"Hahaha...Oh hey user, we're just talking about our sex lives."

Oh...you know me. Still trying for it.

Got my eye on a girl right now.

>talking about personal matter such as this in public
Gross. Anyways, if I were forced into this sort of conversation, I'd just say that I hadn't found the right person yet, because that's true.

>talking about sex at work
>you're all getting fired for sexual harrassment

gf normies

Ask your mother about it.

I fucked a girl behind a MIssouri gas station the day before I graduated from Army basic training.

I used to try and hide my virginity. now that I've fucked a hooker once I don't care anymore and I tell people I'm a virgin.

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I've never had sex and I don't want to have sex anymore

>That gay twig thing in the black and white with woman shoes

yikes

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>i would tell em i've fallen in love with a girl... that was a senior last year and got out of school... and is on a relationship... with a guy that people literally call him "the (female) fattie" (isn't that fat but still)
>do you know which is the worst part? that dating her wasn't something impossible at all. but I met her just a month before the seniors got out.

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>Tell them about tantric sex on mushrooms under the northern lights

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wait but none of you are married, why are you having sex?

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This happened to me but they were talking about their first kiss. I felt like I got cucked just by being there

They're profligates, user. They're going to Hell. Even if they did find Christ they wouldn't truly seek out the Kingdom of Heaven within them and just use Christ as an excuse to do even more degenerate shit.

I fucked a lady in the backseat of someone else's car this morning. To be more specific this never happened.

This actually happens to me a few times. I did just confidently tell them to the face:
Im a virgin, because I Never found the right Woman. Casual sex is degenerate, because it destroys pairbonding, so if you had 10 sex partners in your life, you are probably getting divorced, have fun!
If you tell it like that, Then its not pathetic, because you have strong convictions and stand by them. People always respected this.

I have had sex, not a whole lot but I have and I wouldn't know how to answer that fucking retarded question. Its sex how fucking crazy can it get? Do they want to hear that a SWAT team burst into my bedroom and joined in?

this one chick puked on my dick while sucking it

>lose virginity, banged 6 girls in junior college
>still have never had a gf
I readily classify myself as an incel because I don't even feel like I lost my virginity anymore

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I feel kind of similarly. You can not be "a virgin" but still have a shitty ass, pretty much nonexistent sex life. Hookup culture has fucked us all over.

Im literally 12...

The craziest sex I've ever had was when i humped my pillow or bent over and blow on my vagina in the bath

Don't worry if you're a girl, it'll happen to you in two or three years if you want it.

>so... I bought a fleshlight, and the other day-

Fucked a cheating thot on the couples bed. Husband pulled up while we were fucking so we stopped, and apparently her having male ''friends''' is normal so he begrudgingly and passive aggressively smoked me up and offered me food like a good host

I'm deep in a rut honestly. Evidently we allowed something to throw us off the rails. If anything for me it was weed, but honestly I was already an incel again by the time I started smoking it. Been 2 years.

>i don't mind telling you, but i don't think you would enjoy the story of how i was diddled as a kid.
That would be my answer if i were to respond honestly.

moooooOOOOOOODSMODSMODSMODS COME QUICK YES THIS ONE RIGHT HERE

rise up my re-virginized brothers

I fucked an old lady at a party. It was pretty fiun

I'm trying man. I run 30+ miles a week. I'm not going anywhere, I probably just look like a fucking moron whenever I'm running.
>LMAO at that incel thinking a gf will fall into his lap like it falls into the lap of fat korean league of legends player

just make a fake story or copy someone else's realistic crazy sex story and use that anytime someone asks a question like this. that's what I do for my virginity lol. I recited so many times in my head it sounds natural when I talk about it. not a very thrilling story though so I guess that makes it more believable

Never having had a gf in college was as shitty, if not worse, as being a virgin all through high school

>group of us did this on a student council retreat senior year of high school
>friend adamantly refused to talks about her sexual experience
>I felt horrible because I was a senior and hadn't fucked yet
>turns out she was raped
>that's how she lost her virginity

This world needs to fuckin burn in nuclear fire

>that greentexting
now how new are you?

reading that fucking post felt like a fever dream I had when all the numbers on the number line started stretching out into giant speghetti numbers and going on forever. thanks for reviving my fear of schiziophrenia but please never post again

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I've stopped lying a long time ago. What's even the point, when you've socially imploded years ago?

Tell them they should mind their own goddamn american business.

One time I rode my bf while listening to Weird Al's Mandatory Fun for the first time. And then there's the kinky stuff that sometimes lasts days.

Ugh... Just lie?
>Haha yeah bro so check this out
>I go to a bar
>Meet TWINS who are celebrating their birthdays
>Take them back to my place for a threesom
>Double penetrate both of them at the same time. Shit was cash

There. And if they ask for details, just tell them that you were too faded to remember

>kinky stuff that lasted days

I think this is one of the things I miss most about having a bf. Where we spent the day either having kinky sex or cuddling until we've rested enough to continue

>Oh yeah, this one time, I was uh, with a girl, and like, it was just sooo craaazy, yeah!... H-haha!

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I though that the cuck fantasy was only a fetish what the fuck is wrong with people

Telling the truth will always put you in more trouble.

I was a freshman in private highschool and I didn't have any friends. So in order not to call attention to myself at lunch I would walk through the halls just like the rest of them with everyone else, and then exit and wander into the fitness area and find some place to sit down in. I hear panting coming out of the adjacent locker rooms and I went over to see what it was, and holy incel buttfucking christ one of my freshman classmates was getting his dick sucked by a senior or a junior girl. They were set up to where they could monitor the outside for passing people, but they were expecting hard shoes on linoleum, not my virgin steps.

It was really awkward and the silence lasted forever. I had seen so much porn it didn't phase me, I was just shocked that it was happening in real time. I remember stammering something really fast that I wasn't going to tell anyone, as it was a super catholic school.

I found out later who those people were in the communal yearbooks at the library. The girl was just some average stacy, although she was the captain of the Taekwondo club. My classmate was some really boyish looking kid. He ended up babyfaced for the entire four years of highschool.

I joined Taekwondo club because I wanted some of that, and during the downtime and the expeditions I finally broke the ice and I asked her if she remembered the " incident", she was all "what are you talking about lmao" but she must really have had a pedo thing going, since during Saturday morning practice over Christmas break, I was the only one who showed up and she was there anyway because she hated her foster parents. Our moderator had entrusted her with the keys, so I was all alone with the girl I was trying to have sex with, and I had a near four month committed "relationship" yada yada yada and when we were doing cooldown stretches she was like "let me help" and started feeling me up, and so we started having sex. That was my only partner ever.

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5 years for me... Yet I was getting cuties in high school and even dated a chick who later became a CU cheerleader. Life is shit man. It's almost worse to have it and then have nothing again

I just lie and tell my friends I am dating some Instagram thot I grab a picture of in so pathetic now

>had a girlfriend for 5 years
>broke up with her 6, almost 7 years ago
>have had nothing in that time ever since
I'm at the point where I believe the simulation has deleted my file and long forgotten me
I'm just dead, leftover code now

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>Unironic "born-again virgins" in this thread
So not only roasties do this, huh?

I fucked a thick 21 year old ebony on waikiki beach when I was 17.

That was the one and only time I had sex and I'm 25 now. My most Chad moment.

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I would probably get embarrassed, blank on trying to think of something, and then just say I don't have any. Of course, I don't have a single sex story so I'm not lying.

I fucked a girl in a church
Does that count?

so the pee pee went in the poo poo hehe

lol damn imagine if the bible version of god is the real god and 99.8% of all people just go to hell

that would be some shit

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>People always respect being told that they are immoral degenerates
hmmm

origigigigigigigigigiginal

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>tormenting yourself by imagining situations that will never happen
LMAO

But that's already happened to me multiple times

I love drinking games (actually I'm just an alcoholic) but I always avoid these truth or dare-type games and say I'd rather just drink at my own pace, it's a great excuse and nobody has ever really cared so far

I'd just tell them the truth and depending on their reaction I'm gonna decide if I wanna keep talking to them or not.

I don't want to associate myself with assholes

I fucked a girl in the back seat of my rental car on twin peaks in San Francisco and then sucked her cock after.

>dead hand gang

That one time I fucked a girl in the ass during a business meeting in front of her coworkers *unzips dick*

>business women
If they tried asking me this in my workplace I'd just tell them that it's none of their business

at a casual gathering I'd just say a wolf of wallstreeted a hooker

Craziest was on a blanket in the middle of the woods by a trail at night. Couldnt see anything and heard animals walking around

Ow haha, sounds like fun!
Well the craziest story I have was fucking someone in the ass so hard blood started pooring out down my thighs :D
Afterwards he had the nerve to charge me 20 euro extra on top of the 50 we had agreed.
I say, your dad is one tough pickle :D

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i was going to put some non-greentext at the middle but then decided to delete it and i forgot to errase the ">"
i've been in this site quite a long time, but i mostly use chilean forums so i acquired their lingo and its in spanish