>just chilling
>have random memory of me embarrassing myself, made fun of, disappointing someone, getting in trouble, fucking something up etc. pop up in head
>have to say something like "god fucking dammit" or "I fucking hate myself" out loud to make the bad thoughts go away
>happens MANY times throughout the day
>interferes with getting work done
Also
>had decent length hair two months ago
>started pulling hair out because I stopped drinking and smoking
>pain felt good
>had to shave it off
Are any of these symptoms of a specific mental illness? I went to therapy and psychiatry a few times but I stopped because I felt like they were just "humoring" me and I didn't feel like any progress was being made, and I was given anti-depressants but was never given a proper diagnosis for anything.
Also /mental illness/ general I guess
/mental illness/ general
sounds like obsessive compulsive with the hair thing imo but it could just be stress related, I always do the cringe hindsight thing too
I can relate to the embarrassing memories and wanting to scream I hate myself or fuck or whatever. After talking to people about other unrelated frustrations, probably projection, and learning mindfulness and meditation, I learned to internally scream and try to change my thoughts/obsession. Also, every now and then, like 6 months I get a bad case of existential dread where I have to force myself out of bed. Happened today. May happen every 6 mo or 1 yr. Supression of emotion is a funny thing. Life is a bunch of cycles with an autist, at least with me. I'm experimenting with taking higher doses of iodine to try and help. Currently on about 6 mg /day
NAh thats just trichotillomania
Ocd would be if he had to pull his hair out so his parents wont die
kill yourself you genetic trash
Will do right after I die due to old age to spite you.
Oops, fucked that up, but doesn't change the sentiment. I will live and you can't stop me.
Any other anons with bipolar? Any of you live at least moderatly ok lives?
>imagine argument with friend
>he isn't even like that
>still say counter argument out loud
>tfw borderline
>practically the cancer of mental illness
>something like a suicide rate 50 times the national average, almost 10% of people with bpd commit suicide
just a matter of time
I have certain sayings and other things I repeat in my head over and over again. For example, whenever I think about death in any capacity, I have this compulsion to tell myself "I don't actually want to die, that's just a way for me to voice my displeasure in something." I also repeat words I see often, "so yeah", and "1 2, 3 4, 5 6, 7 8, 9 10" over and over again to comfort myself.
Is this OCD or just autism? I think I read somewhere that a sign of autism is compulsive things like this and I have suspected I might be autistic for a while.
Bipolar is 20% so HAH ill probably die first sucker.
Help
>living normal student life.
>starts feeling like everyone are talking about me behind my back.
>begin hearing voices in my head this spring.
>never thougt mental illness would happen to me.
>goes to a point where Nine inch nails gets relatable
>keep quiet about it
>friend of a friend comes over to smoke some pot.
>body language is weird
>seems like they are talking about me, as usual.
>tone of their voice say "he does not know?"
>overhead something.
>does not make sence
>later after much confusion puzzlepieces fit, and it seems that "something" has happened to me,
>this is a game changer but nobody are confronting me about it.
Won't go in detail about what that "something" is
>voices in the head stops.
>start seeing evidence of that something everywhere.
>tell my parents about that something.
>gets forced into a mental health hospital agains my will.
>feel completely healthy, now.
>knowing that that something is real is what keeps me going.
>story of that something is too crazy to share to the doctors.
>nurces can't see anything wrong with me, but doctors incist on keeping me there.
>locked up there for 3 months without any medicine.
>doctor kicks me out before I get to complain about my stay to the higher ups.
>living now in my cramped student appartment.
>have cut contacts with my friends because they have not told me about the something.
>studies looking bad
I have been woring, but now more than ever that the evidence of that something is made up.
tfw maybe my life is fucked
My dude you seem to have your wits about you but you're giving into that paranoid schizophrenia. You need meds
>schizoaffective
>applied for disability this month
>moved in with parents because too distracted to work
>get confused and spacey easily, caused me to get lost and forgetful
>sleep 15 hours a day because I'm so depressed
>losing weight and becoming malnourished
>parents are great but I know I'm a leech
>lost all my friends because I've isolated myself for months
And now I'm back here on r9k.
Man I've been doing the same thing (bipolar). I've basically cut contact from the people who are my friends because I feel tired and shit all the time. I want to be alone but also hate being lonely. I'm also living with my parents and they are super supportive but I get sick of the fact that I can't even go to work half the time because of how depressed I can get. I'm hoping next year is much better and I can go out and do some self improvement.
>have random memory of me embarrassing myself, made fun of, disappointing someone, getting in trouble, fucking something up etc. pop up in head
>have to say something like "god fucking dammit" or "I fucking hate myself" out loud to make the bad thoughts go away
Is there a word for this? It's very common I find.
>think about how ugly I am all the time
>heavily consider killing myself multiple times a day
>heavily consider doing self surgery to fix my face multiple times a day
>avoid mirrors, covered front camera of phone
>constantly compare my face to other people's faces
>avoid going outside because of ugliness all the time
>work at night so nobody can see me
>can't stop thinking about it, can't stop being bothered by it
I am gonna kill myself. No, not suicide. Ive ascened the mortal coil. I understand now life is conflict, and I am fully conciouss of that.
I am now doing everything I covet. I am already facing so much conflict, so much new information. its too much, but im suffering, and very angry.
I have already begun destroying relationships. I covet too much, too much conflict is ahead boys. I will meet someone who will best me, and soon kill me. I am running, crashing right into death right now.
im am splitting into different people. too much TOO M U C H. C A N T ST O P WONTSTOP.
H E L P. I will break everything, I will rape, all to learn. Im gonna shout, my insanity will soon go viral as I rampage on this world, unless i use art to express it
but im getting too pissed off. destruction desturction. soon is sex. its gonna happen. its gonna happen. i will fuck her, and she will hate it because the dumb bitch who finally got attention, with my lowstandards, and i fuck her hard because i covet EVERYTHING FEMALE. HER skin, her eye holes, her neck ears. I will tear her to shreds as i ravage. I cant be contained bros. im am now on a path to hurt.
its no longer a quest for help. See ya bros...i will die. FUCK.
I really want to know what that something is.
My story is similar, will keep short
>Smoke weed with friends outside of restaurant
>Get super high really quick, haven't smoked in a year, low tolerance.
>Sit at bar, start imagining things are happening
>Feel like i travel to another universe, where I'm married to my coworker girl that I'm with
>look for my wedding ring
>in a state
>She has to take me outside to get some air because I'm sweating and red.
>It was insane and I know they were talking about me for good reason probably
>It felt like it was traced with something tho
You're not alone OP, I'm the same way but I pick at my fingers and bite the inside of my cheeks and some other stuff. Some days are better than others, and if you find something you like to do you will feel better. For me it was reading and listening to music. When I feel like I'm overwhelmed I usually just pace around until and mumble to myself to calm down, maybe you should do something like that. Try to find a way to cope with it before getting expensive help, if it doesn't work then go see someone like a psychiatrist or other professional.