Hi anons. How was your day? Bad mood, sorry if rude. Will try

>Is there anything you want out of life?
Happiness, rest and peace of mind. Not having to worry. That can only be achieved by winning the lottery. The odds are next to nonexistent.

I will go to bed now and bid you good night.

you faggots should all kill yourselves

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I see I see I wanted my own quirk and avatar. Im actually in school to become a social service worker so it would be good for me. Only issue is im a girl (male) but man do I wish I was one and ive got the personality of one for sure. How do I get around being a male? I would still avatar as a girl but my body isnt yet in peak trap form (been working on it and looking into professional cosplay and maybe some modeling). my body atm is a horrid ugly thing but I plan to shape it into a cute temple.

Hope you aren't feeling in too much a state of grief, is there is anything you need to vent feel free to do so even if it is merely mood - emptiness often paints targets even of the most irrational things.

Forcing through Hyperdevotion. Studies are going well, finished book on ancient Greece and the how their architecture is often mistaken for the Roman-influenced 'Greek' type rather than the pure classical Greek sort. Also how the mood of their artistry was generally positive compared with the darker themes of near-Eastern art among other things. Been reading more other material though don't want to come off as too pretentious. Got my first shifts, start on Friday with an 8-hour shift (entitled to two free meals on those ones, ehehe!) followed by 10-hour shifts on Saturday and Sunday, no idea what the next week will look like though by the looks of things won't have trouble at all with money perhaps ever if the hours are stable. Honestly rather happy in the sense that even if I failed university I've basically got a career as a chef now and thus my life is sorted (of course I'll still study my life for university work as I prize education), its really weird how quick that's came I suppose. Why then does it all feel so futile? Well I can't complain, have it ridiculously easy compared to others. Its Pizza Express so a fun evolution from Domino's, unlike the latter it means being an actual chef which is terrifying whereas before it was simply slap pizza, do all the toppings and stuff then oven, customer service etc. whilst this time you have to actually do everything if you know what I mean. S-sorry for the humble-brag, just very excited about things.

A-also I seem to recall if you are the right user, asking for tummy rubs to which I feel very stupid and embarrassed for having done so. Anyhow slept around 8 hours so can I get them now? P-please!!??

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Good night user. Mo money mo problems, I really hope you find a solution to your unfulfillment and can scratch your itch for goodness in life.
>faggot
Oh shoot I should tell your mom your step brother might get my faggot genes
human decency and friendliness does not equate to homosexuality
>kill yourselves
Come on, put some flavor in. A good writer is visceral and descriptive. Tell me how I should cut my hand off with a meat cleaver, stick the stump in my mouth, and drown in the blood.
>How do I get around being a male?
I'm a dude, most people on Jow Forums are. Don't put your value as a human being into sex appeal. Hope your transition turns out well for you, best of luck with your dreams and aspirations.
Thanks for being kind, but talking about it is like you losing right now. It's best to just keep it out of your mind.
>finished book on ancient Greece and the how their architecture is often mistaken for the Roman
What are the big differences? Do romans use Dorian pillars? I forget. I know Greeks had rectangular architecture and Rome had some circular, but not too much beyond that.
>don't want to come off as too pretentious
You won't. I learn more from you than anything user, haha. It's appreciated, I'll repeat myself a million times.
>Got my first shifts
Congrats! I'm glad, hope it all turns out well for you. Good luck on the work, hope it suits you alright and you can deal with classes to boot. Your job sounds really cool! Congrats on being a professional chef, did you get your hat yet? Don't call it bragging, the proper word is celebrating.
>Anyhow slept around 8 hours so can I get them now?
Good job user, please keep sleeping well, Pats inbound.
fixed for spoiler error

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I don't know what is going on at this point. Online and phone call said I was approved, then online switch to not approved, and in person they said not approved. Now I get mail packet saying I have until next month to choose plan. I just want depression treatment.

It didn't seem to go much into the differences other than saying how the latter was based around it. Though it did mention that Dorian pillars were later found in Egypt and thought to have been crossed over where the opposite influence was found earlier. I haven't got my hat yet, need to go for the uniform. Its not an insane uniform or anything, honestly its like one of those stereotype French looking things (you know the stripy shirt and that). Gimme my pats nownownownownownownow!!!

Y-you love that image of catgirl being petted by the way, don't you?

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Horrible, couldn't get a single productive thing done today. I'm even worse at vidya now, so there has to be something wrong. I think my brain might be broken, I hardly feel sadness or happiness anymore, just hopelessness.
Hoping to solve this shit soon, I really can't go on like this. Maybe tommorow will be better.

its not even really a transition, just a style change I never used to care about my look and never thought about it. Its only recently I have been wanting to be feminine. Maybe im a late bloomer but I would love to pass as a trap (with lots of makeup and camera angles like most traps but....). If not I would like to be a thin effeminate male a good looking one at that, think kpop idol guys. either way ill try trapping and crossplay and see if anyone likes it. Sucks I was born 6'2" and with some other bad quirks but I work with what I have.

Same but I've been like this for over a week now. I can't even enjoy vidya much anymore. Somebody save me from this mess.

I was playing a VN and my favorite girl died :(
I took a nap and now Im in my american govt class, Cruz won last night and the prof is right leaning while a lot of the students are left, so at least this will cheer me up

Sounds like a pain. Cororations over the phone are ridiculous, especially when you get caught in a feedback loop. Sorry it's such a pain user, more stress on top of depression isn't good. Have you tried loving yourself for who you are yet? Apparently saying that enough times cures depression. Hope everything turns out alright for you friend, depression is literally undeath as they describe it in high fantasy. No one deserves that curse.
>Dorian pillars were later found in Egypt
What time period? Alexander the Great HELLENIZED a lot of Egypt.
>Its not an insane uniform or anything
It's a chef uniform, that's cool in itself.
>Y-you love that image of catgirl being petted
It's at the top and managing pics gets harder around 1k on this new folder. Sorry if I overuse it. Remind me of you a little too.
Slow receptiveness of stimuli is literally textbook depression (when it gets real). Sorry you aren't as good, I hope you can break out of the lethargy and sadness, you don't deserve to be depressed. Eventually you can't form short term memories and it's a big meme to deal with. Hope you get better before it progresses even further.
Either way, really hope whatever your goals are lead you to what you want. Getting validation from guys through sexuality isn't an idea to just dismiss, hope you feel better because of it at the end of it all.
Sorry about best girl, that's very sad. Political arguments idiots have are always very funny, among intelligent people it's just frustrating though because you grind your way back to axioms and agree to disagree. Hope you enjoy it friend!

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you are a nice guy thanks for the talk

I don't recall the exact time period, I guess that's the price for one read through. It was certainly before Alexander the Great, that's as much as I can guess. Its not a chef uniform with the fancy hat, more a company one (its a big chain in the UK). Had no idea your image folder is so expansive. Don't mind the overuse of it, quite enjoy it, always a pleasant image.

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mom visiting right now so maybe slow replies
Niceness and kindness aren't the same thing, but I try to be nice. Hope it matters at all. No need to thank me for anything, talking makes me feel better same as you
Maybe it was a phonecian import then, but I'd figure the Ionian pillars would be that because of the geography. I honestly don't know I guess.

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>loving yourself for who you are yet?
I don't think I know how. I like posting here though in the nice threads. I ended up filling out the packet and sent it back. If they don't know what they're doing maybe I'll sneak through. Keep up the kind posting, i enjoy at least.

It was meh. Not great, but it could be worse. I feel like I can just kill myself whenever things get really bad, so I feel no obligation to be productive and do the shit I have to do. It's kind of liberating, but it's also kind of fucking things up for me.

>pretty boring day
>read up on some neat history stuff
>sat in lectures
>went home
egh, could have been better, but glad it's not worse.
the feel of having no gf is still crippling, sex or not.

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Played a lot of Hollow Knight, I think Im close to finishing, charming game, less customization and slower pace then I would like, but still a fun time. I made so many plans last month, in the end I didnt do jack shit, I really need some underwear tho, but how would I know how comfy they are buying them online, there is no way I could go buy them irl so, gamble it is

What history have you been reading user? Also how have your lectured been, are they for difficult material at the time being or more relaxed? Why do you want a girlfriend?

Could have been, I'd have to re-read it. Came up with the genius idea of going through the bookshelf in order so I'll recross through it in theory anyhow, picked up one on Greek family life the second I checked the book back in, hehe! Been doing that with the medieval English history. Still at the limit of 18 books.

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How do I tell a relative who won't ghost me to fuck off already? She played a big role in all this mess, had many chances to becomes the voice of reason yet pussied out because hurr you must be nice to your brother because he is your brother even if he is a maaassive piece of worthless niggershit who is a drag to everyone else and loves to victimize himself to get away with it. She's also passive agressive and subtly makes fun of my situation, I may be on the spectrum but even I can see what she means. I try to avoid her constantly but once or twice a year I'm forced to be with her. Being with that her and my extended family just brings bad memories back.

I don't want more problems with others so can't tell her to go fuck herself straight. I have to be nice lest I burn too many bridges.

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Pretty good. I felt like I did alright on my Psych test and learned a good amount of my audition music. I've been pretty tired as of late and want to have some free time to play some vidya even though I know that time won't come for a while. Oh well.

Yeah, depression is mean. Makes internalizing things in a positive way impossible. Hope you can stop the slide though. Good luck with the packet, I'm happy you enjoy talking. I'm really sorry for taking such a break, forgot about my mom.
The one good thing about mediocre days is they're easily forgettable. Being apathetic towards life, especially on the topic of suicide, is a dangerous way to cope user. Tread lightly.
That sounds decent, what was it you learned? Tfw no gf is just a way of expressing other insecurities, don't let one woman's approval of you determine your value as a hoomin bean. I'm sure you'll find someone who loves you in time user! Hang in there and don't let your heart harden from the sadness.
Glad you had fun with hollow knight, despite obvious problems you had. Sorry October wasn't your time to shine, I hope this month is better. Why is october the 10th month with an octo- prefix? I used to know that. Sorry, unrelated. Hope the underwear fits you well, comfort in those things is very important for overall comfort. Just check reviews and hope for the best I guess.
>Greek family life
Sounds interesting. Only really learned the husband wife dynamics of the Athenians and Spartan childhood and marriage. Lot to learn in those small fields. Hope you're enjoying all that reading user, hope you're absorbing a lot from it and having fun. 18 books is a lot, hope you're internalizing all that info and not reading too much.
I don't know, I'm terrible at interpersonal relationships. Maybe change your phone number as an excuse to ghost her? Sorry all that shit's happened to you and it is hard to trust family, but wish you all the best friend. Family are people, and while imperfect naturally you can still render some judgement on them for being bad.
Glad your day is nice user! Good job on the test and music. You can always play games later, less free time is better free time.

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>apathy
Shit, every time I share something people warn me about my mental health. On another note, why do you do this? Doesn't it feel tedious as all hell?

>every time I share something people warn me about my mental health
Not him but iktf. You're not crazy nigga, just the way you are. Words often fail to properly express what we feel, most of the time we don't even understand ourselves.

That "I feel like I can just kill myself whenever things get really bad" thing can be a powerful tool if used right, I mean if used to overcome fears and not let yourself go. What's the worst that can happen? Who knows but the emergency exit is there if needed.

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I'm just saying I tried to look at things that way as if there's always an easy escape. Stand at the edge of the cliff and really feel how afraid you are of suicide in the present. Decreasing those inhibitions won't make you happier, if you drive yourself to the point of sincerely wanting death it would have been better you died before it ever happened. Side note: I think that's what Jesus meant when he addresses Judas who later killed himself. People say suicide isn't an option because it's an unhealthy way to cope with bad things in your life, not because you legitimately can't or always shouldn't. I felt how you did, but realized it's a dead end. Not gonna get into my ontological argument regarding it here because that's tism but it doesn't work out as a mindset in the humble opinion of a shut in loser.

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Feeling nothing but desire to strangle co-workers.

>groom myself better than usual since sister is visiting town and wear a suit since we are planning to go for coffee once I get out of office
>"thehehe whats the occation, going for date user?"
>"good for you user, we were getting worried that you would be the only single person in our department or some kind of creep"

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>Had a midterm today
>Bombed it
>Two midterms tomorrow
I don't want to try anymore.

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Why do so many think that single=creep? I don't understand the justification.
It's okay, you should do whatever it is with your mom first. I know how you feel about the dogs, I have a cat that meows at me and snuggles whenever I cry.

I'm not sure. I did stand at the edge of the cliff (almost literally), and I did genuinely want death. Now I'm just somewhere in the depressing middle, and I do feel happier keeping suicide as an option. I'm fine with my life being driven into a dead end, I don't really want it to continue much longer.

I'm very sorry. Mom still hasn't left. She tries to talk too much and it is stressful. Not trying to ignore it's just rude to take too long of a break. Normally she isn't here this long but grandpa forgot to pick her up.
That's rough, sorry they have such a harsh judgement of you. In group out group garbage, it's easy to alienate the people with poor social skills. Please don't strangle them, that's bad pr for yourself and people might think you're a creep more often if you're a well established serial killer.
I'm sorry, in the end it's just a test. Don't put a number on an arbitrary subject get you down emotionally. Work hard on the next ones and I'm sure you'll do better. Things don't go your way sometimes, but sometimes they do as well. Don't give up everything over losing something, as a favor to me please.
I think the great thing about animals is they are easy to understand. If they snuggle they like you, if they bite they don't. Especially among ""nuerodiverse"" individuals that can be very relieving. I think that's a big reason behind why furries and autism are linked, people associate animals with happiness from a young age and latch onto it. But yeah, pets are great. Mom is ok, she knows I need breaks anyways. Some days I can't make eye contact and talk with her on my bed and under my blanket as I have an anxiety attack.
Alright, fair enough. If my advice is bad it's bad. Really wish you the best though, and hope things can get better somehow, and you don't need the reaper on speed dial to get through the day.

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Seems its going to be a long night, then it can't be avoided. Gotten through all the books in the least even if the languages have been rather lacking. The other books are mostly textbooks mostly either of the entry-level variety or far beyond what I can understand, still its nice to gain grounding in niche areas. Really want to get a book on policing since there is a surprising amount in the library. Not to be irritating though you never seem to talk much of yourself and so it gives a void to imagine what you are actually like, it'd be nice to hear more from you even if perhaps you aren't up to it. I mean this sounds stupid but how would you go about talking in regards to your life and how its changed over time, what things do you like/ hate, you know?

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I would also like to hear about the nice poster. If you are not comfortable though that's okay too.

I missed my phone interview because another job called me to schedule an in person interview and now it looks like I'm going to have neither interview.

God I hate job hunting.

long, had several fuck ups, but I'm glad it's over.

My theory is that its because they're cautious about men like all women, but they're retards who think the ones they find unattractive are more likely to be dangerous.
I would never act out against them they are just annoying to me at this point. For my sister`s sake I could not even dream off doing something so dumb as getting myself imprisoned since it would hurt her along severing our bonds of trust.

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>Wake up after after drinking last night
>hungover
>utilities got cut because we apparently didnt pay
>go online
>no outstanding balance
Have to wait till noon for someone to turn the works back on
>go to school for meeting
>dont feel so hot
>professor has another meeting
>try to wait but I feel like im gonna die
>with my remaining strength go home
>sleep for a bit
>wake up no internet
Today just wasnt my day user, we shall see what tomorrow brings

>Seems its going to be a long night, then it can't be avoided
I think she's gonna sleep back at their place again, maybe I'm wrong. Grandpa typically doesn't go back on things he agrees to do. Worst case scenario I hole myself up in here to unwind.
>Gotten through all the books
That's good, you're working hard and I admire that. I've found that too, most things are either made for a simple understanding or assume you have a substantial grasp on the subject from the get do. Progressive learning is rare in textbooks for adults. Hope it was enjoyable to read them at least. Policing sounds interesting, know little to nothing about how crime is handled from a high level perspective. Hope you enjoy what you learn!
>what you are actually like
Don't know where to start too well. I don't think of describing myself too often. I like the ocean a lot. I also like old places, especially cemeteries or churches. The types of places that are history in the making and ongoing rather than a tribute to the past entirely. I like going for walks and talking about stuff. I like video games and always have. Get bored too easily. I don't know, sorry, just this took like 30 minutes to put together. Yeah. I'm just another dude on the internet.
That sucks, I'm really sorry user. Unfortunate. The two in the bush got away, I hope luck turns your way soon. Hope the job finds you eventually, and you can make money while doing something cool.
I'm glad a bad day is over then. Feel like sharing? If not I'm just glad you have a day ahead that can unfold in a new way. Hope the long day didn't wear you out too bad, get some rest while you have some leisure.
Yeah, I was being sarcastic. Sorry, it's hard for me to convey it easily over the computer. Thanks for caring about your sister, that's very respectable. Just hope you don't take some dumb normie opinions too harshly.

character limits

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That's a shitty day, sorry you were feeling ill. The utilities getting cut as well really blows, hope your mood isn't too screwed by that. Any idea why that happened to you? Just a fluke or is something wrong with billing? Did your professor not schedule the meeting or did he change plans last minute? I always hated talking to teachers one on one, they always looked at me weirdly. Hope the meeting won't be too bad for you user, and I'm sure tomorrow will treat you better. Be careful with the booze and half the bad in your day wouldn't have happened though!