What's your experience with depression?

>used to cut and burn
I was ironing my clothes this morning and was close to taking the iron to my arm but I pussied out.

depression into psychogenic pain and insomnia
psychogenic pain and insomnia into numbness and derealization and depersonalization
derealization and depersonalization into literal madness that can only be explained as an adult having laughing explosive emotional tantrums whilst endangering other peoples lives and his own

at this point I will be lucky if I don't end up in jail for the rest of my life
even death would be easier to handle
for now I am just doing illegal shit that makes me happy and entertains me for those few minutes before entering back into the melting pot of stale emotions that are all too fucking predictable
on some days I try to fight them directly and make a change
on others I just let them wash over me
on some I try to even use them in unintended ways even, bridge the gap between all different emotions and use them as a driving force behind what I want them to make me do, but it is a slapstick trick that works for 2 seconds most of the time

all in all, buying time, expecting something to happen which I know will never happen

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I've never been good with pain, which is the reason I'd never self-harmed till a little while ago. Hit a massive low point and started cutting myself with glass shards.
Fucking terrible idea, it helped at the time but now my arms are fucked up still
Don't self harm, it's not worth it

funnily enough the only time I came into contact with irons was by accident
but yeah, burning became addictive af because it was cleaner and gave more pain = better high
i mainly used lighters/hot pieces of metal

i second this; It's only a temporary fix with a permanent consequence. The scars are nasty and just add to your insecurities.

it kicked my ass. i have no friends, no hobbies, no interests, no passion, no desire, hell i barely even have an appetite. earlier this year when i was visiting my parents during a holiday they wanted to have me committed to a hospital because they thought i was too skinny.

>be me 25
>wanted to die since i'm 13
>only time i wanted to stay alive, fight for a better live and was truly happy i was with my ex
>cutted myself a few times to shift the pain from place
>now i don't want a gf again(4years since my ex)
>fake interest in IT because i'm good at it and it makes my parents proud
>No career path makes me truly happy, i just want to stay home and be cozzy with my cat

So yeah i'm probably going to kms when my cat dies or i will bring him to a close friend so he doesnt end up stray. Life is pointless robots, we don't strive to make humanity better because it hurts fags/traps/low iq races feefees. I don't feel like i belong anywhere in this cursed world. I try to explain simple stuff to people and they look at me like im an alien.

It's been slowly creeping and growing on me since I was 10 years old.

I sorta beat depression, I think

today I felt bad when I woke up, the feeling came and went all day. just thinking about how I felt bad, and didn't understand why, made me feel bad again.
i'm mostly on top of it right now, feeling reasonably good. most days are up instead of down. but today was just that kinda day I guess.
just entering this thread gave me a sense of dread. I think it's because I hate feeling bad now, since I usually feel alright, and just the idea that I could end up feeling bad feels bad.
it fulfills itself.

honestly good on you I hope you stay on top of it
I wish I can say the same one day

it will get better anons
please don't give up
i know how pointless it is to try to be positive on a board like Jow Forums, but i really hope that one day all of us can find our own happiness

terrible, just absolutely terrible

got down to 48kg, tried to kill myself via pill overdose, and drove my car off a cliff

hospitalized a few times

life seemed like nothing but an infliction of meaningless and purposeless despair, misery, pain, and suffering

I remember just sitting in the shower every day, basically collapsing onto the floor in despair, just laying there sobbing

I am cured now, of course life is still fundamentally bad, but it's not so intolerable

the cure is to get involved in something - job, relationships, etc. have something to look forward to. structure your time and days. stop drinking alcohol

An awful mixture of true hopelessness and insanity over the past 3 years and I can't seem to get out of it.

Ye, im currently at uni that i dont care about, my one close friend tried commiting suicide and i didnt get a reply since and im just sitting here feeling nothing. Not even playing games and browsing shit makes me happy. Only thing that makes me socially viable is the fact that i can act a little, so when ppl are laughing i atleast smile and shit. I dont think i care about anything. Dont want to talk to anyone. I just want to get my gun and play a roulette, that seems fun for few times if im lucky

My experience with deppression was about two years ago. For about a year, I was rejected by both women and family. I was lacking academically and I wasn't in sports, so my family austrosized me becasue of it. My mother was too invested in my step family as well. I thougt I can see my friends as a means to cope but they viewed me as a burden and only needed me when they want something form me. On top of that, I tried pursuing love and you can guess how that went. Tried throwing myself off a tower but too much of a coward to do so. Two years passed. I don't feel the need to belong anywhere. Nothing really saddens me anymore nore does it bring me joy. Instead of saying "it gets better" I'm gonna say "you get used to it".

wish i could talk to my old friends but it feels pointless and they're all making it anyway, what do i have to say besides "i wanna die"

Very interesting.

It's been a constant threat since I was a teenager.

At it's worst point, I didn't need to commit suicide, because it killed me just the same. My whole self, image, existence, was shattered for about 4 years.

Re-learning to talk to people again, Re-learning how to date, how to be social, control anxiety and give off proper body language... It was extremely painful. But the tears were very much welcome after so long. When I first wept again, deeply and bitterly, feeling a lifetime of sorrow.

That's when I knew there was a person coming back.

Smoked too much pot and was diagnosed with drug induced depressive disorder. Hospitalized last year for an attempt. Attempted 4 more times afterwards. Stopped smoking pot. I'm in a constant haze. I just feel numb all the time. I'm covered in cut scars

I've been angry at life since my dad died when I was 7 I remember at that age I banged my head against until I knocked myself cause I knee then I wanted to die. Ever since I discovered drugs I stopped trying to kill myself but no I'm starved of human affection and just want it to end