Worst things youve been caught doing?
>Be me
>Be horny
>Put cucumber in my ass because gay
>Mom comes home
>looks in fridge
>notices cucumber she just bought is missing
>asks me about it
>say i know nothing
>she looks in garbage can
>finds cucumber with brown all over it
>mfw
>Didn't eat the cucumber afterwards
What did you expect, OP?
How was it, OP? Surprisingly I've never shoved anything up my ass before.
this is the stupidist thing iv ever read and i pray to god it isent true
LMAO, what did she say when she put two and two together?
I sympathize.
>Horny
>Finally give in to bisexual urges
>Bottom for someone
>Acquire genital warts inside anus
>Can no longer shit unless I've been using laxatives and sit on the toilet for an hour
>Blood everywhere when I finally pass a BM
>Tell parents I have hemorrhoids and need to see doctor
>See doctor
>See surgeon
>Only cuts off outer warts, didn't tell about inner warts. Thought it went without saying
>In more pain now and two botched surgeries later, get sent to specialist next state over
>Have ass turned inside out and warts removed
>Somewhere between first and third surgery the jig was up
>mom and dad know because still on insurance
>Try to obliterrate that year of my life with heavy alcohol consumption
>Passively suicidal over it
>Still bifag
>Parents will always know
They're super accepting but I'm not. I just stay celibate now because my body's broken. Will never admit this to anyone in real life and will die with that elephant in the room every time I see parents.
Sober now but god do i miss drinking. It made all these thoughts go away for a while.
>hanging out with brother
>doing shit i normally do
>checking websites for updates, etc
>check fanfiction website
>get update from an especially porngraphic story with tags like "drugging, gunplay, bondage, sexual violence, etc"
>brother exclaims shock
>quickly close tab and pretend it was nothing
He said he didn't see anything but the page url, but I think he was lying. I don't get embarrassed easily but every time I think about this I genuinely want to land face first in a pond.
What the actual fuck did I just read. I thought OP was innocently trolling but this is different.
Why not just come clean to your parents??
Last surgery was over three years ago and I now have my own insurance. They don't need to know who I fuck or who fucks me. I did have a brown out one night and tried to come clean to my mom. Wound up pussing out and then going into full blown fetal position crying panic mode.
Now that I'm reading this it looks much worse than I remember. Maybe I really did block some of those memories. Yay.
>transformation fetish.
>Too young to even know what a fetish is.
>Jerking it to Scooby Doo transforming Into tentacle monster.
>On family computer
What's incognito mode?
>Family comes home from shopping.
>Tries to exit.
>Windows XP freezes solid.
>Pull up pants as quickly as I can.
>Parents round corner to living room.
>Hard on to a frozen screen of alien Scooby Doo.
>Unplug computer and say my movie froze.
I never used incognito mode. Anyone who used YouTube or Firefox would be able to see every fucking cartoon or movie tf I fapped to.
>Be me
>TS//:SCI
>Q Clearance
>Yankee White Clearance
>Casper Green Clearance
>Sell secrets to SVB
>Get out of the US just before I'm caught
>Wet Works are still hunting me
>Had pica so try to eat chalk one day without getting caught.
>Teacher caught me and classmates found out.
Im sorry user but this made me laugh so fucking hard
Parents find out I tried giving a BJ once through reading my texts after snooping around on my phone one day. Funny how that's ok but If I walk through their room they scream about privacy. Either way It was just some shit on the side, like a fetish. I kind of hate the whole LGBT group and label. Yet they keep telling me it's fine to be gay, and telling my family I'm gay. They told and showed my girlfriend the texts too, and convinced her I'm only pretending to love her. Literally how? I mean I've fucked her so many times. But now she's left and is not mad but is a distant friend who never speaks to me unless I talk to her. Friends treat me different and ghosted me. My parents kind of fucked over everything I worked hard on gaining. I've just been stuck at my job for 6 years straight spending about 60% if my wages on alcohol. Going to get a gun lic and buy a gun soon so I can just blow my brains out
lmao your parent are fucking psychopaths
Make sure they know it's their fault in the note if you do sudoku. But like, don't sudoku though
Somethings not right with them. I even just told them upfront I was just curious and didn't really get into that much. About killing myself I can't promise you on that one, life is smooth sailing now and I'm already in a shitty mood all the time. All it takes is one big wave for me to freak out and do something dumb which would probably be for the best
How do friends act differently around you now they know you're gay?
>>she looks in garbage can
>>finds cucumber with brown all over it
u deserve it for being that stupid, why not jsut chuck it outside where she cant see. outside being at elast 5 minutes away from ur house
well its not as straight forward as just shoving it in there, you gotta find the sweetspot and you should take some preparataions before you shove things up your ass
>Go to bed early one night cuz tired from work, wake up hungry as fuck around midnight
>Go check on my wife in the computer room on my way to get a snack, ask her if she is OK since she is up late
>Wife says she just lost track of time shitposting online, asks if we can split a peanut butter sandwich since I am up to get a snack
>Making the sandwich and spend a few minutes bullshitting in my kitchen with the wife while we eat
>We go to bed, cuddle up and fall asleep together
Got caught stealing shit as a kid. Was sent to the local shop to buy bread but there was no one there. I yelled if there was someone there and when nobody responded I grabbed a chocolate. Then the woman working in there emerged and told me she saw it on the cameras.
I don't have a transformation fetish, but that was from the second movie right? I always thought that tentacle slug monster Scooby was pretty hot, and that belly stood out because I'm a vorefag.
>13 years old
>sister breaks her leg on the trampoline
>entire family panics and runs outside
>I think it's a great idea to masturbate on the family computer
>Dad comes back inside to get car keys
>sees me jerking it to tranny porn
Since then I've been a dissapointment.
i'm so sorry but this one launched my fucking sides into orbit. that was comedy gold