/sig/ - self improvement general

I feel like I've just realized I'm a shitty person and I feel like garbage now:

>Realized that I did act manipulative towards my ex-gf,
>While she was also in the wrong, I understand why she saw me as abusive and repulsive
>Fake kindness and interest in the people I work with when in reality, I really have very little interest in most of these people
>I leech off of my parents and kind of act shitty towards my dad (I mean shit, my mum brought my 10 cartons of almond milk for my protein shakes today and whenever she brings up me possibly buying my own, I handwave it)
>Abandoned so many friends over the years and only have one real friend (my childhood friend)
>23 and only just started to actually work last year
>Was a NEET 80% of the time between 18-23
>Keep saying I'm going to go to university this year, but haven't done any studying or preparation (and my window for enrollment in the middle of the year is closing)
>Gave up on getting my license last year and haven't done anything about it
>The only thing I'm consistently working on is lifting, but I was half assing my diet for the first two weeks of lifting
>Always feel spiteful and angry all the time, especially against those that don't deserve it and I don't even know why
>Spend 99% of my time thinking of ideal scenarios in my head instead of actually doing something with my life

How do I stop all of this?

Attached: vincent.png (1280x720, 421K)

How do you optimally internalize the material you read and apply it in your life, instead forgeting it?

By living it. It has to be a way of life other wise you'll forget it.

I'm on day 4 of no weed, no nicotine and no fap, and have two dates with two different girls set up. I've lost 15lbs since january and I feel amazing.

Keep chugging bros, its hard at first, but persevere. You can do this!

Attached: 1544455379182.jpg (640x640, 51K)

Make a list of all the shit you do that you know is bad. Put a little checkbox and "Fix" in front of every item. Turn the whole thing into a to-do list. Once you've fixed it all, stay vigilant and avoid backsliding by keeping a journal and noting your actions and opinions, making sure to analyze them for signs of shittiness that needs rectification.

Not being a dogshit person is a difficult path to tread. By making this post, you've already completed the first and hardest step:: gaining self-awareness.

How do I stave off crippling insecurity and depression? I've finished coursework for my security degree and am graduating in July but I've had over a month just applying for jobs by handing in CVs literally everywhere for 3-4 hours every day, and noone has bothered to get back. I've done some decently high profile volunteering and the CV is well formatted, plus I present myself much more professionally than a lot of other people in entry level work. I've got no job, no money and no independence right now, I hate living off my parents' generosity and I'm starting to lose hope that I'll ever find work, what do I do? I haven't had any luck with grad programs or internships yet either, starting to feel like I'm never going to make it at all.

Early motivation is gone and now I'm falling back to old habits, what now?

Attached: 1544132359282.jpg (1920x796, 242K)

well first off get a job and find a purpose in that job. It doesn't have to be something you want to do for the rest of your life or even related to your degree. The first step for you is financial independence.

Next off for the crippling insecurity and depression I'd say do more acting and less thinking. I dont mean mindlessly going about doing stupid things and putting yourself in bad situations, but you need to stop analyzing your self worth based on how you think people perceive you and how you perceive yourself, because often times your self perception is flawed, and you are a lot better than you think you are. And even if you have outward things that you don't like about yourself you have the power to work on some of those things through exercise, eating healthy, grooming, dressing well. But just remember to do those things because they make YOU feel good, not because they make OTHERS feel good.

Im an other user, but thank you.
Roll

That but also more generally. Anything ranging from the obvious "I couldn't resist the temptation of the Devil" to the more insidious "if only it wasn't for Those Other Guys, I could do it".

Any case where you imply that something external to yourself is making you act in a way that impedes your ability to live life in the way you need to live it.
Also includes injuries and disabilities.

Write it down like you were a teacher teaching it to yourself.

I'm 28 soon. I've never had a gf. What do people like us lack?

I've went on dates, kissed and had sex. I have a few friends. I have a good female friend. I can easily talk to women like they were friends. In addition, I've learnt a lot past year. I had a big problem with self confidence that made me feel not worthy for anyone. I used manchildren hobbies to escape reality. I've lived semi-neet life for years with little contact to anyone but my friends and family.

I think I'm just subconsciously pushing others away because I fear sharing myself with someone. So I remain distant and not very welcome until later. It works with friends but not with dates. On dates I inhibit myself a bit too much I guess.

What do you think would happen if you did share yourself?

I don't know. Losing myself? Rejection? Being misunderstood, being used, being made fun of. Any negative outcome that outweighs whatever can be gained.

Why do you think those things outweigh what could be gained?

Cause my self perception is all I have and losing that would break me into pieces.

I want a fucking regular sleep schedule but it’s so fucking tough being a WAGIE AND A STUDENT
I went to gym at 5:30 yesterday, benched and then ran yesterday for the first time months. Felt amazing. Then had my classes and worked from 8-1am as a cook. It’s 11 now and I feel like shit that I woke up this late (bed at 2) but my body just can’t handle it. I work every Tuesday and Sunday till 1/2 A.M. it beats me the fuck up. Need advice from other wagies. I can balance 18 credits and work but fuck is it difficult

Is the way you perceive yourself reality?

Here's a thing about self perception - it's extremely flawed. It's pretty much impossible to accurately measure your own personality traits. The older you are, the better you are at it but if you're not over 60, you should not care for a second about whether or not you misrepresent your character qualities. I can guarantee you absolutely have no idea what they are at your current age.

Based

It's one reality. I'd like to push that reality so others would see me as I see myself.

I'm very good at introspection. There might be flaws or even a major flaw, but I get closer and closer every day.

Do you think you can push your reality on to someone? I get that you'd like to but do you actually think it's possible?

Yes. People see glimpses of each others nature. I think my nature bleeds through my actions, words and body languages and such. I'd like to meet a woman who understands and accepts my nature as it is.

If you think you can push your reality to others, why are you worried about rejection?

from my experience:
the more you do, the less time you have to think
the less time you have to think, the less you overthink in general.

overthinking can fucking ruin you

Because maybe I'm ugly inside and I'm just doing my best to show my good sides and that I'm good inside, but that might crack if I let someone close to me and view me with my flaws that I'm trying to avoid.

I don't think you're ugly inside, but I understand how you feel.

So, your perception of self is all the things you call "good" and that's reality? What's the "ugly inside" then?

I feel you bro can be impossible to have a schedule with changing classes and shifts

I don't know. Ugliness is every imperfection. Something that makes others detest you. Either it's disgusting like being slow and dumb in conversation. Or it's evil like not finding enough compassion if your friend is going through a hard time.

So if you were to successfully hide all those things, how would you know if some woman truly accepts you as you are?

I guess there's some things that cannot be shown, like a lack of compassion when you're tired. The ideal me is good enough for me, and it'd be nice if a woman saw that. And maybe some flaws too, but still accept me as I am. Even if more flaws keep appearing.

If you accept yourself then how could someone's else's perception of you break you to pieces?

Because if someone else saw the true me and found that it's more ugly than it's worth, then I'd be doomed to live my life alone, unaccepted.

And I'd realize the true ugliness of my character.

Man, that does sound like a horribly painful thing to experience. I get why you'd want to avoid that.

What would happen if you realized "the true ugliness" of your character right now? What would you do?

I'd just accept it, with whatever follows from such a revelation.

So if you can accept that, why couldn't someone else?

Yes, maybe I'm just viewing any of my flaws in overproportionate way when everyone has those. Most likely some, if not many women could accept myself with my flaws and all.

I think this is enough discussion for now. You made me think in a new way and revealed that I still have inherent problems with my self confidence. Thank you, user.

No problem my man, I'm glad if I could be of any help.

I truly hope that you can figure things out. You seem like a nice guy so it makes me sad that you think so harshly of yourself. You can be as good as you need to be, trust that.

Have a cat.

Peace

Attached: cat-wallpaper-33.jpg (1920x1080, 593K)

Just deleted all my vidya off of my computer. Going to focus my free time learning to code for upcoming cs program in the fall and guitar

Had a date last weekend and it didn’t go as planned and this post helped ease my mind. Thanks user

you should join the chamber of light.
dizzcord3code: BKJC8ss

We deal with energy work, esoteric wisdom, dreams, spirituality and we all invest in crypto so we never have to slave again, but can use our time to ascend.

Obviously we keep our bodies fit and our minds clear of shit ( porn, gore , nasty images, telly , news )

we are above left and right. Join us!

Attached: justice.gif (222x533, 131K)

Attached: Spider-Mans Presentation 20032019130226.jpg (768x1023, 140K)

I like it.

Great power brings great responsibility.

I had the same problem. The solution was rather simple.

Create a ToDo document (I use google docs) and put all the stuff you want to remember. Personally mine has Mental / Physical / Emotional sections and a goal/productivity section.

Now the key part is to have an index card that says "read the thing" and put it on your keyboard every day you are done using your computer.....then every morning or whatever that you get on your computer you will see it...

Now you HAVE to read the thing.

I also suggest you trim the list, Sometimes things sound good, but they are not right for you. Or you don't get any benefits from them

1. Start playing this youtube.com/watch?v=ASj81daun5Q
2. Write a list of goals and add the why

this is where discipline comes in user it's gonna be hard as fuck and when your in the midst of it it feels like it sucks but you just gotta remind yourself your reasons for improving yourself, eventually you'll look back on this and thank yourself for persevering

Keep any habit you can. Motivation will come back again after you rest, try to save as many gains as you can.

Personal example: I started writing a journal and would do it daily for 3 weeks. After that, I got burnt out and stopped, but instead of totally discarding the thing, I forced myself to do it at least once a week. Result: when I feel motivated I write everyday, when I don't, at least I am writing once a week.

Human mind is fragile. Discipline takes time to build. Understand that motivation will come back after burning out.

You lack emotional maturity, but that's OK. You will learn it.

Time to do something that might scare you, but it will be worthwhile.

Your good female friend, straight up tell her that you want some honest input. Ask her what she thinks about the why.

Also you might have this idea of how a gf should be vs a friend with benefits or a lay...and your image of how you should feel about a gf might be skewed. So essentially no one might seem like gf material.

Anyway, you can change, it's possible.

Sincerely,
A dude that went from having 96 sexual partners in 5 years to a long term relationship of 14 years and 4 kids.

PS. And yes, it's worth it

you already lost, if you rely on motivation alone, user.

I am applying into university to study politics and philosophy. The school wants me to write an paper on the subject of why am I applying to this particular program. I have written most of it and have a feeling that it has too many clichés. Do you guys have any ideas for this type of stuff?

English isn't my first language so if there is a lot of typos etc my bad.

Keep lifting loving and living we are all gonna make it

Attached: 4yea3z88x2xx.jpg (986x1002, 133K)

The thing about improvement is to critically look at your actions with minimal emotional association. Apologize for your actions and absolve your guiltiness immediately so you can immediately start moving ahead and improving your psyche without the emotional baggage. Identify your problems with a honest and critical lens, do not lie to yourself, talk to people who can also be honest to you about your flaws without diminishing the positives aspects of your character.
Write down a realistic plan to achieve idealities. Make a detailed, step by step plan at the beginning of every week and every day and keep a tidy schedule and room. Thus, if something goes wrong with your day, no problem, change your plan the next day to adapt to that.
Become interested and passionate in things. Find what you love to do, try everything, do an apprenticeship, ask your friends about hobbies, things that will get you interested in a field.
This interest will help grow your sense of empathy and connection to the outside world and help you develop interests outside of just lifting and using Jow Forums, and gives you a point to start improving your social life which will inevitably allow you to be more accepting of people and learn to filter toxic and allow those who actually care to empathize with you yet be honest with you, and you should act this way to your friends and romantic partners just as well.

Staying motivated is difficult but I believe you can do it brother.

Go into STEM dumbass

What phone apps do you guys use for planning your day and writing scratch notes? I currently use a memo book for work but I'd like to go digital for my day-day life

Attached: 66649.jpg (460x330, 23K)

Yeah fuck off stem fag

Digital is a trap.

Global ToDo list goes in a notebook.
Day to day goals and todos go in an index card
Weekly/Monthly/Yearly goals on index card

Global ToDo gets transcribed a lot, and that's ok, it's a good way to trim the fat.

There are multiple reasons why written instead of electronic is better:
1. Writing has been proven to actually stay in your memory longer
2. Taking a notebook out and making a note is usually not frowned upon, you can do it in a meeting, talking to a friend, seating in a restaurant. Your phone on the other hand can be considered rude
3. Avoid distractions. A note book is a notebook, worse case scenario you doodle...a phone you end up getting distracted with notifications, noise
4. Automated way of trimming extra todos
5. Simple system, not bound by anyone or anything forcing you to jump through their workflow to get your work done

I'm not particularly anti-digital but these are REALLY good points.

Try to rewrite it, but be authentic, just write about the subject without thinking too much. Write on impulse, on first thought. After that, compare the two papers and try to put them together, see what could fit or what could be removed. Synthesize them.

Attached: daybreak.jpg (3463x1999, 1.35M)

I love that painting.

I'm not sad. I don't remember the last time I cried. I don't really have plans on killing myself. but I can't get over the fact that I don't want to live.
even if I try fooling myself or distracting me with something. it still there. the feeling that life is pointless, I can never be happy and living does not worth it.

> I can never be happy

Why user?

If I knew I would work on it. it's something within me. I tried changing it and didn't succed. I'm trying to live like a robot now. just burn day after day until time comes out.

What are supportive things to do for my gf for her work? Also what can she do for me (I'm a med student). We live together and are really happy but I'd love to make our lives even better.

You need to go see a psychologist. Seriously. You sound like you have chronic depression or manic depressive personality.

Don't skip this step, worse case scenario you end up talking to a fellow human.

And since you are living like a robot you shouldn't feel weird/bad about it...cause you have no feelings ;)

My life got better with my SO by combining things that make both of our lives easier. Take lunches for example, you can each make lunches for yourself or one of you can make them for both.

The extra time spent is minimal for 1 vs 2 but it helps a lot. Laundry, cleaning etc helps as well. Try to find things that you can do that the other person hates and vice versa.

pastebin.com/BiFE2fUX

>You need to go see a psychologist.
not again user.

I always feel so good when I manage to eat all the food I buy. I like the fact I can manage to make a meal out of it and also the fact I'm not wasting money and food.

that sounds pretty chill
what do you carry around during your day? cards and a notebook? Where do you keep them? do you carry them all on weekends?

I keep index cards on my desk.

Every morning when I am getting ready I will look at my yearly goals and my month and weekly goals. They all align, so it's easy to see what matters when i am trying to figure out what i should do for my day.

I always try to do one thing that relates to one of my goals a day.

Then I draw a column on the right of my day index card with some todo. Goal todo > general todo

So for example today I have:
> Gym
> Meditate for 20m
> a work goal

right hand side I have
> drain heater (for my house...if you have one you should drain your heater once a month)

I try to never have more than 3 goal todos, because I try to never have more than 3 goals at any level (year/month/week). I find that more than 3 is too much.

Anyway for my todo I have a hard covered notebook that I keep my stuff in. It's easy to carry, so I take it with me to work and back.

I have two main todo lists personal and work, when I am setting my todos for the day I will look at both...again no more 3 todos...so you have 3 goal todo and 3 regular todos...

that's a max of 6 things a day. For me that's optimal

For random one off notes that I need I have a single index card that I have folded in my pocket, I write stuff there if I am on the go.

Any other tips on making these?

So I'm guessing you got the big goal a year which is separated in smaller chunks for month and then day?

thanks man I'm going to try that