I've reached that point in my life bant, I've become so enthralled in sadness I'm doing shit that's useful

I've reached that point in my life bant, I've become so enthralled in sadness I'm doing shit that's useful
I put this in another thread but fuck it, I want to hear your autistic stories as well, come on, share em with us

>bullied a lot cause am fat
>whole school bullies me at 7 years old (diary of a wimpy beta came out) and school plays "user touch"
>not many friends
>get suicidal
>military family so I never have a home that feels like home
>because I move so often I have no long time friends
>get to Okinawa, weebland
>get really suicidal
>years go by
>wake up feel like shit
>nearly start crying
FUCK IT
I'M GONNA HAVE A GOOD FUCKING DAY
I'M GONNA BE A GODDAMN LEADER
>go to school wear light colors
>be as nice as I can
>gets easier as time goes by
>grades get brought up at home
>try my best, write like a 12 grade dreamer waiting to write novels
>teachers think it's plagarism
>I keep dishing the shit out, they're happy with my go-to attitude
>become friends with teachers, help students as much as I can
>grow beard
>look like 10 grade when only 7-8
>kids tell me I look and act like father/teacher
>feel pride and happiness
>goes on for two years
>get shit ton of friends
>Mom is proud
>we move to Poland

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>family pet falls 3 stories
> family pet dies slowly
FUCK
>christmas eve, all eating dinner with family, shit is good
>thud upstairs
>me and mom freak out
>hear yelling
>I get PTSD flashbacks of my dog falling 3 stories
>go to help
>man lying on floor
>son and mother over him
OH FUCK
>6 months later
>still think about them
>have to take online school
>no friends
>can't speak Polish enough
>I don't care for myself anymore
>parents get aggressive and dissapointed in me
>keep badmouthing, trying to joke but man it hurts
>mom keeps saying she cares and loves me
>keeps yelling at me, telling me I don't do anything, calls me a sensitive pussy
>the only thing that helps is chopping wood
>get so bored and fed up I start making a dummy Lee Enfield
this is the only thing that is keeping me alive man, it's that dummy rifle, it's so shit, but it's mine, I named her Lucy Lee and I won't fucking leave her side

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Yes?

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Why do you have to do this to me
Also quoting myself from previous thread

At least there’s no way but up from here, right?

Well when you can't leave your parent's home, they bad mouth you, you can't speak the local language to get a job, it's a little bleak, but otherwise fine.

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not sure you can kill yourself with a dummy user

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Is that a fucking challenge?

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no its not, its a joke
just like your troubles and suffering

Okay that was a good one, thanks Russia

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...

How fat?

I too got the user touch

Who are you quoting?

I mean I was probably 120-140(?) pounds at that age and I haven’t improved at all

What the fuck are you doing

I don’t know anymore

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What do you want to do

Have friends, go to a real school, and have my parents stop berating me.
I’ll figure it out

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why do you want to go to school?

Because I want to finish school, and my parents are pushing for me to go to college, and I don’t really have a say.

Become a plumber

You’re right
I have experience with dealing with peoples’ shit so this should be relatively easy!

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I want to cut down trees

So you want eat your lunch and cut another tree?
On wensdays do you go shopping, for buttered scones for tea?
On a serious note it’s good fun, relaxing at times too, though I’ve only cut branches and chopped wood.

During Hurricane harvey
I was on a couple brush removal and tree clearing crews and there was endless purpose

and the fires around here is good for years of work

>whole school bullies me at 7 years old (diary of a wimpy beta came out) and school plays "user touch"
You must be 18 to use this site.

>Because I want to finish school, and my parents are pushing for me to go to college, and I don’t really have a say.
underage b&

Well shit, that’s good, you keep doing what you’re doing, we need people like you to do the harsh work!
Age test sites say I’m 42

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well you may not get the ban you so richly deserve, but on the plus side at least you're halfway to your grave.

Good, that’s something to look forward to
Also sorry if I’m affecting you with my idiocy from lack of experience in real world problems.

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Yea its better than smoking meth everyday :)

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M8 you need to man up. We all need friends, but if you’re falling apart without any support it’s your own fault.
Why do you care so much that you were bullied? So what? Plenty kids were. Do you think it makes you entitled to something? Plenty people had few friends. It doesn’t matter all that much.
Let bygones be bygones. Stop living in the past. Stop being so needy when you can’t support your own self. You’re a grown ass man, you shouldn’t need to rely on 10 people’s approval just to wake up in the morning. You need to become more independent and stop caring about pleasing others so much. This is true no matter what your life story is.

Sure sounds like it

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I bet he is asking well where do i begin

I am screen saving that, and I will remember that because my pussy ass needs it, and it’s less of friends, because frankly I’ve grown disconnect of them all the time, and more of not being a family dissapointment as my family is putting a lot of faith in me, from Poland to Oregon, they expect a lot out of me, but when I don’t say “you’re a good person”, “keep it up,” “you’re making a difference” to SOMEONE, either it be a stranger I never met, or a cousin, I become a self loathing dick head and it is (as you said) entirely my fault. I’m not there to support anyone, so I fail to support myself, I have no purpose without complimenting people, and Jow Forums has brought much contentment because there are people who feel neglected who I might be able to help out.
So trying to be on my lonesome is fucking maddening, it drives me to become more and more of a try-hard NEET, then it does lead by example character I try to become.
So I’m just going to write what you said down, and I’m going to use that as motivation for my future.

Well you begin by realizing that you act like a child, and growing up. A child is emotionally needy. A grown up doesn’t really need support or approval.
It’s a shitty modern myth that a man is actually deeply vulnerable and sentimental, and needs to be comforted by his wife, kids, family, and an army of other caretakers. The real truth is, real men are strong and have authority. They don’t need a pet on the head to feel worthy. And the more you care about others, the weaker you are in the end.
This is evil but it’s a reality.

Is it really that evil?

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It’s more cold reality than evil

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But why do you have to live up to the expectations of your parents? You devote your life to them, but who are you, their dog? Let me ask you something: do you like living just to please them? And moreover: do you really feel a dog can truly feel proud about itself, ever?
I’m not saying you have no flaws. But, who have you ‘failed’? What is this “mission” in life, this goal of making your parents happy? And why you, their child, should make it your goal to ensure your parents' happiness—not the other way round? A good parent loves their child and supports it, even animals do that. But when it becomes the other way around, it’s just wrong. You can’t expect a child to carry a weight of 2 adults. No one is a superman.
You need to simply realize that you will never feel good if you live for others. All the people that live for others are miserable. You have lived that many years. I think you realize that you are a loser. So, how has it worked for you? Have you made anyone happy? This just doesn’t work, neither for your parent nor you.
So at least live for yourself. A man is ultimately selfish. It’s not bad or good, it’s just how it is. A woman might spend her life getting beaten daily, and be happy. A man cannot be happy that way. You need to assert dominance or no one will do it for you. You’re on your own in that. If you’re a pushover, not a hundred friends will help you.

I call it ‘evil’ for a reason. Our moral makes it “good” to take care about others. And vice versa, selfish people are considered bad. And it confuses a lot of people.
But what I mean is, you should go past that. Because the cold truth is, if you go with it IRL, you will quickly become a cuck. And on the other hand, you will see chads being total assholes in your face and yet having success, tons of friends and women. It’s a reality that no one wants to admit. That all in all “good” people usually become losers, while “bad” people become successful.

well alright

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