TL:DR; Schitzophrenia ruined OP's life but he thinks this gives him superpowers

TL:DR; Schitzophrenia ruined OP's life but he thinks this gives him superpowers.

I have schitzophrenia. I talk to myself constantly, things echo in my head and I find life hard in general. One of the biggest problems is that I start fearing things that are made up by me. They're complicated scenarios where I believe something bad will happen to me, and I get an anxiety attack thinking about it. For example, I was buying my first house when I started thinking about an irrational scenario where the previous owners had hidden bodies in the house and I would go to prison for finding them and being the only suspect. This idea freaked me out so bad I didn't buy the house. Now I'm more concerned that my delusions rule my life. They make my decisions for me.

Still, I'm exceedingly capable. I've always been the top student at any school I've been, and not just in humanistic bullshit either, I'm talking philosophy, psychology, math, physics and chemistry - you name it. I'm also good at art and sports. I've always been considered a superhuman by my teachers. It doesn't really comfort me at all, since I've known since I was 10 years old that I have something wrong with my head. Even at 10 I suffered from compulsive thoughts that made me hate myself and controlled me. You wouldn't believe how many loops I can run simultaneously in my head.

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nobody cares man shut the fuck u pp

Similar situation here OP.
Whats the plan? Im leaning towards getting a gun.

It's funny that you're defining yourself by a condition you can't even spell correctly

To OP's defense, he might not be a native English speaker. Yet again, he'd probably be better at English if he really were to be as good academically as he claims

>Americans, who only speak 1 language (their own), criticizing foreigners who are fluent in several languages

Learn your place.

Nobody has anything of value to add to the original topic :

Typical Jow Forums.

Im genuinely interested considering that i am in a similar situation and i believe my days are numbered

How similar? Tell me.

Ok well then go take ur meds crazy boi. Also you might just be retarded (durr hurr i do school good durr hurr life hard), usually the symptoms of schizophrenia are things people are hospitalized for or essentially forced to be on serious medication.

Not able to fully explain but ill make an attempt.
When the OP mentions "his imagination leading his life," i have a similar issue where i worry about things that cannot possibly happen, attempt to prevent them and somehow making the things i dont want to happen, happen. I am quite literally the reason for every fault in my life.
Im also a top tier student with a lot of knowledge in a lot of different branches of science and non science. Self taught english and so on.
Lately i feel like as if i cannot take myself anymore / be with myself. Getting a gun is very difficult for me since i have papers from the psychiatry ward.

Ive got other issues bothering me but these would be the similarities.

how sad that this thread is already filled with cancer. the absolute state of Jow Forums.

anyway OP i'm in the same boat. still in the 99th percentile for "intelligence" and can do more things than most people will ever even dream of doing, yet paralyzed by my own mind. sometimes i see the humor in it and can have a good laugh but most of the time it just makes me want to die.

>I can buy a house
Normies reeeeeeee get off my board

Schizotypal personality disorder INTP larping as schizophrenia

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Killing yourself is a bad option, pretty much the worst.
I recommend spending more time building your mind.

I'm actually INTJ in every test I've taken. Fuck INTP.

-OP

Why is it the worst option?
I honestly believe that for me it would be the best one, both long and short term.
Dont see myself finding anything redeeming and worth holding onto for how garbage i feel pretty much every day. I have no goals, interests, aspirations and such.
I really do appreciate a second opinion though

do drugs lol lmao,
XOXO
drugtard whose life purpose is drugs

>putting the TL:DR at the start of the post
only proof we need to show your a schizo

Not existing is worse than feeling bad at this particular moment. It's a passing feeling like all feelings.
"It will never change" is a lie fed to you by that feeling.

Still probably schizotypal personality disorder. Seek help.

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I wouldnt try anything too heavy considering my mental state. I do smoke weed and drink alcohol but after being high for a week straight im not so sure i could live my life like that
How long must i wait, its been 6 years. Nearly a quarter of my life.
I dont know if id describe it as a feeling. I feel nothing rather, everything is fairly dull and boring and not interesting to me, my activities are usually "whatever is least effort". I look forward to nothing, like an animal. At best i feel tired.
I wish they hospitalised me permanently, the looney bin was peak of my last 6 years.

>I wanna kill myself
>I dont wanna try anything too heavy

Well there you go, you dont wanna die. Just do weak opis instead.

I think of it like this. I am already unsatisfied with everything, id rather not fuck myself up additionally. Same reason i dont jump off of a building, i dont want to have that small chance of surviving and ending up being a literal retard and a cripple.

>I do smoke weed and drink alcohol

I'm disappointed. I'm OP and I've never in my life tried any psychoactive substances, not even alcohol or tobacco.
The reason for your sad state is probably weed and alcohol. Don't buy into the "weed helps your brain" bullshit. You're not the first weed smoker with psychosis and loss of emotions that I've met.

I dont think weed helps my brain at all in terms of improving functionality, i take meds for that. Weed and alcohol are about the only way i do not feel like absolute shit. Ive been diagnosed before i did any of those anyway. Smoking tobacco is also a nice way to past time for me.
Im not saying i recommend starting to smoke but a lot of people with similar issues smoke for one reason or the other. Heard nicotine might be helpful. Dont care personally.

>Schizotypal personality disorder
What does this even mean?

No one cafes you whiney little faggot you know just get it over with and transition already sckitz make good traps and lots of people will top you and yes you are a bottom

I think u gay bro

I'm not gay but you or OP can bottom out

try weak opis, you'll just want to do opis, not kys.
then if its boring eventually just OD on heroin

Give me precise suggestions, dont think ill have enough money for those but yeah.