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when ever i would try to speak about my emotions like this to my parents they would tell e to basically get over it look at down syndrome brother he has it worse so after a while of just getting this same response i just gave up on talking about my emotions to my parents or anyone else

e *me

what if this neglect made you like this
just pretending to be happy and carefree because your parents would tell you you can’t have problems

You need a road trip. Meet girls, get laid, go to live concerts, etc.

There are no special friends for you off the shelf, instead you need to find and meet them.

You need to exit and go out for a road trip.

Thank you so much for helping me getting this figured out but how do i help fix things now since ive been so used to keeping the off and shut down? (you should consider being a psychologist)

good idea

You bet it is.
Get out, get on, get off.

Everyone needs support, or at least acknowledgement of their feelings. You just have to realize that it’s normal. When you don’t get your feelings acknowledged, it’s a dysfunctional environment, especially when you’re a kid.
It could be that you’ve developed a pattern: “if I ever want to get normal relations with those close to me, I have to be super happy and outgoing and helpful, or else they will deny me”. It’s not easy to shake off this habit, you could be unconsciously follow it all your life.
But you have to understand that it’s not your fault your brother had down syndrome. You’re human too. A child needs care from the parents, naturally. But when you don’t get it and are forced to care for others, this can fuck you up like this. I think your parents lifted this burden on you but they shouldn’t have done this. Being forced to “grow up” like this is a bad thing.
I’ve seen some people similar to you. Usually they are very outgoing and seemingly friendly at a first glance. But they have very low self esteem.

you are a good person thank you fro being here for some people

fro *for

thank you for listening to some random depressed piece of shit whine on the internet for a while. You are a good person

nah I don’t think it’s your fault you’re depressed, anyone would be
it’s a complex situation, because it’s hard to blame the parents because down’s is a tragedy and challenge. but this doesn’t change that every child needs basic support. overall I’d say your conditions were way harder than what most people have. so it’s pretty remarkable you still managed to be social and functioning

this is actually the first time i really carved into this problem with someone else so again thank you! and ill at least do what i can

Yeah also forgot to add. I knew one kid who was like this. very timid, had good grades, always seemed happy yet kinda troubled at the same time. Heard he went through an awkward phase at uni, became an edgy kid, basically broke after all the years.
So eventually this shit catches up to you. Better let it out this way, some simply go dysfunctional or even addicted.

well that doesn't sound that nice soo ill try my god damn hardest to not want to hang myself over being a bit passive aggressive or a bit less "joyful" than usual

yeah well good luck. it’s not an easy task to change yourself. you may want to reassess your previous relationships and perhaps take a look at them from the point of your grown-up self, and compare it to other people’s lives.
also self-judgement is normal reaction but just remember that probably it’s not your fault. few people really grow up fucked up by themselves. in a way every person is a reflection of what they came through. sometimes it’s ok to lay blame and responsibility on others.

thank you

Just drink booze. It's gonna be over in the next 15 years anyway.

Darn.