Self-hate and /suicide/ thread

I love the way cutting feels. I havent done it in ages but the feeling of the pain stinging and the adrenaline feels so good

All I do is work and play vidya. I'm 18 and not in college it doesn't interest me at all and I want to die basically everyday. I honestly haven't felt human affection ever in life. No kisses, hugs except from my mom, and obviously no sex. I masterbate too much and have an addiction to porn and opioids and maybe nicotine. I'm trying no nut November and I've found out that pretty hard. Not doing opioids makes me feel like life isn't even living. I want to just fucking end it all or feel something. I want to feel love, I want to know what the joys of life for mr are. I domt know what makes me happy anymore.

I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
I WANT YOU TO SHOW ME
I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
I KNOW YOU CAN SHOW ME

thats a good song my little zoomie give it a listen should lighten up your mood xoxo

I lost my job today and I feel like a piece of shit. No one else is going to hire me seeing I got fired. I'm going to wait until Thanksgiving before I kill myself. I can't live the neet life again

I wish it did. Music just doesn't give me any feelings at all either. It's just sounds that I hear and recognize they mean something to someone then I remember how fucking alone I am and I just cry in bed

give me courage to jump under a subway train, I tried doing it last month but I just froze every time I was close to doing it. How do I override my survival instinct

I can't fucking take it, I tried everything, I tried SIG, I worked hard, I failed; I'm still in the same fucking place, in this fucking limbo between being a robot and norman. I don't fit anywhere, I hate everyone and myself, I don't want to live. i'm literally the doomer meme at this point

i want to die

ok zoom zoom get this
>stop crying
>hit the gym
>eat big
>get swole
>body your mom when she says you're getting too big
>play old school runescape
and most importantly listen to K-DST ( youtube.com/watch?v=aGSEJT465vQ )
If your life is so shit why not try my routine? its pretty epic if I say so myself and I do say so
you get big and pk noobs in runescape and get talk shit to your mom and threaten to kill her cause youre strong
I am not joking either, I have been doing this for the past two years and while it hasn't alleviated my suicidal thoughts one bit my life has more humorous moments due to the way I carry myself (wholly absurdly)

I have PTSD from a genuinely traumatic childhood string of experiences and have flashbacks at least once an hour. I've never been to a therapist and I don't have the money to do so. I'm addicted to xanax. I've had a gun for a few months now, everyday I wake up I look down the barrel think to myself "will today be the day? I don't get high on xanax anymore, I have a 40mg a day habit and thats just to control the flashbacks a little bit and sedate me enough to where I don't really have the energy to kill myself. There's definitely still a part of me that wants to live. I guess I just need to listen really closely and I might hear it more clearly one day. I still hang on to the pipe dream that one day I'll have a gf, but in reality I wouldn't be able to function properly in a relationship. I can't even fap, I cry every time. Isn't life awesome.

it doesn't always work user

I tried it, I tried very hard for a long time. I battled my anxiety, I tried being social, I mean normie tier social. I worked hard on myself, I tried hitting the gym and doing a bunch of other stuff

And you know what happened? nothing
I didn't get a gf, I didn't make new friends, I didn't really improve, but I sure as fuck became more serious; I feel like I burned my personality and nothing good came from it. Now i don't enjoy anything, and I don't have any strength to fight. I'm a shell of a man.

I don't mean to be demotivating to this kid; You're not wrong. But it doesn't always work

t.

i hate that i had seizures. i had a seizure on mother's day the mother bitched about the present, friend stole a bunch of my video games. when he came here he asked me how this games he stole are.

Im very drunk right now but Im so sorry for all the hardships you have to go through right know
I feel endless sympathy towards all of you and I hope your life will shift to the better
Please dont give up and know that someone out there loves every single one of you with all of her heart
I love you so much

HAHAHAHA nice b8. "her heart" lmaooooo okay

Top kek user you sound like quite a character
>40mg a day
That is absolutely insane. user tell me about what bothers you

It feels nice to be unburdened by the false prophet of hope.

...

This is me except I'm 21 and I'm forcing myself through college. Also smoke weed nearly daily. Really want to overdose on fentanyl but I have no way of getting it.

idk I'd rather not talk about it. I made a post about it once and it made me feel a lot worse when everyone ignored me. People here don't give a fuck about people who actually hurt for valid reasons, they'd rather complain about how the girl that sits across from them in biology class won't walk up to them and ask to suck their dick.

You tried hitting the gym? What does that mean? You don't _have_ to do anything. Why battle your anxiety? You can live with it. Why try being social? You can live by yourself. Why get a gf? You've spent your whole life without one so what's that gonna change.
You can on the other hand get jacked and play videogames while listening to boomer hits. Instead of trying to do the socially sanctioned "right thing", do the exact opposite. Ever watch Seinfeld? Watch the episode where George does everything the opposite way.
I mean it, turn your life around not in the sense of "making it" but by doing completely inane shit. It will not help you at all, if anything it will make you even worse off mentally but it does provide entertainment which is crucial for us broken entities (I don't think we can call ourselves people, we certinly lack mental requisites to be persons).
Best of luck my fellow madman.

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The prospect of transhumanism and the possibility of surviving past the Singularity is the only reason I haven't killed myself yet.

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youtube.com/watch?v=Ws5UUPUg7V0

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Stop shoving advice down people's throats in my thread. Go to Reddit if you want to """help""" someone.

hang yourself already bitch

I wanted to be more than I am and hate failed. I hate this.

youre so mean user, making them think someone loves them, lol

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have*
Fuck the robot and fuck all of you.

imagine being such a normie that you think that anyone in this thread will feel worse bc of this post

exactly, anhedonia means you just feel emptiness, people who can be talked down from suicide are still emotionally active

Wow you sure showed me edgelord

I wanna know user. Instead of posting it so a bunch of strangers can ignore it, how about you talk to me directly? I wont ignore you I have no one so I will definitely not pass up the chance to talk to another human being and also I have experience with Xanax addiction so I can relate even tho I was never nearly as addicted as you are.

Do you have any throwaway email or Skype or discord or something?

Benis#9665

I wish I were never born. My existence is utterly unfortunate. I will shoot myself one day, God have mercy on my soul.
Thank you.

My entire life is a textbook case of the Dunning-Kruger effect, and I've realized it two decades too late. I want to escape so badly, but after constant failed suicide attempts, I've become so incredibly terrified of the possibility that my incompetence just might keep me alive until I inevitably rot to death in some hospital bed in the distant future. I swear, this has to be a nightmare, it's all so absurd.

Friend request sent. Im the guy with the trippy hand picture, in case anyone else tried to impersonate me

Anyone else having problem with psychogenic pain and seborrhea?

jesus christ I've found my doppelganger
welcome to hell user

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every sudoko thread, this guy. I'll bet you'll be here until 2040, or whenever we reach the Singularity.

too close

checked.

also same here. my car got fucked, which means I couldn't go to work anymore, which means I'm back at step 1 neeting it up in my bedroom at my parent's house. I'm 24 and this is what i have to show for since graduating college. I also plan on killing myself soon, I won't go back to this lifestyle and I know there truly isn't an optimistic future for someone like me

>erupted into laughter while thinking about how pathetic I am

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Once you give up you're a loser.

Don't ever stop trying anons.

t.failed chad

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is it me or life is deemed more important than what it really is by most people because they fear death(and I'm included in this even though I want to cease to exist) but also because they have responsabilities.. once you go neet for a while you see things for they really are because you have an outsider look on life. I might end it, might not but I'm just a ridicule particule in a sea of other particules

I'm always tempted to attempt contact and subsequent friendship when I get a reply like this, but I know deep down it won't result in anything worthwhile for either of us. I wish you the best of luck, I hope we both find our way out.

>make a sandwhich
>wonder how long it'd take to bleed out if I jammed a knife into my neck
hahah fuck

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