lets talk about it
>when you were diagnosed or when you knew you were, be sure to specify
>what does it make or take from you
>how old are you now
/depression/
Carter Lopez
Daniel Powell
I've been depressed since I was in my early teens and have always, since I was just a child, heard voices and had hallucinations. I've tried talking to my family about it one time. just once. I never tried talking to them again though because they said "oh so what are you just self diagnosing for attention or something? you're not crazy don't be ridiculous." They said this because I've never been diagnosed with anything before. I've never been to a doctor for this kind of stuff so I guess technically It would self diagnosing but basically I hate being alive and nobody really took my problems seriously including myself and now i'm a wreck. All the emotional hurt I went through with no way to cope has left me as a mostly emotionless shell of a person. All I do is play video games while not even enjoying it wtih my dad comeing in my room every couple of days to yell at me for a few hours about how I still haven't gotten a job. I don't even get up to eat because every time I take something to eat I just get yelled at for eating food that I didn't buy myself.
Lucas Jackson
It's been around for as long as I can remember, which isn't much given the derealization has dulled every experience and thus every memory, so let's pinpoint it at about 13. Depression's has killed my ability to form close relationships with irl people, fulfill any of my responsibilities, or fulfil myself in any meaningful way, but more importantly it made me care a lot about others who feel the same, so that's nice - problem is I'm all too often helpless to do anything for them. My friend killed himself yesterday. I miss him.
sorry my post is so ramble-y
Michael Hill
probably since I was 9 or 10. always felt lonely due to asperger's / bullied all the time. eventually made friends but by then it was too late, I was too emotionally numbed to benefit. attempted suicide kinda then went on meds at 17, diagnosed with asperger's, bipolar disorder, put on lithium. here i am 25, just stopped being a NEET and still not really any better.
you guys get anhedonia? that's my worst enemy. no pleasure or relief, just varying degrees of torment.
yeah derealisation fucks me up too. sucks about your friend
Lucas Ross
I had that weird apathy since 7th grade, about 5 years ago or so. My family was in pretty shitty state. I couldnt call it depression, just general dampening.
I'm 20 now, and shit hits harder then the sledgehammer. No emotions, no interests, only suicide thoughts and memories of better times. My mind resembles barely coherent mess with constant fog. My life is in similar state too.
Leo White
im fucked addd me melancholymouse#6708
John Green
this is a literally sjw tranny dont do it please dont do it holy frick
Matthew Perez
im not trabbnny im mmentally ill as fuck
Ayden Powell
>im not trabbnny im mmentally ill as fuck
why do you tell people that you are mentally ill
Austin Turner
I'm tempted to add you, but I'm afraid you'd just abandon me. I can tolerate a lot of things and even hostility, but to just leave someone is the worst thing.
Ayden Harris
>when you were diagnosed or when you knew you were, be sure to specify
Officially when I was 14. My mother died a couple months after my 13th birthday, I was in a state of denial and emotionally closed off for a period before the flood of blocked emotions caught up with me in 8th grade. I spent pretty much every day crying from Christmas break that year until the end of the school year. It was so bad that eventually I just stopped attending classes. Luckily my school was really understanding of my situation and decided to allow me to graduate so I could attend high school.
>what does it make or take from you
I ended up different medications which in turn fed into my derealization/depersonalization issues for a time. My emotions became dulled, sensory experiences in general were numb, and over time it molded my nature into extreme apathy. It took about 8 years of therapy to finally overcome a lot of these issues, and I can honestly say I've grown a lot and become much happier as a person but I've noticed my sense of indifference has remained prevalent. Kind of rambled on, but the benefit from this is that it's easy for me to allow people to come and go from my life. My sense of attachment isn't there anymore, and it's made me value the power of individualism and my own ability to have the will strong enough to face my problems when they arise now. The trade off is it's much more difficult for me to make emotional connections with people, and I have no qualms with just being completely alone thus making it easy for me to ghost others. This has included women I've dated, friends I've made, family at times.
>how old are you now
I'm 23 now.
Nolan Jenkins
I used to think I was depressed but now I think I might have bipolar or something. My Aunt has it, my mom has emotional problems, maybe it passed down to me. I got addiction issues from both sides of the family, I was warned, I'm still an addict. Recently got a psych evaluation trying to help myself again and paid $1000 to have a faggot with a ponytail say I have dysthymia, mild anxiety, and social processing disorder. Said he was reluctant to diagnose me as any of that or more than that because it might be from "trauma" and I have no clue what he's even fucking talking about. I've tried to hang myself, I've been depressed, I've felt psychotic and unhinged suspicious of my windows/neighbors/family, I recently started experiencing extreme rage and have a hard time calming down and lash out at my loved ones, extreme alienation and feelings of dissociation from loved ones and pets and no friends and no desire to make any more. The only thing I'll give him is I've been through a few shitty things, sibling death, bad peer relationships, poor social functioning, but on the surface I am a failed normalfag with a little bit of bad feelings so I am a spoiled little brat. I am either energized clean-job-apply mode, blank mode, or depressed binge drinking mode. I am going to start therapy soon to get a real handle on this shit or maybe talk to my doctor to get anxiety meds, I don't know, I am lost.
What do you guys use to establish a routine so you don't spend a week accomplishing nothing? I've tried to do lists, planner, timetable flowchart, nothing really helps
Henry King
I am 27. I am obsessed with suicide but never do it. I've been depressed at 10 and had OCD during 3 years with an obsession for the number 4 and it's multiples. I'm an IT tech now but I don't work my wife divorced me and took our kid. I am in a mental ward and have been on 2 weeks now, under abilify, Valium and Tercian. I feel like a zombie.
I spend my days smoking hashish and learning about Karpman's drama triangle in a desperate hope of finding an interpersonal key to submit people to my will. I sometimes believe to be the Antichrist.
I met a lot of crazy people.
Sebastian Howard
Disgnosed with MDD at 18 after my mother died. Tried some medications but the side effects were terrible and the direct effects only turned the apathy into rage. Figured it's best to just not care than to literally murder someone so I haven't taken any since. The worst part is how bad it's fucked my short term memory. I forget things I did not even 10 seconds past and as a result it makes me look like I'm straight up mentally retarded. My apathy isn't as bad as it used to be when I was younger, I take decent care of my hygiene and do what needs to be done, assuming I remember. Most times I just feel like my body operates while my brain sleeps, but occasionally I get suicidal so bad that I have to literally take time off work and just sit in my room in the dark so I can fight it off. I can't even remember what it's like to be genuinely happy. I'm 29 btw
Asher Bennett
he had a whole server full of people he knew for months and deleted it because he got bored of them
Isaiah King
Thanks for letting me know. That's just monstrous.
Liam Lopez
>feels radio playing at work all day every day
Doesn't matter what station I put, every single fucking song is about love and feels
Literal torture, and I ain't even depressed.
Ryder Allen
I think most you guys could benefit from a really good life coach (never even met a life coach, but someone to show you the way in life), shrinks are shit. What do you guys think about this?
Cameron Diaz
hey im a dofferent person now, you can add me.
I stoppped tring get p[eople to kill themselves
ummm...i hope you feel better.
im a different person...
im toooo drunk to think of a reason but imagine k tole ou a goopod one.
>I think most you guys could benefit from a really good life coach
fuck off
Levi Foster
>, but to just leave someone is the worst thing.
I won't leave you, user. I've lost people I loved, and I would never do that to anyone.
Ryan Richardson
I've been depressed ever since I lost my grandfather when I was six years old. My father abandoned us, so my grandfather was the center of my world. I spent most of my life pushing people away. I was supposedly some kind of smart kid, so I graduated early, went to grad school, and as soon as I got there I was nearly killed in an automobile accident. I survived, but it bankrupted me and took me two years to recover. I eventually graduated from grad school, got a job, and fell in love for the first time with E, but she wasn't ready to get married, so she left me. It crushed me. Shortly after she left, she ended up accidentally getting pregnant with another guy's kid, got married in a shotgun wedding, the kid was born sick, and she just left and ruined her life. By this point I was completely crushed, and incapable of falling in love again. So I took a secret job during the war, to shut people out. I got very good at what I did, and had no family, no loves, nothing. Finally the war ended, and I got to leave and go back to a normal life. A girl approached me and said she liked me, and we fell in love for about a year. I bought us a house, made travel arrangements for her to move in with me, and at the last minute, she just disappeared. I was brokenhearted. I've been brokenhearted for the past year. I think I will stay that way until I die.
I just don't want to invest myself in anyone who is going to leave me, ever again. I'd rather die alone.
skipped grades, eventually took a secret job that required me to stay away from people.