Applied to over a thousand jobs in the past five months online

>apply to about a dozen jobs
>3 call me back imminently
>get an offer at each interview and choose the best one
>did this with zero references, only 1 past experience, and a fucking GED

Lol get fucked nerd

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Mfw I was going to start working at target tomorrow but my background check hasn't come back yet.

FUCK I NEED MONEY QUICK MANNN

Because you don't look like Chad. Next time include a picture of this guy and say it's you. You'll get 1000 interviews.

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Just chiming in with my experience here

> Spent about a full 7 months applying for jobs.
> Hate corporate BS interviews - "tell me about yourself?"fuckyou.
> Applied to about 30 jobs per day. Took some time off every once in a while. Probably hit around 5000 jobs applied to.
> Low success rate for landing interviews. 2% success rate. Only went to over 100 interviews not including phone interviews
> Soul was crushed with every rejection. Felt useless
> Kept doing it.
> Stopped caring. Found a job. Got the job because they gave me a test which I beat everyone on.
> Learned how to code on my own spending about 8-10 hours a day and got promoted. Never have to do a grueling job search like this again because I'm worth something now.

What did I learn and get out of this experience?
> How to properly apply to jobs. Towards the end, my success rate job landing interviews was probably closer to 4-5% Made short cover letters that people read, etc.

> Noted down which companies actually responded to me with human beings. Focus on those companies.
> If the company gives you actual tests, it tells you a lot about the company and what they give a shit about.
> kept noting different kinds of jobs I could apply to by marking down job titles. You'd be surprised about how little you know about how many different jobs there are.

> Interviews are just personality test and I'm autistic as fuck when it comes to faking shit like interviews.
> I don't give a fuck anymore about interviews.
> learned to pick out all the scams and bullshit jobs. If you start paying attention, they stick out like a sore thumb. "BE YOUR OWN MANAGER" "BUILD YOUR OWN BRAND". Generally anything in sales is bullshit. Look up the company just so you know if they are a pyramid scheme.
> If you have no skills, you will have a hard time. The job market is your bitch if you do and can prove them. If you don't, brute force each step and pray.

Ask a friend to throw your resume at his place.
Playing the interview game is lethal for your self esteem, especially for the one of a robot.

oh yeah i forgot
> friend gets a good job from other good friend without even trying
> life is a bitch
> but I'm worth more now. Life isn't fair. In the short term.

I was you 3 weeks ago, You should put in 2 weeks now, being fired is way worse than quitting.

> Ask a friend to throw your resume at his place
Sure just let me go make some first.

I had to buy these expensive fucking steel toes too. Now I gotta hurry and try to get a refund. Fucking sucks. Normie scum, treat you like dogshit.

The first thing you need to do is understand how the job market actually works. Straight-up applying for jobs online using a CV is approaching baby-boomer tier 'firm handshake' advice in terms of its irrelevance. These days, the first round fo interviews usually go to people whose resumes have been loaded onto jobsites and then scraped by an HR/Recruitment agency's bot. These function primarily around keyword searches in much the same manner as a bid system for online ads. Your resume needs to have the right keywords. These keywords are typically just a list of relevant skills and experiences, a bunch of adjectives to bullshit about how much of a 'team player' you are and some extra details sprinkled on top. The candidates that meet the most of these criteria are the ones that make it to the top of the pile long before any human gets involved in the process.
To break things down into an easily applicable task list, you need to:
1) Go to your jobsite of choice and search for your target job/sector. Open up thirty or forty different postings and then copy and paste the role specification + the requirements into a keyword finder online. This will give you a good idea of what companies are looking for in your industry at the moment (to be honest, you an probably just eyeball the relevant skills and write down a list).

2) List the most common skills/certs in your resume. If you don't have them, learn them (many certs are available to get online for free) and then include them. Now modify your personal statement to reflect all the adjectives and other bullshit that they want. If you need experience, just do some bullshit freelancing for a few hours a week - this will be enough to build some knowledge.

3) Paste your new optimised resume on job boards and wait for some interview invites to get slung your way. However, don't take this as a free pass to stop applying - keep sending out personalised applications to stuff you want.

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You might want to check what is returned by an automated background check. Lots of HR software does them automatically and filters out resumes with any problems.

Fill out this form and send it in. Maybe someone was working under your SSN and was fired for threatening other employees or something.

theworknumber.com/Employees/DataReport/report_request.pdf

Also, it's worth bearing in mind (as pointed out) that many jobs are straight up bullshit postings. One of the worst groups of offenders are the companies that post the same vacancies over and over again for months on end.

The reason for this is that if they 'can't find the right applicant', after a few months the government lets them fill the post with someone hired from overseas on a visa and with a marginally smaller salary.

Needless to say, ignore these ads too. Concentrate your efforts on tailoring applications to jobs you would actually like to do, leave the others to the algorithm.

>>applied to over a thousand jobs in the past five months

There's your problem; you've been blacklisted for spamming. You want Quality, not mass spam. Plan your shot, and make it count.