Do robots want a monogamous relationship? If so, why?
I was watching a youtube video about monogamy and polyamory and the argument most people brought up as a reason why they wanted monogamy instead of polyamory was jealousy.
I don't agree with it, would like to hear your thoughts.
If anyone is interested, here's the link: youtube.com
Okay... there is so much to go into and it's really upsetting imo.
>Do robots want a monogamous relationship?
Yes.
If so, why?
Because forming an intimate meaningful relationship with one person is already extremely difficult adding multiple people on top of that and the only thing you have time for is casual sex. Another reason is sexually transmitted diseases, by opening yourself up you exponentially increase the risk of disease. I also want a stable family to raise children in.
Polyamourous people, I'm sorry but the majority of your claims are baseless. You're people terrified of intimacy, low in trait conscientiousness, hedonistic and setting yourself up for failure in most instances in extremely obvious ways. Science, statistical facts and psychology are all on my side, it might be cringe to point that out but it's true.
I'm saying this as someone profoundly monogamous, who wants to stay so.
What if you happened to find another person you bonded with in the same intimate, meaningful way?
If I was to get into a relationship I would much prefer a monogamous one. They are just simply more stable, even if you were to be the one fucking everything.
>what if you happened to find another person you bonded with in the same intimate, meaningful way?
>mfw
That has an extremely low chance of happening.
I agree that they're more stable. In the video at some point they mention how they are, in a way, "precut" - it's, in a way, a lot easier to adapt to a monogamous relationship than to tryly maybe listen to what you want and get in a poly one.
I come from a situation where I simply would detest a poly relationship. It's not even about jealousy for me, I simply don't feel any desire for anyone but one person when I am in love and they become my whole world. I devote myself to them to a ridiculous degree, I don't feel sexual attraction to anyone else.
I don't see how I could make it function, even.
>What if you happened to find another person you bonded with in the same intimate, meaningful way?
I don't think this would happen, but even if it did, I would respect the expectations and boundaries that should come along with a relationship. There are also personal reasons why I couldn't allow myself to have interest grow for a "third party"...
What if you had the option to change them, tho? Would you be down to rediscuss the boundaries to turn it into something differnet?
Again, genuinely asking.
Normie, in a poly situation. But I can understand monogamy and would never bash it and can see it's merits.
How's the arrangement? Do you feel jealousy? Do you think you can carry things long term? Do you have meaningful connections with the people you're involved with or it's mostly sex?
Why are you okay with your gf fucking other guys?
Also, you need to go back to you know where
yes, but there's nothing stopping my partner from leaving. sigh
I dont feel that kind of lovey dovey desire for anyone, let alone multiple people. But I have seen enough trainwrecks to know that you shouldnt stand on the tracks. If you are in a relationship then dont try to be some fucktoy on the side, or if you are have enough balls to bring it to light.
It's pretty great, with another person around we have more freedom in the household for who can be busy or work and who watches kids. I'm not jealous of anything, if there would be any it would be between them but we manage things well. I think by this point it's going to last, we're all happy with the situation and it's stable. It's only the three of us though not like anyone is sleeping around outside.
It's me and two women, wife and mother-in-law. And I'll be gone soon enough.
>What if you had the option to change them, tho?
No I wouldn't want to change the expectations and boundaries of a relationship because not only do I want them to be there, there are legitimate reasons for them to be there in the first place. They're not just entirely social constructs for the most part, they're things that manifested out of reason.
>Would you be down to rediscuss the boundaries to turn it into something differnet?
Let's say a bunch of shit ,magically worked out just perfectly. It's possible there could be a scenario where I would be open to a closed relationship with a third person if it was something my partner pushed for and every one involved was interested enough to give it a chance. It would still be very upsetting initially and possibly too upsetting to work out and not even really due to jealousy. So even then not really sure in that circumstance.
>Again, genuinely asking.
That's okay, I know
>or if you are have enough balls to bring it to light.
I mean, the point of polyamory is not going behind someone's back.
How does it work with kids involved?
Um what the fuck did I just read?
Are you being cucked by wife's mom?
He's saying he's in a polygamist relationship with his wife and her mom.
>fucking your wife's mom
now thats a score
But dont be a fag about it and identify yourself as a poly, that shit is for fat tumblrina whores
We're like a larger family, we just raise them together. Having another person around always really helps with the amount of work.
No it's me, and her and her mom. Nothing between them.
Poly, polygamist? Only married to my wife but may as well be to mother-in-law. Not sure what it would be called otherwise.
From an ideological point of view I agree with the idea of the family unit with marriage as its base, so I agree with you that monogamous relationships are a good foundation for society.
I do believe it is generally better for society, for children, and I'm sure it is better for me. Then again: this is how I'm fundamentally wired, and I'm lucky enough to be with a person who is a perfect match for me. I don't know how I'd feel if I'd be wired differently or if I didn't find such a good match for me. Not from an ideological point of view, but from a merely pragmatic one. I can see myself being marreid and happy for the rest of my life, I don't know if everyone can be. I don't want people to be unhappy either: I always feel like while I do believe that monogamous relationships are better for society, I don't want to push my own views and my own "needs" on others.
As I said somewhere I am someone who really can't even imagine loving two people at the same time because of how I love.
I don't know if I'm making much sense.
I agree, his claim of being poly was rather misleading. polygamist and polyamorous aren't really the same thing.
How old are you?
How old are they?
And how do I know this isn't bullshit?
If you're in a serious relationship, then you shouldn't have time to deal with any other people except your family.
monogamy, because:
a) i want family knowing the offspring will be mine (of course adultery happens, but its to minimalize chances of rising someones else kid)
b) i want family that is less likely to fall apart any moment and has constant number of people (or increasing with kids)
c) i want my partner to be faitful only to me. and i want to be faithful only to her - so the intimate bound between only 2 people is formed.
d) i dont want my partner to be consumed by hedonism - it legitimately consumes soul and is very likely to cause anxiety and other disorders
Are the children aware of the relationship between you and your wife's mother? Assuming you don't have children with your mother in law.
What about friends? Do you think people in relationships shouldn't have friends?
My bad, I figured since the OP was talking about monogamy, it was implied.
Wife is 22, I'm 24, mother-in-law is 38. We got married young and her mom had her young. I can tell you it's not bullshit but if you want to believe it or not is up to you.
The children are both very young so can't understand stuff like that yet. I've have a kid by both of them so far, will probably end up having more.
>monogamy, because:
>a) i want family knowing the offspring will be mine
Are you fundamentally against taking care of someone else's child?
I'm a woman, to be clear, so maybe I can't relate but I wouldn't mind taking care of someone else's children.
>c) i want my partner to be faitful only to me. and i want to be faithful only to her - so the intimate bound between only 2 people is formed.
Answer to this:
>I figured since the OP was talking about monogamy, it was implied.
I'm here just really for the sake of the argument, I found the video interesting and wanted to have a discussion.
>The children are both very young so can't understand stuff like that yet.
Are you going to address this with them, eventually?
Lucky bastard
How did you guys start? Why is she okay with it? Do you ever fuck both at the same time? Do you sleep in the same bed with both?
>What if you had the option to change them, tho?
>Would you be down to rediscuss the boundaries to turn it into something differnet?
not that user, but when there is no relationship, there is nothing to change, and you should feel free to do w/e you want :-)
as far as poly relationships go, I'm a possessive man, that shit will never fly with me, for people that make it work more power to them.
>Are you fundamentally against taking care of someone else's child?
Yes
Why wouldn't you?
I would choose my wife only
Otherwise there was no point in the marriage
>I don't know if I'm making much sense.
It makes sense. If you're a guy, it's not that difficult to find a girl who would go along with mostly what ever boundaries you set and have life be good. You can also ensure happiness by making it a priority for the both of you and not just yourself. You need to be smart enough to pick up on what's going on.
Unfortunately, I'm also rather eccentric and a hopeless romantic. I need an emotional connection to care with some one and just dictating my beliefs and interests onto some one else because they're not their own person(even if they like it and you ensure their genuinely happy). It just makes it feel empty. So I can completely relate. I'm even socialized and attractive so I can easily get a normal relationship and the family thing going, but I definitely need more than that to be happy.
>Why wouldn't you?
I don't see children as property or as an investment to propagate my genes, I mostly see them as human beings in need of care and love in a vulnerable moment of their development. I'd gladly put that effort into someone who isn't biologically my child. I would love to be a mother myself and give birth, but I don't strongly feel the need to propagate my genes as much as I feel the need to nurture, love and care.
>I'm a wom-
FATHER GRIGORI?!!!?!?1
WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
THERE IS ONE TO BANG HERE!!!!!
well ok, but it doesnt mean the seocnd partner will be ok with the first one - and it gets much more complicated when there are many. and if you have two partners there will be always the prefered one, so the rest may feel neglected emotionally or unhappy.
what was described in 026 is possible but extremely unlikely and may ruin relationship pretty easily
My mistake for reading into it that far then. Eventually I believe we'll be honest with the kids, we've talked about it before and considered all options. We might have kept it secret or something if there was only to be like 1-2 kids but I expect more so there's not really a way we can hide it and by this point it doesn't feel like we should anyway. At least not to the kids.
My wife I've known since high school, friends and sweethearts and eventually got hitched. With her mom it started though when she encouraged me to try something since her mom was lonely and the two had talked before many times with her mom telling her how she was lucky to have me. I don't think her mom actually expected anything but with the wife giving me the go ahead when I actually made some advances her mom quickly warmed up to it. Mother-in-law liked it, wife liked it, I liked it, so things ended up working out pretty well after finding stability together. Originally it was just supposed to be something on the side with me and mother-in-law but an unplanned pregnancy led to discussions and consideration of it becoming something serious.
Usually it's one or the other when we have the time but we have had chances to get together all three of us. Same with sharing a bed together, although with kids in the picture now it's harder in all regards but not like it stopped completely. Obviously there's not a lot of chances to all sleep together in both senses of the word when there's two babies to always mind.
That's a great mindset for adoption
But what the fuck?
No way I'd let my wife have a child from another dude
I wouldn't let the child out in the cold but I'm sure as hell not staying with her if she got knocked up but another dude
So you're saying that if we were married and I knocked up some random woman you'd raise the baby while we stayed together? Jesus Christ
I'm a woman.
> I'm also rather eccentric and a hopeless romantic
Me too, really. I've always been.
I have a very hard time forming relationships, especially romantic ones. I alway felt extemely lonely around other people, never had any real friends worthy of this name. I happened to find one person I genuinely connect with but it was pure luck, and it's some sort of bliss I didn't even think was possible.
When I fell in love with him he became my whole world, everything to me, I can hardly think or talk about anything else, I don't even feel physical attraction to anyone else. And we're past the honeymoon phase, we are well into the relationship.
I'm weirdly obsessive with him, I think it's mostly because I was very deprived of this kind of connection and probably kind of compulsive.
No, mostly because I can't condone cheating.
But if you have a child from a previous relationship, or if I was infertile and you decided to get some sort of surrogate pregnancy, or if we decided to adopt, I'd be totally fine with it.
In a scenario where I'd be okay with you having an extramarital relationship (which isn't something I'd be able to do, again), for example if we had a poly thing and you knocked up a 18 year old girl and were left with a baby, I'd be down to take care of the baby.
I just can't condone cheating, it's literally the worst offense you can do to me.
It's totally fine, I'm very happy to hear your point of view.
Does anyone IRL know about your relationship?
I'm confused then, why ask about this if you're already in a settled relationship? is he trying to go poly or something?
I mentioned it in the OP:
>I was watching a youtube video about monogamy and polyamory and the argument most people brought up as a reason why they wanted monogamy instead of polyamory was jealousy.
>I don't agree with it, would like to hear your thoughts.
I found it very curious that the main reason why people didn't want to go poly wasn't that they didn't feel the need, was that they didn't wanna share. I was wondering if this is common.
Oh yeah, I just misread one of your earlier posts. Well it's great your relationship is working out for you user!
It's sorta jealously
But I thought the point of relationships was to be possessive
She's mine, I'm hers
She's only mine, I'm only hers
Being poly means you're purposely taking yourself and your partner's time away and giving it to someone else
So I just don't understand why anyone would do that
Children from a different relationship is a different thing
I don't think I would actively pursue a woman with kids but if I get the woman I get the kids
I'm not gonna pussy out of that
I don't think I could allow my girl to be impregnated with another man's sperm so it would be hypocritical of me to allow my sperm to fertilize another woman's egg
I cannot imagine a scenario in which I would poly so I guess I'll have to add on this: what if you said only with condoms but oops the other chick still got pregnant
Now what?
Would you stay in a relationship with this man?
Also would you allow your guy to sleep around but he won't let you sleep around?
I don't feel like that.
My boyfriend is my whole world. He's everything I care about, everything I think of, I'd do anything for him. He's literally the only man I feel attraction for. And I'm monogamous because I feel like this, it's the reflection of something I feel.
I can't talk for him, but I hope it's the same.
I'm his, not because I'm in a relationship with him and we agreed on it, but because it couldn't be any other way. Of course the relationship reflects and an eventual marriage will enforce that in the eyes of the law and the community, but it doesn't change that it starts from a personal desire I have to belong to him. From a desire I always had, from the very beginning, to be one with him.
If I didn't feel that, I wouldn't want this. It doesn't come from jealousy, if he didn't feel the same I wouldn't want him to be with me. If I was limiting him or if it was hurting him in any way to be imposing him that he had to be faithful to me, I'd rather leave.
TL;DR - I'm his because I want to give myself to him, not because there's any sort of imposition.
I insist that this is all hypothetical, I don't want a poly thing.
But.
>Would you stay in a relationship with this man?
If it wasn't done on purpose, as in he didn't go behind my back and did it anyway, then yes. Like - the condom broke, she took the day after pill, it failed because his cum is invincible.
If he betrayed my trust, then no.
>Also would you allow your guy to sleep around but he won't let you sleep around?
I don't believe in allowing people to do anything.
I don't feel any desire to sleep around in my current relationship and wouldn't be able to cheat because I don't feel desire for other men, so probably if I fell in love with a poly man and was satisfied in our relationship, I'd stay faithful if he slept around. It'd be hypocritical of him to be against me sleeping around, and probably I wouldn't stay with an hypocritical man.
I didn't mean to imply it would just be like an arrangement or something forced
I want to give a girl everything
I want to provide for her, care for her, give her everything and do anything and I hope she feels the same about me
If I was with another woman I would be taking away from her time so I wouldn't be giving her everything
>Do robots want a monogamous relationship? If so, why?
Because it's the natural order of the universe.
Why do you think so?
But many other things take away from your relationship, what's different from you having an another relationship?
What if it was some sort of triad with two women being equal and both in love with each other?
>Why do you think so?
Because it's objectively true?
this
first post best and most based post
polyniggers must hang
I mean, hystorically speaking humans were born as a polygamous society and we evolved into a monogamous one as we settled more, around 20k years ago.
If you want to expand, I'd like to hear tho.
Read your bible desu yo
The Bible isn't an historically accurate source of information, I fear.
It's just not realistic to expect to spend every waking second with your partner
But if you spend personal time being intimate with someone else then that's taking away for your partner
You mean an equal three-way relationship? That just seems like a disaster waiting to happen
You can't dedicate all your time to two different people
Someone's gonna be left out in the cold
Why not? If you live together, and all three of you have an equal relationship where you share affection, love, sex, chores, hobbies, whatever how are you not dedicating your time to both of them?
I see that more viable with males, harems are a natural thing after all, but for females?
who gets to breed her?
do you take turns?
do you share you resources equally into each offspring even if they are not yours?
just a disaster waiting to happen like the other user brought up.
>Ur jealousy bad, let me fuck around!
You can, but go do it without me in your life.
I want a girl that is willing to solely belong to me, and I won't settle for less.
You'd have to be at some level of wacko in obsession for each other
No one wants to share all the time
>who gets to breed her? do you take turns?
I imagine so? I don't think it's a huge problem, considering these people would be having a threeway relationship anyway.
>do you share you resources equally into each offspring even if they are not yours?
Again, as a woman I never felt like sharing resources with offspring that isn't mine would ever be a problem for me. If my boyfriend had a child from a previous relationship I'd gladly spend my own money to help raise him or her.
I'm strictly monogamous and very happily so, I just don't think jealousy is a good argument to enforce monogamy. It comes from a very unhealthy place, in my opinion.
If you read through the thread you can read more about my views on it.
>No one wants to share all the time
Neither do people in monogamous relationship, what's the point?
There's a difference between sharing a cover and sharing a cock and cuddles
Plus like how would the relationship be affected by pregnancy? Or a long-term illness?
Same way another one would. I actually think that the fact that there's more than one partner would be very nice for that, as more than one person can take care of the ill partner and it lifts the weight of the couple's shoulders.
>a man taking care of the other man dicking the mother of his kids
lel
That's one way to look at it
But I see so many potential wedges I just can't see it going well
I mean, assuming it's a three way, equal relationship - why wouldn't he?
I'm not saying you should do it personally, but if three people are capable of it I don't think it would be impossible or unthinkable of.
why wouldn't he?
wtf is their relationship to be exact?
do they love each other like brothers?
husband/husband kinda thing?
are they BFFS?
jeez
Bisexual men exist. Maybe they love each other romantically.
Again, it's not something I can decide that can be true for all the couples, especially as someone who isn't and doesn't want to be poly - if you watched the video linked in the OP one of the girls described how poly situations are tailored to suit each person's needs and desires.
Maybe they're great friends, maybe they're lovers.
Yes. I want to be in a relationship where I build a life together with my significant other. This means we always put each others' interests first and always act in the best interest of our shared long-term goals.
My significant other having romantic relationships with other people is not compatible with my significant other always putting my interests first and acting in the best interest of our shared long-term goals as a team.
Polyamory is for hedonists who are not interested in or are not capable of building their future around another person.
I'm assuming they're fucking as well
That's at least how I saw it
I'm not fucking another dude just so my wife can
I couldn't be friends with someone dicking my wife
This just does not sit well with me
Everyone seems so incredibly naive but they probably don't give a shit about trouble down the road
I couldn't lick a pussy if they paid me money to do it but there are men and women out there who literally pay money to do it.
Not everyone is exactly like me and you.
3's a crowd 2's company
two people trying to work things out is hard enough add another person into to the relationship and it would be so much worse.Plus leaves it open to a massive argument about different treatment
What about having a stable relationship with more than one person?
Got another one
What if one got a promotion that required them to travel?
Uprooting another person is hard enough but two people?
Maybe if idk my wife had a lonely female friend I'd might allow her to live with us
Certainly wouldn't fuck her
That's where I draw the line
I mean, sure. It's the kind of person that depends on case to case basis.
I've noticed most of these couples, in any way, have one "main" relationship and fuck more or less casually around it.
Relationships are fragile enough and you're balancing 3 of them
That's even more insane honestly
I couldn't imagine allowing myself to be alone while my girl was fucking a guy casually
I mean, you'd theoretically be fucking a girl on the side too.
I'd never be able to do it, or be interested in a man who is into it, as I said I like the idea of being one with my partner. But I can see why other people find the idea interesting.
To each his or her own I guess
>main reason why people didn't want to go poly wasn't that they didn't feel the need, was that they didn't wanna share.
that's why I could never be poly. but it does work for some people. pic related is a story about a college buddy of mine. can't say i'm not jealous.
>What if you happened to find another person you bonded with in the same intimate, meaningful way?
Not possible because you didn't know them as long. Your first is always most important. Unless you're some heathen that just hooks up at random.
You could never be poly for jealousy, but you'd like to?
I mean, I am much closer to people I've known for less than a year than with people I've known for 15 years.
Would you allow a female friend of yours into your relationship?
>but you'd like to?
basically. if i could somehow get over my jealousy, i'd totally go poly
No, I'm strictly monogamous and happy with it.
I was mostly arguing for the sake of the discussion, I want to understand why people want monogamous relationships because for me it has very little to do with jealousy.