*sits down at your table*

Say something cheeky, so she immediately gets vag tingles. Probably something like, "well you're already sitting, aren't you", with a gay little smirk

If you'd actually talked to them instead of trying to be a hardass, you might not be on this board right now. Socializing is a skill, and like any other skill, it comes with practice. You can't let opportunities go to waste, user.
>inb4 muh 'tism

>inb4 muh 'tism
Fuck you to death on 1000 planes of existence and also in the afterlife

>If you'd actually talked to them instead of trying to be a hardass

I didn't think of it as trying to be a hardass. I'm just trying to avoid sperging out. In the course of trying to learn how to do that, I discovered that if you just utterly remove yourself from the situation - by acting as if the trauma isn't actually happening - you can make it through with comparatively little effort.

You can get angry at me if I you want, user. I'm telling you this as one kissless virgin to another, refusing to interact with women won't bring you any closer to getting a gf.
You have to crawl before you can walk. So what if you spill your spaghetti in front of some random woman you'll never see again? You can't conquer your fears without facing them. Sticking your head in the sand isn't doing you any favors.

Attached: 14587482753430.jpg (482x444, 25K)

>Sticking your head in the sand isn't doing you any favors.

Right, but NOT sticking my head in the sand means that if I successfully chat with this woman for 45 seconds, I'll start imagining our future life together. Which is, if possible, a worse humiliation than sperging out. And I can't stop doing that, I've tried.

Or I can't stop doing it without going full-no-affect. Full-no-affect is actually really effective. Gets shit done.

HAHAHAHAHAHA LOUIS, YOU GET ME EVERY TIME, MAN

>nah its cool
>proceed to eat in silence
>get up and leave

>look her in the eyes
>Yes.
>keep staring at her until she leaves

Narrate your dinner, key phrases like "succulent" and "delectable" with wet "mmmm" noises, wink seductively, during dessert grasp her foot and tell her that her toes are "Sucklicious"

>sure go ahead
>so whats your name?

>No . . just kidding
>I charge $100 an hour for the fake boyfriend service. Where should I not look?

"Make yourself comfortable"
"How's ya day been?"

Attached: 20YOboomer.png (380x349, 77K)

Skip foreplay, and grab her by the pussy like lord donald told you to. You're going to fuck her right in the pussy tonight, girls like that dont ask just anyone, they ask guys they already like.

>be 6'2 and just above average looking
>dress all in black but not top tier emo I just mean black denim jeans and coat
>she think I am talkative Chad
>soon as she sits I get up and walk out
>she is bewildered and has the audacity to think I'm the rude one when she encroached my space
top kek

"Sure."
>continue eating

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Give an estimate of why it's so crowded to start the conversion and hope she responds and if so continue it but slowly get off topic and see if I could find her interest without asking to become friends

/thread
who wants to start conversating with strangers

You never know where it might lead my boi

Made me remember this.

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Yeah sure.

This happened to me once at a popular chinese restaurant. In chink land its not uncommon to be seated with strangers so it kinda happened out of the blue. I didnt talk to her after that, we just both sat on our phones and ate our food. Mutual.

POO POO PEE PEE FUCK OFF ROASTIE REEEEEE

*Looks up*
"Why are you here?"

Attached: 1546280850208.jpg (500x333, 30K)

A girl did this to me once in college during lunch, but I was cramming for a test so I didn't say much.

She was disappointed it seemed.

>I am not homosex
>implying you wouldn't agree to go out with her anyway if she ever asked you
I'm not a lesbo either, but fuck, she's pretty

>Sure, I was just on my way out anyways
Fuck sitting next to strangers.

Me
>yeah certainl-l-l-yyy, go rig- *swallow* ht, right ahead
Her
>she gives you weird look and sits down regrettably
Me
>So you like this place it's pretty good right?
Her
>Um sorry what did you say I can't hear you
Me
>So you like this place it's pretty good right?
Her
>smiles politely completely unaware of what I said
Me
>ARE YOU HAVING TROUBLE HEARING ME?
Her
>she tries to hold back a cringe
Me
>*thinking* was it my breath oh no, maybe it was my breath
Her
>she answers yeah a little bit, it's pretty loud in here
Me
>yeah it usually isn't this bad. I work down the street at so-so and i come here for a quick lunch.
Her
>Oh really that's interesting what do you do there?
Me
>I'm and engineer I look over the drawings the drafters send me and verify all the dimensions, it gets old, but it pays well
Her
>her nipples harden
>wow, so you're pretty smart huh?
Me
>yada yada yada, she gets me to pay for her meal
>alright, I've got to get back to work, it was nice meeting you femanon
Her
>*looking up from phone* yeah you too user
Me
>look around hesitantly... bye now * small wave and walk away*

Every fucking time, not even autistic, just stutter and swallow like a dumbass then defuse the conversation like its a bomb. I never make anything happen

The only rational thing to do is to scream stranger danger

>yeah
>she sits down and takes out her phone
>says something to start conv.
>hmm? did you say something
>yeah I said...
>oh yeah haha, (clearly didn't hear me) looks back to phone
>sit awkwardly, take out my phone look at nothing
>waiter serves her
>she finally gets off her phone and decides to talk, sees im on my phone
>she looks at me weird for being on my phone and goes back to her phone.
>sit in silence
>eat in silence
>awkward af
>get up and leave

"Fuck off, Legolas."

Attached: Be gone succubus.jpg (222x356, 26K)

This would never happen, and thankfully so. I don't do well in close proximity to people who i don't know. I'd nod and say "sure, go right ahead" but also immediately stand up and walk away. I'm not about that awkward shit. Not gonna sit there and pretend it's normal. She's invading personal space and is either too autistic or too much a whore to give a shit. Either way I'm not about to deal with that mental rollercoaster.

Attached: 1513738795219.jpg (430x597, 129K)

>Me
>>So you like this place it's pretty good right?
>Her
>>Um sorry what did you say I can't hear you
>Me
>>So you like this place it's pretty good right?
>Her
>>smiles politely completely unaware of what I said

Christ this speaks to me. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I cna't speak clearly and properly and control my cadence when speaking to people, especially conversing with strangers, when I'm a little more nervous. it's always so fucking humiliating and embarrassing to have to repeat myself 1-2 times anytime I try to string more than 3 words together
fuck this gay ass shit man

Attached: WojackSuicide.png (662x967, 23K)

I actually had a chick say what like 4 times then finally say "Okay sorry, but you are just too quiet and cannot hear a word you are saying" then she walked away

>>I'm and engineer

Get off my board.

hellfire.
absolutely hellfire.
i'm sorry bro

>be me
>eating at cafe
>crowded but manage to get a seat at one of the little tables outside
>see cute girl looking for seat
>hey if you want we can share a table
>no thanks I'll just stand
>a-are you sure?
>yea it's ok
>3 mind later walks over to another guy
>hey mind if I sit here
>strikes up convo and agree to exchange numbers
>why is my life a joke to others?

Attached: 1546820517997.jpg (640x467, 48K)

>sure
>proceed to interact with her in a friendly and enjoyable way for both of us
>we part ways
>I continue to not even get to hold a girl's hand
I just wish there was a girl I could be with and trust. This world seems like it was designed to be unenjoyable for some, rather enjoyable for others, and very enjoyable for others

wtf? were you within earshot the whole time that you heard they went on to exchange phone numbers?
holy fuck that would suck

Yea the table was about one table away and it was outdoors so it was pretty easy to hear. They agreed to get drinks over the weekend and I just sat there with my fucking crepe and coffee like an idiot.

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I get out my Chad dick and rape her for daring to sit on the nerd table

unbefuckinglievable
y'know, sometimes when I stay away from this place for a bit I start to become more sympathetic to women, but shit, this kinda thing reminds me perfectly that women are irredeemable contemptible wretches
sorry this happened man

Attached: dangerous.jpg (657x657, 83K)

>sure
>what's your major?
>and yours?
>silence
>return to reading my ebook
>finish my food
>leave

"nah"
If I was almost done with my food I'd just throw it away and leave

Attached: 1546755628225.jpg (618x720, 74K)

uh, sorry. I don't eat with strangers, and I bet nobody else would. Just wait for a seat to be opened, it can't take THAT long.

Attached: spiffo.png (350x303, 110K)

not really you dumbass

>U-uuh n-no at all, i'm user, nice to meet you

Attached: 154683286046.jpg (720x720, 46K)

>"yeah it's free"
>then proceed to eat without making too much noise and fucking off afterwards
Same situation as with public transport. If she stares like that at me for any amount of time or tries to initiate contact, though, I'd become extremely paranoid and suspicious- probably some roast group trying to have a laff on my behalf or a small mugger group with a woman that would use extreme intrusiveness to lead on lonely male victims to some location to get mugged (not that this has ever happened here but still a possibility in my head).
As a 4/10, women lack the physical capacity to genuinely look at me in that overjoyed way- I have to assume ulterior motives by default.

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>at work friday
>walk across street to gas station to drop off some letters/get a drink
>on the way back to office, girl standing at the corner of the shop yells over
>"Hey, that jacket looks really good on you. What's your name"
>mumble "thanks" under my breath
>walk back to work, kicking myself for not talking to them
I'm a certifiable autist.

Attached: Snow feel 2.jpg (1632x1224, 176K)

"Hi I'm autistic what's your name?"

I'd tell her that I don't mind and then make no effort to further engage her.

If she wants to talk to me, then I'll respond with politeness if it's vapid, or authenticity if it's something interesting to me.

Whenever I'm done eating, if we have not continued interacting to that point I get up and leave. If she's still talking at me, I make a polite excuse that I have somewhere to be. If we've been having a real mutually enjoyable conversation, I'd probably stay and continue talking to her until we were done or I really did have to go.

Subsequent variations of outcome depend on what she decides to do and are omitted as unnecessary overthinking.

>Look her up and down appraisingly.
>Frown slightly.
>Say "I already have a boyfriend."
>Return to browsing phone.

>girl sits next to you
>SHE MUST BE INTERESTED

It's retarded to assume just because someone wants to sit at your table they want to engage in conversation with you. Maybe the place is fucking packed and there is no where else to sit. Who the fuck wants to be bothered while eating?

Somehow, this is the saddest thing I've heard on r9k in a while. I am sorry user. I hope you find someone someday.

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me:
>what's your order
her:
>I've ordered a rare steak, do you like steak? How do you like yours?
me:
>under heavy fire
her:
>*chuckles* that's a funny way of saying well done!
*waiter arrives with my meal*
me:
>orders received
her:
>That looks really tasty! My order won't arrive for a while, there's so many Chinese tourists today, ugh... Not to be racist or anything...
me:
>death to the alien
her:
>Haha, I don't think we have to go that far... *leans close* Don't tell this to anyone, but I voted for Trump!
me:
>FOR THE EMPEROR!
her:
>*laughs* Umm I think you're really really cute and passionate, umm, we have church on Sundays, would you like to come with?
me:
>faith is our shield
her:
>Couldn't have said it better! We'd love to have you there!
me, having finished eating
>disembarking now
her:
>Here, this is my number *blushes* feel free to text me whenever!

Dating's easy if you're a Chadmarine
youtube.com/watch?v=d2WEFlQva30

Attached: Hairgel.jpg (207x207, 9K)

Look up from my book and say "no I don't mind" then go back to reading my book until my food arrives. I eat my meal in about 5 minutes then go back to reading until the check comes, then I pay and leave.

If she's rude enough to interrupt me while I'm reading I will suffer through small talk but I seriously doubt any woman would be interested in talking with me, an overweight balding guy in his late 20s reading a fantasy novel alone at a restaurant.

what fantasy novel?

also, see this that's pretty much exactly how I handled it

can't believe they went bankrupt right before the the final game

Three was shit but I played it anyway. I wish somebody would revive the franchise, it has so much potential.

>initiate redflag_protocol.exe
Is it that big of an issue to wait for a table to open up? I seriously doubt a woman would rather just sit at the same table as my overweight goblin looking ass than wait for an empty table to be ready. I would probably just sit there in silence due to social anxiety/autism, especially if she actually looks decent.
Literally this
THIS, can't trust anyone these days. This is why more autists need to conceal carry since dickhead thieves look at us as "easy targets".

>look around
>spot person filming me for social experiment
>leave

Punch it in the face then trow all your spaghetti on it and run off screaming.

Tell square jaw to take a hike.

Non meme answer.
>how has your day been?

Tell her to get up and go away, she'll think you're a alpha and tell all her friends about you and jack off to you later

Oh man. That's wack. I think the issue was that you mentioned "we", so it seems like a cooperative invitation. Should have told her that there's a free seat instead.

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I need to avoid Jow Forums in the morning/night. This is suicide fuel.

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This happened to me at an anime con, I just got up immediately and walked away. Was comfier eating against a wall than sharing a table with a strange woman, FUCK THAT.

get up and leave without acknowledging her

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I was just leaving anyway, take it.

She looks just like an ex that tried stabbing me and then stalked me for 20 years.

Occasions like this is why I never, ever initiate anything with girls.

Nod, smile awkwardly, try to eat my food as quickly as possible while holding in the farts that my body suddenly decided that now was the right time to let loose.

Based, I'd do the same, but with Elder Scrolls

Haha. Sure.

>Eat

So tell me, what brought you over?

Sure, fine.
>go back to eating/working
>ignore her or brush her off if she tries further communication
I came here to eat & do some extra work, not be accosted.

Attached: 1544223141187.png (500x658, 21K)

SHOW TITS OR GTFO

original post ya simp janni

>beware the alien, the mutant, the heretic
>"WTF ARE YOU SOME KIND OF RACIST CHURCH FREAK? UGH"

I have always been terrified of this.

fucking this.
I "boomer up", as I call it, whenever I get nervous. I just start spouting platitudes and corny quotes/dad jokes.

What's worse? Having her saying "what" like four times before she understands you or by the 2nd "what" you end up saying nevermind and dropping the conversation entirely? I usually end up in the latter

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Small talk really is a skill. I worked as a receptionist for three years and have a whole arsenal of bullshit phrases to trot out when somebody starts talking to me, I almost seem normal

Maybe fucking SPEAK UP? You people have the most retarded fucking problems. I will never understand kids who are quiet even after you fucking tell them you can't hear them.
Is it that fucking hard to speak a bit louder? Nobody fucking wants you to yell. Speaking at a higher volume is a normal thing literally anyone capable of normal cpeech can do.

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Do you have a couple to share? I'm complete dogshit at smalltalk

>random stranger smiling like that at me
immersion broken

I'm afraid of coming across as loud and annoying. Finding the right pitch is hard when you're not use to talking with people

Not the one you asked but smalltalk is not hard. The key is asking questions. The best type of questions is something you might be interested in. Also, if it's a question that needs a bit more explaining then it's a win-win since you don't have to talk and have a bit of time to think where you could take this frinedly small talk.

These things come naturally to me but I also know what to do so if you have any questions feel free to ask. Like situations and scenarios.

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If they tell you to speak up a bit just increase the volume. You don't need to find a pitch, you don't need to change anything. I'd ask you to record a vocaroo bit just to know what you mean but I presume you wouldn't want that. But if you do, I could respond with one as well.
Speaking is not as hard as you guys make it up to be.

y-yeah sure go ahead

For all the spergs out here, the correct steps to take are:

>1. Yeah, sure. No problem.
>2. If your eyes accidentally meet give her a friendly smile and look back at your plate
>3. If she starts with a small talk just go ahead. Questions regarding general things, add a bit of your own experience in there without going into too much detail. Food, school, what she's doing there, her major, whatever.

Attached: 1528701876448.gif (320x240, 1.58M)

I tried everything and spent years with psychotherapy and speech therapy, but my autistic behavior is still the same.

I don't even care about girls anymore, my chances are non existent at this point. But this shit also happens at my job and i cant even imagine how unprofessional and stupid I appear, when I have to say something for the 3. time before they understand anything.

The only times something like this has remotely happened was so they could take a chair or so they could claim the table for her thot apprentices and their chadmpion. So im always defensive when an attractive girl initiates talk first.