>Tranner >Been on hrt for a few months >love it but it fucks me up sometimes >Breasts hurt >little stretch marks on butt somehow even though I'm pretty skinny. I work it out but still. >no bf ever >no friends >hit on but too socially retarded to make a move >can't move out of brothers house but want to because he keeps groping me "lovingly". >fucking tired of everything >Hormones make me freak the fuck out more than usual >gave up on getting a job rn >not a whore >feel like a piece of meat for my brother to bully, nothing else.
That's it. I haven't posted anything here for a while. Im doing online school right now to try and get a job as a nurse. I think I can do that really because I want to help people but my social retardation fucks me up.
I used to talk to some guys on here but i dipped. They said I need to get out more and I have been working on it a lot. I am making tiny steps towards not being a little emo, shut in, neet.
My resolution is to find a guy who loves me and to get better at being around people.
yeah its a pretty fucked decision, i couldnt justify it myself like, whats the driving factor? i figure people like you reach a point of loneliness where you say "well fuck it i'll just be a girl cuz i'll never find a guy on my own" but like, i didnt transition and i found a guy
>I think I can do that really because I want to help people but my social retardation fucks me up. your passion to help others will outweigh your anxiety. I fuggin' love learning and rf/microwave shit, and can speak with confidence about what I do know, and this came across in my technical interviews, now that they hired me they ask me what I did over the weekend, and I'm like "uhhh, you know.....uh, just laid in bed....." You'll make it, buddy.
Tyler Stewart
Shouldn't you have tried self-improvement before transitioning
Camden Martin
Well, I've been a femme fruit since I was little so it doesnt really have anything to do with me being lonely. My femininty really only ever made me more lonely and fucked in the head. Ive worn girls cloths since I was a kid :).
I really hope.
I have always felt that way. My other mental problems are a result of how others treated me. I've always been quiet but between the lack of support and the bullying I couldn't self improve that much.
Ethan Gomez
yeah its a fucked life, i was blowing guys in my young teens thinking i should be a girl but i never really thought i'd actually become one hahaha y'have a real endgame for all this? you hoping some guys gonna put up with your awkwardness and accept ya for who you are? cuz you might need to work a little harder than that y'know, i sure as fuck did
Id hug yoo n shit if you stopped doing hrt, its nasty
Jayden Green
like what i'm sayin' is also excuse me i'm drunk as hell, wouldn't be here if i wasn't i'm sayin' if you have to picture yourself in 2 years where do you think you are? are you living in some fancy house with the guy of your dreams? or are you figurin' you're gonna still be here on the internet sad that nobodys picked you up yet
like i thought about this a lot and i don't envy it a bit, for people who go through the transitions they're gonna have to deal with all sorts of fetishists who are psyched to see a "sexy trap" or some bullshit, its real depressing stuff
I don't get what's wrong with it. It helps me feel better honestly. I am not some delusional weirdo because I have been trans since I was little so I am pretty sure of what I want. Lived my whole life as a girl.
Lol, I can only drink like 2 glasses of wine before I am rekt so I just avoid alcohol desu.
I think I could be living in an apartment or a small house with a decent guy and working as a nurse.
I dont know what what you mean by own who you are. Embrace being an emo trap who cant be in public for more than 10 min? Or embrace the fact that I am going to be a fetish and that will be the only reason guys like me :(
William Clark
>I am not some delusional weirdo gave me a chuckle.
Oliver Reed
naaaaaaah heres the thing you're you, as stupid as this is gonna sound folow me you are who you are and you gotta fucking OWN that fact if you're someone whos on HRT trying to be a sexy girl and get some boyfriend to live with then you've gotta rock that you sound like you're NERVOUS about it, like thats an issue if you're tryna be hot then you've gotta act like you're hot, y'know? i'm kinda rambling lemme try again here you need to be sure of who you are, because being "an HRT fetish" or "an emo trap" are hard tags that will only bring you fetishists who aren't going to be legitimate life partners, you need to decide who you are as a person and be fuckin proud and confident about that
why. It's not like I just up and one day said that I was going to take hrt. I've lived my life as a girl. That's what I mean. :(
Robert Hughes
It's just bantz. Be yourself.
Blake Smith
>be complete sperg >no friends since elementary school >go to college this year and make absolutely no friends >have shitty tremors in my hands and head that make me look like more of a sperg than I actually am >only alcohol helps them >no job yet but mummy says I have to get one this year >life is pretty much a complete failure >probably going to be working at Walmart my whole life if I can even stay on there
hey dude i got you, i'm a fuckup cashier myself i got you covered listen if you get a job at walmart you're gonna be fucking fine because they don't give a fuck as long as you show up you show up and do what they told you to do and you'll get money and nobody will care you probably wont even see the store manager after the interview, they wont fire people without serious reason, like you just show up and try to make the best of it, its actually pretty fun if you're willing to embrace it
I have tried going on dating sites as a girl. I get plenty of matches and that isn't ever a problem. My anxiety is the problem. I literally had a guy think I was retarded. I stutter, shake and cant speak. I have been working hard to fix it though. I am always a nervous wreck desu. My brother, the one person in my life, pretty much just bullies me, uses me as a maid for living with him, and then gropes my boobs or butt just because he know it bothers me but I am too fucked to say anything. I haven't spoken in like 3 months desu.
I feel you. People think I am a massive hard sperg because of my inability to speak right. What do you want to have as a job? what are you majoring in?
Wyatt Bennett
It's just when I was a kid I always thought I would make something of myself ya know? Now it seems impossible to scrape anything meaningful together. I'm majoring in cybersecurity mostly because I couldn't think of anything else. I just want to get a job at a grocery store at this point because I've never had one before. What do you want out of life, user?
Jack Peterson
Thats a great major and it means you're pretty smart. Dont worry about what others think.
Honestly, I just want to be able to help people in life, have a family with some adopted kids, and have a nice husband with an ok job. Pretty based but eh.
Liam Allen
fuck me it sounds like an absolute wreck do you have a mirror? have you tried forcing yourself to say words in the mirror? theres a lot to seeing yourself speak and seeing how you appear to the world if you spend some time watching how you look you may be able to work on any of those nervous habits i'm talking mirror even in the bathroom when you're alone or even NOT home alone just like whisper, watch yourself talk, theres something to it theres soomething you need to know about the world, and its that MOST people are NOT paying that much attention to you, they don't have time to focus on all those little insecurities you're noticing and usually they will not care
no dude i get ya, i thought man i'll be a vet or somethin', but like i didnt wanna do the work and here i am cashiering, i am where i am and i have to fuckin' live it if we DONT put in the effort and strive for something greater, then we shouldnt feel bad about the position we end up in i'll tell you this much, becoming a cashier was a huge fucking upgrade from being a sad nerd who never left the house and sad at the computer all day its really scary, i know it, i needed my hand held the whole way, but once i got there i managed to fit into it and life is seeming a lot better than it did
That sounds pretty nice desu. Helping people despite your anxiety is a great goal. I know I could never do it. I went to the hospital the other night because I had an allergic reaction, and the nurse said, "he's shakey" while taking my temperature because my tremors were acting up. Pretty humiliating desu
Man I'm glad you got yourself where you are. I'm hoping this year I'll get there. I think we're gonna make it, lads. We just have to keep pushing.
Dominic Smith
how old are you in an originally original way?
Brayden King
hey, believe that fuck me, the lowercase isn't impactful enough, you've gotta BELIEVE THAT lifes gonna fuckin' go on, and if we're all just gonna be fuckin' minimum wage workers then FUCK it right? least we have fuckin' jobs, we can make fuckin' money and buy whatever fuckin' stuff we want you're gonna do great whether you believe me or not, because its REALLY not hard at all they seriously don't give a fuck and the very fact that you're talking to me on this board is proof enough that you're going to go BEYOND these people's expectations you've fuckin' got this sorry for so many fucks i'm drinking too much tonight
Thanks for calling me a wreck XD. but honestly, no i haven't tried that. I guess I could try in the morning when I'm getting ready or something. I have tried to think that way but I haven't been able to do it. I freak the fuck out. I have been working on doing stuff like sitting in the park with people around and controlling my breathing. It's been helping a lot.
thanks. I am sure you could do it really. You are smart. Just know that nurses want to make sure you are ok so they need to remember your symptoms or what they think are symptoms. don't be humiliated by it.
I have had some pretty humiliating experiences too. I was in high school and they hadn't put me in the girls locker room yet so I was in the girls uniform as always but I had to go into the boys locker room to change for a while. I was embarrassed and tried waiting for everyone to leave. A group of guys who regularly bully me waited and then pushed me up against a wall, made me lift up my shirt, and made me lift my skirt too. I was balling and they left because I almost passed out.
19
.... this is OP btw. I am using a name so things dont get confusing. sorry.
Jayden Ortiz
I'm fucking smashed man, and I'll probably be drinking until I go to sleep so know how you're feeling right now. At this point I just want a job that will pay for housing and liquor. Internet too, but that shit is cheap as fuck here. I think I would be ok being by myself if I had all those things. I've never really needed much else so fuck it
Owen Jenkins
just give it a shot, really pay attention to how you look, because i get nervous about the way i look and talk to the world, then i practice a bit in the mirror and say "i look normal as hell, nobody'd give me a weird look" also your story sounds like its straight out of a fuckin' doujin, are you claiming guys in school are actually molesting/raping you?
aaaaaaay you know what its about truth be told stuff costs an actual fuckton here, i got lucky enough to run into roommates my whole way, seems like the only legitimate way to get by at minimum wage you might not be able to get by entirely without someone else paying rent given minimum wage but roommates are still fuckin manageable, its a whole different ballgame that im sure you wouldnt have to deal with for many months if at all, if we want jobs to afford housing solo we've gotta go to fuckin' trade school or somethin' to learn to do an actual job with training, been thinkin' about being a locksmith myself
Yea, I didn't really dwell much on it like I usually do cause they're just doing their job.
Bullying sucks shit, and I know I would never want it to happen to me again. I hope nothing like that ever happens to you again. Hopefully now that you're out of highschool people will be more mature about that stuff. The people in my college have been pretty nice and understanding so far.
Jayden Gutierrez
I live in a really shitty city so everything here is pretty much dirt cheap. It's entirely possible to rent a house for around 600-1000. Sure it'll be in a shitty neighborhood, but I figure as long as I don't make trouble there won't be any. Internet is pretty cheap too so that's good. I figure if the costs get to be too much, I can get a roommate to offset them
Cameron Wood
Yah, I'll try.
No, they didn't touch me in that way aside from holding me a bit so I didnt run. They were messing with me but they did threaten to hurt me.
Yah, I'm not worried about it happening again. I hope you have an alright time a collage. I think it would be really fun to go to one but I would flunk out lol.
>be me >dropped out of college with one semester to go >useless kv neet >everyone who told me i was going to be a loser in life was right all along either i get my shit together in 2019 or i kill myself.
Joshua Cruz
hey that sounds like a great plan you're lookin' forward and thats awesome, only good can come from this y'know? but don't put focus on that, really pay attention to one step at a time here if you think about the entire future you're gonna get overwhelmed only step we're concerned about in this very moment is "getting a job" and they literally will take anyone whos willing to show up every day
you're a true goof, how oldja say you were again? sounds like your lifes in a pretty fucked spot. you in the market for a job at all?
havin' trouble finding pics that aren't terribly NSFW
Trust me I thought so too at first, but it really hasn't been bad so far. I've mostly kept to myself, and no one has bothered me. A lot of them have the shit online too so if you don't get it in the class you can get it online. I've been able to work pretty much at my own pace.
William Martin
I thought about killing myself too. I realized that it wouldn't get me anything desu. You're not a loser. I am sure you can do a ton because you have tons of potential. We all have so many things we can do to give our lives worth. This is what's kept me going.
Camden Sanders
Every time I read posts like this it makes me want to kill myself... OP is probably already cute, and will pass just fine in a year or so. She already gets attention from boys and has anxiety about some stuff (but that's actually cute for a girl)
Meanwhile I'm 25, ugly as trash, haven't started transitioning, will never pass, will never have a bf or even get positive attention from guys. I'm thinking I should just kill myself at this point.
your post hits me hard friend i don't know if its worth transitioning, but i dont think transitioning is the main key to getting a guy, i think its more about being an attractive person
Thanks, you made me feel a lot better about this shit. I'm probably gonna pass out soon. Here's to a new year and new opportunities
Zachary Flores
I'm not an attractive person at all. I have no friends, irl or online. My family hates me. Everyone at work hates me. I just don't see many good reasons why I shouldn't just kill myself now.
s'all gonna be great as long as you take it slow have a great time passing out i look forward to doing the same if i can't stay up long enough to throw up hahaha
i'm gonna be real with you, theres a part of me that feels really excited hearing people say they wanna kill themselves and that disturbs me have you thought about WHY people might not like you? lets go slower here, do you know why your family or workmates don't like you? is there a noteable reason?
oh my god like 90% of my anime girls folder is porn i cant find any decent pics lmao
I already said that I have given up on any job except nursing so I am working on getting qualified online and I'll take the hands-on sessions in a few months. I am 19.
i've passed for pretty much all my life. Everyone knew I was a bit queer and made me an outcast from every group because of it. I became the meme of my school. People, in my last year, would literally call me a trap to my face.
I have tried to kill myself and it's pointless. If you dont think you can transition than just live your life how you are. Life has never ending doorways and possibilities which are in grasp of anyone. Just work at it and you can do it. really.
I have nothing either. no one hates me because I know no one. I am alone as alone can be. just keep moving forward.
Michael Kelly
so you're doin' freakin' greeeeat friend if you're in the market for nursing and you're on the course for it then whats the issue, you hang around for a few years nursing and eventually you'll run into the guy of your dreams long as you can manage to talk to 'em
That's really sad and I'm sorry that his happened to you :( Did you get to go to college?
Normal people hate me because I'm asocial. I always am awkward as fuck in conversations, I get flustered, say stupid things, can't read visual cues. Because of that I mostly just avoid all social interaction now. My family hates me because I'm not a normal guy with a girlfriend that makes them proud. They all see me as a worthless failure (and they are right.)
Parker Flores
My life has been on a loop for the last few years. I've failed more times than someone should be allowed to try, and I need to get my shit together or else I have no other purpose in life. Everyone who had any faith in me was let down and as I'm getting closer and closer to 25 my fear of growing old is only fucking me up more.
pshaw I'm sure you're a real cutie.
Brody Morris
That's the problem, I cant find someone who doesn't fetishize me, think im some slut, or actually cares about who I am. I also have yet to meet a guy I can talk to except my brother, hardly.
No I didnt go to college.
you sound similar to me socially. I am pretty fucked too.
dont fear the coming age, see it as another year of experience to grow from.
thanks btw.
Daniel Brown
I went to college and it was pretty much the worst experience of my life, and all for a degree that makes me want to kill myself for having. I think I have to go back for a new degree if I even want a chance at being happy with who I am.
Brayden Brown
s'completely fucked if your family doesn't support you then you're gonna have to support you are you tellin' me you tellin me you say awkward things in conversations? i've got a coworker thats awkward as all hell and she sure doesnt seem to make any friends but i try my best to be friendly with her on second thought maybe i'm just being nicer than the average person but like, if you don't come off as intimidating and do your best to talk to people, even if its the basic greetings of "how are you today?", you're gonna get positive responses most of the time
yeah i getcha, ima tell you what my story was and see if we can apply any of it to yours i met a guy and i told him very clearly that i was a guy and he shouldnt expect me to be some beautiful trap, and after enough attempts i found someone who was actually nice enough to accept me for who i was regardless you might need to try meeting people under the guise that you're a guy, because i imagine if they learn you're even more feminine than they expect they'd be pretty psyched, and wouldn't have fallen for you because of a fetish
>That's the problem, I cant find someone who doesn't fetishize me, What are your interests and hobbies? Talk about yourself beyond your career, past, anxiety, and cuteness.
>see it as another year of experience to grow from It's more that people years younger than me have so much more experience than I do, that I'm both the oldest and least experienced person in the room.
Oh boy. I could go on a very long rant about how much I regretted college.
Parker Williams
What's worse is my family pretends to care about me when I'm around, but I've caught them multiple times talking trash about me behind my back. They don't give a fuck about me at all.
I'm sure college is nice if you're a normalfag, woman, or attractive man. If you're not, it's hell. Even worse if you're closet trans.
Sebastian Perry
aw for god's sake, thats awful stuff t'hear if they don't care about you then you don't need to care about them huh? sounds like they're just deciding to give you a head start on your own life solo not all of us are blessed with families to fall back on. if they won't be your friends then you need to put the focus on making your own friends
I won't forgive myself ever for fucking it up so badly. One year left to prove myself, otherwise I'm fucking done.
John Gutierrez
Just let him plow your bussy. He is your brother, after all.
Lucas Brooks
I'm more salty about having no friends and no romantic partners, ever. I'm moved away from my family and I mostly just try to forget about them.
I don't see the point of any of this though since I'm not even on hrt now, I'll never pass, I'll never be cute, I'll never have a good life...
Luis Cooper
Same. I graduated and got a garbage job that makes me feel like a piece of trash. Very fun stuff.
Nolan Morales
think i'm comin' down from the high of being drunk alright heres what i'm thinkin' life SUCKS right now right? so it can literally ONLY get better all you've gotta do is try to do is ignore the bad i'm 27 and i've come to terms with the idea the HRT is impossible and i've gotta do what i fuckin' can have you tried doing casual greetings? most of my coworkers were just people i passed by in the workplace, but now i try saying "hey" and "how y'doin'" and a lot of them are willing to give me a smile while i walk by
I couldn't even graduate. I dropped out and now I'm a NEET.
Logan Garcia
That's a good idea about greeting coworkers, user :') Maybe some day we'll both have transitioned and be cute girls. I think I'm starting to understand what other anons say, that if I'm going to kill myself I might as well try this first.
I'm sorry, user. Have you ever thought about going back?
Likely not. I don't think I can handle it. Hope we all end up cute somehow.
Dominic Perez
I can relate. Transitioning was for me, and is for almost everyone, one of the most difficult emotional trials imaginable. A transformation phase worse than puberty, having to accept that you are throwing away everything for something else, becoming a sex object for those around you. You can't be prepared for it but it is what it is.
Aiden Walker
I'll probably never marry a woman and have kids if I mess with hrt for even 6 months, so yeah I'd say I have something to lose still.
Why do you think you can't handle it user? I hope its not prodding to ask...
Oliver Hughes
hey thats fair, i always assumed i could never get a woman to begin with so i just put my focus on guys at an early age i still think girls are crazy hot thought and feel some real jealousy that i'm not but focusing on the negatives only makes you feel sad do you *want* to have kids?
I feel like I wasted my life and being in school for longer than I should makes it feel even more wasted.
Nathan Lee
Same. I have always liked girls but I never think I have a chance with them. Sometimes I wonder if liking boys is a cope, but it does turn me on thinking about being ravaged by a boy so I don't know.. >do you *want* to have kids? yes ;_; all of my sisters are having kids right now and it makes me just want to kill myself a lot.
I know the feeling user. I spent 6 years in college and it was essentially a waste. I'd have to spend 6-8 more years doing it just for an attempt at getting a job I want...
Oh, sorry. I work as a civil engineer in training right now. Are you the NEET user?
Justin Powell
having a guy banging you is crazy awesome by the way i'd be psyched to have a kid to teach to not be a little monster but its probably not in the cards liking guys can be seen as coping but girls do it too, nobody would go lesbo if they weren't just tired of guys, in the same way we're fair to mess with other guys because we can't get with girls also maybe you could just get a puppy, i've been heavily considering it
oh no no i'm a cashier, a high school dropout cashier whos just havin' a blast making enough to share a place with 2 other guys and buy alcohol for the weekends hahaha
You've actually been with a guy? I'm kind of jealous now ;_; I... I want to try dating sometime this year, and I think it would be a waste to not date both girls and guys to see what I really like. I don't think I'm responsible enough to have kids either, especially not right now.
>oh no no i'm a cashier, a high school dropout cashier whos just havin' a blast making enough to share a place with 2 other guys and buy alcohol for the weekends hahaha I'm really sorry. Even though my job pays like garbage compared to the average for this profession, it still allows me to not really worry about money a lot. I forget about the things I should be grateful for sometimes.
if you can afford to pay for yourself then you're doin' pretty great lotta people need to start appreciating what they have, cuz it makes you feel a lot less bad in my job i deal with people poorer than *me*, its super humbling to see so many people in worse spots than i am as a minimum wage worker remember that someone out there always has it worse than you do you talk on any other programs? crazy hard to find people in the same age-range these days
>Lived my whole life as a girl. so your parents raised you as a girl then?
Jonathan Hill
I think that's true to a certain extent. I also worry about the fine line between appreciating what you have, and making it all one big cope and a big excuse to not strive to be better. Maybe that's just the test poisoning my mind... I have discord, but I can do other methods if you like
hardest part in life is being happy, s'what we're all aiming for i'm definitely talking myself out of striving for anything better right now, but at least i'm feeling pretty decent about it, y'know? if you're feelin' okay then you're doin' okay how bout you post your discord then ;)
>i've passed for pretty much all my life. H S T S S T S
Bentley Scott
tfw it wasnt for me beacuse ill never be able to fool anyone into thinking im a girl
Joseph Ramirez
unrelated to the thread but i just wanted to share that me and my trap gf are going three years strong on our e-relationship and love each other very very much
I'm glad that you're finding ways to be happy. I'm still working out how I can do that at all. Good for you :) Astolfo is a cute, by the way discord is Yin#8082
Nursing is a good job but it's not like you'll be any less lonely. In a lot of ways it's a very alienating career. You can't talk or hang out with anyone but coworkers because nursing kind of becomes what you are. Slip up and tell a funny story about work in front of a normalfag and they might throw up or at the very least stare at you in shock/disbelief. I went in thinking it would be an easy job, good money, lots of time off, and with 90% female workforce an easy way to get someone to love and be with. For the most part it's been true, aside from the finding someone. Not a single fucker is single, unless they are something disgusting and unworthy of being loved or even liked(fat, loud, liberal, or some combination thereof). I'm at the point I don't even care if she's indian, black, has a dick, whatever. I just want someone to be with. This is a strangely comfii thread. I hope you find what you're looking for, tranny-fren. Keep it up. I can't say I like nursing, but of all the careers it's the one I'd hate the least. Perfect job for super competitive type-a robot personalities. It's a fucking rush when you prove a physician wrong or start an IV one some piece of shit patient no one else could.
Nolan Fisher
Completely unrelated to the topic, but I just wanted to say that in all my time lurking here this is one of the nicest and most understanding threads I've seen. It's people like you guys who give me hope when I need it. I wish you luck in 2019, OP. You sound like a genuinely nice person and I hope for you the best. There's no doubt in my mind there's someone out there for you, you just need to keep looking. I understand your pains of being horrible at social situations, as I've been suffering from similar things for quite some time now. Most often it makes me feel incredibly worthless, but just knowing there are similar people out there makes me feel better. You seriously deserve better, and I hope 2019 is a great year for you.
