Robots, lately I keep having this creeping thought that I cant seem to shake. It is rather disturbing and if I found out there was any truth to it I dont even know how I would deal with it. I cant help but think back on some aspects of my childhood and wonder if I was sexually abused by my father. I have no recollection of any time this happened, but there are things that make me wonder. Not least of which is the fact that I'm a 26 yo KHHV and I am very uncomfortable with anything remotely intimate or sexual. I have a very poor memory of most of my childhood. Random moments that have stuck with me for one reason or another, but beyond that I cant recall much. My father and I used to share a bed for a long time. Actually for a while we both used to sleep on a recliner together. That alone is very weird in hindsight. My father was always very touchy with me and my sister. Like in a creepy way. Even my mother used to comment about it. I remember one time my cousin and I were snooping in my dad's office and we found CP on his computer. I cant remember exactly what it was but I think it was pictures of a very young girl. Not explicit if I recall. At some point when I was maybe 5 years old I became an extremely picky eater. From then until when I was in college, my diet consisted mostly of peanut butter, grilled cheese, mac and cheese, and not much else. I wouldn't eat any meat, no vegetables that I remember, I would eat some fruit I guess. but that was pretty much it. For fifteen years. It makes me wonder if there is something that happened to me around that age that triggered this sudden and extreme change. Before this I can remember eating all kinds of stuff. Hot dogs, pasta, I had a normal kid diet.
I don't know anons, you always hear about people repressing shit from their childhood that fucked them up mentally. According to the research I've done it's a heavily debated topic in psychology. I'm just looking to find some reason for why I am the way I am.
Idk man, maybe the CP itself had that effect on you. There were several occurrences in my childhood which seemed really minor and I didn't think anything of them but I know that they altered my psyche quite a bit. Why not go to a shrink who does hypnotherapy or something like that?
Brandon Jackson
Honestly I dont know if I would be better off knowing if it did happen or not. I have a good relationship with my dad. Hypnotherapy is known to produce false memories as well. People go in expecting to learn something and they trick themselves into remembering something that didn't happen with the help of a psychologist.
How did you come to the conclusion that these things that seemed relatively minor to you actually had an effect on your psyche?
Aaron Turner
Freud was wrong about many things. Repressed memories was one of them. I didn't live your life so I won't say that it's impossible that you were sexually abused, but if you feel like you're "starting to remember" episodes of sexual abuse then you are definitely psyching yourself out and you should just get your mind off it. As for an explanation to your behaviors, it's possible that your discomfort with physical intimacy is caused by you associating physical intimacy with how close your father was with you and the feelings of disgust that are associated with it. I don't know about your eating habits, but if it started at 5 years, I'd say it is probably unrelated.
Do NOT go to a hypnotherapist, it is bullshit and WILL fuck you up. False memories are very very dangerous. Any sort of "repressed memories" that a hypnotherapist helped you "uncover" is almost certainly a fake memory and a recollection of something that never happened, and if it is something that actually did happen, then the details are always warped to the point of extreme inaccuracy. Do not do this.
Mason Lopez
What you say makes a lot of sense. I just wish I could figure out why I'm like this. Maybe then I could understand how to fix myself. I dont really want to see any psychologist. I want to figure things out on my own.
>Repressed memories was one of them. This isn't true, where did you even hear that?
Ethan Russell
im going through the same thing, i have a faint memory of me molesting a 7 year old girl when i was 10, im certain it happened but the mind is very good at making up false memories, i barely have any memories but some are obviously misremembered, it honestly depends on circumstance but if the memory is only in 3rd person theres a higher chance its fake.
one time, when I was 5-ish, my Dad was really angry at me for some reason or another. He got a really long stick and started hitting me with it. This is the only time he did this, I think. It still hurt like hell and I had small bruises afterwords. To this day, I am very afraid of long objects being swung around, even if they are far away.
Daniel Thompson
Listen - I did that sorta stuff too. It was before Internet even existed, or any sort of porn was available. It's "sex" as understood by kids. The whole experience flows from childish curiosity, biological imperatives and just general friendliness. It's something wholly different from sex as seen and understood by adults.
I can see from your terrible spelling that you're at best a teenager, so tl;dr don't worry about it.
Aiden Smith
My mom raised me as a I girl until I was 6 and hiding my real gender became impossible. this isn't some tranny bullshit, I was born biologically male. She always wanted to have a daughter so she made me wear dresses and took pictures. she even had a feminine name she used to call me. I remembered all this many years later. I never found the photos she took.
Ian Nguyen
i agree that youre right to some extent, i have asked multiple people i know if they had done anything similar however and i always got negative responses. (i know its not that bad) >I can see from your terrible spelling that you're at best a teenager im 24
Take a lot of acid, smoke DMT if you get the chance, weed even can help if you get yourself fully lit as fuck and get deep into the spacebrain.
I never had any major traumas when I was younger because it was just a life of relentless shittiness, but it did help me retrace and understand a lot of things I'd preferred not to think about, I suppose you could say I'd repressed them. Very good self-psychoanalysis.
I also got a couple of random flashes of just forgotten memories. One was about a girl I've known since high school, she went to my primary school for just a few months when we were 5, she had the same backpack as me and used to switch them over and get me to guess which one was mine. I had completely forgotten that girl existed and went my whole teenage and adult life knowing her as someone I'd just met in high school. The memory was super vivid, like I remember exactly how the backpack looked and how I figured it was mine not hers, etc. Certain it would never have come back to me without drugs.
Noah Murphy
Holy fuck. How did you come to remember that, and how did you transition back to being a boy?
Julian Watson
I've done LSD and mushrooms before. I felt like the LSD opened the door to some real shit, but I was afraid to step through at that time.
Elijah Myers
I just suddenly remembered it one day. then it started coming back. one day when I was 6 I went shopping with her and she ran into someone she knew. she introduced me with a female name and when the person seemed confused/perplexed she said "oops sorry I got confused, his name is (my real name), I mix up the names sometimes"
Gavin Carter
That is fucking crazy. What were the psychological implications of this? Do you think it fucked you?
Levi Butler
i'm posting here what do you think
Jace Harris
Just keep doing more. I've taken acid upwards of 100 times and I think I've walked through every door by now, but at least for the first 50 or so I was still resolving shit from my past.
I used to go savagely down the rabbit hole if I didn't smoke weed for the whole trip then when I found myself at home alone at the end of the night I would get lit as all fuck and completely kill me ego, I had time stop a few of times, like my internal monologue just hit a dead end where everything was understood and there was nothing left to gain from the pointless egobabble of the mind.
Jacob Smith
Haha. Touche.
But then again I can pass as normie I just choose not to, there are a lot of truths here that I couldn't ignore when I went back to normie life for a couple of years so you could potentially be here and not be that bad.
Do you have any desire to feminize yourself now, are you into trap shit?
Ryder King
No not really. But I've never had sex, had chances but turned them down, it might be related. I can't be naked in front of a woman for some reason.
Ryder Jenkins
>Single mum >No real male figure to look up to >As a dumbass kid, emulating what i saw, i dressed up in her clothes and asked her to paint my nails >She saw nothing fucking wrong with it and played along >Luckily, my dad stepped in when i was like 4 or 5 I too cant remember literally anything from my childhood except for a few set incidents but this is very vivid.
