What realizations have made you more depressed?

>The world is not fair. There is ultimately no justice or equality. Everyone is dealt a different hand. There are winners and there are losers in all aspects of life. There is not necessairly any sense or fairness in it, it simply is
>Free will is almost certainly an illusion
>The world is full of an utterly horrendous amount of suffering at all times and always will be

There is no such thing as time travel so I'm fucked till i die

I'm the reason for all of my problems
None of my fantasies will ever become real
Japan is a dystopian shithole

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when i realized free will doesn't exist but then i thought about it more and feel happier

I never got female attention because of my personality and being ugly. Thought It was just being ugly, so I am working on becoming fit - I dont think my face is bad at all, just fat fuck. Realize mid way that even if I do that is not all and I must have some experience and a decent personality. Talk to more and more friends that got beautiful girlfriends while being fat. I will probably make it body wise but I dont know what to do after. No experience, few friends and a blackpilled person. Maybe I started doing stuff for the wrong reasons. Well, If only things could get better.

Realisation that my life just goes along the simple scheme, I meet ppl make good first impression and then screw up big, repeat

You don't even remember 99% of your life, of the moments you have lived, nor will you remember any of the moments you will live tomorrow, or next week, or this whole year of your life. All that time will come and go, and you won't even be able to really remember it. You think this very moment is something, but its nothing. It does not matter, in a way different to the one you are thinking of. It doesn't matter because you can't live it, no matter how hard you try. You can't really see it for what it is, none of us can. None of us know what the fuck is happening. You are trapped in a life you can't live, seeing moments pass before you without being able to experience them, and there is nothing any of us can do about it.

When you touch another person, there is still a layer of molecules that separate your nerve endings from theirs. You can never really touch anyone. That hug you want is an illusion even in the physical sense, let alone the psychological one. Its an illusion as such, because nobody can ever really care about you. Everyone is ruled by pleasure, in flesh and mind. The girl of your dreams will leave you if her tummy doesn't get warm butterflies when she see you, or if she finds no further pleasure in how you talk or act. The celestial palace of "true love" is built on toothpicks, and people delude themselves into believing in it's existence even after having their heart sawed in half by the last girlfriend they thought they "loved". There is no such thing as love, only a mutual compromise and temporary lust. You may want someone to comfort you. You may want to be held as you cry by someone who truly "cares". No, what you really want is to further deceive yourself into thinking you are not alone in this universe. The thought that only you, you alone, are ever going to exist in your consciousness weighs on you with sheer terror. The thought that nobody can ever really get in there and help you. We all know deep down the truth of solipsism.

Your body is going to start dying in your 30s, you're only going to look worse in the future

That government is a scam and what is regarded to as the "free" world is really just a life of laws on everything where nothing and no one is free. Name one thing in North America that has no laws on or surrounding it. We break laws we arnt even aware of every day. We live in countries where you need to acquire a permit for things as simple as adding onto a house you own. Where can you go in this world where there is no government breathing down your neck? And sure there are some places with lax government but in the end it's still there. I mean for god's sake everything is taxed you dont have a say in the matter if the government wanted to track you or watch you but if you put up any resistance what so ever they will just have a group of 50 armed people come and capture/kill you. And what happened to people taking care of their own problems and private law enforcement? It's all government now. They have their foot in every aspect of your life in one way or another. They have complete control. And there's no way of escaping it. You have to ask for permission for almost anything. Government isn't run by the people of a country anymore it's all run by tyrants and if you disagree go break some stupid zoning law or something. Something completely non violent and non intrusive to other peoples lives and see how they will fine you and give you jail time for something that made no difference to no one.

Reminds of how this woman in Florida got the state to repeal the requirement to wear a helmet when riding motorcycles.
She later died in a motorcycle wreck.

Meditate right now on dying. Close your eyes and tell yourself you are dying at this very moment, that you are going to die. Feel that. Imagine your heart stopping, just seizing up, you feel it die in your chest, then you may have less than a second before you lose consciousness forever to realize that you were never really in control. You walked the highway of your life, sometimes jumping for joy, other times tripping and falling in misery, but it really made no difference what you did; you were always stuck on that highway. It was always there, no matter if you forgot it was there or not, or if you thought you got off it, it was always carrying you to he end. This highway of your life, or rather, your destiny, is forged at the smith of matter and dumb luck. You never had a choice, nor a chance. You walk that path alone until you die.

it's not a recent realization, but real life is extremely dangerous and lately i'm honestly just terrified of the unbelievable pain and suffering that is possible in this physical realm. emotional pain is one thing but the fact that I could end up in a car wreck or buried alive or some shit is something that I've thought about every day for as long as I can remember.

Ignorance truly is bliss. Dont take the black pill. Living with these thoughts will only make your experience suck more. I believe its best to keep your head down and try to make the most of it.

>Love is not a genuine feeling, it's contrived from sexual attraction which is a biological imperative.
>Success is vanity
>Friendship is a lie
>Happiness comes at a price. For every happy person there has to be an unhappy person, just like for the rich to exist there must be the poor. I am living well at the expense of multiple people whom the media tells me not to care about.
>Government as a concept is not bad, but the people behind will always be.
>Power does not corrupt man, man is inherently corrupt.

>Ignorance truly is bliss

it really isn't, it's kind of the question of "do you want him to shot you now or what until you get home" sort of deal

That the best feelings you can have are from drugs, but drugs dont last. I used to do drugs and listen to music and would have these unspeakably deep and incredibly emotional experiences. Every once in a while something kind of reminds me of how I felt and I cant help but stop and stare longingly into nothing. Like fuck I had that and everything now is like staring at a white wall. That feeling was hardly real too. Just drugs and really good music. Its not like I have a great story or anything with it or a lasting sense of achievement and fulfillment. Just a vague memory ofone night that totally eclipses everything I will ever feel.

What is the point of living if you dont feel any of it? You just minimize stress and pain and wait to die. Even if I took drugs now it wouldnt be the same. A permanent switch has been flipped in my brain. Now drugs dont make me feel good anymore. Just really anxious. I remember getting really twisted with some friends once and when I went out to smoke I had a moment of self awareness. I felt the crazy buzzing and cool headedness of it and thought what the hell was the point of it. This is what I get so excited for? It doesnt feel good at all.

Seeing girls younger than me being literal online whores, because of both of what they do with their own bodies and the incredible amount of money they make off it.

More like would you like to get shot later but know about it or get shot later without knowing its going to happen?

Well you can't get shot later if you shot yourself now.

jokes on them

being high on opiates is the only thing i have enjoyed about life and they made me feel like it was actually worth living. im glad im not a junkie anymore and i have zero interest using again because its been so long, but i cant shake the thought that getting high on that bullshit was the best it ever got for me.

how many people choose to be on antidepressants

the world is miserable and so many people would rather take happy pills than face the reality of it

Hey dude I have a question for you. So I extracted codiene from some tylenol3s the other day and took them last night. I felt anxious because I had never taken codiene and didnt really know if what I took was a good dose or not. I felt a little relaxed for an hour and then it was over. Probably had around 50 mg of Codein. I have been looking all over the internet for some dosing information but either no one is replying or all I find is government website all giving out the same surface level information.

How much Codein is a beginner dose?

If I do it in drinking form is it more dangerous?

How much is too much for a beginner?

I just want to feel something and when I took some Percocet for tooth pain a while ago it was really pleasurable was something to actually get excited for. After a few times it stopped being as good though.

this too bee quite honest

i dont remember the dosage equivalents. i started with 10mg percs and that got me high for a while then i moved on to 30mg oxycodones and thats when it started getting really bad. i really dont know what to tell you because you seem like you really want to fuck with this crap, but it really should not be fucked with.

I read Lucretius and came to the conclusion that I'm not even real. It was all downhill from there.

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Nobody wants to help unless you pay them in sweat, blood, cash, or tears

Some people are too far gone to be able to process relationships, the theory sure, but not the thing itself.

I knew I would be this way since I was 8, tried to believe otherwise.

Well my thoughts are that I got addicted by some definitions back when I was 18 to a few different drugs. Not like I would have normal withdrawals but more like I never was sober and I would binge on dxm for whole weeks. After having experienced that develope and realize it just builds up until you feel nothing and desperately almost kill yourself with some stupid dose I think now I could handle taking opiates once every few weeks or something. I have gotten pretty decent at being sober now. I just want something so every once in a while I can be reminded what feeling good is like. I have pretty decent will power to. One time when I was quitting smoking(I only have a puff on a friends cigarette once a week or something now) I turned down a cigarette while blacked out on rum.

30 mg of oxy does seem like a pretty serious dose. I think the percs I had were 20 mg and that was too much. I tried splitting them but of course that just made them dissolve faster.

Your body is real. How do you define you so that you arent real?

Maybe you want to think you are not real for some reason so you define it in such a way to make it impossible.

Isn't it great? I think the best part is how the whole concept of ownership is a lie- you can only "own" things of actual value (like land) as long as you continue to pay taxes on them and follow all the regulations. Fail to do that, and your "ownership" will come to a swift end.
There is no escape from the system.

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most people only become parents because they want to dominate and control a smaller person without being seen as a bad person

Fundamentally nothing exists but energy, subatomic particles and empty space. Everything else that supposedly exists can be described in terms of the interactions between those things.

Do you not believe in emerging properties?

If I line up three sticks a certain way I get a triangle. I can use triangles to make a bridge that is sturdier than just lines. In this the emerging phenomena of sturdiness comes out of somewhere it didnt exist before.