Hey anons. How was your day or how are you holding up in general? Please tell me!

I love somebody very much and I think they love me too

I want to tell them so badly but they are in a very vulnerable position and I don't want to take advantage of that

They are also very insecure and have been hurt in the past and I am terrified they will run away if it gets too emotional for them

We are taking a break from talking for a bit but I fear that instead of calming me down it's going to have the opposite affect

I don't know what to do anymore, I want to tell them I love them so badly and hold them close and never let go, I've never felt like this before and it's driving my crazy, I feel like my heart is about to explode

I have wasted my time recently doing pointless shit instead of doing my work, but have realised this some days ago and now I'm more productive, trying to keep it up. (not now because I'm here but I don't have that much to do at the moment)

>wake up, have panic attack from some dream about a doctor monster holding me and like 100 dudes hostage and making me perform surgery on the people he hurts
>suffer nausea for 2 hours and be disoriented, take xanax and feel better
>go to campus for 9 hours for a 3 hour class because I cant get a ride any other way
>girl who has been orbiting for months and following me around me gets nasty when I decide to not carry one sided conversations with her anymore, because its awkward and draining.

living the dream

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Doesn't sound too bad. Good job taking care of the pup and working out, small stuff adds up in life. Don't try to fit in on Jow Forums, there is barely even a board culture anymore. Incel migrants and Jow Forumsgreentext are half the board at this point. I'm glad you're putting a good effort into being positive, hope your day becomes as better as it could be!
Hatred doesn't make me feel better about things, and don't want to become too bitter. Hope your game plan leads you to contentment with life. It's not easy to figure out a route to happiness.
Hi again user. Thanks for the kind wishes. Don't have much to say, and don't like the idea of doing that too much, don't worry.
>no-one else seems to be contributing
That sucks. I hated having to do that in school. I used to just do 40% of the project and refuse to do anymore. People always try to take advantage of hard working. Good luck with the shifts, that sounds pretty exhausting.
>Went to a Chinese store and got mochi
Don't think I've ever had that. Normally if I get sweets with chinese food I get sesame balls, just always liked those a lot. Sorry you didn't like the exotic foods you bought, hope it doesn't go too much to waste. Glad you're comfy and cuddly, hope things stay that way for you
>Do you think that sounds decent enough to cover it?
Personally I'd structure things completely differently. Don't enjoy reading about the sciences too much, but if you do that sounds like a nice load. Lots on engineering. 1 on lit is a little sparse. I don't know. Any reading is good probably. Keep it up! Hope your day is coming along well for you.
I'm not doctor love but I don't think loving someone is something that changes based on what's going on in your life. They might really need your support, and it sounds like you need their affection. Disappointment in the world is always easier to bear than disappointment with yourself, I'd make a move before feelings change or things get too late.

c

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That's good. I'm proud of you for working towards your goals. You'll reach them if you keep it up and never relent. Good luck keeping at it, never give up! Wasting time is usually not prudent, so congrats for correcting that.
Sounds like rough day, sorry man. Waking up to panic attacks is no fun. Sitting around for 6 hours doing nothing isn't exactly great either. Why is the girl orbiting you? I remember being that type of person trying to not be alone. Often they really can't tell they're annoying you. Judging by the gets nasty part I'm guessing things might have been different though. Good job not letting her use you when it gets on your nerves. Severing things with social leeches is probably for the best.

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It makes more sense with the layout. You have to consider that I have about 21~ hours in a day maximum and Reducing by 3-13 hours brings the total to a about 8-18. The way things work as scheduled vary though with how books it goes like this;
>7:00 - Classics
>8:00 - Anglo history
>9:00 - Lit
>10:00 - Aerospace book 1
>11:00 - 2 books eng. (different branches each time).
>12:00 - 18:45 all engineering study and projects
>20:00 - 21:00 other aerospace
>00:00 - 03:00 other books, may cycle between 20 mins each to sustain concentration and keep in mind 20 mins shaved off each hour in the day except those not mentioned: 10 for languages, 10 for main book). Also usually an extra hour or two for languages after 00:30

Hence its often handy to inject background knowledge and swarm oneself with engineering books - revision is obviously vary important so I don't quite speed through those. How would you structure it if you had to take out 18 books (and you have to or idk pic related will happen to you)? It'd be interesting to hear where your interests lie and how you'd approach them. Worth trying mochi, big thing in Japan (not really China) though it wasn't for me (also it looks nothing like the packaging, maybe that's partly why).

As much as I want to put a threshold on my work, have to keep rapport for a presentation then I'll probably cut them 10% each and give myself half the grade, unless they contribute they really can't cry about it.

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Yeah, I guess I don't understand the time you have to allot and your interests. I honestly would never try to read that much, I will usually just go one book at at time for 5-6 hours a day then stop reading for a while. If you need to learn about different things to hold concentration through the day your schedule makes sense. Don't understand how you die of exhaustion honestly. I've never taken 18 books out so can't really imagine it. I guess I'd get a bunch of sets of complete works and hop from one author to another. Maybe well compartmentalized textbooks as well if I were interested in it. I don't believe in multitasking, and am very bad at it. Couldn't put myself in your shoes easily. Sorry your group members are being such a pain to deal with, I hope things get better for you.

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>sleeping for 4 hours for the past couple of years
pretty good desu

Got fired cuz the faggot in charge is an emotional little baby with anger issues and doesn't know how to keep his emotions in check, treat people decently, and not be retarded. I'm going to go back in a couple days and talk to the boss and make a pretty strong case as to why he was all of the above, and I either get my job back, get him talked to and presented with the truth, or both. I hope karma is real lads

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That doesn't sound too healthy, but people get by on rougher conditions. I used to not sleep much in school because I liked using the computer and felt like time was being wasted. Now free time isn't a concern. Hope you're taking good care of your health user, and I'm very happy you're feeling good.
Yeah, lots of people can't tell the difference between assertiveness and going into a tard rage when challenged. There are a lot of shitty people in mid-level management jobs. Hope you get what you want by coming back! Sorry you were treated so poorly, I hope things get better for you. Isn't karma an idea for reincarnation? I forgot. Either way just things do happen sometimes. The world is cruel, and the evil people in the world aren't spared that treatment.

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I know where you are coming from, I used to think it impossible. Originally started sleep deprivation couple years ago as a suicide attempt and it ended up making my life really good and since I started involving myself with things I'd never touch actually developed interests rather than hating everything that wasn't vidya. Honestly this is the happiest I've been. I don't get overly exhausted since I give myself more rest during the week-ends and add physical activity into the mix. Also drink absurdly high amounts of coffee. The books are a stack like you see in cartoons that goes from one side of the desk to the other (obviously not resting on top of the desk though, it isn't THAT strong). It feels so satisfying going through it. Your method would work well, believe me. What authors would you be interested in? I don't multi-task either, though my concentration is historically very poor (even worse during my child-hood, used to get in tons of trouble for not listening or paying attention because I genuinely couldn't, I'd slip into a daydream no matter how hard I tried) hence I swap things up a lot to introduce different stimuli and make my brain perform better. You'd do better than me user, honestly you're great as you are and you touch many lives whether you believe it or not.

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Congrats on coming so far. I'm happy things are better for you. You're very busy but don't seem overwhelmingly stressed. It's interesting to me.
>What authors would you be interested in?
Not sure. I remember things well which provides an illusion of being educated but I am just a high school dropout. There's a lot of stuff I haven't read. I would probably read makers of Rome because I bought that book but burned out on Roman history before I read it. Aside from that never got to the Russians and want to finish Faulkner's complete works. I think Faulkner is the only legitimate 10/10 American author, maybe Melville but he ripped the English style so hard it's barely even American. My concentration now is poor to the point where I'll lose my place on the page so many times that despite previously having a very fast read speed I now trudge along. I'm fairly sure I'm significantly less intelligent than I used to be. It's like the second half of flowers for algernon but toned down on intensity.

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Dog user here.
Damn user, you genuinely made me smile. I hope you get over your panic attacks. I used to get them when I was a kid, scary thing was I didn't know what they were. Great to see threads like this that promote happiness. Probably gonna chill and noodle around on my bass the rest of the day. Any of you guys have a hobby or just something you like doing to pass the time?

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Hi user.Thanks fr the kind wishes. Sorry you got them as a kid, they suck. You play the bass? That's pretty cool. That's one of the best sounding instruments to me, the lower frequency makes it soothing. I don't really have a hobby, sorry. Sometimes play games or watch videos to pass the time, which is nice. Right now just listening to music and sitting in chair because my head really hurts and I am hungry but don't want to eat because then I start my metabolism and have to get myself food.

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Don't know what kind of music you like user, but here's a song I'm playing my bass too and it's pretty chill.
>youtu.be/-Rr1DwrogXg
I wish my metabolism worked, then I wouldn't have to work this weight off.

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This is yesterday and today combined.
Yesterday:
>I played poker with a few new friends I made.
>Got a bit too drunk
>There was this girl there that was clearly showing interest in me
>Called me cute on few occasions always tried to sit next to me
>Smilled and laughed at everything I said
>I think she lost a bit of interest in me because my autism came out a bit while drunk
>Other people there just thought I was being funny.
>Overall had a very good time.
>I was the first one to leave because I had to catch a bus.
>While walking I was listening to some exciting music and was smiling like an idiot to myself
>Once I got on a buss this one song that I always associate very much with started playing.
>As the song went I got sadder and sadder
>Started playing other sad songs.
>Started thinking how I am an ultimate fuck up
>22 no job, just started uni again no close friends, never had a gf.
>By the time I got home I was holding back crying.
>Got past my father. Told him quickly I had fun.
>Went to the bathroom to take a shower.
>Started crying like mad in the shower. Was standing in there for like 2 hours.
>When I came out of the shower I was thinking about killing myself for the first time in my life (I was always sad just never actually thought about doing it)
>I started typing to a girl that once told me she wanted to kill herself.
>Told her I will do it and she got mad at me for it.
>I went to sleep crying
Today
>Woke up feeling good, can't even imagine being sad
>Had a good day overall.

Why do I have no control over how I feel? It's like tossing a coin that decides if I will want to kill myself that day or not. I am scared that I will actually do it one bad day.

This whole years been pretty shit lost my job, my pops died and i have a tumor making it impossible to work right now and am living on a couch

I woke up feeling more depersonalized than yesterday.

Thanks for showing me the song user, it sounds nice.
>I wish my metabolism worked
Do you have a thyroid problem or something? I just notice if you get through the second day of hunger pains it's easy to get by with less food. Think that's how the body naturally works. Hope you can get rid of the weight, it's very good for your health to.
Emotional volatility like that is dangerous. I don't think that's normal. Be careful, it's normal for some days to be worse than others but happy to suicidal day by day is another story. Maybe it was just the alcohol. It's called a depressant for a reason. I hope the good feeling stay with you, and I'm glad at the very least you enjoyed the party and are having a better him today.
That's a rough hand. I'm sorry about that user. When things rain they pour it seems. I hope things get better for you very soon. No job, poor health, bereaved. You don't deserve all that. Not gonna try to give advice or anything, don't know what to say. Just know I hope things get better as soon as they can and you can be happy in the future as you are sad now.
I think I get what you mean. I don't really understand what the term means well but on some medical evaluation I had it said I had depersonalization. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, and hope it gets better. Fluctuations can make things feel worse than the sensation constantly. Hope you can manage it well. Please get better.

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My mom had a thyroid problem but when I went for a check up my doctor said I was fine. I think I'm just a run of the mill fattie. I've lost 56 lbs so far I'm getting pretty close to my target weight though. I'm glad you enjoyed the song and I hope your headache is getting better. Here's my favorite song of all time
>youtu.be/zs0n7h_aRhA
It's about a man who just hung himself and he's in the afterlife trying to communicate with his lover.
Yet again user, you made me smile.

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Do shrooms
Origigigi

>this entire entire thread
>all this roast tier fake niceness and synthetic "caring"
Jesus fucking christ you all sound like roasts. Get a grip faggots

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Damn OP, you had a tough awakening. I hope that the rest of the day went better.
>How was your day
Got an haircut and noticed that I've lost some weight, so pretty good so far. Felt a bit more motivated than the last few days, so I decided to recover some of the time lost on my studies. Calculus 2 is a bitch and Algorithms isn't the most enjoyable subject ever, but I'm really enjoying Computer Architecture.
What kind of bass do you have?

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Good job losing weight user. I've never had to try hard to do it but imagine it would be very hard since people who are overweight tend to like food more. I've been losing weight too but not in the good way. Only a couple pounds away from underweight, and will finally be anorexic by the books. I'll never hear the end of it from mom. Thank you for the song, it sounded nice. I have trouble with some music because the pitch doesn't suit my taste, but I liked it. Please don't talk about me doing anything for you, I feel better that way. Head isn't quite as bad right now, but still getting migraine pains every few minutes.
What's real caring as opposed to fake caring? Taking time out of the day to write out something kind is an act of kindness, isn't it? Why don't you go to a bait thread and complain about the fake outrage? There's plenty of them on here.
Hey user. I recognize you. Thanks for the kind wishes. Just neutral now mostly, you get too tired to care at a point.
> pretty good so far
I'm happy. Hope your haircut is nice and you like it. Good job making progress on your weight, I'm proud of you. Hope the work is coming along ok, it's good of you to put the effort in. Are you self-teaching? I'm impressed. Good work, hope you can keep it up and be proud of yourself for your efforts!

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A fender knock off pj bass

If I wanted wholesome circlejerking, I would go to r/greentext. Get off this board faggot

Oh, sorry man I really do hope your head gets better, never had migraines, and yeah I used to love food. Used it as a crutch for depression. You're a good person.

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>everything I don't like is r*****
I'm fine here for now, thanks. Go to some incel site or something if you want a hate group and not a topicless imageboard.
It isn't too big of a deal, they aren't severe. Don't worry. Just wear some indoor sunglasses and ride them out.
>Used it as a crutch for depression
I hear people say this. Never cared that much about food so I didn't mind it much. Always woke up late so I skipped breakfast and skipped lunch at school because I had nowhere to sit and eat so I only ever ate sweets and dinner. After you go a while without snacks you stop craving them though. I get why people get addicted to food though, it's one of the primary things that are supposed to be satisfying to a human naturally. There's more to a person's character than friendliness user, don't take how they treat you at face value for how good of a person they are. Even if you disagree I'd prefer you not talk about how I am as a person, makes me feel a lot worse actually.

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>Just neutral now mostly, you get too tired to care at a point.
At least you're feeling neutral and not negative. Even if the neutrality is due to things being bad constantly, it's still a relatively good thing.
I'm sorry you're having trouble with food. I wish I had some valid advice, but eating disorders are a delicate matter. Are you visiting a specialist to try to treat the problem?
>Hope the work is coming along ok, it's good of you to put the effort in.
I'm still a bit behind, but luckily I understand things quickly.
>Are you self-teaching?
I guess in a way you can put it like that. When you miss classes that's the only way to keep up with the topics.
I feel kind of flattered by all those encouragements. Thank you, OP.
Googled rn. Looks good. Sunburst finish?
>muh edgy sekrit club
Look dude, you could simply avoid this thread. It was pretty obvious from the first post that this was the general mood. You have an entire board full of negative post to browse. Also, there's nothing wrong with behaving nicely to others. You should try that once in while.

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>Retard brother goes into tard rage for no reason
>Pees on my bed and then throws mushrooms everywhere
>Call dad to tell him what happened
>Starts acting like a dick and blames me for everything that happened
I really need to get the fuck out of here. I feel so trapped.

>At least you're feeling neutral and not negative
Yeah, me too thanks. It really is one of those things where you can appreciate it. Sometimes I get more energy and start being frantic, and those times are the worst. Being tired really isn't too bad.
>Are you visiting a specialist to try to treat the problem?
No I don't trust the mental health industry. Don't interact with them in any way. I stopped leaving the house so wouldn't see one anyways. It makes me feel better so it isn't really a problem.
>I'm still a bit behind, but luckily I understand things quickly.
Good luck user, keep at it! You'll make it through and catch up. Maybe even get ahead. Keep up the pace and you'll be where you want to in no time.
I'm sorry user, that's awful. Wrangling is a pain in the ass. I have a relative who is fairly retarded but she doesn't act out of control which is nice. Don't take it personally, if he's that far gone he probably barely understands what he's doing. Good luck leaving, all that stress sounds like a ridiculous situation. Your dad is being a dick as well, so just getting out probably is the wises course of action. Hope you can and that you feel a lot better!

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>Good luck leaving, all that stress sounds like a ridiculous situation.
It very much is. Thanks for the kind words, buddy. I hope to move out ASAP. I'm planning out routes, plane tickets, jobs to get, how much money to save, etc.
It's only a matter of time until I'm free.

Good luck user, I hope you don't need it. You don't deserve to get shit like that. You don't deserve to be treated wrong.

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It's red and white.

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I'm busy mostly due to my own formulas, I could skip out half the schedule if not more and focus purely on the actual study + work, sleep 12 hrs and be fine, though I feel really empty and angry if I do that.

Hello Kotomi poster, sorry I didn't respond last time, went outside for a bit and by the time I got back it 404'd. How're you doing today?

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Yeah user, I didn't know how bad my food consumption was though. I was easily eating 4000 calories a day.

Pretty ok desu
First time one this board in a month
Browsing other boards with my gf
Thinking about cooking dinner with her in a bit

Any songs you guys like alot? I want to hear some new music, I'm open to pretty much anything. Here's one I've been playing on repeat.
>youtu.be/VGiLge5iM1E

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>I'm busy mostly due to my own formulas
Well if a formula makes something you enjoy no need to change it. I'm glad you get so much out of your productivity!
Yeah, a lot of the calories is sneaked into the sugars and oily carbs. If you separate foods down to their components the amount of fat and sugar in a lot of them is kinda gross. I'm glad you're making progress though.
Glad you're doing okay man. Sounds like things are going okay in general, hope they just get better. What are you cooking? Sounds comfy. The boards I know of are kinda stale, but not too bad for entertainment.
I don't know. My taste in music is pretty bad, sorry.

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Hey user. Sorry for your dog. Grandpa regularly chases after his dogs in the hills when they run away during his hunting. It happens a few times.

Day was alright, but the inevitable sadness and sense of doom has come back, even though two person talked to me at uni. I've answered quite a lot of prof questions so now they know my name while I don't even remember their faces, it's a strange feeling really. But I feel lonely and don't feel like I can build a thorough relationship with any of these people.

Now the weekend comes and I will regress to my parents' house. I dread the usual questions and the ugly, uncomfy routine of having to put on a happy face for them.

I see the pics you've posted, do you know any surface-level visual novel I'd enjoy? The kind of which makes you fuzzy and happy to come home after a day out. I've been playing a VN lately so I'm new to the genre but I really liked the one I played so I'm looking for more.

Disregard my comment on VNs, had you confused with another user, OP

It wasn't that big of a deal with the dog. My heart sank and I got worried for a second, but she was ok. They've broken through the fence before so it was unsettling but everything is okay. I rolled around with her a few minutes ago.
>the inevitable sadness and sense of doom has come back
I'm sorry. Don't know how to get rid of those, but try your hardest to find a way to. You shouldn't be sad for no reason. The socializing didn't make you feel better at all? Darn, I'm really sorry. It is awkward when people know your name and you can't remember them too well. Congrats on being a wildly popular Chad now, use your power responsibly. 2 people is actually a fair amount by this board's standards. Some people are just good at that and some are very very bad. Don't gate yourself from fulfilling relationships, do you feel that because it's objectively true or because you're doubting yourself?
>my parents' house
Interacting with parents can be a pain, sorry you're not looking forward to it user. Hope it goes smoothly and quickly, I understand wanting to be left alone. I know next to nothing about VNs, but I hope the other user can point you in the right direction to something you'll enjoy! Take care!

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>Sometimes I get more energy and start being frantic, and those times are the worst.
I can relate to this. When it happens, I hate myself more than usual and start punching myself in the face. At least when you're tired you don't have energy for self-hatred.
>No I don't trust the mental health industry.
Are psychologists a meme? Never attended one, so I don't know.
Thank you for all your encouragement. I'm sure that you can get over all your problems. You just need to find the right moment and motivation to start. I believe in you, user.
Nice. God, I wish I had money to buy a real Fender Jazz. Tey look and sound so good.
Hey, Star Breaker-poster. Don't worry about that. What matters is that you read it. Incredibly, I'm doing good today, as I said here I'll probably read Kanon before going to sleep.
I've seen you've got quite the busy schedule. Isn't that a bit too much? Reading so much of different subjects looks a bit counter-productive from a memorization pov (even tho, I'm the last person that can talk about productivity).
I've been really enjoying Midori lately
youtube.com/watch?v=4cVCWgk_s5k&t=158s

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Not a man, actually. And wings. Hope you're doing ok too, fren

Hey user. my day's been alright, went to class and all. I've been talking to some nice asian lady and I've been fixing to work up the courage to ask her to grab a bite with me later on. It's been about 4 years since I got dumped by my ex, and I think I'm getting over my oneitis.
What does a panic attack feel like? I've always wondered since I've never experienced them.
I feel no worry in my heart; I'm just an autist.
Hope you're feeling better regardless, and have my (You).

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From what I know is that it isn't healthy but I always have to be doing something otherwise I feel like a lazy piece of shit and I'm always thinking so I'm fucked even if I want to fix it

>tried to stop smoking so much weed
>twitchy, jittery, anxious mess
>cave and smoke a bit
>next day ability to control twitches and anxiety is markedly improved

may just be a coincidence tho idk

My day wasn't particularly bad but I can't help but feel that no matter how hard i try at applying myself people still think i'm an idiot

it got to the point where i'm starting to feel like a useless failure

Hope things get better for all of you, brothers

>When it happens, I hate myself more than usual and start punching myself in the face
Lol I have a bruise right now. We're twinning.
>Are psychologists a meme?
I don't like them. Don't want to pass judgement too harshly because I was forced medication and too spiteful to ever cooperate because of that. I'm really averse to them though, they'll literally just dismiss your valid concerns as delusions and send you out the door. It's probably a lot different in clinical practices, but not gonna get anywhere near that radar because I'll get committed in an instant. I don't need or really want things to get better, you reap what you sow. I forget who said it but it's along the lines of it is just to see the good man not suffer too much and the bad man not suffer too little.
>Not a man, actually.
Sorry bro. It's a colloquialism, didn't mean anything by it. Your sex doesn't matter one bit to me, honest.
>wings
Sounds good. Wings are always really tasty if the sauce is nice. Hope dinner is nice for you two.
Quoting the OP doesn't give a you, but thanks.
> my day's been alright
Glad to hear that. Hope things go well with you and the girl. 4 years is a long time, the sooner you burn that bridge the better. I have a good feeling for you.
>What does a panic attack feel like
You ever had someone grab your arm in a haunted house? Like that but it doesn't go away right away. I'm glad you don't have a lot of fear, that's a good way to live. I never bothered with a DX because I "function" but could probably pass as an autist. Hope it isn't a problem causer for you.
Can't relate, always been a lazy day type of person. Last time I cared about no sleeping to get work done was when I took a break to IRL time speedrun 1-60 wow. Other than that productivity is whatever for me. Don't beat yourself up too hard, all work and no play and all.

im a slow writer, sorry

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I don't know anything about weed, but maybe you're just withdrawaling. I know alcohol does that when you stop all of a sudden. I don't think weed is a central nervous depressant so smoking it wouldn't get rid of anxiety to my knowledge. Sorry, never really touched the stuff. Hope you figure out what's best.
Why do you feel that way? Too often people are their own biggest critic. You aren't useless and you aren't a failure until you give up. Keep at it user, don't hold yourself to other's ideas of how you appear. Hold yourself to as you know you are.

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W-where are you at on Calculus 2? I've no idea how the curricula goes in your area. The Lang book on calculus is pure trauma though I don't expect to ever understand it.

Have you read/ watched Kanon before? The original version of the anime had some meme-quality chins that was rather amusing. I think mixing up more makes things easier to memorize as a whole as you are forced to pay more attention rather than getting 20~ mins to something and doing the literary equivalent of when you're a kid and your parents are taking you to an amusement park and you're like "are we there yet?" even though you obviously aren't. Of course I dedicate more time per subject than that though my concentration isn't the best and extensive study of something unless its language where the time passes like nothing else before can make me daydream more than read.

Memorization is really only hurt when considering languages and that's largely when studying ones from the same family. Learned to space things out a lot, not that I'm good at any.

>The socializing didn't make you feel better at all?
A little bit, but my failure to behave like a normal person, my fidgeting during said socializing, my self-consciousness constantly brought me back to a negative vision of myself.

>Some people are just good at that and some are very very bad.
I'm not good at all at a personal level. It's the funny paradox: I could ask a question to the prof in front of 600 students or make a speech like Mussolini (I already did a few years ago when I was in high school). I really have no problem with that because it feels like I'm another person entirely, and I like the attention and the style in these situations, the whole old oratory style. But as soon as I'm in front of a person (and not a faceless crowd) I just lose it, I don't know what to say and I feel like shit. I've been known as that guy for most of my high school times: The eccentric boy who would speak in a very elaborate manner and would never shy away from a big speech but who had 0 friends.

>do you feel that because it's objectively true or because you're doubting yourself?
I frankly don't know. I feel incapable of having these relations. Even with people I can relate to (I have had one childhood friend catch back with me, he is also an user and we share many things, yet he has a social circle and a gf and I don't). I am simply down, it's hard to explain. It's like I try to look up and there's a dark unbreakable wall, and perhaps I could climb over it but I'm too lazy, too convinced I'm not capable enough.

Thanks for caring, user.

Anyone want to watch an ugly neet stream?

Today was the only day this week I didn't have to be at either university or work, so better than the other days, I guess:

>wake up around noon
>eat
>walk to the nearest shop that sells a particular beer I like
>It's a two hour round trip and listen to podcasts
>Get home
>Crack open beers
>Watch anime for four hours
>Make a pizza
>Shitpost on Jow Forums

I feel nothing but could have been worse.

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>my failure to behave like a normal person
Do you want to be the average person? Differences make you special. I'm sure you have strengths to compensate for some of those weaknesses. I get how you feel, I'm not a socialite IRL like all the cool kid shut ins. It's important to recognize that there are skills you do have even if you do the fidgeting while you try to spend time with others. You can improve at that and already have things that are good today I bet.
>as soon as I'm in front of a person (and not a faceless crowd)
Like an anonymous imageboard? We all know that feel. It's easy to detach from yourself and attach to your words in certain situations. Interpersonal stuff is a lot more difficult, don't blame yourself for not being born as good at it.
>I feel incapable of having these relations.
Maybe you imagine the relationships in a way they aren't in reality? I'm no master on the subject of IRL socializing but I have faith you can overcome your difficulties. They are called social skills for a reason. Good luck user, I really think you can make it.
Depends on a lot, rarely watch streams personally.
That's a long commute for beer. Hope it was worth it! Even if you aren't too emotionally excited right now I pray you're at the very least comfortable on your day off. Use the rest well, you might need it.

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>Lol I have a bruise right now. We're twinning.
It looks like it's a common thing among our kind of people. I remember another user doing the same in another thread.
I get where your hate towards them comes from. You really can't get along someone that thinks that he already knows everything about your problem. People like that shouldn't be allowed to be doctors desu,
>I don't need or really want things to get better, you reap what you sow.
But you can always start sowing good things. Are you really okay with how things are right now? Feel free not to answer me if you think I'm being too intrusive. I'm sorry if I look like that, it's not my intention.
Studying triple integrals these days. Not even the scariest thing yet, but really annoying stuff.
>Have you read/ watched Kanon before?
I've seen the second adaptation. I've only heard of the original one. Is it really that bad? The second was pretty good tho, and Shiori is still one of my favorite characters ever.
Basically variety fuels your concentration. Interesting approach. My philosophy teacher in hs got me used to see studying a subject like connecting dots. That's the reason why all those subjects looked a bit too much to me. To each his own method. The important thing is that it works.
Have you already read something? Are you looking for a dating sim or something along those lines but with a bit more depth?

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Just playing some fortnite with viewers. You are welcomed to join!

I know, I have very particular tastes in alcohol and I like walking anyway, so if anything that was actually the best part of my day, in an odd kind of way.

I'm at that point of the day where, after hours of doing so, I stop drinking and then slowly going from feeling nothing to drifting into a calm, really slow, relaxed mode of being. It's ataraxia and it's possibly the main reason I drink aside from the taste of the stuff I like. So yeah, I'll become comfortable then sleepy over the course of the next couple hours, and then I'll go to bed and probably feel pretty rough tomorrow but just now I don't care.

Hope you have a good day as well, user.

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>It looks like it's a common thing
Guess so. Strange to think about.
>Are you really okay with how things are right now?
I guess so, yeah. It's better to know you deserve what you have. If I could make myself happy forever right now don't think I would. Whatever this sounds edgy and gay I'm not gonna talk about it more.
Don't have fortnite, not my thing. Hope some other anons are interested though.
Whatever floats your boat. Be careful with the alcohol if you can please, but I can respect your wanting some peace. Enjoy the peace you have, and I pray nothing disturbs it.

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Just got really freakin sick

i finally got friends a year ago, and now their leaving me and hating me because i shared my feelings with them

Sick in what way? Threw up? Any idea why you're sick? Hope you feel better user, that is a pain. I'll mail you a can of chicken noodle soup so you feel better.
That sucks, I'm really sorry. Why did they turn on you so viciously? Didn't know people did that. Sometimes people do evil to others as a collective. Every senator stabbing Caesar made them all murderers, didn't make any one of them less of a murderer. I'm sorry you got betrayed, on the bright side there are less immoral people in your life. I hope you find good friends quickly, that you actually deserve.

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>Do you want to be the average person?
No...I don't want to. But I'm not sure if my differences are worth it, either.

Thanks for listening. Good night.

>wake up
>miss her
>hate myself for it
> work on poetry
>go to class
>eat meal 1
>back home
>play vidya
>practice guitar
>work on school work
>eat dinner
>go to class
>come home
>start crying from the loneliness
>watch youtube
>jerk off
>think of her
>cut becasue i thought of her
>cry again
>Pass out at 1 am
rinse repeat

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I get what you mean, sorry if I bothered you.
Going to sleep now. I hope this thread will survive the night.
Good night and thank you for listening, user.

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Not saying it's easy or you're better off than most people, just thinking. Idk. Good night.
Don't waste your days away being emo over a girl man. That's lame. I'm sure you can get over her, just give it some time and effort and don't spend all day obsessing over oneitis. Try not to cut yourself when you have the self control not to, you might end up getting an infection and bleeding yourself doesn't improve mood in the long run. I get it's hard to control at times but do your best to learn other ways to stop thinking about the things that get you down all the time. Hope aside from that your day wasn't too bad, sounds like objectively not too much ill happened to you. I'm optimistic in thinking that counts for something probably but I'll wish it anyways.
It's fine, don't apologize for anything. Sleep well user.

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Triple integrals seem tough, never witnessed those before. How is calc 2 layed out for reference? Don't know if they teach stuff like that on our course so it'd be nice to see.

Like you, only seen the second adaptation with the meme material from the first, Shiori is really kind and my I didn't realize how cute she is until now, its been a while I suppose. Sleep tight!

I cant not hate it all tho.
thats the thing. im alone becaue i cant to talk to anyone.
im alone all the fucking time because everyone around me avoids me. Im literally hated by everyone. and she was the onl y one that loved me. or so i thought till she left. it was all a lie. now shes with some fag with her home town talking about how happy she is. so im alone now. completly alone. i cut because its the only thing stoping from killing myself.

literally vdiya music and r9k are my life

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Think I'm going to go to bed early tonight (I mean it'll still be 5-6 hr. slep but better than most), tomorrow I expect to be hellish. Got lecture, more report-work then straight into first shift until midnight. I can't wait though I always worry I'll disappoint. I'll do my best anyhow. Guess I'll go finish of Toibin's "The Master" and hit the bed. Its weird though, perhaps its the constant caffeine intake but I've been feeling almost out-of-control with energy recently yet simultaneously sleepy, maybe I'm forgetting how moods feel though it doesn't seem right. I feel I should be more in pain than anything else right now, guess it'll come at some stage. Gosh, days like this when I can't get everything done, why does it have to feel like the mental equivalent of being flayed and publicly humiliated?

I imagine if you go anywhere near /mu/ you've probably heard this track already (given the album is pretty well-known there), still in case try it: youtube.com/watch?v=BssBdDRJx_w. I feel there is an artist that'd fit the bill far better though I'm too lazy to look, I've definitely heard something very similar and its bugging me now.

Do as you will though remember that our emotional integrity is not of great concern in this area, besides, anyone can rebound. You'd be surprised how many horror-stories there are in regards to relationships though don't be mistaken when they are nothing more than a business transaction with a four-letter word slapped on them for additional marketing effect. That's not to say that one can't feel attachment to another though its due entirely from either an ulterior motive or our biology than some made-up concept. Nonetheless we are here for you if need be, please do not rip into yourself however for the woes pinned to hoes, you've an existence of yourself from which product can blossom and then be distributed to the state and its people, furthering the collective pursuits of mankind.

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I don't fully understand your station in life obviously but if you fail the love quest just abandon it and reaccept. Sounds like she's moving on, you ought to do your best to as well. You sound like a widower when you speak more than and ex. Cut your losses as much as you can, please. You just gotta break out of your unhappiness, however you think you can try to apply it. If you can't bear the loneliness find some people to have in your life, all you can do really.
Good night user! Please sleep well. I think you'll do great tomorrow. I've been saying this and I'll keep saying it, I think you inherited some kind of bipolar from your mom. You sound like a textbook case of mania right now. Please take care of yourself, and please cut yourself some slack now and again. Everyone needs a day of rest.

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>sad
>get drunk
>sober up
>play video games
>eat shitty food
>nothing satisfies me
>tired og vidya, drinking, eating
>now don't know what to do besides kms
Well fuck

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Untrue suicide is always an option

Will do, t-thanks for the kind words. I doubt I've inherited anything much, that and if I did it seems putting it out of one's mind is the only means of dealing outside of medication. From what I've observed with friends and family, once one accepts or suspects they've gotten a mental illness, they placibo themselves into it then get trap-doored into the real thing. There's a better explanation though can't think of the words right now. Trying so hard to throw myself into bed (honestly though I'll sleep super cutely the second I even touch the mattress, that's how comfy the bed is) though got an interesting album on now. Don't know if you've ever seen it, its a krautrock album "Cluster II", been wanting to listen to it for years because I liked the album art but never did and put it on for lack of anything else to play about 20 mins ago. Really enjoying it: youtube.com/watch?v=-boOsQmfMTc

Best of luck.... h-hey, you still haven't told us much of anything about yourself.

There's a lot to do besides kill yourself. Sorry you're in such a crap mood. you don't have to enjoy life to live it. Hopefully that bad feeling and lack of joy will pass with some time. I think it very well may. Good luck cheering up user! Hope you find things that you enjoy.
Why though? What goal would killing yourself accomplish? Sure it's there and available at all times but there's really no point to doing it except vanity and to spite existence. If you die (you will) whatever comes after is infinitely more important no matter what it is. Your temporal life is so trivial ending it doesn't matter from grand perspective. I don't advocate for suicide, please don't. I used to, btw, but changed my opinion on the matter.
>I doubt I've inherited anything much
I understand, not trying to push a diagnosis on you. Just saying the traits can get passed down with the disorder often. I would hate to categorize you at a glance, or say your way of life is wrong. Just please be careful and avoid burning out too hard. The crash can be real. Good luck sleeping cutely! Sounds comfy. I'll listen to the music, thanks for showing it to me. I know nearly nothing about music, especially foreign
>you still haven't told us much of anything about yourself
Yeah I did I started sharing my day again. That's a lot. If you need something else I prefer root beer to other sodas.

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I know this isn't /a/, but this has to do with what we did today. I watched the latest episode of Zombieland saga, what anime or whatever are you guys watching?

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It's ogre. My city introduced a bunch of new regulations and started enforcing old ones for cab drivers. The thing is I live in a metro area, things get a bit confusing regarding regulations for different areas, what you can and cannot do, where you can pick up passengers. I know some road friends got early "christmas presents" in the form of ridiculous fines, and right now I'm in that grey legal area where I could get my present too if luck's not on my side. The risk and fines are too big so I'm calling it quits for the moment, back to the neet life.

Jesus, all I wanted was to stop being a neet and earn some money. Despite the crushing long shifts and perks of the job I kinda was looking forward to it, it also made me leave this cursed home everyday. Not all hope is lost, I think I can my shit in order if pay for the needed documentation but it's possible I'll be forced to work only in risky low demand areas, hopefully that won't happen. Thank God I worked hard enough to cover these unexpected expenses in addition to the stuff I wanted to buy. Nothing worked like I envisioned, but it's better than nothing.

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I suppose its more an improvement, nice to see more of how you are. Sodas taste disgusting, especially the cream variety. Is it Arrow that do the root beer?

Here in the UK we have this brand called 'Fentiman's' from up far north England, they do the best colas you can imagine in glass bottles for that patrician feel. Would post an image but have to compulsively stick cute anime girls on posts for some reason.

Can't guarantee you'll enjoy krautrock. Personally could never get into it, enjoyed that album though, nothing extraordinary though who knows maybe with repeats I'll like it more. Geez remember traversing through the huge krautrock artists (CAN, Neu, Amon Duul etc.) and being so pissed off when I listened to them thinking "is this it? is that what Bowie, Eno, Mark E. Smith etc. were so influenced by?" though in retrospect can understand now why they are seen as so great even if perhaps I'll never be able to appreciate them in full, certainly enjoy them far more than before.

Is Zombieland Saga taking off? Been seeing it posted about everywhere within the past two days.

Sorry to hear, hope that it isn't too hard on you. Did you have to do all that memorizing the roads stuff like the black-cab drivers have to do?

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Passed out on the dining room floor sometime after 6:30 AM after getting super wasted. Don't think I fell or anything, doesn't feel like it anyway, probably just had one of those drunk moments where I'm like "damn, this floor looks like a good place to sleep"

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>Did you have to do all that memorizing the roads stuff like the black-cab drivers have to do?
Nah, the city is just too big to memorize so I used my phone to get around at first. Other than a driving test and other legal paperwork it was relatively easy to get in, I guess they assume you'll take care of that yourself if you don't want to lose more than you earn. By now I've memorized the most important roads well enough that I can get by without fone.

I had other stuff that I wanted to do anyway so it's okay I guess, as long as I don't get the short end of the stick after this shitstorm it'll be fine. I just hope I don't lose momentum and go back to neetdom indefinitely.

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I don't have to motivation to watch anime anymore. Can't get invested, and forget I was watching it if I take a break. If I do get invested I binge and get bored of it for a while. Don't really do anything, sorry to disappoint.
I'm sorry user. Was that the big thing you were talking about coming up? I hope things pan out for you, you were working so hard and got shafted by some dumbass laws. Hope you enjoy being a neet again some at the very least. You can't blame yourself for that, you're legitimately unemployed. Good luck getting things fixed, I'm sorry that happened to you. It is better than nothing, hope that's enough for the time.
Sorry you don't like it. 1st thing that came to mind.There's a lot of kinds of root beer. I've had a few dozen types, but in the end they're all suger and spices. I put on the song and listened to the entirety and legitimately forgot what is sounds like or if I enjoyed it. Sorry. Again, I have memory issues. It's interesting it influenced people so much, was very subtle.
Hey consecutive posts in the thread! That's pretty funny. Sleeping on the floor is pretty comfy, I do it sometimes when I want to sleep but am too nervous to walk past my Dad to bed. Honestly not terrible if you don't get cold. Hope it really was nothing bad, and you aren't feeling the burn for getting drunk right now. Hope today you're feeling okay overall.

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I just realized, that every dream i remember after waking up is some nightmare or really weird shit, no wholesome stories, no pleasant things, just fights for survival, death, creepy stuff and shit.
Are you guys like this aswell?

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came back home from work, after seeing a certain thread on here with my brothers name written all over it, i came to the ultimate conclusion that my bloodline is shit and i should end my life before this gets worse

How old are most of you anons in this thread? Are you like well established into life, or relatively new to adulthood.
>am 18

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I kind of enjoy the fight for survival dreams. They make me feel alive.

Feeling a little foggy, but no hangover or anything at least. Just wish I could remember why I was even out there, maybe it was to get another drink, but the glass I had been drinking out of was still in my room.

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>Was that the big thing you were talking about coming up?
No, that big thing was the other little project I am planning to work on. The money, time and tools are finally there. Now I just need the smarts, luck and effort to carry it out. The prospect of failure is terrifying though, but it'd be a shame if I worked this hard for nothing but pointless pleasures like food and vidya.

Sadly I can't enjoy neetdom if I can't enjoy my home first, this cursed neighborhood and family remain here. I've thought of going out without a place in mind just to get away but can't think of anything other than public parks and libraries to spend my time in. Have to be careful with money too just in case I remain unemployed for a long time. Hopefully not but temptations are everywhere, I don't want to experience being broke to the point you turn the house upside down looking for a penny ever again, it's unbearable.

This is a different kind of sadness and disappointment that I hadn't experienced in a long time. Thanks for being here to chat user, you lifted my mood a bit, heh sorry for that

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I get good dreams sometimes. I can remember a few genuinely good dreams in the past couple months. I always feel really really happy in dreams where I am about to die as well. Normally those dreams are suicide. The other ones and overwhelming majority are just severe nightmares. For example last night I had a dream where I saw a part of my body where the skin was thin and had a greenish color. I scratched at it and it was all filled with maggots and worms. I tried pulling them out but it never ended. Was tearing all the flesh off to the bone. Apparently I was screaming in my sleep because my dad opened the door to check on me and when he did I fell out of bed in fear and had a panic attack on the floor. You just kinda deal with it eventually. I forgot a dream a week or so ago but in my sleep I scratched off a bit of my forearm irl, so I guess it's recurring and I usually can't remember it.
Suicide doesn't seem clever to me, please don't. Hope your brother is okay, and you are as well. Please feel better if you can. I won't intrude, but don't define yourself as an individual by your clan.
I am 18, but your age doesn't matter too much if you're a manchild. Sometimes I forget I have a body and a name, feel more like a monster in a corpse.
I couldn't tell you, lol. I hate blackouts, I'm very sorry it happened to you.
Alright, well I'm glad your side project hasn't been ruined. that sounds like a vocation of yours. It's easy to enjoy pleasures but hard to enjoy life, anything that can put you there is worth its price. Good luck with it, I have faith in your success. Sorry the real life is getting in the way of your comfiness, hope that doesn't keep happening to you. It's very prudent to save your money, please continue taking good care of yourself. It's starting to all come together by the sounds of it. You've gone 2 steps forward one step back. The longer you go walking the less you stumble. You're gonna make it.

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Im the want to end my bloodline user, I mean I'm really worried about him cause he's been hard to reach and the only info I got was from a fucking r9k thread. He didn't even bother to contact his family or anything at all. Not what I wanted to come home to at all tbqh

Alright, sorry I failed to understand. I have a brother and he knows about Jow Forums but you aren't him obviously. I did get worried for a second lol. I don't understand why how your brother is faring impacts your decision to have kids so much. Either way if it's a time of struggle it's good to be there for him as long as he is your brother. I hope things get amended.

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I mean I'm just hoping he doesn't do anything rash or dumb and comes back safe tbqh