I might legit be going to prison soon

are you the user who "allegedly" broke into a house to fuck some cunny

ARI w/ permanent disfigurement
I also had a burglary charge but they dropped it since they couldnt prove i was at the premises

if you dont know how long you're going in then do you have a range? most likely they'll do small jail time+probation or something. I dunno you permanently fucked someone up tho so who knows

OP gonna git his wig split

Youll get everything figured out when your in jail awaiting trial. Your lawyer will explain it all to you minimum sentences and stuff. Get a good lawyer becuz they can fuck you over really easy I had to switch 2 times. My first lawyer tried to get me to plead guilty to stuff i didnt even do so i canned her.

Good lawyer is the difference between 3 years and 6 years Im serious. I heard so many horror stories of guys serving extra time becuz of shitty lawyers. Get one you really trust ask them questions and read up on the law when youre in jail because if you dont know what youre doing the lawyer can fuck you. They dont care. theyre getting paid anyways why would they care

Hay good luck man try not to get aids or anything

Take advantage of the library. Im not talking about go read some fiction. Dont waste your time with fairy tales. Im talking read skill books and learn a trade. Tons of prisons have good job and trade programs you can get certified for right there in the prison. Learn what resources are available to you. You can make it a more productive experience than being on the outside if you know how to do it right.

Dont mess with drugs. Dont ask for drugs. Common sense shit.

Dont be an okey doke. Don't be that guy going around asking people what theyre in for. People dont wanna talk to you.

Be nice to the COs and dont give them any attitude or they can make your life a living hell. Make friends with them but dont be kissy uppy.

If you got mental illness dont talk about it with anyone except the doctors. People will take advantage of you.

Above all just dont stand out. Dont start fights over nothing, and trust me your gonna want to even if you think you're the most submissive beta guy around, your gonna go into testosterone rage when someone steals your snacks or your extra towels. Dont let it get it to you and just report any problems to COs.

how do you switch lawyers? do you just fire them and then you get your retainer back?

Yes. Brb

They put the retainer money in a fund when you fire them they transfer it back to you. But you gotta watch out and read their agreements because some of them have nonrefundable clauses built in

Got sauce on that image, boss?

I've only been to german prison. Overall it was quite chill and since I was a good goy I was allowed to clean and paint the prison. Also worked at the kitchen and they let me eat as much as I want. Only the isolation (21 horus in cell, 1 hour break and 2 hours work) changed me a bit

The choice is yaws

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OP I did 5 years in prison in Canada for conspiracy to commit murder (wasn't guilty, obv, or I would have done much longer)

What do you want to know?

I can tell you that prison is both better and worse than it is depicted in the movies. It's not constant fights and rapes, that's better, but it's really fucking boring and annoying, that's worse.

It's more annoying and boring than you can imagine and it will fuck with your mind if you're not careful.

It can be
-unbearably hot
-unbearably cold
-always noisy, can't ever get rest of even hear yourself think

But I managed to be productive in prison. I read a shit ton, I got my GED, I wrote a lot. You can get things done in prison and make use of your time if you're prepared.

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This, listen to this and oregano.

Honestly its not that bad. Just be yourself, dont start fights, dont snitch and dont be the "tough" guy. Have a sense of humour and you will be fine. Also dont lend people shit (only friends) and do not join a gang

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>make up
>jewelry
>necklace
>belt
>bracelets

yeah you can't have those in prison

What if ur in prison for sexual stuff, you get killed n raped then right.

You can have anything if you're well connected. Especially true for third world prisons which is exactly where you'd end up with niggers anyway.

>5 years
Without proof? Is leafland really this stupid or did they have something on you?

Our criminal justice system is almost as broken as that of the Americans. In some ways it might even be worse.

Basically when I was arrested and in jail I had no money and could only use legal aid. Legal aid is a joke and my lawyer didn't do anything. I knew I was innocent and could easily prove it but my lawyer was useless. Legal aid won't let you change lawyers. So basically what I had to do was just take it to trial knowing that my lawyer would blow it and that I couldn't do a thing about it since you can't do anything in jail.

Then, once I was convicted and sent to prison, I got in touch with a better lawyer and appealed my sentence. I won the appeal, easy. It took 5 years because Canada's legal system is absolute dogshit, but that's okay because last year I got a settlement from a class action suit. 5 grand per month for every month I did in both jail and prison, tax free baby.

youtube.com/watch?v=t64GGNAg8aI

pretty much your future life

Man, that blows user. That must have been shit. I am glad you are getting some compensation for the whole ordeal though, and at least you were proven innocent so no one thinks you are a murderer or anything.

I don't know about user's situation, but your life can still be completely and irreversibly ruined even if you're exonerated.

How much, does it is not fuck your life to find a job after ?

What the whole experience taught me was
1) cops are fucking lazy. They do the thing that gets the right guy 90% of the time but if you're in that 10% of the time you're fucked. Example - a woman gets murdered in her home with no B/E. The cops assume it was the husband and fry him. Sure, 90% of the time they're right, but what about the other 10%?

And so
2) Know a good lawyer or have money. You don't want to be fighting a charge and then get stuck with legal aid. That shit is just rolling the dice.

Nah, I'm making real good money right now driving for Uber and Uber Eats and Foodora. I also took the settlement money and bought a condo with it, which I'm renting out, while I live in a shitty basement apartment.

I had a rough deal, not gonna lie, but one thing I learned in prison was that there are tons of people out there who had a way worse deal than me.

When you're in prison you get so see how privileged you are because you see the absolute bottom of the barrel in there.
My mom came and visited me every week I was in there, my dad came at least twice per month. My friends even showed up every now and then.
Many guys in there never had a single visit, for 5 years, not a single person came to see them and they never made a single phone call - no one to talk to.

I learned to be grateful for what I have. It ain't much to some people, but shit, to many people my life would look like heaven.

does it helps with girl, to have been to jail, like you are the bad boy and everything ?

I don't even tell them. I fuck birds off Tinder all the time. I don't talk much about my past with any of them. Some day if I meet the right girl and want to pop the question I'll have to tell her first.

>All these excons
Bullshit, I'm calling LARP
Post your records faggots

youtu.be/QKbnWW-4K-A

Hope you ain't white

You will die of bordem

You want people to doxx themselves?

lots of gay sex and doing nothing 10 hours a day

Sounds predduh guhd.

Basically this. Grooming is common because rapists want to see if they can do it to you and get away with it. I was in for 3 years, C block, maximum facility. Saw a twink explode with rage at his masculine tyrone cellmate and beat him with the lunch tray. He fell in his cell and the image of the twink bashing the tray in a downward motion combined with the news later that he had done that to his throat, effectively crushing it will be an image i cant shake for a long time.

oh it was his mate had been trying to rape him for weeks, subtly threatening him. dont go to prison and get cocky. i also an old man bite the ear off of some buff young dude who tried to make him mop for him. grown men arent to be fucked with no matter who you are. leave that shit for the kids playground.

i want to pet the twink ;_;

What happens when the prospective guy-to-be-groomed says no to the first small favors? Won't the buff gay dude force him to accept anyway and later hold them over his head?
Wouldn't you get severely fucked up by going to whine to the COs about every towel missing?
What's ARI?

fuck, 5 years in prison for conspiracy. Didnt even commit the crime of not commiting a crime.

I don't think I'd do well in prison. I'm pretty mentally unstable. I can be a bit volatile. Prone to explosive agitation and paranoia. In that kind of situation I'd be a complete liability. Probably pop off and get shanked, or just hang myself.

youtube.com/channel/UCSonmKTLAPC2bTCF4JHQ1lg

After Prison Show should help. Also ramen is the most valuable currency.

How would I do in prison?
I tend to stay closed in my shell, seek a few close friendship instead of a wide social circle, say "yes" when it's easier than pushing back even if it makes me miserable, but soemtimes I still get argumentative over stupid bullshit because I like to be right.
I also genuinely have a single fat expression, I don't smile and I keep sadness and anger bottled down.
I guess I'd be fucked, right? I'd be everyone's little bitch, I don't mean sexually, but certainly someone who they could take advantage of, or bully to relieve some stress

Are we talking about prisoners or neets lad? Wahey!

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there's a book by a guy who robbed a store with a fake gun at 17 and got put in federal prison for it, called Fish, it details prison rape and the tricking/turning young men out in it. might want to read it beforehand just so you know what to avoid

Where did they get that tiara.
Someone could get stabbed with that in prison.

Keep to yourself
Don't accept "gifts" they will just put you into debt
Race sticks together
Don't go fighting the biggest guy you see on your first day it's a big meme

>OP gonna git his wig split
This

Start practicing with a cucumber.

Don't drpo the soap, homie.

you have a pdf of it?

it's a book, no

Honestly happy for you that you got that money. Well deserved for the irreplaceable time you wasted in prison.

>it's a book, no
Which you can probably find in pdf format online. Just look on libgen .io, or b-ok .org

Is this the guy who got that email a few days ago?

I work in a prison so I can answer loads of questions.

First off prison rape is seriously overblown. Guys dont go around raping people. That said don't accept favors from anyone without a clear understanding of whats to be expected. Simple things like ramen noodles, soap, toothpaste can get people hurt if they just assume its a gift. Nothing is free in prison.

If you want officers like me to ignore you than don't stand out. Don't think that because its prison its do whatever you feel like. That means follow the rules especially for things like not wandering were you don't belong or during times that you aren't suppose too. You will be shaken down and yes you might think its unfair for someone to go through your stuff but it's the officers job. Giving officers lip or talking back will make me toss your shit a lot harder than if you just understand its part of being there. Normally I am pretty decent with mine unless you give me reason not to.

I have loads more if you want.

Tell me more, CO user.

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>I have loads more if you want.
give me your loads daddy

check'd. You must give us more tales now.

If you say no to the favors then the grooming doesnt work. The guy will just keep his distance. Most guys. There are some crazies in there with obsessions too. If he keeps pushing and threatening you you report to CO right away. But its very rare that they do that. They like to kill you with kindness.

Snitches get stitches but if somebody wrongs you personally theres nothing wrong with telling the CO. COs do NOT like paperwork. Guy stealing your shit all the time means more paperwork for them. COs can resolve it a bunch of different ways. The best way is that they remove canteen privileges from the guy stealing. Removing canteen is just about the worst thing you can do to a prisoner. They go mad.

ARI is arson resulting in injury

>ARI is arson resulting in injury
how did you get caught?

I've been to jail for drugs and I'm mentally unstable now if I ever was going back I would kill myself and others
it just pisses me off not doing anything to anyone and having a piece of shit lawyer and getting the book thrown at me

My brother was in prison.
He refused to join a Somaoan or whatever asian islander gang. (Uso)?
It wasn't a big gang like a nazi or nigger gang.
The leader took a chunk of concrete to his eye.
He fought back.
He's bi so he wasn't exactly raped.

I got caught by the police on scene

Snitching to the COs to get the guy punished seems like a terrible idea.

How does race work in prison? I know each kind sticks to it's own, but how do you classify this shit. Some people aren't obviously of a certain race, take myself for example: White skin, latino but don't speak spanish for shit (Portuguese is my native language), and not obviously indigenous. Wat do?

damn why were you starting fires?

I got busted at a DUI checkpoint and they said they smelled weed and found a little weed and mdma maybe $200 worth of weed and and $20 1 dose of mdma
court said I was trafficking and lawyer got me to plea to a felony possession and a couple months

Is it possible to ask for a cell with no cellmates, or you must suffer

Mixed people have mixed race gangs.
But, they go by looks.
If you look white enough to be in the Aryan Brotherhood they will approach you and ask you to join.
Often times they will ask you to "Put work in"
Meaning something that will extend your prison stay.
I dunno exactly.
I learned this from my little brother.

Oh boy do I have a story for you,
Well, you can get solitary confinement if you do something to warrant it.

6ix9ine?
I didn't know you posted on Jow Forums.

i just want to be alone and live a normal neet life without fearing that my cellmate snaps and kills me for no reason

And then he asked can he have a cell with no cellmates.

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Trust me its the only good idea. You dont want to be the tough guy and start getting in fights over towels. Youll get more charges added to your sentence and the CO will have more headaches to deal with than just one guy acting rowdy.

Or you could just not do anything thats always an option

I set my house on fire for personal reasons and my old man was there he got burns on 60% of his body and hes in a wheelchair now.

the jail I was in was so shit
5 people in my cell 1 slept on the floor
old sweat stained books were used as pillows
the water wasn't clean you got 1 styrofoam cup
guards took my socks and underwear and I immediately had to go into debt to my cell mates
stair case pull ups and walking in a circle about the size of half a basketball court was the only exercise you could do

Okay here's my brother's story.
>Brother had an old man as a cellmate.
>Old man seemed "a little off"
>Would giggle to himself.
>Laugh at nothing.
>Whisper things.
>Terrible things.
>Random inmates come up to him.
>"You need to kill him"
>Brother says no.
>Guy's story was always changing.
>What didn't change was that he was in there for life.
>Killed his wife.
>It was self defense.
>He was actually innocent.
>He killed someone in a bar fight.
>Different inmates comes up to him.
>Hands him a shank.
>"You gotta kill him"
>Brother hands him shank back.
>Brother gets out.
>Googles his name
>He raped two boys,
>Worse case of rape doctor had ever seen.
>One boy raped so bad he nearly died in surgery.
>Brother regrets not killing him.

tl;dr brother was cellmates with the worst child rapist in recent state history.

>5 grand per month for every month I did in both jail and prison, tax free baby.
Nice.

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What if I'm a cute twink that loves bottoming ??!! , Will they still rape me or will it be softcore sex??!!

seconding for this

what if everyone in jail was cooperative having sex and playing games and dancing

wtf was this America?

i went to jail and all the cells were private and there was a good amount of space between each person with really thick metal doors so it was private. it might just be because its really rural tho

yeah rural missouri

Just keep your head down, don't look at anyone unless you can notice them staring, don't say any more than you need to. That's how I survived school.

SAUCE FOR PIC OP??? FUCKING PLEASE

what nigger thats insane I dont know if I could ever do jail in a dorm setting or anything. it sounds incredibly dangerous too

socks and underwear were $10 each at commissary
my cell mates were all methheads
one for stealing air conditioners
one for chopping down a telephone pole
one for drugs and a gun
and the other one I forget
I had some weed I bought legally and was driving back home from colorado got stopped at a drug/dui checkpoint in a small shit town with a private prison industry

That would be pretty cool original

So it's just Jow Forums?

you got a felony plus a dui just for that? how long were you in?

The urge to fuck is stronger than physical power

Baby powder or smashed