Boyfriend, can I see your phone please?

I'm sorry GNU/Girlfriend, but I only permit based and redpilled MIT licensed software to access my phone.

nonfree.pizza

>keeps all porn on encrypted PC, phone all clean
Sure, honey :)

>Girlfriend
And then I wake up.

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Yeah sure here you go. My only saved contacts are the weed man and my grandmother, because I never rolled it over and social media works fine for communication.

>Why do you want to see my phone?

I feel you bro. It doesn't get easier.

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>first gf
>had each others' email passwords
>even to primary first.last@gmail account
>had each others' WoW passwords
>would have definitely shared phones

I don't think I could be open and trusting with another female again, wouldn't even set up a joint bank account with wife (assuming I could even get one)

Only if I can get a hug, I feel lonely :'(

>caring about what's on his phone
just keep your own phone locked and don't let him on yours

And writing this post just made me realize I wouldn't be able to even buy a house with a female. Wow, how did my vision and perceptions of women become so skewed and fucked. I used to be pretty normie

>just keep your own phone locked
Why? Something to hide?

Every time I'm having a positive interaction with a woman, I wake up
My unconscious mind knows that it is too unrealistic

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Then you lose her due to beta behaviour. We're lonely because we're not Chad.

>still have the pass to amazon acc
>mfw she never changed it, still my name and some numbers

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>not having your phone locked always
brainlet

I always have something to hide, life wouldn't be interesting otherwise.

I'm not that far gone. But I do have a reoccurring dream ever couple of weeks that fucks me up bad.

yeah. Literally only have texts from immediate family. Also I only have 4 "friends" in my contacts. I have literally nothing to hide, because I have no social interactions.

Hell, you aren't even real! You are some Jow Forums thread made up person. And it's incredibly pathetic that I am actually responding.

Yeah sure. Just don't come to me crying when you're snooping and hurt your own feelings.

Fine, points of interest are the massive folder of unwatched anime, the reaction images, and the 80+ tabs of youtube open. Don't mess with any of it.

Even if you yourself have nothing to hide, some faggot can make life hard for you if they get hold of your unlocked phone

Tell us the dream, user

>Your privacy is my privacy and mine is yours.
I can deal with that desu.
If she is that into me, she better be schlicking it to my porn right next to me and taking notes for when we jump eachother after anyway.

I just cut the middleman and ask what porn my boyfriend watched recently

>10 minutes of me pestering him and suggesting vore, bukkake etc
>demand he tells me
he finally comes out with
>uhhhh b-b-busty petite
>he wasn't lying

cute. CUTE.

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It's a lot like the greentext story in the picture I posted. I wake up to the spunky smiling face of a woman I love. We mess around and talk about our plans for the day as we ease into the morning. During our conversation she keeps hinting she has some sort of surprise for me.

At some point I wonder off to hop in the shower. As I'm showering I hear her come in and I always think she's there to join me, but instead she pulls back the shower curtains. She stands there with the biggest smile on her face holding out a pregnancy test that reads positive. As I see it I stumble back in surprise and fall down, waking up as soon as I hit the floor.

I just lay in my dark room, looking up at the ceiling, a fucking awful feeling of emptiness sitting in my stomach.

Degenerates. Who watches porn in a relationship when you have each other? I assume you two share naked photos of yourselves (between yourselves) for in case you need to fondle yourselves at work in the restroom.

Huge homo. You homo

>"sure here you go"
>flip smack
>hands her motorola razr
>sipps

Goddamn why can't I find a clingy yandere gf like this

Sure, can I see yours as well then?.

>Who watches porn in a relationship when you have each other?
You have no clue how hot it is to have a girl sitting in your lap and browse nasty doujins until she starts to finger herself then.

I don't have a smartphone, because I threw it into the sea.

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all this supposed female would find would be family contacts, shitposts in my history and fat cowboy cat pics

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I am interested. Can you please post your collection?

>Theres always a gat damn catnip, Dutch.

insert something to satisfie the r9k bots

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Cute. More please. Maybe I should get a cat.

>sure, all I do on it is watch porn of girls with dicks!

N-no, that would be bad for both of us

I mean, aside from sfw teen porn, some hentai and shitty memes, there isnt a lot to feel shame...except some conversation with friends that could make me look like a piece of shit to normies, so I will probably let her see anything except that.

You should try talking to a real woman then you'd wake up from all of this.

I lost my phone about a year ago. I can't quell her anxiety. :(

wtf is sfw teen porn

I've done that more times than it was worth
Still here, asleep or not
Like that bitch from Inception
I don't want kids but I can easily see why dreams like that would hit someone hard

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How bad would a girl react if she opened up youtube on my phone and would be greeted by tons of cute asmr girls

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Man, I just want to live a humble, quiet life with a loving wife who inspires me to be a better man, and a couple of lively kids who I can give all the things I never had myself.

>hypothetical gf finds ASMR tab open
>get blindfolded and whispered to during sex

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I've done this. When she eventually gets my phone, I'm always worried she's gonna find a pic of her on there she doesn't like.

>Her face when she sees my qt folder

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yeah can you do my mobage dailies please i don't feel like it today

That's nice of you, user, but I would personally prefer to live in a secluded area with a decent climate where I could chop firewood and peacefully drink myself to death in solitude.

patrician tier life goal

That's some soul crushing shit right there.

Just have to figure out how to achieve it.

This post has been made by a woman projecting her fears onto others.
All they fucking do is talk shit to people and flirt with guys, photos full of all kinds of evidence.

Nah I'm a virgin guy. I just think up hypotheticals and see what others think. Might make another thread about one that involves your gf and your mother's interactions.

Yarr, dis be my property, yellow-belly colectivist

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I only have 2 contacts in my phone (my friend and my mom, potentially 3 if this situation is true). Only pictures i have on my phone are work/study related shit and some dickpics. Here, you can have it.

>your privacy is my privacy
AHA! Not getting away with this one commie!

Uhhh I forgot my lock screen code.

Nothing to hide, nothing to fear, am I right?

Wait just a fucking second. What the hell am I doing with a girlfriend, you faggot.

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lots of foot porn

Sorry I forgot to charge it so it won't turn on.

Oder me some stuff user

Having a gf is the most NPC thing you could ever do. You're literally following the programming that all humans have of live, procreate, die.

>Who watches porn in a relationship when you have each other?
It's not that uncommon.
people have different tastes. Anything you share you do together, but sometimes you need your hairy armpits, and she needs her /ss/, and those lines shouldn't cross eachother, you know?