I've been married for almost a year, and had dated the woman I married for about 4 years before that. Last week around Tuesday, the dreaded n-count subject came up. How exactly is a long story that would require explanation beyond the scope of this post. I'm 37, and have had 6 sexual partners prior to my wife 8 if you include BJs. Only about half of which could be considered "no strings attached/hookups" (or again, 5 if we count bjs). but in either case, each one came with an unbelievable amount of work and heartbreak, and being rejected over and over.
Somehow, I had it in my mind that her count was 5, or even 6. I don't know why I thought that. I thought I remembered having a conversation about it, but she insists we hadn't spoken of it before now. I made the mistake of asking, and she told me her n was = about 16, or maybe 17, she couldn't remember exactly, and admitted that she couldn't remember all the names, and 19 or 20 if you include blowjobs only. With only maybe 2 not considered "no strings attached" She said she couldn't even remember their names. I said that I had mostly been ignored sexually when I was younger, and she said that she was a different person then, "frivolous," and she probably would have ignored me, too.
I was crushed when she said that, and now I can't get it out of my head, even though she reasonably walked it back. But I still feel awful. It drives me crazy to think that when I was in college, I was studying hard to be of value, and she was out freely giving away the love that I couldn't get. I feel so awful.
The good news is that she feels a lot of regret, and is very remorseful. Thing is, we've been slowing getting redpilled through our years together. She acknowledged that she can never be a traditional wife for me, and released me of any obligation of working and being any sort of traditional husband, and said that she would support us.
Marriage - You Told Me So: Roastie Edition
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She also said she would even help me bridge the n count if she could (this is a tall order, the male equvalent of her n is 31 if you assume male average is 9 and female average is 4). But the problem is we were also trying to work on having a child together, and yeah, there's a late start on that. To even get an equivalent male n count, I would have to bed 31 women, with the stipulation that they are the age she was when she was giving away her virtue (18-30)
There's no way I can do that in the time it will take for us to try to have a child again. I feel hopeless. I don't want to bring a child into this world with so much resentment festering on my end in our relationship, but I love my wife, and she deserves to hold her baby, and I want one myself
I love my wife still, but when I look into her eyes I feel betrayal, and the love I have is mixed with hurt. She suggested counseling, but I think that's just a great way of having society circle the wagons. If it weren't for a completely failed society, this may not have happened to either of us, how can I trust someone to fix it. They will just tell me I need to get over it.
I hate that I couldn't be more of a man, that I wasted time studying computers, that I wasn't better with women. I'm angry at my parents for not encouraging my musical talents, and my mom for being over protective and discouraging me from male activities such as hunting and mechanics
I'm appreciative of my wife's acknowledgements and efforts, but even if I COULD have sex with 31 women at this point, I don't know if I would want to. Maybe because all of this is so new. I feel like I've been broken up with. I see my wife completely different now. Just another woman that would have ignored me when we were younger
I've never felt so heartbroken. The person I thought I was with is gone...
I feel you, id feel exacly the same, I felt that way when an ex told me she wasnt a virgin before me, even tho she promised she was. I never respected her again.
I don't know how to get over this. Sometimes I kinda rally. The past few days have been rough. I haven't eaten monday
I'm 26, my gf is 24, we've been together for 3 years.
Excluding her, my count is 1. Excluding me, her count is 18.
I was in the same situation as you OP: I was an ugly undesirable throughout most of my life, whereas she is several leagues above me in every way.
The difference is, I don't let it bother me. Yes, she had more fun physically than I did in the past, but what does it really matter know?
I see no reason to do the math and stress myself unnecessarily over things I cant change anyway.
>The difference is, I don't let it bother me.
Good for you.
But it bothers me. And it even bothers her.
Personally, I'm not a cuck. I love her, and I want to forgive her, but she still has to be held accountable.
>unironically being a married cuck in 2018
i may be an autistic virgin, but fuck marriage in the current year. lol cuuuuuuck
>can't change anyway
Also, going to add, you *can* change *your* count, in theory. If it's just some "physical fun," I'm sure she wouldn't mind
As I said, user. You all told me so
If you spend your entire life doing mental arithmetic like this in order to tally up "fairness" levels, you're going down a dark, unfulfilling road.
You will never have a similar life experience to your wife. It's physically impossible. Your experiences will always be wildly different. It doesn't matter. Focusing on who had it easier or who had more fun or anything like that will just drive you nuts.
Fucking 30 more women won't make you feel better (not about this anyway. If you want to fuck 30 women and your wife is ok with it have at it). It's not a replacement for mental health.
You just need to get over this. She sounds like a good woman who is loyal and cares about your feelings, that's really all you can ask for. Seriously, you're going to destroy your marriage and ruin both of your lives if you can't stop focusing on this one insignificant thing. Counseling may honestly be a good idea.
Also, stop asking people on this board for advice. They'll only validate your most negative emotions and convince you that those emotions are facts. This place only exists to reflect and amplify toxic ideas.
>held accountable
This makes it sound like she committed a crime.
We should all try to enjoy our life as good as we can, don't you agree? Why should there be a higher power that forces everyone to have the exact same amount, and the exact same kind of fun?
Growing up, I had many sources of fun that my gf never experienced, some of those she can understand (going on trips with my intact family), some of those she cant (having extensive lan parties with my bros)
But I would never claim my fun was more or less valid than hers, or that we should somehow apply a ledger and exchange rate
>I had mostly been ignored sexually when I was younger, and she said that she was a different person then, "frivolous," and she probably would have ignored me, too.
>Just another woman that would have ignored me when we were younger
Such is our fate, my brother. I'm a 21-year-old med student and I'm compltely invisible to women. Women don't see me in a sexual light and never will. I'm not even particularly ugly, just average. At best I'll become a betabux for a woman past her prime who would NEVER have given me the time of day in her prime. Or I could use the money I make to fuck hot bimbos for the rest of my life, since the concept of marrying a post-wall cumdumspter that wouldn't acknowledge my existence in her prime is becoming less appealing by the day.
>trying to make a hoe in to a housewife
holy shit user you are a dumb fuck.
Found the roastie
I never asked anyone here for advice, I'm just venting. The truth is, I plan on staying married to my wife, but she has to be held accountable for her previous actions. She has to be held accountable for giving so much of herself away when I was ridiculed and ignored. She needs to make this up to me, somehow.
I'm not the one whose in the wrong here. Thousands of years of human history show that we used to punish people harshly for fornication. I still have to uphold a social contract for being male. Her job was to keep her virtue for me, at least to a reasonable degree
My gf told me straight up that had we met a few years earlier, she wouldn't even have acknowledged my existance (based on photos of me and tales of how I was back then)
But people change, and obviously not Im attractive enough in her eyes to be worthy of a long-term stable relationship
>I made the mistake of asking, and she told me her n was = about 16, or maybe 17, she couldn't remember exactly, and admitted that she couldn't remember all the names, and 19 or 20 if you include blowjobs only. With only maybe 2 not considered "no strings attached" She said she couldn't even remember their names. I said that I had mostly been ignored sexually when I was younger, and she said that she was a different person then, "frivolous," and she probably would have ignored me, too.
Hey, dumbass. My gf was on 11. I was on 0.
Do you know what it means when she says she forgets and she only remembers a number? It means she loves you and thinks you're the one, you moron. Women care more about love than sex. Let her forget.
Harden the fuck up, if you turn out like that moron on reddit that wanted an open relationship because he was obsessing over his wife's past from years ago and then turned her into a whore (from 5 to 42) and only got two hook-ups for his trouble, you'll be absolutely kicking yourself.
>it's her fault something happened to you when you didnt even know each other
>it's also her fault she lived her own life and didnt magically see the future and restrain herself based on her magic visions
Okay bye have fun I guess, you seem like a stable and reasonable guy to be around
Im out.
so you're a slut and you're mad because you found out your wife is a slut too? what did you expect? this shit cracks me up
If you really expect these women to be faithful, then welcome, friends, to the Pain Cinematic Universe.
You're a bunch of hypocrite cunts. I have every right to divorce her ass for being dissatisfied. But I'm actually being far more kind in giving her a chance. If I do divorce her, you would be circling the wagons to protect her and telling her it's not her fault.
You can act like this is my problem, but studies have shown that 25% of people would consider ending a relationship over sexual history. This even (somtimes) includes women.
Obviously i'm not stable right now. This is hard to get past.
wow is like you guys are dating prostitutes. is this the state of modern dating. thank god I don't date fuck that shit.
Then 25% of people are morons, kek
OP the fact that she said she would've passed to by is fucked for sure, but t sounds like you're making an uncomfortable situation worse with the catch up fuck contract. Will fucking more women with your wife's help make you feel better?
It seems to me that she's the one bending over backwards to accommodate you and you're the one demanding to be allowed to cheat and sulk and act like a child.
So really it was you who failed to preserve your virtue through lonely nights, whereas she kept hers fine through every dick.
What would you have her actually DO? Go back in time? How is she going to 'make it up to you'?
>Do you know what it means when she says she forgets and she only remembers a number? It means she loves you and thinks you're the one, you moron
>hey hon how big was your ex boyfriends cock
>"Like a waterbotlle or something i dunno"
it means she lost count you retard. when a person is interrogated they tell white lies to mitigate damage. that 11 is like 16 at least
> Will fucking more women with your wife's help make you feel better?
yes.
you're human trash, why do you think you deserve anything else? the fuck dude, you fucked 6 different people, got BJs from other 2 and half of those were disgusting casual sex. if life was fair you would never even get a wife.
realize you're getting more than you deserve because we live in dark degenerate times and be thankful you're not getting stoned for being a disgusting fornicator
>past doesn't matter
>i know i was hooked on alcohol, meth, and heroin for most of my life, but i swear i've put that all behind me, honey
You don't make long-term commitments to people who see no problem with fucking randos. This isn't a "oh she had sex outside of marriage but within a loving relationship" thing. This is "welp she's a slut." And yeah, the same would apply to men too. Casual sex is seriously degenerate and people are free to indulge in it, but they shouldn't expect serious commitments down the road. They've proven their psychology is not geared for emotional attachment or delayed-reward dedication.
> am i so out of touch? no, it's all human societies throughout history (except current year) who are wrong
>it means she lost count you retard.
Why do you have to be so negative and cynical? She's forgetting because they meant nothing to her. Which means you mean everything to her.
Goddamn I am getting so sick of this undercurrent of insecurity and self-loathing narcissism on this board where you don't trust women you're actually with (if you even get to that stage) and think they must be 'settling for you'. Maybe they want to be with you because they actually want to fucking be with you?
Ever thought of that?
dead on but remember that OP is just as much of a slut and the only reason his bodycount isn't higher is because he's severely autistic
>his bodycount isn't higher is because he's severely autistic
you have to admit that i didn't do bad for a severe autist
you did worse than your wife and she married you
>You don't make long-term commitments to people who see no problem with fucking randos
As you say, Lord Cukcington, it simply isn't done. I'm so glad we have these strict guidelines around every little thing, otherwise we might actually be happy for once, and then what would we talk about online?
I know the feeling bro. My first kiss was with a prostitute when I was 22. My long term gf's first sexual experiences happened when she was 12; along with plenty more throughout her teens. All the boys she was with during those years got to experience her in ways I never will. While during my teens\early adult life I was invisible to the opposite sex, which absolutely destroyed my self confidence. It stings, but I can't really fault her for it. I would have done the same as her if capable.
I now have no problem attracting women and have since surpassed her partner count by a significant amount. Her getting to experience teenage love/lust still bothers me though for whatever reason. Oh well, could be worse I suppose. Definitely makes you feel like a cuck. Godspeed with dealing with these feelings user.
I wouldn't be too hard on your wife though, seems like a good wife and is at least trying to help alleviate these feelings of yours.
>getting married
We did try to warn you OP.
I seriously don't get why people do this in the current year.
Don't wory, you are going to be single soon
If I am, it would be the first woman I've broken it off with.
OP, hi.
30 yo male here, n=2, who is in a long term relationship with 6/10 white female in her 20s. She claims I took her virginity, and shows more love for me than I show for her. This leads me to believe that it's probably true.
I haven't asked how many guys she has blown, because I am very judgemental. If that number was anywhere above 2, I would leave her instantly. She had a religious upbringing, and was an ugly duckling in high school, so I definitely lucked out. But I want to remind you that it's not all about notch count. She has a few homosexual friends who are totally degenerate and has SJW coworkers who I want gone ASAP from our lives. She also votes Democrat, like 80% of women. I try and be a good influence, but anytime she sees them, she quickly goes back to the SJW state.
This is complicated by the fact that I am on a solid career track. So my SMV is only going up, whereas her's is going down. Thus, I am having serious doubts as to whether I should stay with her. Her religious upbringing is a huge plus, so I know that I can probably make her more conservative. But the rest of me says to leave her and to go to eastern europe. I could try and find a nice virginal catholic/orthodox girl, who is younger and better looking. But the current girlfriend is very loving, cooks, cleans and is good with kids. It also doesn't help that I meet better looking women on a daily basis through my work. They often signal their interest in me, and want to fuck. However, I resent roasties. They will burn in hell someday.
Your wife, however, has spent her 20s sleeping around. She was careless, and did not bother to think how this would affect her future family life, and future relationships with her husband and kids. If you think you can do better, then I would definitely leave her. It's better to not bring a kid into this world with such a woman.
If you are 4/10 or above male, then I think you should leave her OP. She's just another fish in the barrel.
He's implying she will break it off with you, dumbass.
Which will happen sooner or later, she's probably just planning her escape routes.
OP sure ain't happy now. And he won't be happy later when he or his wife cheats. This is like damn clockwork; the memes and cliches are real.
>Just another woman that would have ignored me when we were younger
This is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night
if you can't be perfect you can try to be happy
>man who has had sex with half dozen women gets upset and complains to r9k that his wife has had more sex than he has
You fucking crybaby
Enjoy your inevitable divorce.
>mentally retarded incel writing another blogpost about how bad women are
we get it, you prefer men....
In this case, the memes are literally in his head. He has every reason to believe his wife is not going to cheat on him in the future, but he wants to fuck that up as much possible by creating even more drama. Better to die alone with his pride watching his and her new husband on Insta than to die surrounded by his loving children, right? He's going to be so much happier in the post-divorce dating market, right?
>holding a woman accountable
yeah, good luck with that
Yes OP hide your money now, before divorce
>and released me of any obligation of working and being any sort of traditional husband, and said that she would support us.
this one statement absolved her of everything its a good deal in my opinion user take it just dont kiss her on the lips anymore or eat her pussy have her be the hard working slutty wife you get to fuck whenever you want you dont actually have to love her just use her for as long as you can
No self-respecting woman would even want to stay with you after you suggested cheating. Leave now OP, and spend the rest of your days posting on r9k, it's where you belong.
He doesn't have every reason to believe that; he has every reason to now believe the opposite. Past is prologue. A person's whole personality and neural reward system don't magically shift upon realization they want kids/a provider. She's damaged goods. And frankly it sounds like the OP is too.
>But the rest of me says to leave her and to go to eastern europe. I could try and find a nice virginal catholic/orthodox girl, who is younger and better looking.
Good luck with that. At least in Bulgaria, women are the same shallow, vile, shameless whores as women in the West.
t. Bulgarian
OP is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
>Oh, women who have more partners don't pair bond and divorce easier
>Better go and treat her like shit and destroy my pair bond with her so she'll divorce me easier!
>he fell for Eastern European girls meme
women are everywhere the same, the only difference is that EE girls are more gold diggers because they are poor
this user knows it t. Serbian
30 yo males are so fucking gross. No one wants to fuck you. Thank your wife for taking one for the team and taking you out of the market
So every men slept with like 1-2 women, every women with like 30-40 men. This somehow doesn't add up.
>8 previous partners
>thinks he deserves a qt tradwife
manwhores rot in hell to
Bulgarian roboto bro,
I was thinking more to try Ukraine and Poland. I know Eastern European women can be shallow and vile. However, they have mostly been raised in two-parent households, and they keep a safe distance from blacks, queers, purple haired SJW types. They are also greedy to some extent, and will spend the money in more selfish ways (either on herself, the house, or towards a business), rather than give it away towards leftist charities.
t. Wage-cuck 2nd gen emigre
The theory is that the top tier of Chads fuck all the girls
Chad is too busy fucking women on rotation. He hasn't got time to post on Jow Forums.
it does, 15% of men slept with 85% of women
In fact, this exact effect could create the meme graphs we see every day here on Jow Forums. But robots and incels give up as soon as the data looks good for them. There's no deeper analysis. I've seen ten thousand threads on this board claiming women can't pair bond on the basis of one study and 0 attempts to actually replicate that study or build on it. If incels where in charge of building planes we'd still be using the hang glider and loudly talking about how powered flight is impossible for human-sized animals.
It still doesn't add up. There would have to be a lot of chads.
that's like saying rich people live in all the poor houses and clean all the toilets.
I know a bunch of Chad-lites who have notch counts in the 20s. But there are giga-Chads out there. Like this guy:
nypost.com
The demands on the top 15% would have to be insane. We'd be treating people for sexual exhaustion left and right. Stable relationships would have to literally not exist to make those numbers work.
>63y old wrinkly guy slept with 23y old girl
I don't believe this. He had to pay her, no matter what big of a chad he was, there is no way a young girl slept with grandpa without some money included.
even loser OP admits the male average is higher
Gotta say,at least I'm not OP.
Just fuck other women or cheat on her, I'm 35 and married I have a main side girl and a fuck buddy
>Stable relationships would have to literally not exist to make those numbers work.
Look around. Divorce rate is over 50%. The great majority of young people already have unstable relationships, or no relationships at all. One night stands, friends with benefits, etc. Immigrants are the only group keeping the birth rate from plummeting.
23 year old women are well past their prime
I never mentioned any prime whatsoever.
>even tho she promised she was
>guys actual believe this
top kek
From my prospective OP, I view it this way; Everyone makes mistakes, your wife, making a pretty big one. Now you've married this woman, and committed to her. Thankfully, you don't have any kids yet, which means you can leave her without screwing up some kid's life.
Or you can choose to forgive her. What's done is done and what's in the past is in the past. There is no reason for 'retribution' or 'making her pay'. Leave her or stay, it's your judgement call.
>but what does it really matter know?
How does it feel knowing your gf has had multiple guys blow their loads inside her?
>You just need to get over this
This cuck has the right idea.
I am looking around. If you total up the guys in my social circle, total up the girls, only count stable relationships as half, oh yeah and rule out all the gays, then...you end up with the fact that every girl in my circle would have had to have sex with every guy in my circle, incels included, to get these kinds of n-counts. If they're dating or cheating online there's no way they could be at work on the daily, at events with their real friends, and then also somehow out partying every night to keep their n-count up. And they then somehow have to hide all this wild partying from men who have known them since they were freshman in college.
This whole idea only makes sense if you don't actually have friends to compare it to. If you were alienated in high school and have spent the rest of your time looking in through the glass, sure, I can buy you thinking this kind of thing. But I have trouble running a D&D group that everyone loves and is having trouble fitting around work schedules. All men would have to be borderline retarded for this to work.
>people change
Her looks were fading.
Just divorce her. Nothing she does, and allows you to do in an attempt to remedy the situation will truly satisfy you. You're always going to feel like a cuck, because it's your issue. It's completely your right to be upset but there's no undoing what she did - and if you can't move on it makes more sense to divorce sooner than later.
Like most self-hating cuckolds he probably enjoys the thought.
Manwhore here..
N=56
At first its seems cool fucking more and more..
But i wished i could have married when i had the chance
this is some reddit tier crap, you and your wife are both NPC's. Feed mate kill repeat, you're basic programmed biological entities and it's all you think about. Go back.
>But the rest of me says to leave her and to go to eastern europe. I could try and find a nice virginal catholic/orthodox girl, who is younger and better looking.
You can find a whore in your country too moron. Why do you think a woman would LARP that shit and be with you if not for the rich American lifestyle? And if you have that kind of money, get one from your own country, she'll LARP exactly the same.
None of us will have experience compared to our wives if we marry you hoes
Fuck man, that must be tough. I can only imagine what goes through your head everytime you think of her and cant help but think how she was some slut who would have ignored you when she was younger, it makes me feel anxious just thinking about that.
That number is low,
I GUARANTEE IT IS MORE LIKE 40
She dosent feel remorse you fucking idiot.
>this
OP, would you be this upset if your wife got to spend a year travelling around Europe while at the same time you were studying for your masters? She still had more fun, just not specifically with her vagina.
Its just a hole.
You and me and every one has done stupid things in the past, and between the ages of 16-25 you probably would of fucked everything that was on option.
What was the biggest cock she took?
How much bigger and more satisfying was it than yours?
Do you think she imagines she's getting plowed by Chad from her younger days while you toss your hotdog down her hallway?
>married a woman without knowing her count
Oh, you're retarded.
You wouldn't buy a car without checking the mileage, would you?
t.roastie
The incels might take things too far, but being a cuck isn't the answer either. What happened to Rob Kardashian is real but you cucks think you have some moral or intellectual high ground by denying the fact that a womans sexual past speaks volumes about her eligibility as a wife.
>moron on reddit that wanted an open relationship because he was obsessing over his wife's past from years ago and then turned her into a whore (from 5 to 42) and only got two hook-ups for his trouble
I must witness this, sauce?
I guess the only upside is that the person she would have ignored is gone. Your work to become someone of value paid off, you can actually be in the half of men who have any children at all. It sounds like she stirred up some buried hurt there, and that's reasonable enough, but at the same time... you kinda won. I'm at that getting ignored while trying to raise my value stage now and much as I can feel the pain in your words, you kind of represent a best case scenario to me. Take that for what it's worth.
>has had 9 sexual partners
>but only his wife has to be punished for fornication
what are you, retarded? if we go back to punishing people for sexual immorality, you're included buddy.
I don't know how much OP improved himself, but I'm pretty sure part of the reason she went with him was because her looks are depreciating and Chad doesn't want her anymore so she was forced to settle for him. She would probably still ignore him if she had the luxury.
see
>the fact that a womans sexual past speaks volumes about her eligibility as a wife.
It does speak volumes. You know what speaks more? WHAT KIND OF WIFE SHE ACTUALLY IS. You fags and your memes have some vague resemblance to reality for dateless single men, but stop trying to intervene in relationships your own rules claim cannot exist.
hate to hear that you're going through these troubles, but as my grandfather passed to my dad, and my dad to me,
you gotta get over that fair shit. life aint fair