What is the stupidest shit you've done due to hornyness?

Hm. Cream pied my fat disgusting liberal roommate.

Fapping in a disgusting bathroom on a night shift

Bruh I always jerk with at least one marker

once when i first started yanking it in 9th grade, i wanted to use some kind of lube to see how it felt but didn't have any, so i used shampoo instead

it didn't really hurt much as i was wanking but didn't feel much better. i eventually came and just went to bed immediately after without thoroughly washing off the shampoo. worst mistake of my life

that morning i woke up with a hug sore all over my balls that hurt like hell to walk around with. i had to waddle all over school with what felt like sandpaper scraping over my ball sack constantly. the next day it got even worse since it started scabbing all over my balls, which lead to it cracking and getting a bit of blood in my underwear as the day went along. luckily balls heal fast, and it was only 2 more days until it was fully healed and didn't hurt anymore (and those last 2 days were weekend, so i didn't have to deal with the necessity of going outside)

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I put a baseball bat up my ass handle first. I assume it's similar to taking a little horse dick because the bottom is flared. I don't like to think about those times too much anymore.

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Pretty similar for me, but I used a weird cream instead of shampoo (idk what it was).
Nothing happened for the first month, but one day I woke up with a burning feeling at the base of my dick and nasty red rashes and pustules all over my dick.
That shit lasted for over 1 week and it was the worst week of my life.

Worst part of that ordeal is the fact that I still have pustules on my dick that don't hurt, but look like warts so I am scared as shit to have sex (if I ever do).

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I ruined friendships over horniness, really stupid idea.

Anally molested a trap in a public park

lol I did the same with a plunger. But not like the little white ones, like the massive black ones. (innuendo not intended)

Occasionally I'll try autofellatio when I'm too lazy to finish in the toilet or a sock. Each time I can barely keep it in my mouth and it's uncomfortable to the point that it diminishes the feeling of an orgasm, either that or I don't time it right and end up ruining it. Thankfully I haven't popped a disc loose doing it, just got a bit sore at the worst. It's such a waste of time but sometimes my horny brain thinks it'll feel great this time.
really tame compared to this site
how many of them were bottom/top?a couple times I used what shampoo/soap was left on my hands when bathing
I used a plunger that was kinda ribbed on the handle. Also the handle on a cleaning brush.

Ask femanons for panties pics and erp with traps

I have 2 years without fapping so I'm looking for something worthy enough to masturbate to

I shoved a carrot wrapped on a plastic bag up my ass and made me bleed.
Also, I shoved the handle of a screwdriver up my ass with a condom that then broke inside my ass.
I never bothered with anal masturbation ever again after that.

It was pretty mixed with them since some of them were ok with mixing things up while others literally only just wanted me to nut in them as quick as possible with little contact (so doggy position) and get out of there. More were bottom overall though.

Either way three of the total slapped me with child support.

Sent probably hundreds of dickpics to several different girls throughout the years. Always to ones online that ask for it though but I still feel like a degenerate because of it. Pretty tame I know but I think I get off from girls seeing my erection and complimenting it

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damn dude, can you suck your own dick or do you just jack in you're mouth? I've never actually done either.

I used to be more flexible and could put about half of it in my mouth with enough effort, but now it's just jacking it and maybe licking the tip

Went into the restroom (high school), forced out a little bit of shit and stuck my finger inside my colon to try and scoop out the rest of the shit. Someone else was in the restroom while I was doing this, I didn't wash my hands and I quickly walked by him while covering my shit covered fingers.

Edit, I went to a different bathroom to wash my hands.

Well? Could you? pls respond

I used to take bits of metal pipe as a kid and stick it on my dick as some sort of cock ring
I used to draw on my dick because the feeling would kinda turn me on.
I also remember once before i had ever fapped i rubbed my dick a lot and ended up pissing my boxers and i thought it was cum

>had sex with mums

You jerk off into a flower bed of mums? Nice

My girlfriend came back from spending 2 hours at the gym, and I immediately pinned her to the wall, kissed her, fondled her boobs, and insisted on licking her ass. She hesitated, but I just got down on my knees, turned her around, pulled down her pants, and went for it.

It stunk pretty badly and the sweat made her kind of slick down there, but I powered through it until she came. Sort of grossed out at the time, but later I fapped to the memory a good 3-4 times. I'll also never forget how she squirmed and how her voice cracked as I stuck my tongue all the way up her ass. I had done it before, but never in a circumstance anything like that.

No matter what I did, I could smell her ass for literal HOURS after doing that. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, used mouthwash, everything. It kinda turned me on more though, so it's all good.

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Some chick I just met on OkayCupid is talking to me wanting me to be a sub and her a dom.
She now wants me to create a premium account profile on Passion dot com to be her slave.

Knew this shit was too good to be true.

Is this what I have to look forward to when I eat ass spontaneously?

>be me
>go to gym
>working out feeling good, feel the need to go to restroom
>go to restroom
>standing at the urinal
>don't really have the need to pee
>"why did my body bring me here then?"
>jerk off at the urinal and flush
Most shameful fap as well.

Rubbed my jizz all over my face and lips like locean.

Some (gay) guy catfished me on OkCupid years ago. He looked like 20 years older than his profile pic and was kinda fat.
I was really horny though so I let him fuck me anyways. He fucked like he was experienced but still kinda creepy and lazy like he was elderly. The day after I just ghosted him cuz I was legitimately grossed out by him.

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Damn. And to think I feel weird about getting fucked by an 18 year old at 23. That's really repulsive dude.

I once jacked off in my 8th grade science class to see what it was like. Regret it immediately afterwards because I had a wet feeling in my underwear(not visible thankfully). Also since I was in the back of the class i dont think anyone noticed. I was however sitting 2 feet to the left of a qt 3.14 black girl. I did it through my pocket and still dont know if she noticed. Thankfully no one ever mentioned anything to me and I never heard any rumors so if she did know, she kept it secret and pretended it never happened.

Covered a tortilla in jelly rolled it up and fucked it.

got married to a mormon girl and now pay for some smug LDS cunt to raise my daughter

Yeah I mean I had a thing for ugly virgins but old dudes are just gross

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opened up a stapler and ate staples till i came buckets. its a complicated story, dunno if anyones interested

Wait are you a girI

What the literal fuck. Post story

Came in my BPD ex-gf even after the third pregnancy-scare/suicide-threat combo.

At my friend's house for the weekend and one night I took out her ferret and had it lick me off. Felt amazing.The ferret didn't mind. But I dunno felt disgusted after I came..
still have the vid I took

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Not me, but in junior high I discovered the kid in front of me had his cellphone vibrating in his ass. I asked why he as vibrating and he said "what? You're weird, user", while carefully taking his cellphone back from his shorts

Shoved my dick in the hole in the side of a paper binder

welp here goes
>be 24
>last year
>finish last day of school, 2nd year of college
>go home emotionally numb
>think about jerking off
>dick is hard but i dont particularly feel turned on enough to cum anytime soon
>open up pornhub
>go through all the categories i like
>start jerking off
>10 minutes of flipping through shit
>still hard
>put away phone, close eyes, think of coworker that i want to bang more than anyone in the world
>what i remember the most of her for some fucking reason is when she was using the stapler i brought with me
>hold stapler in hand and jerk off furiously
>it smelled like her cucumber melon lotion
>my dick is at maximum blood capacity at this point
>about 8 inches of throbbing virgin rage
>clench stapler and click one out, folded and it falls in my mouth
>i think at the time i could taste her lotion
>staple a few more out and let them fall into my mouth
>swallow them
>look like pic related
>take breaks
>repeat for about 20 minutes until what feels like 40 or so staples are in my stomach
>eventually cum about 2 weeks of semen stored up
>toss my stapler aside and throw them up
>3 or so hours later and i see bits of staples in my shit
still less degenerate than furries

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jerked of in a mcdonalds
go to unisex, naked saunas every week to show off my cock to milfs

>jerked off in a mcdonalds
Was this in the ball pit??

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You are ascended. You are an honorary wizard.

Screencap worthy?

Orphanage

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one who tried that
Didn't think it would burn that much

the urethra is designed to export fluids, not intake solids

The odor doesn't go that easily, of course. Even just fingering a girl for a bit gets your hand to smell like her for an entire day if you don't wash your hands well enough.

I put my dick in the vacuum cleaner pipe

what exactly happens if you do that?

1 minute is equivalent to about 45minutes of jelqing

as the air started to circulate, my dick started to do funny dumb sounds, stopped like 10 sec after because it wasn't that good

>locean

Fuck you are dumb

Post the vid
OriginalIy

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>be me
>23 y/o khv
>had enough
>contact a prostitute
>arrange meeting
>get in car
>start driving, it's three hours away
>pull up to the place
>look down at my crotch
>realize I have felt nothing but pure despair and sadness for the whole ride
>there's absolutely no chance of this being enjoyable
>pull out phone and block hooker's number
>go home and jerk off
It was a waste of a Saturday

Got my legal teenage neighbour to suck me off, was pretty eh

>She now wants me to create a premium account profile on Passion dot com to be her slave

How do people fall for this to begin with? None of the 'girls' rusing you ever sound remotely normal in their messages

>screencap worthy
Shut up you fucking karma whore
Go back and literally stay there forever

>be horny 8th grade fuck
>go to school very early because of military traning activity
>arrive at school, realize i'm the only student that's present at that time
>look around
>see ID of 7/10 girl that I know
>quickly hide to the semi-open area where the main campus and college building are joined by a small pathway
>no one else but me
>start jerking off while looking at said girl's ID pic
>finish quickly while looking like pic related
>quickly pull up pants while looking around to see if someone was there
>there's no one
>return to the area where i found the ID and placed it back there

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I've jerked off on basically every mode and type of transport, short of a submarine and in various situations. It's kind of a compulsion at this point and it's the number one priority when I travel around.
>on a cruise ship
>on 12 planes (1 time in the passenger compartment- since it was pretty empty and I was sitting in the very back)
>in a tank (T-34/85), in a MiG-19/21 cockpit, in a L-29 cockpit, in a BTR-60
>at 10,000 feet over and ~1,200 feet below sea level
>on 5 continents
>in ~30 countries
>in the Kremlin (inside the walled complex) and in the White House (sort of- in the visitor pavilion)
>in our National Assembly building (twice)
>near Calvary
>in a bus, minivan, car, metro, train (toilet and passenger compartment)
>at school (with several piled bags for cover)

Otherwise, I've stuck things up my butt to see what happens and I jerk off into condoms sometimes.

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>Fapped in public bathrooms (but we've probably all done this right?)
>Other time tried to subtly seduce a co-worker (it didn't work because I was being TOO subtle and she never realized I was talking to her in any way other than casually)
>Got an erection in a public place once and wanted to position it just right so all the girls would see it and presumably be turned on by it and want to fuck (came to my senses before I actually did it tho)
Sounds fun. Is/was it a goal of yours to fap in all those places or just a spur of the moment choice every time?

Started as spurs/being extremely horny but evolved into a fixation- like how people frantically want to take pictures of themselves at a location- I'd want to find some place and masturbate.

That sounds awesome, more details?

I was writing an erotic story when I was in English class with the girl sitting next to me.
She already had a boyfriend but her books were full of our stories.

One time I wrote a story about some girl getting semi raped in a camping tent and she read it afterwards. Full mast when I finished the story. The girl took her time reading my masterpiece and enjoyed it a lot. She gave me a pat on the back, years of sexual frustration previously written down now came out like wild horses.
A made a soft moan and came inside my boxers.

She heard it, we made eye contact and I have never written in her books after that. Most uncomfortable high school class because I had to sit next to her for another 5 months.

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I started jacking off when I was like 10 or 11 and pretty much nothing would come out when I came, just like precum. I jacked off for a while, but when my lines came in I started freaking out like it was from jerking off for so long and the doctors would know at my checkup so I ripped every pubes out for a while and I still have a bald spot 10+ years later

Pubes not lines

How is no one going to comment on this? How did no one see? HOw did you cum twice in 40-90 minutes?? Was it cute? What did you do after? There are so many questions!?

I have a rule that every hotel I visit I fap and cum in a strange spot.
>Be me going to a convention with an internet friend
>Arive at the hotel a day early and start cumming *everywhere*
>Under the pillow, on the plants, on the paintings, on the free shampoo and conditioner, in the fridge, toss cum on the ceiling and walls
>To me this is normal
>Friend comes in with a black light
>Tells me that he does this to make sure he gets a clean room
>Seman everywhere
>I feel overwhelmingly disgusting
>I act surprised as we go and get a new room
I cum in the new room too

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I can usually squeeze in a second nut after a short breather, this hot blonde who was so stacked her bra always showed through her shirt just kinda watched her bra straps and imagined how her hair smelled.

I have several stories, I once faped at the balcony of my house, expecting a girl to see me (I was 14 years old at the time).
Also, when I was at elementary school, I used to fap at a restroom cubicle. My goal was to finish before someone walked in.

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I sexually harassed my cousin in bed
I grabbed her tits
I grabbed her ass
And I rubbed my dick on her ass
While she was asleep
God I just feel like an asshole

Im sorry m8 but that's fucking hilarious

I did the exact same except it was yesterday

That's fucked

Origiplapa pappa

Fapped using toothpaste. Was mostly just cold.

Hey, I did the same thing too, don't feel too bad. Can confirm it hurts like hell though.

I feel you user. There's something about it that feels good but its fucking dumb as hell. Almost got blackmailed because of it once.

>be 17
>enjoy trespassing at my old school building from Jr high
>climb on the 3 story tall roof and avoid being seen while listening to music and looking at the city/stars
>climbing air conditioner system to reach the top as always
>as I hoist myself up I see a couple on the same roof fucking
>he's fucking her from behind against a wall
>stay still and watch for a moment
>lose balance and nearly fall off the vent I'm standing on
>they hear me make a noise and hastily start putting their pants on
>I go full stealth mode by getting down and hiding in some bushes nearby
>hard as a rock since I saw her ass and her tits bouncing as I peaked over the edge
>wait for what felt like an hour
>go back up on roof after I'm sure they're gone
>stand on the edge of the roof and cum 3 stories over the edge on the roof of a school building
Felt good but it was pretty fucking stupid.

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>What is the stupidest shit you've done due to being horny?

I fucked your mom 9 months before you were born.

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LMAOASL MAH NIGGA U GOOTTEMM!!!!
THIS FUL PROBALY BOFT HEHEHEHEH

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Flew to Germany for a booty call

>From south africa

You are a true hero and exemplar of a hobby, user.

Probably when I paid a pro-domme to fuck me in the ass with a strapon. It wasn't particularly bad experience (opposite) but I still feel disgusted by myself year later.

Should have used conditioner

Wrote a love letter to a girl i spoke to once on the first day of school. Turns out shes gay. She never said anything about it

I done that to men...
Skype-calls, phone calls. It's disgusting to think about, and I don't know why I can't control the urge when horny and drunk.
Luckily turns out erectile dysfunction is common, so I haven't been fucked.

I think that is the lowest I've done...