Why are you up at 4am on a sunday, user?

Who takes a "cute" selfie after punching a wall? Fucking foids

>why am I up at 4am
Because I'm thinking of her.
I regret not hitting it off with her. She was only 3 years younger than me, but back when we were in school, it was a bigger difference. I felt like a pedophile having a crush on her. Maybe it was because she was my friend's little sister.
>5th-graders aren't supposed to like 2nd-graders.
>6th-graders aren't supposed to like 3rd-graders.
>7th-graders aren't supposed to like 4th-graders.
>8th-graders aren't supposed to like 5th-graders.
>And high schoolers definitely can't hit on middle schoolers.
>And upperclassmen dating freshmen? Ew.
And now we're both in our 20's and I still think she's beautiful. The gap shrunk, but now we're cities away.
I miss her. It never occurred to me how close we got, and I pushed the thought out of my head from day one. I miss staying up all night with her. I miss watching anime and internetting and playing vidya with her. I miss sneaking downstairs to eat pizza pockets. I miss staying up all night listening to music and dancing and singing with her. I miss how she'd introduce me to new anime. I miss just firing autistic ramblings back and forth. I miss how FUNNY she was. I miss her red hair and her smile. I miss her scent and I remember thinking I was a creep for noticing how she smelled when she came out of the shower wearing just a big white tee shirt.
Regret, user. Regret keeps me awake.

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That photo is peak ciara. It exemplifies her appeal. The demon to aggies angelism.

I'm up at 4am because I don't have a good sleep schedule, and I'm still haunted by some things I did earlier today involving me being fat and autistic. I'd rather not go into them.

I'm glad it happened though, because now I'm able to forget people and throw myself into my work.

what the fuck happened to her anyway? she hasn't been around in a while, hope she's alright.

She decided to stop because she wasnt getting as much money anymore because people stopped orbiting now that she is an old dried up skank

sorry user, I know how bad missed opportunities feel. all of the girls I never ended up going all the way with but could've turned into instathots once they went to college. some of them really were genuinely cool people that I thought were unique and they just dove headfirst into degeneracy, it makes me sad. i didn't even understand what was happening for years until i came across trp and all of that dumb bullshit (which I don't keep up with because i don't support this dumb degenerate social media hookup arms race culture).

when was this, 2016?

I thought those neurons had died, but no, the sound of her voice is still in there. A single memory of twirling her around in my hands listening to Every Time We Touch. Her red hair. Her scent. Manic preteen energy and 90's anime late at night. Sleeping under the same blanket like it was nothing when we passed out on the floor at sunrise. Breakfast together and cooking pancakes with bananas and chocolate chips. Going swimming and throwing her on my shoulders to play chicken. Her hoodie. That gothy streak of hers I just LOVED. Her snaggled smile and the laughter behind it. So many sleepovers.
The very first time I felt a flutter in my heart for her and said, "holy shit, no dude, she's in 2nd grade and she's your best friend's little sister." Being able to see her every time I went over and being trusted to sleep with her right there. Meals and outings and just going to the park together and being cringy little weebs.
I'm never getting anything like that back.
I caught myself muttering her name in my sleep. Yesterday. God damn it.

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It is 12 noon here right at the moment and Monday.

I went to sleep at 9 yesterday and woke up at 4 for my morning prayer.