"So user, what qualities do you have over, say, the hot guy outside waiting to be interviewed?"

>ive got an even hotter brother

>I don't know that guy outside, so I can't answer your question without making baseless assumptions, sorry.
Truth be told I don't have any redeeming qualities, nor any competencies, but with a question like that it's very clear I don't have a chance anyway. That said, if I were to somehow magically get hired, I'd treat it as a potentially temporary job as I'll be waiting to be replaced by some "hot guy" for the sake of looks if nothing else.

I can lick the tip of my nob

That handsome dunce waiting in the hall has been handed everything he wants on a silver platter his entire life, purely because of his physical appearance, so he's never had any reason to improve himself or develop any actually useful skills. Unlike myself, since I'm an ugly bastard with a face not even a mother could love, so I had to actually put in effort and work my way up the hard way.

So let me ask you this: do you want a dimwitted beefcake who just stands around flexing his pecs, or do you want someone who actually gets shit done?

5 years of experience as a Jow Forums Janitor, I know it's not a conventional education but it's taught me how the world works *FUCKING NIGGERS*, sorry I blurted that out, please hire me

Might as well leave now since she's already interested in someone else

>"A firm handshake and a solemn vow to be the best hire you'll ever make."

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I type at 140wpm

>give her a firm handshake
>she shrieks in false, exaggerated pain
>looks at you with a mix of terror, disgust and anger (you know the look)
>calls for security and accuses you of assault
>company presses charges
>she gets 3 months off paid vacation while her hand heals
>sues you and spends the money on a great holiday over those 3 months
>you get 12 months in prison and a restraining order
Y-yeah, thanks dad...

Ummm.... beefcake!

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Oy vey I'm calling my lawyer, these hiring practises wont stand!

I thought janitors werent allowed to state their positions. Isnt that a bannable offence?

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>Lawyer sides with Stacy and refuses to take on case

She looks and dresses like my uni lecturer.

>security comes in
>I stand up straight with my shoulders back
>"Nice to meet you gentlemen, it seems that my enthusiasm took her unaware. Say, I'm user and I'm looking forward to working with the two of you."
>I give each of them a strong wristed, diamond crushing handshake while making direct eye contact and flashing a winning smile
>boomer boss hears the sound of my confidence and gumption from his office
>he comes in and tells me I'm hired on the spot
>tell him I can start this afternoon if he'll have me

well for one, i'm recording this interview, so that comment is going to be evidence in the lawsuit i file against your company if you hire the hot guy over me.

>Fire the whore secretary that was threatening your financial future so that she could have an office cum toy.
>"Bu-but why?"
>"The hot guy outside was more qualified."
>Hire the guy outside and you both become buddies.
>Get beers together after work and he helps you pick up chicks at the bar. Granted, there the ugly friend thats there with the girl he's actually hitting on, but youre just happy to see some action.
>You both become life long friends
>Former Stacy secretary starts stripping to pay the bills.

If you've had to improve yourself, why aren't you muscular?

This is the real world, none of those gamer sob stories about not getting any pussy, just real men working hard to get by, earn a living and have some fun along the way.

thats easy, we're alone in this room together and i'm physically stronger than you

I can commit suicide without dying.

>Uhm..then why are you still ugly? ewwww! next...

>I'll have to this bullshit again in a few weeks
It's not fair. I hate interviews, I hate getting a work, I hate having to leave my bed.

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This desu. Security be involved as well.