Did you have a rough day? It's okay. You can let it all out here. I won't judge you

I have had a rough week and all I want to do is have a good one, I don't know if it is punishment, me, or other people. Either way I am close to boiling point and need something before I kick a wall down.

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My friends are too busy with their friends.

Maybe I'm a brainlet or i've been unlucky.
I actually afk alot while resources build up.
It gets quite dull and the DLC is expensive. I don't recommend it.

sounds like really rough week for ya, user.

>Me and my dad has a big fight this morning. So fuck him.
getting into fights with parents can be really devastating, especially since they're often really close-minded and think that they're right just because they're your parents. do you mind talking about what the fight was about?

>One of my associates is a piece of shit who undermined me and lectured me, her manager, in front of 2 angry customers yesterday, so fuck her she's fired and it'll take all my willpower not to tell her until Saturday so she can't look for another job ahead of time.
i've had many pissed-off customers who i had to work with, but coworkers never screwed me over. on top of that, it happened in front of angry customers and on top of that your bosses didn't back you up either. jeez, that sucks.

>Fuck this life I want to end it all anons.
im really sorry that you feel that way, user. i get like that whenever my grades aren't so good or i get into a financial hassle. recently my dad's been getting sick a lot and it makes me really anxious thinking whether he's about to leave this earth. even though it hurts a lot, though, venting to someone on r9k who listens makes me feel better and i hope that maybe you feel a little bit better, too.

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Aww. You shouldn't be afraid to do things that make you happy, but self-destructive habits are never worth it. Your life is precious and meaningful, and I wish you wouldn't fritter it away. Please try to keep your head above water. I'm rooting for you.

What anime?

It's okay. It sounds like you're really pent up. You should take a nice, warm bath with lavender in it. Even though I can't hug you tight, that would be the next best thing.

Maybe you should be more proactive about interacting with your friends. If you feel like they don't spend enough time with you, it's up to you to rectify that by either making an attempt to join them or confronting them about it.

I already spend a lot of time in the bath already, nothing really helps user, but thank you for the recommendation.

Tsuki ga kirei
Not original huh..

>that cirno image
Why am I giggling so much at this?

Sorry to hear, not to go Jow Forums on you though I can't help but imagine that you did something incorrectly? Still when you've been in customer service you realize how 90% of people can be sent to death camps, burned and humanity would be made far nicer in every aspect. Do see many semi-incompetent shift managers though and while sometimes they are great they are often funneled in way before they are fully clued into the roll and so don't do half as well as they should - worry that you might be filling the cliche and so if you see that please try to make sure you are the best worker you can be. That aside it is rude to lecture one's manager - the whole point of having a manager of that sort is so you can form a temporary coalition during the shift to make the customers feel like twats.

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Thanks user, I think got to find a hobby, or some kind of daily schedule to keep me out if trouble.

what's going on, my man? i don't usually have a string of bad days, but instead have really striking moments thrice a week that make me anxious and put me off, so i can't fully relate to your feeling right now, sadly. i can still listen, though, and talking to someone might make you feel better.
what's up?

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Maybe you should try seeing what's going on in your area? There are always events and clubs to be found. You might even make new friends in the process.

Thanks lad.
I need to vent a little bit.
I'm really frustrated.
I feel persecuted.
I went to a uni for doing my master but they said my bachelor is shit (even if i did it in a town less than 40km away) and want me to redo some courses.
I was pretty pissed off, but this semester there were only 2 courses to do so i was fine, i also did some master's courses.
Everything was fine, even had already one grad, have an exam tomorrow.
Then i learned that they don't want me to pass the exams i was preparing all the semester just because of bullshit.
Those jews just want me to waste a year doing almost nothing.
I'm on the verge of doing a shooting spree on the administrative building of my uni right now.

You can't let anger and hatred consume you, user, or you'll just end up feeling bitter and empty. I'm sure they're not all out to get you.

>you'll just end up feeling bitter and empty.
Haha, too late.
I tried really hard to attain ataraxia when i was young, so hard that i completely suppressed my feelings. I'm sure i can feel something, but it's subconscious.
At least i'm almost never stressed out.
>I'm sure they're not all out to get you.
Well, i'm the only one that's from my uni that had to do those courses.
I don't know why, i had good grades (3.5 GPA) and have more experience in the field than all the others students.

because this artist perfectly captures cirno's adorable childish charisma.
i really want to start drawing because of this guy but i'm held back a lot by keeping my other friends happy by playing the games that they want to play. i just wanna chill and chat sometimes, but too often they just wanna play games.
having any friends at all is a blessing for sure, but i spend so much time trying to keep them around by making them happy that i get burned out and lose my energy to draw.

its really neat that you're into reading as much as you are. im really lazy and sort of a brainlet, so i watch video essays instead of reading. how do you manage to find the time to read a book a day?

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Lmfao I did not. My retarded associate can not do her job was being fired anyways because she can't do the very basics and doesn't use her brain. I've been working open to closes 2 times a week and dealing with 2 other associates who are high school kids who don't care but at least try.

What happened was a single tag was wrong. It's not a big deal, I work at a shoe store that is popular with Mexicans who let their kids run around and they fuck tags up. On top of that the tags also fall off constantly on their own because the company is cheap and in the red. Those 2 factors combined plus customers putting fallen tags on wrong boxes thinking their helping and its impossible to maintain perfect tagging with the workload we have by myself. If I had a competent staff maybe but this is retail and I work in a dead mall so finding any help is hard.

As far as what happened with the customer, they threatened to call mall security, said I was raising my voice when I never did, and called 3 of my bosses and corporate when I refused to give her what she wanted because we can't just give product away. She then also flagged men walking out and by the store down and told them not to leave as I was making her "uncomfortable and unsafe" I never raised my voice or even moved towards the stupid bitch. She was crazy user.

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This is a cutesy thread, but it doesn't work like that.

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Yes I am, it's exhausting and my work quality is suffering because of it. I was also thrust into this promotion with no training or guidance and beat myself up over stupid mistakes because of it. I know I can do better but right now I'm just trying my best with what I got and it ain't much.

Just now I told my shitty Co worker she can leave when my breaks over and I don't need her here after that and now she's calling corporate over it. I'm making them choose between me or her. They have to choose me considering how bad she is at her job (she was already on the block for termination, yesterday just accelerated it) and I don't care if I get fired anymore so fuck it. Bring it corporete. I'm down to play hardball.

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I don't know user, in an ideal world it problem and issue would be talked about instantly both parties admit mistakes and then forget about the transgression while attempting to fix it so it doesn't happen again. Generally that has not happened, so I'd rather just keep it pent up and just lay down in bed.
very cute cirno though

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im not sure if im interpreting this properly, but it sounds to me like you've had a falling out or big fight with someone recently.
i hate it when that happens because ive made mistakes so often that when i apologize and genuinely try to make amends they don't really believe im being genuine which really tears me up inside. when things don't end up working out, i lie down in bed and maybe cry for a bit to get the feelings out so i dont have to deal with the pain of keeping it pent up. venting to strangers on r9k helps, too.
wanna talk about it?

ye, she's a real cutie

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I was supposed to write a chapter today.

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I'll start with a little background. Up until the senior year of highschool I was really into getting A's and studying for them. I didn't devote 24/7 to studying but I was either playing video games or studying. Come around the summer before senior year and it hit me, I all of a sudden just couldn't focus anymore on studying or when I did it just wouldn't stick. It would take me double the time to do assignments than previous me would've, and I just felt so tired all the time and lost with myself. My sleeping schedule became really random as a result. I started valuing grades less because I just don't personally feel like they're a great achievement but they definitely helps in social settings and will probably help find internships/starting jobs. I still try to study for college but I find it so unbelievably difficult now for no reason besides it just feels that way. I'll sit down and try to study but find myself spacing out soon after or unable to retain the information, or I'll get fidgety and find something else to do like eating, working out, Vidya, switching to a different class assignment, or just lay in bed. I don't even know what wrong, the class material doesn't seem that much harder than when I was in highschool, I just can't focus. I feel like I have perpetual brain fog. Getting great grades matters to me only because my family loved college and came out successful in different majors, so they constantly shit on me and the fact I play videogames whenever I don't have a good turn out. I just hate school so much at the moment.

I just want a cuddle right now. A nice warm one.

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I have a stomach flu right now, my body is filled with physical pain as well as mental pain, and the fever just distorts things. I wish I had a mom or gf to nurse after me, maybe make me feel better, but I'd probably just give them my disease.
2 more days......
I have something going for me though, when my health returns to me I'll remember the waking up at midnight in cold sweats and fever dreams and be grateful to no longer have them. It is important in times like these to find some hope or delusion to cling to do you don't lose yourself.

My mom asked me pic related, but only because I went for a run. It's snowing outside.
I didn't want to answer truthfully and lightheartedly asked if I should stay home for the rest of my life.
"Are you sure everything's alright? Are you hurt? You're acting stuck-up and nervous."

MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD I'VE BEEN BOMBARDED WITH THIS FCKING SHIT
NO COMPASSION AT ALL. WHATEVER EMOTION I EXPRESS ASIDE FROM PURE JOY (faked 95% of the time) I'M LABELED BY THOSE CLOSE TO ME AS SOMETHING
COMPLETELY
FUCKING
NEGATIVE
AS IF I CHOSE THIS DAY TO TURN TO SHIT
AS IF I CHOSE TO HAVE DEPRESSION THAT I HAVE TO HIDE FROM EVERYONE
AS IF I CHOSE THIS LIFE

IMAGINE LIVING A LIFE WHERE EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT IS VIEWED AS SOMETHING COMPLETELY NEGATIVE, AND YOU MUST ALWAYS BE SAD *BECAUSE OF SOME REASON* OR HAPPY. NO IN-BETWEENS, NO ENCOURAGING WORDS, NO EXPLORATION, AND NOBODY TO UNDERSTAND YOU OR GUIDE YOU
I'M AN EMOTIONALLY UNDEVELOPED PIECE OF HUMAN GARBAGE AND NOBODY IN THE REAL WORLD CAN NEITHER SAY THE WORDS NOR OFFER A HELPING HAND

the only thing I am capable of choosing, and even this is becoming less and less of a choice, is whether I'll add another cut to my forearm. Today's cut was absolutely not a choice, this is the first time it happened; I went to the bathroom, picked up my razor, closed my eyes, and cut, it was all completely automatic. I even have to walk manually for fucks sake
I've always thought somebody would just magically come and pick me up, but the older I get, the more I realize it was never going to happen. And the trench keeps getting deeper.

Free Stellaris DLC, all you gotta do is own the base game on steam.

drive.google.com/open?id=1oPgaZT_Haa6IZAiW4ClSkYVilu4ytk43

Can see how that'd happen now, apologies for my earlier assumption. Hope you aren't too tense for the experience ad know what you mean about raising one's voice - they just say that trying to make excuses in the hopes that they'll put you in a panic and give them free stuff. Again, we need death squads for people like that.

do you have anyone to cuddle with? i know this is r9k and and the answer is probably no, but it doesn't hurt to ask.
if you don't do you have a daki or a pillow to hug? i really want to cuddle sometimes, too, but i dont really have anyone to cuddle. instead, i shut my eyes and pretend that my pillow is my waifu.

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Yeah, if it wasn't clear I am the manager. My associate literally went against me in front of customers publically.

She came in today and I told her she could leave early once she covered my break since I can handle the store alone. She went apeshit and called corporate. I got a call from my boss saying I'm probably getting a write up and I have our group leader coming to my store on top of that to make sure all our tagging is done.

On top of that my associate left to drop off our deposit (one of her jobs) and it's been over an hour and a half and she's still gone with our deposit. So that's fun. No idea if she's coming back.

Pretty sure I'm fired. I told my boss I don't give a fuck if they fire me at this point. They made me look like jackass yesterday.

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I just wanna break free of modern society and scream like an animal and beat the shit out of deer and women and shit brah FUCK.

I don't sadly. People used to give me cuddles in some roleplay kind of way, and it would make me feel warm and fuzzy. I'd think about the experience the next day too and it'd still make me feel fuzzy and sleepy still.

I hug my pillow sometimes when I sleep. Less so these days, but I do still like to it every now and again. I think I graduated to rolling up my blanket into sometimething like a body pillow and putting my legs around it.

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spent a week studying for 4 finals, somehow didnt bomb any of it

feelsgoodman, now its christmas break time

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>She came i today and I told her she could leave early once she covered my break
Ah, I think my comprehension is off here - I mean I've seen lazy co-workers but if read right that is a bit ridiculous, she went angry because you gave her an easy shift?

My brother has been a criminal in the past.
He was in prison, and in jail a bunch of times.
>heroin
>burglary
Thefts to get money for heroin, and defrauding a pawn shop.
Oh and he stabbed me in the chest in 2007,
He stole a lot from me and my parents.
He's a text book definition of a 13th stepper he is arrogant from the fact that he beat (not for long I think) his addiction to heroin.
He's getting his criminal record expunged in the near future and I don't want him to have all his sins forgiven.
I want to oppose it in court but, that probably takes too much money.
He wasnt punished enough for his crimes.
People say I should let it go because "we're family"
But I can't let it go and I don't forgive him. I'm so mad.

She was angry because she knew I was mad at her from yesterday because she knows what she did was wrong and made the situation 10x worse.

huh. i know there are sort of roleplaying threads once in a while, but i dont see as many as there used to be. i really wanted to try doing cute/erotic roleplaying because i wanted to be told certain things like that im being hugged or whatever but i was really nervous about that sort of thing because i was scared that i'd say something weird that would be a major turnoff. getting real cuddles won't happen to me for quite a while, but getting warm and fuzzy roleplay hugs sounds cozy. are you looking only for real cuddles now?

>rolling up my blanket into sometimething like a body pillow and putting my legs around it
that sounds comfy as hecc. do you just like the sensation of holding something or are you into imagining that its a person?

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They say this is the old fashioned way of learning art: alexhays.com/loomis/ the I haven't bee on /ic/ for a while, only really go on there when I want to see cringe threads. You could probably scrape time to draw though its such a difficult subject that its really anyone's call. Do however make an attempt - even if it be 10 mins. a day it can really make a difference and bolster interest in related fields. With friends it depends on who is approaching, after all if you are the one initiating contact perhaps best to cool off slightly so that they appreciate time with you more, still its great that you have people you can talk to whenever.

Wouldn't worry about the reading, I'm not clever and try to improve my knowledge through reading a lot as my insufferably poor attention span makes it difficult to concentrate on one thing for more than 20 mins~ found that breaking things up a lot helps and reading off-topic books really energizes me to the point of feeling well... kind of lewd. Didn't used to read until I was 16 but only really made an effort around my 19th birthday, been going crazy on it. Also don't sleep much so that allows time for all kinds of things. I'm pretty busy a lot of the time though despise the excuse of "being busy" that I hear almost daily and so seek to conquer any perceived challenge and request thrust upon thyself!

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that guy sounds like a real asshole. being able to contain yourself against him takes a lot of strength. i respect that.
does he still live with you or did he go off on his own? if he's gone then i'd just call it good riddance and move on which is actually much more easier said than done consider this motherfucker stabbed you in the chest. what the actual fuck
if he still lives around you, then fuck, i really really feel for you man.

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I don't mind really. Real cuddles and online cuddles are both nice.

I just like the sensation of holding. I don't have anyone special so I don't really personify it when I grapple it.

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I fucked up again, OP. I fucked up AGAIN... My body clock/Sleep schedule is completely fucked. It's 10 pm. in here, and I just woke up. And that is just the least of my problems. Fuck.

I moved away, and then had to move back.
Everything sucks. At least we work different hours.
I wish he was dead.
Back when he had warrants on his head I could punch him in the face and he couldn't call the cops.

just finished all my finals for school, but now i have to find work back home to pay the rent on my apartment.
and im not really skilled in my major enough to do actually something related to it, so its gonna be another factory job for me. i mean it wouldnt be so bad if i had a nice home to go to. cuz every night at home my parents are at each others neck and my siblings are so passive of it really pisses me off. and my house is so cramped i cant practice drawing or piano so that sucks too.

yeah, i've been trying to follow the advice of /ic/ to get myself started without too much of a hitch.
i like the advice about trying to make at least a small attempt daily to keep the habit up. when i think back, it's because i worked consistently on something that i got better at it, not inconsistently spending big chunks of time on it. i appreciate your help.

>my insufferably poor attention span makes it difficult to concentrate on one thing for more than 20 mins~
i know that feel. whenever i'm writing a big paper, i lose my concentration about every 15-20 minutes or so which frustrates me. there was a neat video about the optimal way to study that i found on youtube, however, which spoke of how working really hard for 15 minutes and taking a 5 minute break after every 15 minute interval keeps you completely focused for those 15 minutes and lets you recharge during those small breaks. it worked out great for just about any extensive academic work i have to do. maybe it works for other things, too.

>found that breaking things up a lot helps and reading off-topic books really energizes me to the point of feeling well... kind of lewd
yeah, that sounds about right. also that's kinda cute and hot.

>Didn't used to read until I was 16 but only really made an effort around my 19th birthday, been going crazy on it. Also don't sleep much so that allows time for all kinds of things.
its nice to hear that you're so enthusiastic about something. you don't find many people that are as excited about doing something these days, especially on Jow Forums. just don't push yourself too much though, okay? sleep is important.

>I'm pretty busy a lot of the time though despise the excuse of "being busy" that I hear almost daily and so seek to conquer any perceived challenge and request thrust upon thyself!
that's a really strong ethic that you have for yourself. assuming that it's genuine, i am really impressed by that. i wish that i can be like that soon.

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goddamn. since you guys work different hours, do you have to interact with him much? just being around his vicinity sounds cancerous as hell, but if you have to actually talk to him, that sounds problematic.
is his attitude the same as it used to be or is he trying to reform himself?

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>I just like the sensation of holding. I don't have anyone special so I don't really personify it when I grapple it.
that's really interesting to me. maybe im just oblivious, but i haven't met anyone that likes cuddling because of the sensation itself. just seems a bit strange to me because the part that i like about cuddling or intimate physical contact is that it indicates a personal connection to someone/something.

the closest thing i can think of when it comes to liking holding for the sake of holding is masturbating for the pleasure of sexual pleasure and not to vicariously live through a fantasy with another person/thing.

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what is up my dude? talking about it might help

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I got something for ya OP. I just woke up from a dream where the devil and I were hanging out in a department store after hours. He was eating beans and wearing one of there uniforms. He was singing to me too.

I see. Well, would you cuddle a guy?

I see him as exactly the same.
We get into shouting matches.
He usually starts them.
Then sometimes we don't say much of anything to each other for our parents sake.

Best of luck in whatever you do, would love to hear of your attempts though even if they do not go as sufficiently as planned. Can see how those breaks would help - I always structure it as 10 mins lang. + 50 mins subject from 3:00 - 17:00 and 10 mins lang. + 10 mins further reading. + 40 mins subject from 17:00 - 3:00. That's the most optimal I could find at least though Jow Forums can be a little distracting at times.

Yeah, everytime I go into the library I have to get out as quick as possible or I will literally spend half an hour at 4:00 in the morning making sure no-one is around before I take books out of shelves, smell them, pull them tightly against my chest and hug them with this expression on my face (pic related) - I'm pathetic.

For sure the ethic is genuine, call it naive though I think if everyone held their part and worked to the best of their ability there wouldn't be half the work for all of us to do and we could all relax a little more. Somewhere along the line more have to tow if we're to advance and I'm trying my best to help. S-sorry if that seems righteous.

Found sleep and mood to be inversely proportional so the less the better - some days though its like my legs won't move or I'll be reading a book and slowly drift to sleep.

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i'll cuddle anyone as long as there is mutual affection between the other and i. i kinda-sorta have some trust issues, however, so the chances of that happening anytime soon are pretty damn low.
the imaginary person i have in my head when i cuddle a pillow or something can look and sound like anyone. its just that their personality has to be something that i can trust, if that makes any sense.

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Makes sense to me. Trust issues are the worst, but so is getting hurt.

I'll dedicate my pillow hugs tonight to you, as well.

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I've been trying to keep a normal sleep schedule. But I have a habit of fucking it up and once that happens and I start to wake up at night and stay awake through the night and sleep the day, I get nothing done. Not that I get anything done regardless, lul... I'm a lazy fuck. Add up the dark winters we have in here and boom, you have an atmosphere that just sucks. It's depressing. Just another "fuck you" on top of being a KHV Uggo NEET with next to no direction in life.

I don't live, I exist.

oh man. the worst part about people like that is that you can't even reason with them or tell them you you feel to come to some mutual conclusion because they're often too far gone for any of that stuff and the only option left is to just deal with them.
i said it already, but im really impressed with how much you're able to stand this guy, but i dont think even you can tolerate him for long enough.
any plan to move out?

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People can't read minds right? I'm always afraid that people read my mind when I'm in public. Makes me kinda nervous.

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>Makes sense to me. Trust issues are the worst, but so is getting hurt.
for sure. i used to be an edgy incel who laughed at people who suffered breakups of some sort but now that my perspective's grown i really see how much it shatters your core when someone that you've valued greater than your life no longer wants you. its almost happened to me once and i dont want it to happen again, but its inevitable, isnt it?

>I'll dedicate my pillow hugs tonight to you, as well.
reading that made me feel surprisingly warm and happy. i couldnt help but smile.
thanks for chatting, user. it was fun.

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If I ever get the money.
Debts eat most of my money and I can't save much. I want to move out and I want them all out of my life but, I'm stuck in a constant state of broke.
I know that if I hit him I won't be able to stop so I let him get away with insulting me.
I'm kind of overweight and he calls me morbidly obese,
I smoke ciggs and he vapes.
He misremembers things about me and uses it against me all the time.
I call him a drug addict and criminal and use homophobia against him. Some how I think when my parents die he'll want to try to make amends to me.
I won't. If my parents die I'll get to split and inheritance with him and that will be enough to move away safely.

I used to have this same fear and rest assured, the cannot hear your thoughts. Just be mindful that you do not accidentally speak your thoughts aloud.

i want to skull fuck an old comrade to death for looking at me in my boxer shorts and saying i had a small dick infront of a girl, it was cold and my penis size fluctuates when nervous when soft
now the paranoia hits that everyone is going around saying i got a small dick, why does this happen, i swear it comes every month im sick of this treadmill of anger and angst over shit that isn't even happening I have a 7" dick erect, but im annoyed because i know toasties will believe rumors and no one is gonna see my dick when its hard so the rumor will stand that user has a small dick
I just want to not care, there's 10 other things that get stuck in my head too from these roaches I wish I never interacted with
Any tips for how to stop this re-occurring thought cycle would be nice

>10 mins lang. + 50 mins subject from 3:00 - 17:00 and 10 mins lang. + 10 mins further reading. + 40 mins subject from 17:00 - 3:00.
sounds like a pretty rigid and efficient structure if you're able to follow through with it, which you seem more than capable of doing. such a schedule will certainly reap great rewards.

> I will literally spend half an hour at 4:00 in the morning making sure no-one is around
oh man. empty libraries (and empty public facilities in general) are amazing. being all by yourself in a place that usually has people in it gives me a sort of rush. i love it. also, 4:00AM library openings? that sounds awesome. libraries around here for me open at 9:00-10:00, so it usually always has people in it.

>I take books out of shelves, smell them, pull them tightly against my chest and hug them with this expression on my face (pic related)
cute

>if everyone held their part and worked to the best of their ability there wouldn't be half the work for all of us to do and we could all relax a little more. Somewhere along the line more have to tow if we're to advance and I'm trying my best to help.
honestly. it's definitely really hard for a lot of people because, as you can see, a lot of them either don't know what to do and if they do, they don't really have the strength to work on it extensively like that. there are many other factors at play here, but in general i think you're correct.

>S-sorry if that seems righteous.
nah, it doesnt.

>Found sleep and mood to be inversely proportional so the less the better - some days though its like my legs won't move or I'll be reading a book and slowly drift to sleep.
that's rather interesting. if i don't get sleep, though, i usually end up being really grouchy and unwilling to work on stuff, often falling asleep in the middle of class or in my chair at home.

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I'd like to make you smile more. It sounds fun.

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I've been living the neet life for a while now, and that lead to worsening my confidence issues.
And I hide said confidence issues behind acting like an asshole and acting carefree and looking as if I didn't give a fuck about anything, and I'm slowly starting to realize that it can't go on for ever
I know I'm capable of becoming something great deep inside, or at least that's what they all kept telling me, but I just can't find a reason why I should bother, why even try, failure is scary and yet so very easy to attain
I have no ambition, I kinda wish for a relationship, secretly hoping that it'd help me get back on track and finding something to aim for, but then I have trust issues and I'm not sure I can even trust people anymore, at least nobody from here, people are just untrustworthy retards that think they understand shit because they heard it on tv, it's really fucking sad, and that of course stops me from even wanting to try finding a relationship in the first place

I'm just so fucking aimless and I honestly can't find a way out

Whenever I go outside I feel as though im being stared at even if I feel like im looking alright that day
I can barely go outside and go to class anymore because im too anxious

I have the next few days off actually, so I just slept in until 4:00 after playing the new Smash Bros all night.

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Yes i do, yes, it
yes

do you have trouble sleeping because of insomnia or some other external factor or are you unsure of why its happening? when i had a garbage sleep cycle, i did a bunch of exercise before i went to bed and it helped me stay asleep throughout the night.

>Add up the dark winters we have in here and boom, you have an atmosphere that just sucks.
seasonal moods are the worst. at least you can do stuff during the summer like go outside and sleep during nights, but during the winter its cold and dark outside and sleep schedules are completely ruined because of it.

>Just another "fuck you" on top of being a KHV Uggo NEET with next to no direction in life.
i'm khv and uggo, but i have a semblance of direction in life and im still in school at the moment. im still lucky because i left depression behind a while back and it hasn't come back for me yet, and the goberment is still paying for my tuition so i can stay in school and therefore still have people to talk to.
if you have people to talk to, then i would suggest trying to talk to them to relieve some of the psychological pains of isolation. if you don't have friends you can talk with, you can do what i'm doing and talk to a bunch of strangers on r9k.

>I don't live, I exist.
this hurts.

>Debts eat most of my money and I can't save much. I want to move out and I want them all out of my life but, I'm stuck in a constant state of broke.
fuuuuuuuuuuuck, that sucks. it really hurts to read the things that you're saying because the only thing that i can do to help is to say that your situation sucks and that im listening, which might not even be helpful at all, fuck.
this guy sounds like a grade-A asshole, but it looks like the best thing you can do is to iron man it.
at this point, the best solution just sounds like to split and never meet again, once you're able to do that.

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i'd like that, too. it makes me smile just by reading that.
are you suggesting something?

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Hehe, the university library is open 24 hours (need ID to get in past 19:00). Always good when it empties out past 00:00 and there's usually just me, this guy in a red hoodie and a big African fella and its like this contest to see who can stay there the longest (its a quiet area like so I've never talked to them but you know those autistic games you play in your head).

Squirming around mostly now that its 21:00 (21:00 - 00:00 is free time more or less) and getting real snug in bed so that I am more energized to take on the rest of the night, leaving that too late can lead to accidentally falling asleep or worse being in a dream-like dissociated state and hugging everything that moves in a drunken-like manner.

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sorry, my compadres, but i have to go for an hour or so. if this thread dies by the time i'm back, that would be unfortunate.

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It's mostly just that I'm not discipline enough to keep it stable, I'd stay up on my PC for hour or three more than normal and it would fuck my sleep instantly as in the slope starts and before I know it, it's fucked. Also I've noticed that it's really hard for me to fall asleep to complete silence, my body maybe tired, but my mind is not. I start to overthink. I usually put some music on with a low volume, it helps alot.

>if you have people to talk to, then i would suggest trying to talk to them to relieve some of the psychological pains of isolation
It's not that I don't have any friends and family, I do... And they are dear to me and I think/feel that I'm dear to them aswell. However, they have their lives, the world keeps spinning. They keep living while like I said, I just keep existing. Frozen in time. I have no motivation and even the little things I have passions in, I can't muster enough care to walk towards my goals or dreams. I can take care of myself. I'm not going to just roll over and die or be a pussy and kms. But at this rate. Eventually, I will just fade away.

I found out that my aunt who is a teacher might have had sex with a student. Both were over 18 but my social life is still going to be fucked. And theres a rumor that my cousin might have fucked her brother. Im gonna get so bullied

>hard drive died out nowhere
>possibly about to become a wagie
really awful one-two punch to be desu. i am glad you lads seem to be doing better for the most part

Thanks for listening to me and my shit situation.

I've been doing my job for 3 years now and its the only type of work I've ever liked, but I'm still shit practically all of it and its got me ready to neck myself. I'm tired at never being good at anything.

im back. i saw your post by the way, its an honest mistake. desu, Jow Forums's formatting is kinda annoying sometimes and i have to triple-check whenever i use a spoiler tag.
but yeah, i thought you were implying lewd things and i was curious what direction to go with what you said

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>friend who I haven't heard from in months reaches out to me two weeks ago
>"I miss you"
>ask when's a good time to come see her
>"I'll let you know when"
>no response for awhile
>check her FB out of curiosity today
>new pics of her with an ex she broke up with
>she likely never would have said anything to me
>realize I was just an emotional vent again
>this is the second time in one month
Can I just die?

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>oneitis loved christmas markets
>so do I
>imagined how we would visit the local one together in more hopeful times
>go there today, alone natch
>see happy couples
>wish to get strassbourged or just lay down and expire raising

Why the fuck am I doing this to myself? Did I seriously think I would feel otherwise?

Teacher told me I won't ever become a writer 'cos I'm not good enough. Sad times.

yeah, it was my pleasure. talking to peeps on Jow Forums fulfills my requirement for social interaction and is enjoyable in general. i hope you make it through. best of luck.

>I'd stay up on my PC for hour or three more than normal and it would fuck my sleep instantly as in the slope starts and before I know it, it's fucked.
i used to do this a lot because its really easy to get caught up in a pc and not fall asleep. time passes by really quickly and the bright screen doesn't allow you to become tired. what i did was that i took my phone to bed and listen to music or listen to some SCP entries or creepypasta, just like you stated.

>They keep living while like I said, I just keep existing. Frozen in time.
this feeling really stings. its rough because it makes it hard to connect with people and get help for my problems, at least for me.

>I have no motivation and even the little things I have passions in, I can't muster enough care to walk towards my goals or dreams.
what are some of the dreams and goals that you have? is it just a lack of motivation or are there external factors?
the reason that i'm not chasing my passions yet is mostly out of laziness and uncertainty about the reason why i'm doing it. lotta people just do things and chase passions on a whim without really thinking about it, but i have a hard time doing that so i have to rationalize a reason to do it (usually a philosophical one). i dont know about you, though. what's holding you back?

>I'm not going to just roll over and die or be a pussy and kms. But at this rate. Eventually, I will just fade away.
this is my biggest fear. whenever i think about my end, i get really anxious at thinking about how insignificant my existence is and/or how it was meaningless and after 2 years i'll be completely forgotten as though i never existed to begin with. im looking into Albert Camus and Absurdism to alleviate that anxiety though.
cont.

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absurdism basically states that life itself is completely absurd but you should live it in spite of it being absurd. it probably sounds wack and stupid at first glance, and it did to me when i first found it, but Camus, the guy who created it, created it because he believed the only real philosophical question was about whether you should kill yourself or not. i liked that, so i kept looking into a bit more to see what it was really all about.
eventually my outlook on life became a lot better and the transition into that new outlook is depicted really well in this comic: existentialcomics.com/comic/260
your ideas are your own and i don't want to force you into taking any philosophical stance or something, but this is just what helped me.

>Eventually, I will just fade away.
yeah. eventually we will all fade away. the real struggle is to make the most out of the brief time that we have and to live life for the sake of rebelling against death.

fuck, im sorry if this ended up becoming super preachy and shit. what i wanted to convey was that this ideology got me out of a tough spot and it might be worth taking a look at.

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I worked hard, got fit, learned to socialize, got a GF. But I'm the most miserable I've felt in years. Despite these things I feel like a failure. I gave up something that made people proud because I hated it but now I have no goals. Honestly I don't want any goals. I don't want any of this. I just want to enjoy myself

Not sure how that happened. Embarrassing.

Cuddles will do.

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you had a capital 's' for the first spoiler tag
[Spoiler]it should be all lowercase or else it won't work properly.[/spoiler]
im glad you came back, though. it felt a bit awkward to be left hanging like that.
thank you for the cuddles

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Do you ever stretch your legs and then get a cramp?

when sitting still for long periods, it happened all the time and i hated it.
my solution was to move my legs around in different positions every five minute or so to make sure that they're warmed up. haven't had one in a long time, but i remember that they hurt like a motherfucker.
if you have one right now, i hope it goes away. try eating a banana, if you can. it helps.

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Modern society needs more men like Marc Lepine.

Thanks. I'm in bed right now, so I have lots of fidget room.

I guess what holds me back mostly is my fear of failure and the longing validation from my peers. Heck even my friends and family. I can't shake the feeling of dissapointment that they'd have for me. No matter how much they would say otherwise. I have the constant feeling of people talking shit behind my back. I feel like I deserve no respect because I'm not worthy of it and I will never be worthy of respect of recognition among the people I care about because I'm weak, mentally, emotionally, physically. And it doesn't matter if I try to better myself because I will fail regardless.

And the other thing I'd say is my dislike for change. I hate change. Things are at a constant flux and there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it. I can see that all around me, yet I can't accept that I think, in my heart of hearts, you know. I stay in this bubble even though in the long run it's not a good thing for me, since I will you know... Just fade away inside. But on the other hand the certain small things, the comfy things, and some things that make my happy. They will possible not be there if I leave this bubble, will I ever be able to come either? Then there is guilt and doubt, am I just really some spineless fuck, who can't get his act together? There are other people who have it much worse, they could live in a home of neglect or abuse or they could live in some shithole in Africa where life expectancy is under fucking 40 with with no way to escape it.

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i have to go soon, user, so this might have to be the last thing i send here.

>I guess what holds me back mostly is my fear of failure and the longing validation from my peers.
ive had this fear before and what i did to combat it was to imagine if the roles were swapped. if i were the one living, and the other were merely existing. if your best friend was having the same struggle that you were and instead, you were the one doing well, you wouldn't look down on him, would you? you'd never think of him as a failure but instead you'd want the best for him without seeing him/her as a failure.

>I can't shake the feeling of dissapointment that they'd have for me. No matter how much they would say otherwise. I have the constant feeling of people talking shit behind my back. I feel like I deserve no respect because I'm not worthy of it and I will never be worthy of respect of recognition among the people I care about because I'm weak, mentally, emotionally, physically.
this sounds like an inferiority complex to me, if i've ever heard of one. im not really sure what to do about this because there are many different approaches to rising above them. doing things that you are passionate about and doing them well increased my self-confidence and let me get over the pathological belief that i was inherently weak. but you have trouble getting motivation in the first place so its gonna be tough. fuck.
getting over the feelings of inferiority is tough, but just know that they're not true. after talking with you for a while, i can see that you're an intelligent person and im sure youre capable of accomplishing something if you put your heart into it.

>And the other thing I'd say is my dislike for change. I hate change.
cont.

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Before you go user *squeeeeeeeeze*

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