Let's say a woman whom you knew 7th-12th grade remembers you and redevelops a crush on you. You two were never close, but on track and XC teams together, as well as some classes. You haven't had contact since Feb 2017 (12th grade for you).
She lives around 2600 miles away. Also let's say she's unattractive, like 4-5/10, and you're very hot (10).
Is there ANY non-creepy/weird way for her to contact you out of the blue?
no download tinder and find someone else or something.
>Is there ANY non-creepy/weird way for her to contact you
the simple truth is that any advance is creepy when an ugly person does it. he's liable to kill you too if by some miracle you actually meet up and he finds out you're biologically male.
I've tried dating apps, and don't think they're for me. Maybe I'll try again if I decide to live much longer and have my life more together (so it's acceptable to bring a partner into it).
Sigh... for some reason I have a hard time even fantasizing about this guy freely. I feel the blood rush to my cheeks and can't seem t get over how unrealistic it is that he'd be into me and want to be part of my life.
I'm a cis woman, but I guess your opinion may still stand.
Lots of people actually do find me attractive, but I'm one of those people whom there's no consensus on. People have given me ratings from 3 up to 8, but most were clustered around the lower end.
Since it was less than 2 years ago I don't think it would be all that weird to message him about how you were thinking back to track/cross country and remembered him and wondered how he was doing. But honestly, given the disparity in your looks and the sheer distance between the two of you, you're just wasting your time and torturing yourself. You'd do better to put this behind you and move on with your life.
>Maybe I'll try again if I decide to live much longer and have my life more together (so it's acceptable to bring a partner into it).
I don't think you need to have your life together to find a partner. If you trust someone then you're okay with them seeing your imperfections, and if they're worthy of your trust they'll accept them. Not to mention they can help you in getting your life together, too.
For some reason I keep having this very specific fantasy where I win the Nobel Prize in Physics, get interviewed, the interviewer asks me about my romantic life for whatever reason, I drop a few general hints alluding to my crush, and then my crush sees the interview, is interested, and contacts me on his own.
I think that, if I decide to live, I should totally count on that situation happening eventually instead of contacting him directly. Much more reasonable.
I don't think you understand how fucked up my life is. I've done some awful things and made lots of mistakes. That's why I'm seriously considering ending it, and certainly wouldn't bring someone into it intimately as a romantic partner.
>I've done some awful things and made lots of mistakes. That's why I'm seriously considering ending it
Why? Is it that hard to live with them on your conscience? Even if you're right that you should be alone for now instead of involving someone else in your life, you've clearly learned something from those mistakes: the possibility exists that you can learn not to repeat them, that you can grow beyond the person who you were when you made them. Not that they ever go away, but regrets are meaningful in that they remind us where not to tread.
But the guilt will keep coming back to haunt me, and I have nearly nothing to live for. I only have three or so positive traits: high IQ, merciful, and funny (to some people). Pretty much every other trait I have is negative.
>Hey I am visiting [where you live] for [reasons] and remembered you lived there, do you want to meet up? I don't know anyone else in town.
You undervalue the gifts that you have: they will help you to understand yourself, to develop yourself, and even to forgive yourself. You underestimate just how much you'll change in time-- we all do that, it's a cognitive bias. Despite looking back and seeing how much we've changed, we don't think we'll really change that much in the future. You may have been dealt a bad hand, with lots of mental illness or bad habits, but you have the potential to improve it. You are not condemned to be someone you don't want to be, so long as you'll stick by yourself and seek to understand yourself.
>Let's say a woman whom you knew 7th grade
YOU ALREADY FUCKED UP STUPID user
>Let's say a woman whom you knew 7th grade
YOU ALREADY FUCKED UP STUPID user
>Let's say a woman whom you knew 7th grade
YOU ALREADY FUCKED UP STUPID user
loli pussy is where it's at
It's not OP's fault you dropped out before you made it to 7th grade.
>implying I would travel all the way from LA county, CA to Tompkins county, NY to get rejected
whoa there buddy
i keep getting older and (((they))) stay the same age
You don't have to that's just a means of reestablishing contact and starting a dialog
You can say the trip got cancelled.
Ok look.
My situation:
>on track to fail all classes; need to wihdraw late
>have extreme, well documented issues with multiple mental illnesses over the course of my less-than-two-decade life
>little success in romance
>a little ugly
>like two real friends, if you're generous with counting, and neither know most of my darkest secrets and sins
>have to shoulder the burden of having done horrible things
>am a massive disappointment to almost everyone
>am the embodiment of wasted potential
>get obsessed with people who show no interest in me
etc.
I am in too deep of a hole already. I'd like an easy and sure way out, thanks.
Even in a hypothetical, I don't like the idea of using lying as a solution. I wouldn't want to tell him that I planned a trip in the first place if there wasn't one.
Yeah I knew a girl like you. Just set up facebook and start contacting high school friends. Pretty soon you'll have padded it out.
Go find his facebook, send the friend request if he accepts tell him the truth. If you get blown out you'll have lost like what a week of effort?
Not a massive sacrifice for peace of mind knowing whether it could ever be or not.
The girl in that picture could be cute if she put on some weight and had at least a vague sense of style.
Anyways, to respond to the content of your post, I think you actually have a good idea. We're already facebook friends, so maybe in this hypothetical scenario I could just message a few random people from track/xc and then message him liike:
>Hey [user]! I've been catching up with some people from high school. How are things at [prestigious school]?
and hope he responds.
I understand why you feel like shit, but none of that is a reason to kill yourself. None of that suggests you lack the capacity to change and grow, despite how miserable you are right now. You can get over failing out of college, being useless, and having wasted so much potential: I can promise you it's possible. I don't mean you can fix those things, I mean you can accept them and learn to live with them. You can live with having no social life, too, and with having mental illnesses. It's not easy-- none of it's easy-- but the ordeal strengthens you in time. Learn to have compassion for yourself: treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend who needs your help, who needs to be reminded of the good in them. Be willing to suffer for yourself when it is necessary. And know that not even you know your own potential: you can only discover that by developing it.
>I'd like an easy and sure way out, thanks.
There's no such thing.
90% of guys do not give a singular shit about a girl doing something that would be 'creepy' in a guy. Hell, most girls do not even care about 'creepy' if the guy doing it is attractive.
Contact him, say "I know that is weird, but I remember you quite often".
Worst you can probably get as a girl is a "yeah, no thanks" or find out that he has a gf/one lined up.
>long-ass paragraph trying to give me false hope
Sorry, but I don't think a stranger on the internet on the internet can convince me when not even mental health pros can.
The only one who can change my mind is me.
>There's no such thing.
Actually I have all of the materials for one right now. Maybe not 100% effective, but it should do the trick.
>say "I know that is weird, but I remember you quite often"
This is way too forward for hypothetical me to say as a first message. Usually, I'm direct, but when it comes to stuff like this or other sensitive topics, not so much.
You really want to roll those dice? Well, the choice is yours. I admire your stubbornness, though. I hope it keeps you from giving up.
Um babe that's Cara Delivigne lol. She just doesn't give a fuck what people think which is why I love her.
>Hey [user]! I've been catching up with some people from high school. How are things at [prestigious school]?
>and hope he responds.
Honestly I really don't think that will get his attention. You need to be sincere.
"Hey Chad. I know we were never that close but I've wanted to know if you would like to meet up for a drink or a pizza. We can talk about all the stuff we used to do on XC. It would be really nice to see you again."
You sound like a sweet girl. You deserve your chance at being happy. There are no half measures here though. Don't be vague. Literally send him that message if he is too obnoxious to respond then he is not worthy of you.
Remember it doesn't matter a shit what you look like in reality. Being a good lovable person is rare as fuck.
What dice though?
Then formulate it more circumspect, ffs.
"Was just thinking of you and wonder how your life is going now"
Sorry, not much of a de Bergerac in us Jow Forums guys. I think most guys will react BETTER to a direct and no bullshit approach though.
>Um babe that's Cara Delivigne lol.
Ah ok. She looked better in some other photos I saw of her.
>Hey Chad
Gotta admit this made me chuckle.
>I've wanted to know if you would like to meet up for a drink or a pizza
Why do people assume I'll fly from CA all the way to goddamn NY? That's not a good idea for someone like me, who's in student debt.
Also, even if I had tons of money, wouldn't it be off-putting to him for me to literally across the continental U.S. just to go on a first date? Seems a bit much.
>We can talk about all the stuff we used to do on XC.
I barely talked to him. He was more popular than me.
>It would be really nice to see you again.
I don't even know if it would be due to the potential of being paralyzed by fear the whole time.
>You sound like a sweet girl.
Thanks, user.
>Literally send him that message if he is too obnoxious to respond then he is not worthy of you.
The message is way too forward. I wouldn't blame him for not responding.
>Remember it doesn't matter a shit what you look like in reality.
Physical attractiveness is very important to many, if not most, people.
>Being a good lovable person is rare as fuck.
I respectfully disagree.
>the simple truth is that any advance is creepy when an ugly person does it.
this is true, but the exact level of aggression where it crosses over into creepy depends on exactly how ugly you are
chad can get away with basically anything, whereas if you're a deformed circus freak even saying hello to people is going to make them uncomfortable.
most people are close enough to the middle that they're usually fine as long as they don't start hitting on people they barely know.
>You sound like a sweet girl.
Thanks, user.
! You are so welcome. Thanks for putting in so much effort to discuss what I posted to you.
>Literally send him that message if he is too obnoxious to respond then he is not worthy of you.
The message is way too forward. I wouldn't blame him for not responding.
! It is not. I promise you. As a guy who is OK looking. Rated 7/8 on soc. I have no idea if a girl likes me or not. Because I am used to flirting from women. You're saying this guy is a 10. Imagine the kind of messages he gets?
See my point you sweet little femanon. In fact I would argue you are better off going all out. Just post on his wall that you always loved him. Honestly what do you have to lose? Plus you live in CA. The home of surf and cute guys. Shit I'd take you out for a pizza or a drink you sound cute as hell.
All jokes aside. I mean it honey. Be direct. Get his attention and tell him how you feel. He would be an absolute idiot to let you slip through his fingers.
>tfw when you got two trips in a row: 49*333**000*
ayyye
>As a guy who is OK looking. Rated 7/8 on soc.
Bruh. If you think that 7/8 is "OK", then wtf am I, a 4/5? :( Granted, /soc/ seemed nicer in general than reddit, but I didn't ask /soc/ for ratings so I'm going off reddit ones.
>Just post on his wall that you always loved him.
Yeah! And if it backfires, I'll say it was Russian meddling. Foolproof.
>The home of surf and cute guys.
Sigh... but none of them are him.
>you sound cute as hell
Maybe if you're literally imagining me as Cara...
>Be direct. Get his attention and tell him how you feel.
Would it be best to have casual conversation to guage his general interest and then take the chance if he seems into the conversation?
>He would be an absolute idiot to let you slip through his fingers.
Heh. I wish. He could do a lot better, though, so maybe it would be in his best interests.
>you're literally imagining me as Cara
>while totally not idealizing the fuck out of some guy you have not seen in nearly 2 years and who is 2k miles away
It is amusing how we always that blind to ourselfs.
>>while totally not idealizing the fuck out of some guy you have not seen in nearly 2 years and who is 2k miles away
>It is amusing how we always that blind to ourselfs.
Uhhhmmm social media. Duh. I can see what he looks like. Still the best looking guy.
>The home of surf and cute guys.
>Sigh... but none of them are him.
You said yourself he is on the other side of the country. How many of these guys have you given a chance honey?
>>As a guy who is OK looking. Rated 7/8 on soc.
>Bruh. If you think that 7/8 is "OK", then wtf am I, a 4/5? :( Granted, /soc/ seemed nicer in general than reddit, but I didn't ask /soc/ for ratings so I'm going off reddit ones.
Try soc. Honestly post your pics right now in a new thread. "Would you date me LDR". List a little bit about you. Convey how sweet you are, shouldn't be hard. Watch the results. Soc is better than reddit all fucking day. I expect half of those lame scores were old bitter jealous women.
>Just post on his wall that you always loved him.
>Yeah! And if it backfires, I'll say it was Russian meddling. Foolproof.
Again what do you have to lose? Say you were drunk??? Who cares. Get this settled for once and for all in your life.
>you sound cute as hell
>Maybe if you're literally imagining me as Cara...
I already said I love her character the fact she is beautiful is just a reflection of her character in my eyes.
>>Be direct. Get his attention and tell him how you feel.
>Would it be best to have casual conversation to guage his general interest and then take the chance if he seems into the conversation?
Babe. This hot guy is not gonna take 30 mins on the bench to talk to you when he is getting endless insta and tinder messages and invites from girls.
>He would be an absolute idiot to let you slip through his fingers.
>Heh. I wish. He could do a lot better, though, so maybe it would be in his best interests.
I don't think he could. Honestly I've felt absolutely fucking used from dating apps. You have no idea how much I wish I had a girl I could fall in love with. He might feel the same.
If you are a girl you can... If youre a guy suicide is the commonly accepted best practice.
>How many of these guys have you given a chance honey?
I went on a date with one guy and we ended up banging, but we called it off.
If I do somehow eventually getting a date with my crush, I hope it'll actually last.
>Try soc. Honestly post your pics right now in a new thread.
Sorry, not interested. I've posed pics in a /soc/ thread before. Most found me attractive, but some didn't. I didn't get many numerical ratings because iirc I didn't ask for them.
>Again what do you have to lose? Say you were drunk??? Who cares.
You wouldn't do this if you were in my shoes and you know it.
>This hot guy is not gonna take 30 mins on the bench to talk to you when he is getting endless insta and tinder messages and invites from girls.
Does this actually happen to hot guys that aren't famous?
>You have no idea how much I wish I had a girl I could fall in love with. He might feel the same.
Hmm... I have a tentative plan in mind.
>work for a while
>save up while getting my shit together
>once i've got money, start messaging him
>ensure he's single, guage interest, etc.
>eventually, "Hey [user], I've been taking time off college. I was wondering: if I can find a decent job in you area..." etc.
>if it works out, actually date
>eventually go back to university
>handle LDR for ~10 months while he finishes university
>get married
>win Nobel Prize in Physics
>get widely-covered interview
>brag about how I actually married my biggest middle school crush (11 year old me would be so proud!)
etc.
Thanks for making me laugh. You're such a sweet girl. But why are you chasing this rainbow femanon?
You deserve to be loved and to be out having fun with friends and have guys fawn all over you just like they did in that soc thread. And I mean not tomorrow. Not next week.
T O D A Y ! ! !
I know you love this guy. Nothing I will say will change that but I think you deserve to start living and being loved and cared for like you deserve.
Fuck it if everything else fails we can trade area codes and I will teach you to surf. I might share some pizza too but that's pushing it =)
>You deserve to be loved and to be out having fun with friends and have guys fawn all over you just like they did in that soc thread.
OR I could just get the hang of being with the guy of my dreams in my head. No financial risk, and no risk of real-life rejection.
>And I mean not tomorrow. Not next week.
>T O D A Y ! ! !
Maybe I deserve it, maybe I don't, but my life isn't in a place where I can bring another person into it so intimately (potential long-term romantic partner).
>Fuck it if everything else fails we can trade area codes and I will teach you to surf.
Sounds like it could be fun.
>I might share some pizza too but that's pushing it =)
I only eat vegan pizza, but lots of places in CA sell vegan pizza anyway.
>>You deserve to be loved and to be out having fun with friends and have guys fawn all over you just like they did in that soc thread.
>OR I could just get the hang of being with the guy of my dreams in my head. No financial risk, and no risk of real-life rejection.
Aww honey even the best relationships end. It's so rare they are permanent. You gotta take that little heart of yours and be brave.
>>And I mean not tomorrow. Not next week.
>>T O D A Y ! ! !
>Maybe I deserve it, maybe I don't, but my life isn't in a place where I can bring another person into it so intimately (potential long-term romantic partner).
You deserve to have someone in your life to be romantic with. Doesn't have to be 24/7. At least make it real not chasing dreams. Or shall we double date me and Cara and you two? XD.
>>Fuck it if everything else fails we can trade area codes and I will teach you to surf.
>Sounds like it could be fun.
I think so :) You better like beachfires and about 500 people hanging out though.
>I might share some pizza too but that's pushing it =)
>I only eat vegan pizza, but lots of places in CA sell vegan pizza anyway.
Yeah I know CA. You've got everything you need there for an amazing happy life. Forget all this bullshit please? Bonus point if you like old muscle cars. I got that John WIck machine lmao!!
>Aww honey even the best relationships end. It's so rare they are permanent.
I don't want to think about that. Plus, I wouldn't call it "rare" - it's just less common than the relationship failing.
>You gotta take that little heart of yours and be brave.
Be brave and contact this guy? Or...
>At least make it real not chasing dreams.
But in my dreams I can have my ideal guy and he'll never leave me.
>Or shall we double date me and Cara and you two? XD.
Maybe once I get secure in the relationship. Early on, I'd compare myself to Cara too much to be at ease.
>You better like beachfires and about 500 people hanging out though.
Sounds like too much for someone who largely isolates.
>Forget all this bullshit please?
What bullshit?
>Bonus point if you like old muscle cars.
Da fuq is a muscle car?
Anyways, guys, I need to sleep. Lol I stayed up all night. I'll return if the thread's not dead.
Thank for all of the thoughtful responses.
Goodnight sweetheart. Whatever you choose to do in the morning you crazy little lady you better learn what a muscle car is.
Tsk tsk.
Goodnight x