

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This resulted into me and said girl sitting in front of the dorms, drinking beer and having a long talk. The next day, we just went for a cig since it was raining but every day afterwards we got stuck talking to each other outside for anywhere from 2 to 6 hours.
I fell in love with her really badly. And since I was still fat, had no self confidence and thought no one could ever be attracted to me, I obviously never said anything. I don't konw how it happened, but we connected really well. Same edgy humor, same interests. She even thought in the same way. The conversation basically consisted of talking about our fucked mental health, puns and innuendos and school. The biggest problem is, that she was taken. She found herself an asian exchange student four months before we met. And also told me that she would off herself if she didn't meet him and that she doesn't really have any reason to live except for her partners.
Despite that, we got really close. Playfighting, soft punches, teasing and such the usual shit (I honestly have no idea how I could be so natural at this). And then, one night, we ended up at the same spot as before when there were all four of us. But we were alone, on a bench. She snuggled up to me and we talked about the hardships of life. It was my first time ever feeling a girl's touch. We realized that we both feel something to each other. I wished I didn't tell her I'd never go for a taken girl because at that point she was the only thing that made me happy. Then, the exam period ended. Before she left, she said that she is very sorry she entered my life like this. During our talks, she told me that she plans on killing herself, probably that summer. She also went to visit her boyfriend in asia that summer.
She started distancing herself from me, only replied very scarcely to my messages and told me that she wants me to forget since she didn't want to hurt me when she passes away.

I had the worst case of depression that summer. (Which was this summer, it all happened at the end of the school year). I told her to send me a message when she comes back. But she didn't. I kept very close look on her online activity (Insta, facebook and such) to make sure she is okay. But one day I just couldn't handle it a sent her a message. She told me her mum is in a really bad shape and that if she killed herself her mom would follow and she didn't want to be remembered that way. She told me that her mom doesn't have much time left and that she is waiting for her to pass because she doesn't want to destroy her heart.
We do not spend as much time together now. We still talk often, hang out like we did before but definitely not as often as she keeps saying she has to study and that she doesn't have much time (which I am pretty sure is true). She is also subconsciously pushing me away but I can see that she is struggling with herself. What I think is that she reconnected with her boyfriend when they were together (since their relationship was about to fall apart). He is also coming for a month this Christmas.

I don't know what to do. I love her so much. I know I could help her with her life. But I don't want to scare her away. I am sure she realizes that I feel that she is special but what I am most afraid of is that she doesn't. And I have no way of telling. I know more about her than the guy. At this poit she just doesn't want to go through a relationship again and just wants to end it. I want to help her but she will seclude herself when she'd do it and act normally...
I want her in my life. Every night I think about what I could do to make her be with me. Every night there's houghts that despite all this I might not be good enough. That even though I lost all the weight again, I am still not good enough. I don't want to be clingy but at the same time I want to spend as much time with her as I can. I want to hug her, I want to make her smile.

Sorry for the wall of text. I don't know what to do. I am so lonely I want to die. We didn't spend longer than an hour and half together this semester. Every day I just want to go back to the moment when we were at the spot, alone on a bench. It's killing me

I will be with her this evening. What I am considering is if telling her how I feel will make things worse or better. (Not all out I LOVE YOU but in a more normal way that fits our level of intimacy). I honestly think we could fix each other. She is a wonderful and broken person.

I've been making tic-tac-toe boards on my arms

Have you tried visiting a specialist? It could help you get out of that more than you think. If it doesn't It's not like you've lost that much for trying anyways..

Sounds like Bipolar II to me, a lot of the time it can be misdiagnosed as depression

Ayy, haven't done that in a 3 years or so, but about two hours ago I tried out my new knife

I am behind studying but I cannot find motivation to get out of bed during weekends.

I'm so behind on college work I've stopped going, I just take long walks and pretend I'm in college, of course my parents find out, and feel disappointed every single day. I don't know what to do anymore, I hate work, but as a last alternative I'm going to try and get an apprenticeship.

Shit man I'm going through the same shit with my ex,we both still love each other but her life's too fucked up for us to be together. I want to see her more than anything but she says that she needs more time alone. My advice is that you ask her what she wants, if she wants to be alone then try and give her some space. It'll be hard but you just gotta remember you're doing it because you love her. You can get through this bro

Definitely not, I can have periods of happiness but not hyperactive. It's like I can function normally. When I get it together and pull myself out of depression. I can attend university soon.

>the cycle of promising I'll get things done and procrastinating starts again
You'd think would I have learned my lesson by now

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The thing I'm worried about is that she might be over me you know? I do't know what to do. She's the type of person to choose stability over uncertainty. Meaning her current relationship > me

My dad doesn't really talk he just yells about things.
I hate him.
I hate my brother too.
My mom is often on their side instead of mine.
Just when I get near breaking the habit of smoking ciggs they stress me out again and again.

I play vidya most of the day after work, i still live with my parents so i don't really have to worry too much about rent
Also most of the day i talk to my gf as my only form of social interaction, but she can't really do anything my depression, which makes her sad, which makes me feel even worse, so i have to hide when i'm sad or tired to her
Also work stresses me too much, and completely DRAINS all of my energy
I think about killing myself but i'm too much of a coward to do it...

You don't necessarily become an alkie or neet when you're bottom level depressed. Often times when depressed people kill themselves it's a complete surprise to everyone around them because they seem normal on the outside.

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I don't know what to tell you, you just gotta hope she's still interested and if you really do love her then leaving her alone is beat for her even if it means she doesn't want to be with you

got this neighbor who just had his house boarded up.
i don't really talk to strangers or neighbors but i got to know the guy over a few months.
we're both beardos, drinkers and love animals. we have depression.
he's gone as of last night. i'm pretty worried he might kill himself one day and leave the dog behind.
wish we could've hit a sports bar together for some bad food and jokes.
hope his cats and dogs are ok.
and i hope his kids and family suffer for not helping him the way my family did while he is down and out.
i can relate to him and will probably be in his shoes in a few years.

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maybe you robots can give advice or something
>be me, 18
>in highschool
>have qt asian gf
>we started as fuck buddies but we had similar personalities and she's sweet af so we start dating
>been almost 2 yrs
>had to repeat penultimate year of hs
>gf doesn't
>have some friends that are also repeating so i'm fine
>gf says she wont go straight to uni and take a gap year
>won't be bad at all
>be now, final year
>friends didn't wanna repeat so they drop out
>don't keep in contact
>gf works full time now, hardly see her
>we still love eachother and shit but we haven't had a meaningful convo in a while
>feel alone at school, feel alone at home
>have instagram meme page tho
>go live one night cause bored af
>girl joins my stream
>we talk, she's funny
>check her profile, my age, from switzerland. a real qt too
>we talk after the stream for hours on end
>talk into the early hours of the morning for days on end
>she's into the same obscure music as i am, share lots of opinions etc.
>haven't felt this in ages
>mfw she lives 1000 miles away
>this is my only human interaction in ages so i catch feelings
>she's visiting my country at new years
>get super excited
>all of a sudden she doesn't seem to show as much interest
>think about her 24/7 but havent spoken properly in 3 days
so my retard ass is in love with two girls but the one i love more lives far away and i'm not speaking to any of them anymore. feel guilt, heartbreak and alone.
wat do

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>gym, caffeine pills, black metal and wageslaving.

does black metal help? I doubt it

do you have someone in your life user?
I think that if you find someone special that will support you no matter what, they can help you in your situation.
Regardless, i wish you the best

Guys I need some help
>Depressed as fuck
>Nothing is fun at all
>General feeling of senselessness
>Also social anxiety
>Think about suicide anytime I go outside the house
>Know that I'll never do it because I don't have the balls and also I don't really want to
>Can't even go to a psychiatrist because my parents would find out and everyone thinks I'm jolly happy and have no problems at all. Also social anxiety.
>It's been like this for 5 years
What the fuck do i do guys. I just want to isolate myself somewhere all alone with no one around, but I also wanna get a degree and achieve something. Why does it suck so much?

i feel the same way man
the universe is unfair but you gotta power through. find something/someone you love, stay at it. I'm sure better days will come your way

>they seem normal on the outside.
This, to a degree.

Its a mix of people concealing their issues, and people being blind to the issues of others.

I'm a pretty fucked up guy myself and I don't, nor have I ever had, someone I trust enough in my life to actually open up to. It makes it all the worse that no one I know well, friends or family, ever stop to ask me how I'm doing or even seems to recognize the downward spiral my life has taken.

I can't fucking deal with it. It gets worse and worse every fucking day. I'm so close to killing myself. I don't even feel like a human anymore. My head hurts too much

suicide doesn't get rid of the pain, it just passes it onto someone else

last friday was a holiday so i spent a long weekend by myself instead of a normal weekend, what a fucking nightmare.
today i went to work and watched a 30 year old man cry because the girl he spent the entire weekend with didnt wake up at the same time he did to have breakfast with him.
apparently this bitch works 6 days a week at 1am so it would be understandable for her to be sleeping at 7 in the fucking morning but heres this normalfag weeping like a child while i try to explain that the whole situation is ridiculous.
then i went back inside where my boss, who so far has been treating me like a fucking zero because im doing an internship on the company, decided to finally ask me if i want to stay after my 3 months (which end two days from now) . i tell her that ive already signed with a company thats infinitely superior to this one, a company that will change my career forever and instead of realizing shes fucked up decides to make a counter offer -- so now im forced to go to the hr lady who treated me like a son and gave me a chance when i had no experience and backstab her because this other retard never bothered to even ask if i wanted to stay

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>I get periods of depression that last for months at a time, then suddenly my mood changes and
>I'm feeling happy for a few weeks then I go back to being feeling numb..

user those are some light symptoms of bipolar disease

I don't want to become a wageslave

I can't seem to enjoy anything that others enjoy and i wish i knew something that would fill this hole in my heart and make me happy.

wait till you see the swiss girl and see how you interact irl. trust me when i tell you some people are much more interesting online.
It could be better or worse and that could help you make up your mind

While I can't offer you any advice, I'll let you know that at least I read what you wrote. I wish you luck with her

>cheating scum
you don't deserve love