"Hey, Champ. *knock* *knock* You up? I know you're busy with your Internet friends on Four-choon, but there are a few places in town that need help for the holidays and they're hiring right away. This could be your lucky break, Champ. Whaddya mean it won't? Champ, you'll never know until you take that first step. And doing that is as simple as showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him that you're not letting go until he tells you when you can start. You've just gotta pull yourself by your bootstraps and hit the bricks, Champ."
"Print out several copies of your resume. We'll drive around town later today, and we won't turn back until someone hires you on the spot. You've got nothing to worry about, Champ. It's not that hard at all. You can even borrow one of my ties for the interview. Glad we could have this talk, Champ."
I'm sorry dad, but I've been cucking you with mother
Aiden Hill
"Right you are, Champ. When I was your age, I rucked through the worst snowstorm in state history to get to an interview when my Mustang wouldn't start. They've even got a photo of me in the local paper, marching through the driving snow. All it takes is a little motivation and confidence, Champ. The manager was so impressed that he shook my hand and hired me right on the spot. I nearly froze to death out there in the driving snow, so you've got it pretty easy compared to me. Where there's a will, there's a way."
"You've just gotta get outta that shell of yours, Champ. And doing that is as easy as speaking with the manager about the job, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. You'll practically be running the place in no time!"
But pops my bootstraps break every time I try to pull them up the required amount :'^(
Mason Powell
I have a friend who's father arranged an interview with an Army recruiter on his behalf. My mate isn't even a worthless degenerate, the Dad is just overbearing. Don't laugh too hard at the memes kids, they might just come true.
Kevin Fisher
"Getting a job is easy as pie, Champ. All it takes is a little persistence, some gumption, and a firm handshake. But first, you need a fresh haircut to look presentable for when you interview. Just a little bit off the sides, and presto! You're ready for a night on the town. Whaddya mean 'you're balding, Champ?' So you're balding. Not the end of the world by any stretch. Give it a firm handshake and comb it over to the side. Girls will practically be chasing a handsome devil like you with a swell do like that. It's all about being confident and putting your name out there. You don't wanna shave it, Champ. You'll look like a hoodlum, and no one would wanna hire you. Besides: Girls love it when you sweep your hair over the side like that. It's the bee's knees, Champ!"
"'Reeeee'? Champ, I know you're really excited - heard you psyching yourself up all last night - but can you save your battle cry for when we get home?"
I already have a steady job for the last 11 years thank fuck. It's the only good thing in my life. So yeah go bother my sister, she has been spreading her legs since she was 11
Isaiah Johnson
Time to grow up, Champ. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Monopoly money doesn't count. Now getting a real job is as simple as show up, looking the manager in the eye, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you're not letting go until he tells you when you can start. Before you know it, you'll practically be his boss."
Imagine if the stock photo model found this thread.
Gabriel Lee
"Champ, blaming your problems on others is what quitters do. And I didn't raise a quitter; I raised a Champ. When I was your age, I rucked through the worst snowstorm in state history to get to the interview down at the factory when my Mustang wouldn't start. They've even got a photo of me in the local paper marching through the driving snow. Heck, the manager was so impressed when I barged through the door that he shook my hand and hired me right on the spot. Yep, I put myself through school, supported the family, bought two houses, three cars, and our summer vacationer up in Nantucket, so I expect a lot more from you than excuses and pouting, Champ."
"The point is that you've gotta crawl outta that shell of yours, show up ten minutes early, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. That's all you've gotta do to get a job. It's as simple as that, Champ."
>telling him you're not letting go until he tells you when you can start Based boomer dad knows how to play the hardball. Unfortunately if a zoomer has some balls the manager almost always thinks he's too entitled rather than recognizing his sense of dignity
Henry Perry
But pops I'm emotionally attached to the knots in my hair, they visually express how useless I am at life without having to talk to anyone
Jaxson Gray
"Champ, don't be ridiculous: Getting a job is all about being persistent and putting your game face on. Why, during my senior year in high school, we were facing Allentown Prep, our crosstown rivals. They were the best team in the entire state, and they had this monster of a defensive end: a big fella by the name of Chet Anders. He was 6'5, 260 - or he was until I dove at his knees on a cut block and took him out. Sheer luck it took the paramedics a good 15 minutes to get him to stop screaming. I think he leapt off a bridge after Notre Dame yanked his scholarship offer. He could've developed a firm handshake and made something of himself, but that was all she wrote."
"The point is that you've gotta crawl outta that shell of yours, show up ten minutes early, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. That's all you've gotta do to get a job and get ahead in life. It's as simple as that, Champ."
At my next interview im actually gunna hold the interviewers hand n say im not letting go till they hire me for real
Alexander Ross
no balls at all
go rack up some assault charges
Michael Cook
What if he never heard of this meme and keeps asking you to let go until he calls for help from his colleagues because this nutjob won't let go of his hand?
Gabriel Ortiz
Thanks pops, think my bootstraps are ready to be pulled up again :') I ain't gone be no Chat Anders
Logan Cooper
this one is more infuriating than normal
Asher Lopez
My testicles are actually curiously large like I've got tumours, squire
Jaxon Nelson
"Right you are, Champ. Nothing guarantees getting a job like taking the initiative and speaking with the manager in person. You've gotta grab life by the horns, Champ; you can't wait for everything to go to you. When I was your age, I rucked through the worst snowstorm in state history to get to an interview when my Mustang wouldn't start. They've even got a photo of me in the local paper, marching through the driving snow. The manager was so impressed that he shook my hand and hired me right on the spot. I nearly froze to death out there in the driving snow, so you've got it pretty easy compared to me, Champ. Where there's a will, there's a way -- and it's as easy as showing up ten minutes prior, giving the manager a firm handshake, and telling him that although you may not know much, you're willing to learn."
"Couldn't hurt to try, especially at a place like this, Champy-wampy. Whatdy'a mean you need connections and certifications to get hired here? Champ, those shiny degrees may seem nice and all, but nothing gets your foot in the door like a firm handshake. Get it, Champ? Ha, ha."
"You'll never reach the higher branch until you take that leap, Champ. I rucked through the worst snowstorm in state history to get to the interview down at the factory when my Mustang wouldn't start. They've even got a photo of me in the local paper marching through the driving snow. It was so cold that day that I nearly lost my fingers and toes, but sheer luck I barged through the door and the manager was so impressed that he hired me right on the spot. Yep, paid my way through school, raised you, and bought this house, and our winter vacationer down in Lake Las Vegas. You kids really don't know how good you have it. All it takes is a firm handshake and a willingness to learn the trade."
"Heh, you'll practically be running the place in no time."
"Remember, Champ: You're lucky to be here, and you've got no excuses as to why you haven't gotten a job yet. Getting one is as easy as showing up ten prior, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. What've you got to lose, Champ? Absolutely nothing. If they turn you down, we'll simply apply somewhere else."
"You make excuses typical of someone your age, hoping to avoid gainful employment. Admirable but you're still going to show up ten minutes prior, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and get the job."
"Hey, Champ. Your mom and I sent you to Guangzhou (it's a city in China, Champ) for your own good. I know you're bummed about it, but we weren't exactly happy either over what we found in that package the other day. A change of scenery will help you live a normal life again and maybe, just maybe you'll become a productive member of society. Remember to bow to your grandparents in humble gratitude and give them a firm handshake. But remember to wash your hands first, Champ."
"Champ: I figure we have a mid-job hunt meal over at Chick-Fil-A. Your favorite. Whaddya say I get us two Grilled Chicken Sandwich meals with two Sweet Teas and eight pieces of Chick-Fil-A sauce? No tendies, Champ. Fried food is a one way ticket to an early grave on the high cholesterol express. I know it's the holiday season and everyone's gonna be using that as an excuse to chow down on everything, but that's no reason for you to lose your discipline. You need to be fit and focused on landing a job. Besides, fried food is bad for ya, Champ. Read it on the Internet. Hey, cashier, we're skipping the tendies today, but we'll have a salad to go. Good idea, right? *pokes your stomach* Ha, ha."
"I'm afraid that's not the only reason why I brought you here, Champ. While we're ordering, you might as well ask the manager to see if they have any openings here. It'll give you an opportunity to practice what you've learned so far: Stand up straight, speak with him about the job, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. Whaddya mean 'why do I have Chick-N-Strips in my hand?' You can buy whatever you want when you get that first paycheck."
The Chick-Fil-As where I live seem like legitimately nice places to work; they only employ white people and the staff always seems so happy and friendly
Jace Stewart
Cracked up at this thread. Thank you champanon.
Ethan Hall
>giving him a firm handshake, and telling him that you're not letting go until he tells you when you can start. that's a funny way to write committing assault
Evan Torres
"Champ, the older you get, the more enjoyment you'll find in the little things in life -- like a nice cuppa. But decaf for you; I can't afford to have you nervous and antsy during the interview, Champ. I need you focused. FOCUSED on showing up to each place, speaking with the manager about the job, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. Try it out here and see if it works. The manager will appreciate that you went to him directly. Shows confidence and interest in the job, Champ."
"Oh, isn't that your old friend Thad or Chud or Chazz from high school, the one who used to call you funny names on the way to school, pulling up in the parking lot in that Corvette? And that girl who's with him looks suspiciously like the one you kept harpin' on about. I think her name was 'way-foo' or 'Juannaytis' or something. Don't be rude, Champ. Go over there and say, 'hello.'"
