You know those thoughts that keep you up at night and lurk just behind your eyelids and make you stare off into the distance with cold anxiety? Let them out here.
Not much for me but...
> that gay shit i did with my friend in middle school
> that gay shit i did at camp
> that sissy shit my parents knew i looked at
> that gay shit i did in reno
> student loan debt
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>student loan debt
You played yourself.
no but I knowingly got played
> that sissy shit I knew my dad looked at
Like father, like son.
>flexing my gravity falls lore knowlege even though it was before my time
someday I will become nothing
>ten years ago I put my mom's underwear on (bra too) and jerked off
I have no fucking idea why the hell I did that and it still makes me cringe to this day.
>before my time
4/10 bait
having to live the rest of my life, human existence is such a scary thing
>I had sleep paralyses again this morning.
A hand came out of my pillow and tried to choke me. I genuinely couldn't breath or move. It was scary because this happened after I woke up.
Somebody please hold me.
wew thats a feel
not to be edgy but thats literally what helps me sleep at night
I had sleep paralyses the other day. I woke up, looked at the time, then dozed back to sleep. When I closed my eyes I saw bright flashes followed by a dark shadow covering me. When it dropped to grab me I heard what sounded like a CR-TV turning off then I could not move and was enveloped in darkness. The feeling passes shortly after, but it scared the fuck out of me when it happened
It's just such a scary thing to happen. I'll be mentally with you tonight, user, to make sure it doesn't happen.
Every night I sleep in this bed where my older brother used to pin me down and molest me. If I tried to scream he'd cover my mouth or kiss me. My parents didn't believe me when I told them. He filmed me showering recently and I had a breakdown and called my mum. Now he's being counseling and I can't get any help because parents are scared he'll get in legal trouble if I talk to a therapist about any of it.. still have to see him and pretend nothing happened. Cut myself too much tonight too much pain to be able to sleep desu.
>2 really close left school recently (1 like 2 weeks ago)
>the fact I am never going to accomplish anything and everyone gets disappointed in me
>I wanna die but it's kinda selfish to kms
>everytime I fucked up socially just plays again >like a bad movie in my head
I hope u already asleep bud where I am it's 3:53 and I just can't sleep :( I just wanna have somebody that holds me and says to me that everything is gonna be alright
how do you even get sleep paralysis
Easy, just wake up but no not wake up the part of your mind that is dreaming.
>don't actually love my wife who is due with twins in a month
I'd been having doubts but it hit me like a brick wall about a week ago. It makes me miss being kept up by thoughts of dying alone and disappointing my parents.
My sissy who craves my boicum
>That im a virgin
>i think everyone i know secretly fucking hates me
>Out of 7 billion people i had to be born me, i could have been born with the ability to love and respect myself but i guess not am i rite
>I'm still a virgin at my age
>I missed out on massive developmental milestones in my adolescence
>I lack the experience and knowledge to feel capable or confident in trying to find a relationship
>What should have been the best years of my life are coming to an end, and I will have significantly less opportunities to make friends and meet people
>My friends will eventually all fuck off, my parents will eventually die, and I could very well be all alone when it happens
The thought of this happening to me one day.
>23 year old handholdless, hugless, kissless virgin
>probably gonna end up alone
>wont be able to graduate and move out for 2 more years
>will i be able to find a decent job?
>hunger pangs because I'm losing weight and getting Jow Forums
>student loan debt
>will I be able to keep my grades up?
>sometimes I think about my life and how different it could have been if things had just went a little different
>what if I had graduated high school instead ofbeing forced to drop out and get a GED
>what if I had went to university my first year instead of community college, would I be have friends? A girlfriend?
>what have I missed out on because I'm just too tired to deal with anything outside of college
>will I ever be happy?
Why would you choose to have kids with someone you're not absolutely sure you love?
Why don't you love her?
And what's your job/can you even afford having two kids?
this is absolutely nightmarish. the second louis opened his mouth he was fucked. theres absolutely nothing you can do in that situation. you want to get up and beat the shit out of him but if you even try it youre done because if you can manage to knock the first guy out, five other guys are waiting on stanby to kick your ass. all you can do is beg to not be beaten by them, making you look like a complete and utter pussy
I don't even know what triggers my panic attacks. Maybe just the fear of going insane. The thought that I'll be alone in the world and die after having done nothing I really wanted to do.
>girl that kept coming to me for her issues and I has tard respondes every time
>every single important interactive I've made awkward
>that mental breakdown I had in front of my mom that she got mad at me for
>that time I tried to tell my mom I needed a psychologist and she brushed me off
>that time my mom confronted me when I was drinking underage and I literally fainted from shock (shoulda got me that fuckin psychologist)
>that time i almost fucked my brother
had* responses* interaction*
holy fuck im disabled
>never getting a good job
>growing up poor
>every time a woman has made me feel worthless
>every time i thought doing nice things for women would get me a gf
>that time i watched this girl i was pursuing make out with her new bf right in front of me
Nothing really keeps me up at night, if anything the despair helps drive me to sleep so I'm well familiar with self torture
If anything it's usually that no matter how grand of a life I make for myself and how amazing I may be compared to other people, at the end of my life, I was no one's first choice in anything and was rejected by mankind in everything I didn't take by force
I wish I was never born and simultaneously wish humanity would die in an instant
>live on grandparent's farm
>I do shit around the place for them and they don't charge me rent, it works
>moving on
>they have in-ground swimming pool
>we cover it up every winter and then clean it up and get it ready to swim in in the spring
>little brother and I spend all day skimming it, brushing debris off the bottom, throwing chemicals in it, etc.
>pretend shove each other towards the pool several times
>don't really want to fall in because water is still dirty
>at some point after a few hours I actually reach down and touch the water
>burns my hand? what the fuck?
>touch it again
>oh
>that's electricity and it just shocked the fuck out of me
>huh
>little brother touches it somewhere else, shocks the fuck out of him too
>there was a short somewhere and the entire pool was an electrified death trap
>at night I lay awake imagining what would have happened if one of us would have jumped in/fallen in/been pushed in
>grandad is cripple and couldn't really do anything, me or my brother would have just mindlessly jumped in after the other once we figured out something was wrong
>extreme anxiety like I've never known before
>pressure in chest, keeps me from falling asleep
How often my mind drifts to this shit and keep me awake is actually a little troubling.
>alcohol exists
nothing
it sounds like your problem is literally just being a fag
Lets see...
Fantasies in which I punish every student of my childhood schools with rape and torture, sometimes setting up a fake rescue just to see the glimmer of hope dashed out of them.
Other way more fucked up fantasies, and all the memories that lead to those fantasies which leave me in a rage every time I see them.
>what keeps you up at night?
My uncle FUCKFUCKFUCK I HATE HIM DIE U WEIRDO
>i am unloyal
>i am not good to my family even though they've been kind to me always
>i'm a traitor
>i'm a loser
>i'm so weak
>i look and act like a total faggot
>my personality is hideous
>i just want to be alone
>i am inferior
>i'm a subhuman
>i'm a genetic deadend
>i'm selfish
>everyone else is too
>i'm projecting
>what is real
>who am i
>i might actually be gay or bi
>why did I say those things and fuck things up with my oneitis
>She's going to be with that other guy I seen making moves
It's been keeping me up for 6 weeks, why can't I fucking grow up?
>Is what I see real or just a delusion
>Am I really human or just some experiment gone wrong
>If I am biologically human would I be a subhuman by an objective definition due to my lack of ability
>gay shit
Come to r9gay and we'll nurture your gayness with love. It'll start with a few breaths on your neck and a little lewd touches, till kisses and your true gay self takes over! You can come anytime!
>Am I going to see 30, 40 and beyond, or are my tally of failures and disappointments going to make me choose to end it early?
>But if I do that, I know mom won't be able to take it. She couldn't hold it together well when I went to uni for a year.
>Everyone will blame me for the destruction of the family.
>I can either stay here and reinforce everyone's. disappointments or leave and everyone be mad at me for the rest of their lives.
>Also hell may exist.
Danced like a faggot on stage in front of my whole school in 5th grade to a country song. It will haunt me until the day I die
thats fuckin crazy dude
i guess its just a survival instinct in your brain saying like, above all else, remember when this happened so it doesnt fucking happen again.
youre very lucky or blessed or whatever that you dipped your hand in first
side note, i had a black kid hold a gun to my head and rob me once when i was young and not racist, i dont ever think about it but ive been calling niggers niggers ever since. i hate em to this day. survival instinct thing as well i guess
Stop smoking weed you sack of shit