I belong to fucking nowhere

I'm french, but I don't live in main country
I have no culture, my mom never really cared about transmitting culture from where I live, and I never payed attention in class, so history is not my forte
I didn't have much tech growing up, and had access to the internet very late, and it was very limited (parental control software), so I don't have that much internet culture
I didn't really have friends until late, because I was shy and had no passion or interest in common anyway
Around high school, since I had no social life, I started to rely on the internet. But I had no social networks because I was pretty much alone and had no connections
I didn't really know of Jow Forums, and language was an issue, but I discovered a certain video games website, and its general forum, it was very different from other social places on the internet, and full of outcasts like me, or worse
I had many good years of my life spent here, I shared a lot of things, I laughed, we had tons of memes, raids, etc
It was really a good time, well I was miserable IRL but I had people to share my feelings with
I kept everything in folders, memes, screenshots, archives, I had years of memory on this website on my computer
We even met Jow Forums through crappy events like drawball raids and such
Nice times ended though, it had to
More and more newfags and outsiders came to our little internet paradise, and the new UI update on the website wasn't helping
The flow of new normalfags coming was barely manageable, but something happened, we did one raid too much and angered the wrong people, women's right minister pressured the website into censoring content
Alternatives were created, but they were all pretty bad or underpopulated unfortunately
Now I am left with nowhere to go on the internet or IRL
I don't feel like I belong to that forum anymore, I'm not a robot, not even an user, I have no active social networks, nothing

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I'm really jealous of people with strong sense of belonging, to some country, to society
And jealous of people with a strong goal in life, or a hobby they're willing to invest time and hard work into
I'm just a human parasite leeching of my mom, wasting what she's done for me
I have no real goal, no motivation

I hate the fact that I'm never at the bottom or at the top, I don't belong with losers, nor with winners
Everything I am and do is superficial, superficial knowledge, superficial abilities
I'm never fully invested in what I do, I can't seem to push myself forward
I don't know why I'm even wasting my time talking about nonsense nobody cares about
>just kys faggot
is probably the one post I will get anyway
I had to vent, even if I'm talking to fucking nobody at least I got to clarify with myself why I am so worthless

I can't even look back on good times since my folder got deleted along 2tb of data (accidentally deleted a partition)
The fuck am I supposed to do now

Born in Belgium, in an Italian family, and moved to Spain at 5. Same feeling here. All I can say is that you must stop looking for answers outside of yourself. Figure out what drives YOU, and with time, you'll find the right people.

>feeling of belonging
Literally the most limiting thing there is. You can do whatever, be whoever you want, however you want. You can become a god of your own reality. But noooh it too hard. You just constantly compare yourself to other people who have no free will. There is no purpose in this. If you cant decide what to do, do everything.

>Everything comes with time

right

No it's awful no being driven by anything
Nothing pushes me foward, not even me, and I end up not doing shit

Then youre just depressed and need medical attention. Most people arent driven either, they just want to get their dick wet. No excuses.

If you do what drives you. Reading comprehension, user.

>I can do whatever I want,

I can't even get off my bed what are you talking about
I hate this too, people trying to convince me that I am more than a litteral leech