LDR

real sad buddy!

>being in a relationship with someone you haven't met IRL is normal
There's one thing worse than a woman on r9k and that's a stuck-up incel who thinks the only people allowed to post here are friendless kissless home-schooled psych patients. I have a girlfriend and a job, still depressed and been here since 2009. What are you going to do about it, faggot?

ah fuck, sorry to hear that dude. OP here btw. I dont understand these complete fucking loners that spiel insults like they have some sort of superiority complex on here. real fucking sad when I make a thread looking for advice and some dumbass that just learned the word "neurotypical" feels like its the most appropriate time to go full retard strength. Stay strong dude!

sort of, clickey with a girl next country. but we Met up after 5 months and took things to the next level. Sie was 10/10 look wide but turned out she had bpd or some shit

it was a learning experience

At what point does a relationship become a long distance relationship?
Measured in a certain distance or how hard it actually is to see them?

well both. I mean I haven't met her yet, and we've both decided it's not the smartest move to actually be in a committed relationship without meeting first. Distance kinda correlates to the difficulty of seeing somebody. Personally, our distance is at least 6000 miles apart over the ocean.

>next country.
fuck now i want to live in a country where you can reasonably speak about "next country" as if it's just a state away. Come to think of it, it probably is just a state away because european countries are really small

>relationship
>not even have met in person

lol

ahh, did you cut it off? or are you guys still going?

nah i cut her off because things were getting too painful

My LDR moved in about a year ago, she couldn't live with being so far from family.

I didn't go with her for your exact reasons and now its over.
Don't regret not trying.

ahh, understandable man. sorry to hear that

Met a guy (10,000 mi away) when we were both in our final year at highschool. I would say we wanted to try being a couple after maybe a year, had multiple big bumps here and there since we were both going to uni (4 years) and it was frustrating. Eventually visited him halfway through uni degree and spent 2 weeks together, very happy times (actually was still a virgin before this trip to see him). Both very sad when I had to go back to finish uni. Moved to his country almost 3 years ago and currently in visa hell but love each other very much and are very supportive of each other.

It can work but it's hard work, the longer it goes on the higher the chance one of you finds someone closer and wants to move on. In my case it required a lot of hard work, patience and still some luck to go years at a time without seeing each other (not to mention building the foundation of our relationship having never touched, maybe goes to show how we're very mentally compatible). Still very weird to think just 7 years ago we were essentially kids just chatting online after/before school.

yeah shit sucked, she was a really sweet and cool girl in the moments where whatever she had wasn't fucking with her.

that experience turned me off from trying to meet girls online for good, it's better to meet people in person

Sorta in a shitty situation. Met up at a con and knew each other for a couple years.
Confess we like each other and I'm meeting her in a few months. Have a feeling it isn't going to work out cause we have a 5 year age difference.

>5 year age difference.

that's not that much and certainly not uncommon

or is she the older one

heck, good luck in the future user.

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>that's not that much and certainly not uncommon
I'm the older one but I'm 24 and she's 19. I feel like it's just going to blow things up since she is in my friend group, and I didn't really view her romantically before meeting at the con.
Feels like if things don't work out it's just going to make the whole friend group awkward and a little toxic.

>advice
>r9k

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I'm currently in one. This is my first relationship and the whole thing is fresh because we have been together for only few months now, but I can see this working and plane tickets are not so expensive. Yes, I'm little sad that I can't cuddle with her in person any time I want, but it's the emotional fulfillment that I'm craving. Good thing is that emotional needs can be filled with talking. We text, call, and video chat all the time.

To be honest I am little scared of what will happen, the distance and time zone differences are already causing minor troubles. But I'm sure if she and I both really like each other, love each other, and try hard we can make it work. I'm even willing to move to her country if it ever comes down to that, which it eventually will if things keep going this well.

Ahh that's feels! I hope our situation goes the same way. We're so mentally compatible it's almost insane. I made it a point to not reveal too much about myself and I'd let her answer questions first in order to avoid her manipulating answers to appeal to me, which worked out because I found out that we're so alike! The first time she got onto discord she was so scared and nervous to actually talk to me, and when she finally entered the channel I said "wassup faggot!" And it was all great from there. Weve FaceTimed every day now since then and it's amazing!

I had this for 6 months last year and we also met up when I took a holiday. A month later she was suddenly busy with a lot of things and going through a rough time. I had to initiate every conversation because she shut herself off from people. Last christmas I saw an instagram post of her with her arm around another guy who's now her bf. Mind you, we were texting literally from morning till evening (secretly at work) and playing games on the side.
It's the second time something like this happened to me and I think it's safe to say LDR never works out. You need the physical aspect of a relationship.

5 year age difference is nothing, you're both young adults so it's just fine. It's more about you being on same mental level, as long as you're both in legal age obviously, which you are.

Got into one as 23, lasted about six years. Was overall a mixed experience, with both good and bad times. Overall extremely stressful relationship with a huge drain on finances. (EU to US)
broke up on kind of bad terms, but still cherish many of the moments had together. My advise is not to enter one, but truth is if you are in love it doesn't matter what others say anyway.

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If you guys are both willing to overcome it, it will work out eventually! I totally feel you on the emotional fulfillment section though, pixels on a screen can only go so far. But we like to get around that issue by romanticising scenarios in which we're looking towards the future. Like "one day we'll be binge watching movies and cuddling" and "can't wait to be wrapped up in your arms, exactly where I belong!"

Ahh man, sorry to hear that. Honestly I can't see myself dropping it right now, but I definitely have my guard up. My girl currently is pretty introverted and has a set of very close friends and that's it. So hopefully she wouldn't even have that opportunity.

This. Even though I chat quite a bit online, none of the other chats I have are the way I chat with the girl. All the other internet chats are just memes upon memes, but talking to another person on personal level about deep feels is a whole different level. I'm so in love with her personality that I don't even want to imagine spending time with any other girl. If she feels the same way about me it should be all okay. Sharing selfies and doing video + voice calls helps reminding us that we're real people in real relationship, happening to just live very far apart.

EXACTLY. Spot on. This is exactly what happens with us, which is why I have hope that it'll work out just fine in the future... I've helped her with real life issues and she's helped me with mine. It's a great bonding experience forsure.

I'm just worried moreso of the friend group. We met through a MMO and she was introduced by another friend and we run our extra toons/alts with her. At this point our friend group played together for 2+ years so we're fairly close to each other and a lot of us have met up as well.

It's just changing the dynamic of it, when we met she was not legal age so I didn't view her romantically and it changed after she told me she had a crush on me. There are a few small things that she says or does that just makes me worry that she's not realizing what she's signing up for.

I know exactly how you feel man. As long as you're in love, no advice from anyone will change your mind.
The first girl was in 2015. She had only had 1 bf, almost no friends and she adored me. I thought I hit the jackpot. We were such a perfect match. I met her through a game, so I fell for her personality and then she turned out to be attractive as well. We matched on almost every aspect. She even told me she was consider moving to my country since she didn't have much to leave behind anyway. It lasted a few months until she pretty much ghosted me.

The second girl was actually an old friend of hers. The first girl ditched her in a similar way, so we immediately had a common enemy so to speak. This girl was even more attractive with her hazel eyes. When we actually met up for a week and had a great time I finally started to believe that this could work out. But an attractive girl in her early 20s will always have guys hitting on her. It's only a matter of time until someone better looking manages to break through her wall.

I experience all this as well and it was definitely mutual. But women are well known for changing their mind just like that.

True. Thanks so much for the input, and I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out. Like I said previously I have my guard up forsure, and we're not committed to a relationship until we meet IRL. Got my hopes up, but I won't be completely broken if it doesn't work out.

I don't know, sounds like you just met shitty people. Girl who ghosted you having friends with equally shitty morals is not really a surprise, you know. It's the emotional aspect that has to be strong because that cannot be cut just like that. Looks will fade, and even if they don't fade, people get used to them and their tastes change. The girl I'm in ldr with didn't even know what I looked like before we had been chatting for almost six months. We had formed emotional connection, and seeing my face was the thing that sealed the deal. Mostly to guarantee she wasn't being catfished and to prove I'm a real person.

Need some advice real fuckin bad. Currently talking to someone over 10k miles away, really value the friendship but I've been getting stronger feelings for her in the past lil bit.

My brain says ignore them but my heart says just fess up. I really don't wanna fuck up the friendship because I rarely if ever connect and relate to someone like I do to her.

What do? I know its pretty much an impossible shot but I just want a outside opinion to tell me I'm being dumb so I can start trying to ignore the feels

Well obviously I'd say go for it! But my subconscious says to be a bit more careful than that... Maybe test the waters a bit and if she bites back then full send! If not, express your feelings reguardless but be sure to let her know that being friends is still always an option. Good luck man!

Idk I'm terrible at reading any kinda signs desu, I'm pretty sure feelings arent mutual though. How big a problem does inexperience tend to be? I'm 21 and never kissed a girl while sober, never been in a relationship or had that many close friends.

I just feel like if I say anything it'll put her off being friends but then feel like if I don't get it off my chest the feeling will just linger and hurt?

Maybe start with comments on her appearance, and see how she reacts. Also send pics of yourself and see what she says to those. Like I just sent my girl a Snapchat and she hit me with a "what in the actual fuck why are you so cute!"
Obviously that's dramatic and a sign she's definitely into it... You'd have to analyze her messages a bit harder that I have to at this point... Just look for the small things, they matter!

Getting in real life relationship is difficult, getting in ldr is even harder. I had to skim through 50 girls before finding someone who actually wanted to message with me daily. It didn't even matter if I got along with someone, because for some unknown reason they always stopped responding at some point. Nothing bad to say about them, I just can't understand what went wrong. That's how I believe most chats with girls will go online. What I'm actually surprised of is how uncommon catfishes are. Only once there was a catfishing - gold digging attempt, and even then I'm not sure if she was just extremely mentally ill who expressed herself in wrong way.

It was very exhausting to get attached to someone who disappears soon after, but finding that one special person who almost clings onto you the way you cling on her makes it worth trying. Having someone call you and use your real name when talking to you made it all worth it.

No problem, hope it works out for you or you don't get too attached first. With the first girl I was so in love that when she ghosted me I lost my appetite for almost 3 months. I thought I finally met the girl for me at 25yo and it ended in such a way.

With the second girl it slowly died out, so I already expected her to find someone during the holidays when everything is cold and people want to feel cosy and loved.
So like you I had my guard up, but it still made me really sad to see the girl I fell in love with having her arm around another guy.

Maybe. Although it's not the first time I've experienced ghosting and whatnot. But it does damage my trust in women severely when they say they love you and a week later you can drop dead.
Both these girls I met through the same game and didn't know what they looked like for months either. They didn't even tell me they were girls in the beginning. It was so refreshing to find out there are still girls who enjoy games and don't attention whore about it in every lobby.

Truth. I've always been on the internet looking for girls to trade nudes with, and we'd always stop talking after the first time. But with this girl it seemed like she was special. I'm glad I trusted my instinct and actually went for it, because we FaceTime/call all the time, and motivate eachother to do things that we have to get done. We both know each others full names and everything about eachother! It was worth it since the start

Yeah I feel like I'm not her type physically or stylistically desu. I've sent one pic n the response was positive but something I'd get from a guy that's just a friend.

Do you have any advice for just getting over it? Im doubtful that it's worth the risk of losing friendship desu.

Getting over it is hard. I've had a lot of crushes and times where girls actually reciprocated those feelings, and all of those times haven't worked out the way I wanted it to. As cliche as it sounds, time will always assist you in getting over stuff like that.. just from here on out, in order to protect yourself from it in the future, go into each conversation with a bit of a "fuck it" attitude. It'll be hard at first but it'll help you in the long run

Thanks so much man! Just this thread has helped me get a bit of hope back for this. Although I'm gonna take what you said to me all the way till the end of the relationship, or the wedding. Who knows! That's what I love about these things, the trivial mystery that surrounds it. Who knows where this shitll take me, but at least I've learned some lessons for the time being.

So just ignore it til it goes away? I haven't had feelings like this in years so I'm really fucking struggling with how to deal. It's dumb but 'what if it doesn't go away' is on my mind. My mental health genuinely just can't take the hurt lol

750 miles here. It's not easy. She wants me to move to her area where she's making

No problem man. This is what r9k was designed for I guess, to help other anons out.
I wish someone told me these things 3 years ago. Although when you're in love with someone it really does make you blind. Till this day I still sometimes think about that first girl. The months that we spent together were honestly one of the best experiences of my life. It literally hurt in my chest that I wasn't able to hold her in my arms. She was the first girl to reciprocate my love and even took initiative in it. I think that's something you'll always remember, just like people say they always remember the person they lost their virginity to.

It's the same for me, I'm going into pharmacy and locked in my location for 4 years. It's objectively a shit place to live in the Midwest, and she's from a coastal city that gets the newest toys first.

You don't really have to ignore it, embrace the feelings (even hurt), it's what makes you alive!

Exactly dude, no brainer forsure. Hope it works out, looks like it is!

True man. Thanks so much. Even though it didn't work out you learned something! Which is almost just as valuable

My area isn't exactly nice but she's in a kind of shitty midwest city. If I were moving it would be to one of the fun big cities. She poopoos all over any mention of places like Nashville, Dallas, or Portland. When I ask where she wants to go she lists some of the objectively worst places I could think of. Like bumbfuck North Dakota or Austin. It would be a fair trade if she were going to be contributing to the income in any meaningful way but their silly little office fauna jobs just aren't worth uprooting your life for. Especially in your case where it's safe to assume you'll be moving on to bigger better things once you have that magic piece of paper. You got prestige going for you at least. Even if it doesn't work out any girl would be lucky to land a guy like that.

We'll see. I think she's about to get fired so she may have no choice, but then she'll be all resentful if I'm helping her out and letting her live with me. Just how girls work. The worst thing that can happen to a woman is a good thing. That's why they keep finding themselves in fucked up situations.

Dude seriously. Im not even old enough to have experienced all that yet (almost 19) but I find that to be true in a lot of circumstances... What I can say though is the compromise is key :) best of luck to you in finding that! I know it'll work out

My gf and I were together for nearly 3 years then my parents moved me 3 states away. Relationship hasn't been the same since and it might die very soon despite my efforts to keep it alive. Wish me luck brobots

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Good luck man... At least it's 3 states, and not all the way over the Pacific ocean! (US)-NZ)

I'd just tell your parents to go fuck themselves. Put them in a nursing home or something. Family is great and all but there is a limit to what it's worth. Love is more important.

Ive only ever had long distance relationships
>every one from Jow Forums and associated discord servers
>it's torture, dont do it
Unless you literally have no time, dont want to be close to a person for some reason, are catfishing, or are disabled.
Otherwise it's just pining, and kinda ridiculous.
>out of like 10, only met up with one.
>they all ended awfully
>i'm in the middle of a hellish shitstorm of a breakup right now
>paid for everything on their trip
>loserfuck wont refund me a cent
>making me want to kms, the pay off is never worth it
>these are relationships tht come with huge costs of time, money (if ur going to go visit), and heartache
>almost never worth it
>better to just stay friends, or keep it casual and not get your heart involved
>it will get broken over a line of code

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What's her personality like tho

My current relationship had to be long distance two times thus far, but it was very manageable and we have been living together for two years now. Had some others before.
The things that I think are important:
>Already have a stable, trusting and committed relationship, don't start a LDR with someone you have never meet or haven't had a relationship with for at least six months
>Skype everyday or as close to that as possible
>You will run out of things to talk about and no one just once to listen to a description of your day everyday for two hours, so find a show or movies to watch together or something else to do as a couple.
>Have a clear 'goal' a year at most, don't just have a LDR with no plans of ever moving closer. It's not gonna work.

I met a girl on a cruise one time and we started dating even though se lived 500 miles away.
I drove 8 hours to go see her as often as i could. Mostly monthly.
3 years later and shes graduating next semester, amd moving dmvack diwn to where I am so we can live together

Very cheerful and nerdy.

That is true, but as a 28yo virgin I've kinda stopped hoping for a gf. I work, have a few friends and exist.
Most girls in my life have used me for my kindness to feel better about themselves and move onto a bf. Or they damaged my trust in other ways. Maybe it's better this way idk. It's hard for me to imagine having sex with a person at all at this point.

I met my long distance bf on discord,
We talked for a year, just as friends on the server or in dms
>Didnt know his name
>what he looked like
>anything
>i told him everything about me
>everything about him was so interesting to me, what he likes to eat for breakfast, how he dries his hair, his favourite quotes, philosophers
>fell so in love
A year passed and he sends me a message.
>it makes no sense to continue talking to
you, pointless spending so much time talking to an Acquaintance in a different county
>first heartbreak.jpg
>i confess my love, goes fine wow so cool! Ah it's released, im free
>he's into it, and flattered. Yay
>we talk about my history....
Uh oh!
>calls me disgusting, degenerate, pathetic, incapable of holding any dignity
>heartbreaks 2,3 and 4.jpg
>he asks me to record a video of me strangling myself to make him feel better
>i do it
>spend 20 hrs in vc begging
>we start dating
... yayy
>fast forward
Throughout the relationship
>keep making mistakes that make him so angry
>keep him up late talking, fuck up his sleep schedule
>calls me disgusting, degenerate..
>have to hide the relationship from my closest friends because he is ashamed of anyone on discord knowing his is with me
(i am a massive shit poster)
>says he loves me a few weeks later
>sexual context dirties the sentiment
>change my hair colour, appearance, how i dress so much to please him
>meet up and lose my virginity to him
>cooks for him, cleans his clothes
Anyway
>i have a lot of issues
>afraid to work on them with him because i dont want him to humiliate me
>see finally this relationship is doomed, detrimental to my life, health and school, incompatibilty on so many levels, try to break up
>in the middle of this
>find out i fuck up gigantically,
>tell him about it as soon as i find out
>dropped all feelings for me instantly
>breaking up in the most devasting way possible and it hurts
>heartbreak 15.jpg
>during this, find out my friend died
Ldrs bad, dont do it

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This definitely sounds like it's a you thing. Fucking up seems to be a recurring theme in your life. Chin up tho, not all of us can be winners or have successful interpersonal relationships.

Was in one for four years then got married. While long distance we saw each other twice a year for a month or two.
It was hard I wouldnt recommend. I could have fucked like 50 girls in that time.

I was in a relationship with a girl I met from a MMO, she's 30 and im 22. I got on a plane to see her two times and in total spent about 2 weeks with her combined. Before I left she told me she didn't want to be in a relationship with me yet sometimeses it feels like we are still together, I recently talked to her about it since she was getting distant. Told me she had no motivatation in the relationship because she was upset about her kid possibly never coming to live with her from another country due to a custody battle. Her exact words were "I'm so depressed and want to kill myself, it's not fair to you but I just can't give you anything right now" Can anyone give me advice on what to do? Should I just let go? I really did love her and always tried to show it to her the best I could. I feel myself getting depressed again, she was my first gf and I had never been with a girl like that before.

>calls me disgusting, degenerate, pathetic, incapable of holding any dignity
>heartbreaks 2,3 and 4.jpg
>he asks me to record a video of me strangling myself to make him feel better
WTF?
>find out i fuck up gigantically,
How so?

Wow, that made me feel a lot better about myself and the people in my life, fix yourself.

They don't work. They really don't.

>she was my first gf and I had never been with a girl like that before.
I understand and can sympathize with what you go through, but you need to get out. For so many reasons, get out!

Have been in one forr 10 years, she ended up betraying and dumping me because the distance is becoming too unbearable or something. I have been 100% loyal to her all those years, she had a couple of minor slips but it never got physical until the last straw.
I don't see myself becoming attached to, or trusting anyone again after this shit so I'm considering suicide.

>I don't see myself becoming attached to, or trusting anyone again after this shit so I'm considering suicide.
Stop whining, your dumb ass meme relationship ended. Get your shit together, figure yourself and your self esteem issues out and then you can look for a big boy relationship.
>a couple of minor slips
kek

I feel like i've just been lying to myself for such a long time that this would work out between me and her. I even had 2 girls that liked me and could have turned into something but I turned them down and chose her instead i'm left with nothing and it's nothing but my fault because I wanted to try to be loyal.

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>10 years together
I'm not a fucking teenager anymore to go around chasing skirts. I have given my all to this relationship so I'm tired and hopeless as shit.
>hurr just get over most of your adult life being shat on
Thanks mr armchair therapist.

>because I wanted to try to be loyal.
There is no inherent value in trying desperately to keep something alive that has been dead from the start. Even though, I guess it is commendable to not have cheated on her or done anything else immoral, but you should still have broken up long ago.
You are not left with nothing, at the very least you are gonna be left without the emotional drain this relationship currently is, but you will also at the very least have taken some experiences from it and that is the only thing one can reasonably 'be left with' after a failed relationship. You should most certainly be able to eventually be able to do better than a suicidal single mom, that is eight years older and this current relationship will give you a valuable reference frame to understand when you have something that truly makes you happy.

Sounds like abuse to me. My mother is still being abused like that daily. That isn't love at all, i just you still aren't with this person. If someone really loved you they wouldn't call you disgusting, degenerate, pathetic or for fucks sake ask you to record a video of you strangling yourself to make HIM feel better.

it depends if both want it to work. I have a hubby and a few LDR, but they dont know about that. hubby I met on /b/ 2 years ago. Im 10 years older than him. We kept the LDR for a few months... till i got the tickets to visit and take his Vcard with me. Then after 5 months we moved in together, but i still keep the others for lonely moments or when im too horny and want to call someone on discord to let them hear me getting off. But yeha. maybe you're loving someone whos just as evil as me and is just fooling you as a killing time... it happens a lot.

>we talk about my history....
>Uh oh!
>calls me disgusting, degenerate, pathetic, incapable of holding any dignity
I thought you were the biggest whore on earth and then
>meet up and lose my virginity to him
but also
>find out i fuck up gigantically
>dropped all feelings for me instantly

Sounds like you cheated on him. This story is missing way too many details anyway.

How can you even live with yourself? Absolutely disgusting.

You sank 10 years in a pointless relationship. Why? How? Why did you guys at no point move closer, how could that keep going for so long?
> the distance is becoming too unbearable or something
Of course it did after 10 years.
>I'm not a fucking teenager anymore to go around chasing skirts.
And no one says you should, work on yourself or if you find someone good have one good relationship.
>I have given my all to this relationship so I'm tired and hopeless as shit.
Then why was it still long distance after 10 mother fucking years? That is enough time to get a Bachelors, get a Job, save up money, move, get a citizenship and have your first child.
>hurr just get over most of your adult life being shat on
Yeah it fucking hurts, but better it finally ended now before you could sink even more time into this joke. Be Sad and angry for a bit and then start doing something productive that makes you happy, whatever that may be for you

ikr~ im full of mental issues and being BPD doesnt help at all. But oh well... we all have to find some pleasure in life

You're right user. I do know a lot about relationships now and what I want in one and how I want to be treated. I think I liked everything about a relationship, when I look back on it and the way she treated me, tried to keep me a secret, never wanted to take photo's together, and always brought up why I would never be more important than her kid, like I didn't already know that yeah, she wasn't a great person hence why she abandoned her child and moved to the US because she "hated" being there. I know If I had a child I could never abandon them like that to live with my parents. It was dead from the start, I just liked the idea of a relationship hearing someone tell you that they love you and sharing how you feel together gave me strength even if the entire relationship was terrible for me. Thanks for listening to me user, and telling me what i needed to hear instead of pretending there was something there.

i'm currently in a long distance relationship. we were together for about half a year before she moved away. now we see each other every one or two months. in november or october she said that she might stay a couple of months over the winter, but that didn't work out and she went back two days ago. somehow saying goodbye to her, when i know we're going to see us again hurts more than when i broke up with my previous gf. what keeps us going is that we're working towards the same goal, which is to be together in a year. i don't really care about anything else than that, so my life became kinda boring, but i like it. so i guess what i'm saying is: it can work, but like most things in life it's up to chance.

>sounds like it's a you thing
>recurring theme in my life
Yeah for sure, thanks user
>At least no one died..
I'll just survive on the pope's tweets :)

Oh that's nice, glad it made someone feel better
>wtf
I didnt mind doing the strangling thing it's just temporary physical discomfort, was my idea
But i just didnt think he'd actually take me up on it
>how so
I'm alcoholic,
Drank half a bottle of vodka on new years and blacked out
Found out I kissed someone but i dont remember
It's fucked up and im sober now

who are u appreciating in your life?

I'm really sorry for your mom, user :/
That's really heartbreaking as a kid to see
>the strangling was my idea
I didnt mind at all the physical stuff
Was kinda cool and painless way to put an ice pack on his immediate hurt for something i did
I appreciate being held accountable for my mistakes, but it was a little harsh in its presentation .

Currently in one,since june 2018. About 300 km distance between us,yet we haven't met up yet because we're busy with school and shit. We were supposed to meet this month,but something came up and the closest we would meet is probably during summer break.

>I'm alcoholic,
>Drank half a bottle of vodka on new years and blacked out
>Found out I kissed someone but i don't remember
>It's fucked up and im sober now
Being an alcoholic is pretty fucked up, but the rest is not an immediate relationship killer. Well depending on the situation.
>I didn't mind doing the strangling thing it's just temporary physical discomfort, was my idea
>But i just didn't think he'd actually take me up on it
Fucked up to offer, even more fucked up to take someone up on.
>calls me disgusting, degenerate, pathetic, incapable of holding any dignity
Why? Is your history that disgusting?

Honestly, while you seam like a total mess, he sounds like a psycho. Probably better that shitshow is over. Maybe see a therapist? It really doesn't sound like you are attracting healthy relationships. Get a decent stable job and some normie hobbies, those are prerequisites for a normal relationship. Please for the love of god don't date people you met on Jow Forums, Discord or in a video game.

>who are u appreciating in your life?
Mostly my girlfriend who makes me very happy, but also my friends.

No problem man, I'm sure you'll figure it all out, wish you the best.

>Please for the love of god don't date people you met on Jow Forums, Discord or in a video game.

but why?

>in love with guy for his 10/10 personality
>turns out he's ugly
i still love him and talk to him everyday but i don't want to look at his face. i feel guilty thinking this way

What if you're ugly to him as well?

I grew up in a party culture where people were hooking up casually in high school ,
I didnt have sex, but i kissed some boys and girls when i was young and was orally intimate with 3 people prior.
the main thing he took issue with Was my kissing, or being in any way physically intimate with people who didnt care about me as a person, because that lowered my value and represented a lack of self worth.
He didnt like that i had talked to people on the phone in a promiscuous matter, sent pictures, and did not like the people who i was associated with.
We grew up with very different family backgrounds, and he strongly believes physical intimacy should only be associated with the emotional

>sounds like you cheated on him
Yes,
I have issues with alcohol,
I drank myself comatose on new years and found out the next day from my friend i had kissed someone. I dont have any memory of it
Told him as soon as i found out

i kind of hope he's also lying about finding me attractive so things would even out between us