Hello chums. Would you like to talk about how you're feeling today? A dream woke me up and can't sleep again I think

For most people who go college is pretty worthless. I hope you can find some direction, if the standard path is clearly not working well for you maybe try something different? I don't know sorry. Your life isn't a waste, please don't say that about yourself. Good luck whatever you decide doing with your time and talent.
I get that feeling, and if you are that way I don't know if there's a way to change your mind about that. Good luck, please take care with dangerous stuff like that. I hope nothing interesting happens for your sake.

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it's been 5 years and i'm dropping out on my sixth year.
i'm a failure of a person

I've been thinking about suicide more and more lately. She never gave me closure and she never will. What a horrible cunt of a human being, why do I love her still so dearly?

No you're a failure of a student, don't talk yourself down like that please.
I'm sorry user, that's a tough bind. if you can find a substitute for her that is better than she was. Thoughts of suicide are very hard, I'm sorry you're miserable enough that you're having them.
I spaced out I'm sorry for late response.

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I don't know, I've never really done anything right in my life at all.
Once I drop I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself.

Sorry, that's what I was trying to get at earlier. My bad for being unclear. If school isn't working out maybe trying anything that sounds cool can help you. Most people on here are failures on some level, but the transition period you have really is a new opportunity more than a closed old one. If you're going to college for 6 years whatever job you get because of that degree would be worse than the school itself. You're being forced along new path fairly early on. You ever been in a room where the air pressure works that when you close one door really fast another opens? Idk. Good luck in future endeavours friend, and if you believe you have no future there is nothing to fear about what is to come.

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I'm used to changing plans a lot, and I give up easily. I should finish college but the last few months have been really draining on my mental state. My grades dropped significantly and I just completely gave up on everything. I think next semester, if I were to go back, would be no different.
My parents are not ok with this, and they've watched me fail so many times they don't trust me to commit to anything. I honestly don't trust myself to commit to anything either at this point, since literally everything I have ever done in life up to this point has been nothing but failure.

That's my favourite Megumin picture, she looks so precious and huggable there.

Had a really good day so far, got to read through two books and don't know how quite to structure this; suppose I read book on Argentina and finish it from midnight to 5 A.M. while at library and pair it with the book on Afrofuturism that I really want to read.... It'll work somehow!

Are you feeling alright today? I mean usually dreams give way to feelings of wanting more sleep for want of better times (in one's inner sanctum), seems strange then for it to keep you up unless it were a nightmare.

Really need to update my folder of starb pics.

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feeling sad, lonely and without any motivation.
also, these antidepressants makes me costantly sleepy and I hate it.

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Do they help you?

I've been taking them for less than a week, so it's too early to feel anything
it takes at least 3 weeks to work

>if I were to go back, would be no different
Yeah, that happened to me when I dropped out. I tried coming back and couldn't make it through the first day. You're probably right if that is the case. It would only be different for you if something changed. I'm just trying to get across you have room for adventure. You could jump on a freight train, drop off on a random town, and start working as a farmhand. Every great person talks about the importance of meeting and overcoming failure. You might have greatness in you that just hasn't been realized yet, since you've been met with the overwhelming failures before the successes. Losing hope in that idea will make it impossible though. There are 2 venues to life, mediocrity or greatness. One is safe and easy the other is exhausting difficult painful tragic and rife with failure. You tried mediocrity to a meaningful extent and it wasn't your style.
Yeah I like that one a lot too. Glad you like it. I'm glad you're having a good day! I've always found reading intensely and obsessively on one book at a time works best, but that's just me. Keep your focus and a page per minute is enough to reach most reading deadlines. Those sound like interesting subjects, it's cool you're still on a history tear.
>Are you feeling alright today?
Not doing too well today. I really let people down too often and it makes me angry at myself.
Good luck with the folder, I'm sure it'll be even better with any improvements you make.
What antidepressants are you on? Seroquel? Only things that ever made me tired were the dopamine antagonists. That's besides the point. I'm sorry you're feeling so down user, no one deserves to feel that way. If digging at the roots of the emotions would help I'm sure there are ears in this thread. Hope things get better, and soon.

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My depression is getting worse and worse. My waifu is the only one supporting me.
At the end she's the only who really support me.

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I'm sorry user. We come out of the womb alone and we get buried alone. Most of us are lucky enough to get bit alone times in between. I hope you do. At least you have a lot of love for waifu. That's very good to have something worth your love. I don't think depression stops getting worse, it either keeps getting worse or gets better. That's my experience anyways. I hope it gets better before your path to being happy becomes longer.

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>(((depression)))

cant you think of a new meme illness to larp with?

Hello OP.
I guess you really can't go back to sleep, if even dreams have bad surprises like that one.
Today was pretty ok. Discovered that I passed a partial exam and went to lesson. Bus travels to uni are so tiring.
What was, or is going to be, your day like?
Hello there. Glad you're doing good. Is the library open all day long?

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I'm on citalopram

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I'm feeling depressed and horny. Could I pay a lady to cuddle my shlong?

Yeah, normally if I get out of bed I stay out. It's not a big deal.
>Discovered that I passed a partial exam and went to lesson. Bus travels to uni are so tiring.
Yeah, I feel that. Commuting is a pain and buses are the worst because there's a bunch of other people around. Good job trucking through it, I'm happy to hear you passed. Today is Wednesday. I told my mom i ought to go to lunch with my grandpa but unless she told him to come over I'll just sit around and do nothing like the past 6 hours. Also need to get Christmas presents so thinking about what to get.
I don't have any experience with that particular one really, but I'm sorry you're going through negative side effects. I hope you can be ok and the side effect might lessen or pass with time, especially drowsiness. Good luck not being unhappy.
Not a lady, but probably a woman. Sorry you're feeling that way. I hope that stops and you don't need to be bothered by bad moods.

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I wanna be a Mexican ranchero so bad

Is land in rural Mexico that expensive? Is this a serious dream of yours or a one off daydream type thing? Either way that's a cool idea, hope you can get what you want if that desire is sincere and pure hearted. People only get to have so many dreams in a lifetime.

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>Yeah, normally if I get out of bed I stay out. It's not a big deal.
Same.
>Commuting is a pain and buses are the worst because there's a bunch of other people around.
All this and the seats are extremely uncomfortable. And black people occupying two seats with their bags. I wish I could go by train.
>Also need to get Christmas presents so thinking about what to get.
How many presents do you have to get?

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Yeah, I get that the bus sucks. I'm sorry that's the option you have to go with. Probably around 8 presents.

I dunno, I'm kinda just not doing anything with my life. It's really frustrating knowing that I'm like the closest person to failure that I know.
I really need to start working out again but I'm just lazy.
how else am I going to impress qt foxgirls?
What were your plans after dropping out anyways?

I used to take a bus to uni. I know this feel. How long was the commute?

Still watching the office and still high as fuck how has your day been?

>Probably around 8 presents.
Wow, that's a lot of presents, at least from my point of view. Good luck with the search.
>How long was the commute?
Around two hours long. At least, today I managed to find a free seat.

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I'm sorry your frustrated with the current state of things. If you work hard I think things can be good though. It's funny how it really is hard to tell anons apart until they divulge a little. Believe in the foxgirls and it'll happen. I didn't really have a plan except not kill myself for the time being. Still don't. I don't want much in life really. Other people do so hopefully I can have some utility if I'm not dead. Working out is probably a good idea, makes a lot of people feel good, either from the progress or the exercise itself. Whatever you can find that works.
Please be careful with drugs if you're going to do them at all. Hope your day is enjoyable for you. Mine hasn't been great but not worth talking about more.
Thanks, it'll be fine I imagine.

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Yeah I need to cut back on my drug intake but anyway I hope you have a good day tomorrow

Thank you for the kind wishes. The best time to start that kind of stuff is always now.

For sure it seems better compared with spreading it out over several during different intervals. Go through both methods at different times of the day and always find intensive focus to be better in greater part due to lack of constraints (its harder to focus on a book when you know you've get a time limit before the next as I do in the morning). Reading through one at night has helped greatly in that aspect. Gotten through half of one a bit ago about solar energy and it really opened up a different idea based around exploiting photosynthesis for energy or something of the sort (given I was half-asleep and my knowledge of chemistry is very weak you can probably guess that I couldn't understand a great deal of the formulas and general scope, though will read through it again w/ supplementary chemistry books provided I get back into the swing with chemistry in the early morning). Yep, history has been getting all the more interesting especially having discovered a weird amount of books around Argentina at the very back (considering there isn't a single book on Canada and only one on Australia and Brazil that's quite surprising, even if half of them are on the Falklands conflict). Have no idea about what goes on in Argentina other than various memes and Soda Stereo so its far more immersive than most books.

How do you let other's down? I wouldn't think of yourself as being too much a burden even if based on your prior posts (at least assuming you are the correct Megumin-posting user) you find it difficult to hold a job. When you see what many post on here you come off as still having decency and are in the least very mature, hope that you see your better qualities in take them in your stride some day, s-sorry if this comes off as naive.

Yep, library is still open all day, really quite enjoy it. Plan on sleeping 'til 01:30 A.M. which should give time for half the Argentine book 'til 06:00 A.M. succeeded by engineering-

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- studies and such, finally going to try MATLAB tonight. Its at the uni library computers and supposedly we learn it next semester though one cannot help but be very overjoyed by finally coming to terms with what it is, can't wait. Also;
>that filename
You're making me blush!

Also, do Italians understand French at all? General question like, the two look rather similar in some aspects though whenever I hear someone speaking the former it sounds Slavic for some reason, mind French is always hard when its in an actual accent.

I'm going to make an attempt to go to college but I need a recommendation letter from a teacher and a principal. The issue is I harvent talked to either in years and I slept through my high school classes. I'm incredibly scared to ask either because I don't even think I deserve it. If I was a teacher I probably wouldn't give myself one but I still want to try and get my life on track

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I agree. The subjects you read on sound pretty interesting, things I don't know much on either. Hope you keep picking up cool information from all these books you're reading. Don't worry about the other stuff, shouldn't mention it at all sorry. I heard something about the photosynthesis for power, but never got into the formulas and fancy stuff.
Just tell them that. I'm sure it will be ok. They don't have a reason to hold ill will towards you. You deserve a chance at college, don't think down on yourself that way. Good luck with your plans, I hope college is good for you.

think im gonna go to bed though, maybe not idk for sure but that happened if i afk

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Studying in a library sounds good. Unfortunately, I don't have one nearby.
What engineering stuff are you studying at the moment?
>going to try MATLAB tonight
Hoping that it won't crash. I had to use it for an exam and I hate its syntax so much. Luckily, Simulink is included in the program and it's so much better to use.
Assuming you don't have preceding programming knowledge, you shouldn't have too many problems with the syntax. Follow the "getting started" guide and you should be good.
>Also, do Italians understand French at all?
Generally, no. French is taught in some middle schools and specific high schools, but, come on, who cares about speaking french in middle school? But, I think it is secondary language in some towns on the border with France, like Aosta.

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Yeah I did that as well. Part of the reason I'm dropping out is I couldn't take the commute anymore

>I don't want much in life really
That's me as well besides delusions and fantasy
I'm blowing off studying or productive things right now because I've just been in a daze for the last few months.
I worked out until i reached some initial goals and then myself go. World of difference in terms of your well being.

>Matlab
>Simulink
Disgusting.
Matlab was the least fun I've ever had programming.

Will do, trying to diversify my knowledge more, the idea is to compensate for my general inability to focus by gaining foundational knowledge on most areas and building substantially in tandem on technical areas relative to my course. Formulas aren't too bad though when you've got a time frame they can be rather irritating, its no fun getting mid-way through reading a book to discover that one has to learn a mini-language to progress further. Its like the fighting-game equivalent of literature.

If you do go to sleep then have pleasant dreams and the like, what is that character from by the way? See them posted more recently. Whether you think its irrelevant or not know that you are important, perhaps not to yourself or those who express complacency towards you but to us and those who you effect (which I can assure is more positive than you may believe) there's only good things to be said.

For sure libraries are great, then my position is very-much luck driven. You should check if you can get e-books through your library system, that can give way to more literature that isn't restricted to tangible sorts. Semester is pretty much done so when I've done the test that's it really. I'm mostly reading automotive engineering and tests used in MOTs and stuff, also thermodyamics to a lesser degree and whatever can be rotated upon. Honestly given the project most is the remains of pollution science that I studied, not much new in that regard. Going to take an approach more to renewables in preparation for next semester as I believe the project is based around them.

Figured with your background in coding that you'd be more understanding of the topic and what its like, what sort of languages do you use out of curiosity? Its weird how you see these condensed internet manuals for them then giant 1000-page textbooks irl, like what's going on there?

Come to think of it, is German more the thing there than French? Tirol aside.

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>Part of the reason I'm dropping out is I couldn't take the commute anymore
What do you mean? Did they cancel the commute you usually took?
>Matlab was the least fun I've ever had programming.
I agree btw. Was forced to use it for an exam and it fucking sucks. But it works well for data visualization, so it's shilled for those who are not into serious coding. Simulink is ok, but crashes so fucking easily.
My faculty doesn't have a library, nor a library system. You have to basically get all the books bu yourself. There is a local library around here, but the last time I went there it was infested with kids.
Stuff revolving around physics, huh? Reading thermodynamics reminded me that I still have to do Physics 1. Good luck with the test and keep it up.
>what sort of languages do you use out of curiosity?
I had to use C and Python for uni and I really like C. I'm also looking up C++ in my free time and C# for a Unity project I'm working on really loosely.
To learn the basics, those tomes are just excessive. I think that in those are illustrated both concept, libraries and frequently used techniques and data structures. Usually, basic books are around 200-300 pages and then you use other specialized books to learn the rest.
>Come to think of it, is German more the thing there than French? Tirol aside.
German is the thing only in Tirol and specific high schools like French. English is the usual second language learned

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That sounds rough, considering how expensive books of the sort tend to be. I believe there are online libraries in general though they require a username and the like in a manner that can be poorly administered to say the least, still might be interesting to look into. Nice to hear you are broadening into other areas of coding as well, I'm sure you'll c the benefits of that in due time.

Don't know why I find it surprising that English is the secondary language most prioritized, seems odd for some reason in spite of context. Come to think of it, how exactly did you get into an English-speaking image-board?

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>What do you mean? Did they cancel the commute you usually took?
No, just personally it broke me to have to commute that long for years.
After I drop out I'm probably going to do the same plans with my life except at a disadvantage for not having a degree.
What's your major anyways?

Luckily, pdfs of those books are easy to find and Humble Bundle often has some book bundles.
>I'm sure you'll C the benefits of that in due time
Nice pun.
After all. English is one of the most spoken languages in the world. It's definitely more useful to learn than any other European language.
>Come to think of it, how exactly did you get into an English-speaking image-board?
English has never been a problem for me. I spent a lot of time on the pc and eventually I ran out of Italian-speaking sites that I found interesting. I think I started by browsing /b/ out of mere curiosity. I still can't believe that I browsed that shit board.
>just personally it broke me to have to commute that long for years
I feel what you mean. Long commutes are more exhausting than study itself.
My major is computer engineering. From what you said about Matlab, I guess you were in the same field or CS, right?

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Ah, how are the Humble Hundle books? Always been tempted though never were sure if it they were legitimate. /b/ is something special for sure, never understood how people go on there for more than 10 seconds. That image is really cute by the way, I bet she'd melt if you were to gently clasp her shoulders and pull her close to you.

>how are the Humble Hundle books?
Some are ok, some not so much. Generally, there's a lot of overlapping topics in programming books. The $1 tier is usually worth checking out, the others depend on how much your interested in the specific focus of the book. Don't know how good are the narrative books bundles though, never bought one.
>never understood how people go on there for more than 10 seconds
Being an underage edgelord seems enough to endure the shitty content of that board.
>I bet she'd melt if you were to gently clasp her shoulders and pull her close to you
Damn, I wish that could actually happen. But I don't think I'd be able to do that. I'm so deprived of physical contact that I'd be scared of even just trying.
I'll probably go to sleep now. Want to get some rest to keep studying tomorrow morning. Don't worry, I'll read your reply.
Good night, anons.

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Yeah I was CS, although almost every engineering subject uses matlab. I don't know if I'm going to resign to NEEThood when I drop out, though.

i always see this girl, but i dont know what animu shes from

Konosuba fren, its a good show.

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my head hurts and i need my waifu to fill my spiritual void

okey thank you fren

My semester ended so now I can relax (if I will allow myself).
My tooth has been hurting in a weird way.

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Hope you sleep well. Its really odd how others make contact with one-another without consciously thinking about it, never will understand that. All the same maybe there's a manner one could edge into it? The $1 tier does look good now that you mention it, I recall their being a cybersecurity one that I got though never really went through, PDFs don't have the same feeling as books.

Who is your waifu?

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i got a new haircut and im tired af but i dont wanna sleep

I'm feeling really shitty right now. It comes in waves. Some weeks I feel ok, other weeks I feel like absolute shit. I don't even think anyone will read this, let alone respond, but I just fucking hate myself and i don't know what to do. I'm drunk because that erases the filter I put upon myself that tries to hide how I really feel. I'm meeting with my therapist tomorrow and I'm nervous about that because I don't go outside very often.
I'm just sick of being myself. I hate everything about myself. I don't have any friends anymore. All I want is to disappear. Everything hurts. I don't know what the hell I should do with my life. I wish waifufaggotry would be enough to satisfy my need for affection, but I feel like I'm just too self aware to actually commit to a 2D character in the way some anons do. I wish I wasn't as intelligent as I am. Ignorance is a bliss, as they say. Only problem is that I don't have any motivation to actually make use of my intelligence to ever accomplish anything in life. I may have some severe mental issues and think my therapist will tell me that sooner or later. If anyone actually bothers to read this, I know, I come across as kind of an arrogant asshole, but this is just the way I try to express myself

Hi meguposter.

I had a really bad day yesterday. Someone in a small circle of who I thought were trustworthy people leaked conversations to people I didn't want them to and now a bunch of people are mad at me. It was a huge betrayal of trust.

I didnt feel like getting out of bed today as a result - i might even go to bed at a reasonable time for once just because i dont want to be awake, or alone with my thoughts

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