>Be me
>Low level dyel
>Arrive at gym
>Light bonfire
>Doorway covered in fog
>ohfuck.gesture
>Enter gym
>It's Twink Slayer Ornstein and Deadlifter Smough
>Just trying to make it to the squat rack
>They notice me
>Tfw getting pierced by lightning infused barbell
I hate it when this happens. How do you guys deal with gym bosses?
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Summon Swoleaire the curl-bro.
>wake up next to bonfire
>attempt it all again
>and again
>and a FUCKING gain until the task is DONE
Summon.
Just remind yourself that you're not competing against them, you're competing against yourself. You're competing against that guy in the mirror that looks like you but with the muscles of yesterday, and you defeat him by pushing yourself in the gym for the gains of tomorrow.
You feel lost because you were not first a swoley knight, but a summoner in metamorphosis. You are transmuting your own flesh into the vision you have of your future herculean self. The gym is your temple, the rack your altar, and your routine your spell. Day by day, its magick incrementally completed. You musn't face the gym boss directly, but pour your blood and sweat into the corporeal alchemy that makes you become him, or greater.
Gym firekeeper still won't say a word to me. What am I doing wrong bros? Should I level str more?
>Be me
>High level but low strength stats, so dyel
>Arrive at gym
>Light bonfire
>Traverse the fog
>Receptionist Demon
>Has a intelligence and social build due to being in college
>Cheese this boss easy
>Get to squat rack easily
>Start leveling up my strength stats
Should have just been a casting faggot. But I want to start using my greatsword so I guess the jokes on me.
Only if you can wield ultra greatswords will you get mires from the firekeeper
>tfw cant even beat Natty Gundyr
This is not true. Even if you can use both ultra greatswords as well as hold onto a great shield at the same time, this bitch won't say a word.
What I found works is to go up to her and just talk to her. She laughs sometimes when I do something silly. She sometimes turns away when I am wearing or doing something she considers revolting. No need to level up any stats really.
Bless me father
>Twink Slayer Ornstein and Deadlifter Smough
You got a chuckle out of me, OP.
>be me
>level 12-year lifter
>strength build
>walk in the gym
>head to the squat rack
>level 1 DEX faggot is hogging it to do lmao1plate half squats
>Invade
>faggot proceeds to summon his gank squad
>PT powerlifter bro backs me up
>kick them off of the server
>bust out some lmao5plate singles because I'm on a cut
>not bulking on the bones of your enemies
Ngmi
Wait until you get to his juiced version
>deadlifter Smough
>not powerbloater Smough
>thinking Smough is bloated
mirin playtime?
wtf i'm disappointed
>choose gym key as starting gift
>get into gym during closing and level up strength quickly
easy
You guys know you can farm strength points at the Home Gym near Undead NEET Cave, right?
>He hasn't gone to his gym's basement to kill the Discord tranny first
Alright I'm just gonna straight up ask her if she wants to grab a Siegbrau. Wish me luck bros
Kek
>tfw brutally mogged by solaire
Can I get solaire mode natty?
Make sure you do an epic gesture so she notices you!
Got cursed by a manletilisk and now I'm half my regular size.
>he isn't a strength and faith build
Dex and int fags GTFO
It says in his armor description that the armor is completely ordinary meaning his skill and strength could only come from meticulous training. Solaire is the most Jow Forums character from Dark Souls by far
>went hiking with my friend last month
>he kept comparing everything we were doing to Dark Souls
>bro purifying water is like getting estus
>bro finding trail shelters is like finding new bonfires
>bro meeting other people going the other way is like player phantoms
It got kind of cringy after a bit.
Your friend should go hiking by himself. In Africa or something.
So magick is just waffling about obvious shit?
> tl;dr of your shitty larp: if you workout correctly you will be stronger then the day before due to muscle adaptation
Those shelters can be comfy as fuck though.
he needs some help
summon me and I'll whip his ass
Couldn't be worst than the fucking than the thot of izalith boss fight
>just trying to grind out souls on the treadmill for early levels
>keep getting ganked by high level teaming gymbros
Im fucking sick of this they wont piss off
>start off deprived mode
>want to get strong
>dump stats into strength
>can now OHP lmao1Smoughhammer
It feels good, lads
The one time based vocaroo man sadly isn't based
only impressive if you fast roll with it
>old man gwyn doings 1000 reps at 10 lbs on the leg extension machine
This is the hardest boss in the gym
check if she has a tongue
I rolled a sorcerer
Lol git gud casual
>beat the gaping thot
>get down to the pajeet pit
>get poisoned by the cologne
>use all my whey to just mitigate the loss from the toxic fumes
>get down to the bottom finally
>you've been invaded by Chadeater Mildre
>fight her thicc ass off and take a break before fighting the zyzzbane sauna demon
fuck this natty progression next time I'm going Rick wraith and getting the key.
Thank you /x/ crossposter
Is this achievable natty? I want to kick all these dex twinks out of here.
>>sauna demon
I laughed
kek of underappreciated lulz
Sicko mode my guy, drunk af in the bus, thanks for this great shitposterino my duderino, makes the ride that much more bearable, FUCK JANNIES
>level dex
>I'm now a twink
Fuck
josh?
>Summon Iron-barred Tarkus
>Summon man swallower Mildreps
>Summon Liftrec the Bro-embracer
To defeat Boomer Gwyn you need to learn how to pefect-form parry
>invaded by crabbucket Kirk
>marvelous shitposter
>some guy who stole all the towels
>make pilgrimage to gym
>Praise sun to gym fire keeper
>Some dyel tells me I have to lift two bells of awakening
Here we go boys
Just farm more whey slabs in the tomb of the manlets
its easier to get them from rich wraiths. Watch you humanity though.
I had about 2.7k hours on ds1 before my xbox red ringed while playing with onlyafro
Powerlifting for STR
Yoga for DEX
Calisthenics for END
Cardio for VIT
Quality build master race!
I don’t know you assigned those stats to those forms of exercise. It should be:
>Powerlifting: STR
>Yoga: Faith
>Calisthenics: DEX
>Cardio: S scaling in END and A scaling in VIT
Depends on your weapons user. I personally am partial to Cestus
>tfw hollow twinks try to protect the asylum demon hogging the squat rack
>Havel's Ring
>Ring of Favour And Protection
>Leveling Dex
Impossible natty. Git gud faggot.
Tfw first four mire
Amazing
came to this thread looking for this pic. thanks famalam
I always carried one of these in my back pocket for cheeky parries
My favorite Jow Forums OC along with the Elliot Rodger creatine meme, 30 yt old boomers and the chad/virgin meme
>he doesnt power stance his barbells
Cmon bro, why do you need to mock some harmless fun?
>walk into gym
>just finished my pre workout estus
>qt3.14 firekeeper scans me in
>enjoy your invasion
>tfw no humanity
>c-cmon
>warmup for set
>1x5 praises in the prostration rack
>no fucks given
>dyel undead walks in
>lmao 1pl8 well what is its wearing Havel ring
>fkn casul
>do u even praise, bro
>bet he summons bluebros to spot him
>start set of 2 hand chaos zwei swings
>tfw feelan 99str 99end
>ng+ all day errday
>bluefag asks to work in but gets too close
>stunlock him by accident
>lmao @ ur posture my dude
>so much End I could swing this basscannon for days
>one of his bluebros shows up
>gets stunlocked, too
>tfw mogging entire way of the blue
>sunbros or gtfo this is our bonfire
>tfw they both go hollow
>mfw they still had humanity lmao
>do 1x1 praises and darksign tf out
>you have been indicted
>lmao as I sip my estus and praise @ the fire keeper otw out
50 DAYS OF CEASEFAP RUINED
>1x5 praises in the prostration rack
Sadly, not this time
Based and sunlightpilled
>summoned to gym
>sunbro needs a spot for asylum demon press 1rm
>as we walk to the fog gate, some deprived twink walks through
>fuckin dex builds
>30 seconds later, he fails a rep, has to do the youdied of shame
>bro walks in, and kills it no sweat
>we equip our OSSS and leave a message on the twinks bloodstain
>"be wary of beanpole"
Can't wait to be level 12
WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE GYMTHOTS THEY DRIVE ME CRAZY AAAAAAAAAAAAASASAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSHAHAAAAAAAAASA
>tfw hollow deprived
>firekeeper once mistook me for a mimic
>tfw fatrolling with lmao 1mlgs
>meanwhile my bro Swolemeyer of Squatarina making all kinds of gains
>ask him his secret
>hooks me up with his source, some juicy as fuark cat named Havel, but they just called him "the Rock"
>sets me up with 120mg Testus and 1x Havels ring
>tfw making more gains than ever
>did lmao2phantoms today
Natty invading is a meme, holy shit.
>120mg Testus
>Trying to squat in peace
>"Dark Lifter has Invaded!"
>Fuck
>It's a 6'4 ripped negro
>"AY MANG YOU WANNA GAIN SOME MUSCLE?"
>Grabs a barbell with lmao4pl8 on it and starts violently swinging it in circles toward me
>He accidentally aggros the manlets and gym thots
>Watch there and taunt as he's torn apart
>"Dark Lifter Destroyed."
fucking based unironically
>hanging out in the Kiln of the first gainz
>some qt dexterity bunny rolls through
>catch her Mirin my Uchigatana
>flex a cep as I take a sippy sippy
>Mirin hard
>casually toss a hello carving
>she quickly wave.gesture
>ask if she wants to get out of here and go to my bonfire
>tfw she's all over my homeward bone like a 1hp int build
>soon as we get back to my place I have her prostrating
>pull out my pickle-pee and pump-her-rum
>praise the sun as I finish, she formal bows, and uses a separation crystal
>tfw she summons me from time to time still
>thinking about ganking her with my sunbros
Based sunbro.
>Swolemeyer of Squatarina
Kek’d.
His armor is because hes a cannibal.
I just throw dung pies at that boss until they leave
ahahhahahahahahhahahaha
>walking around the swamp of steroids
>feel like something aint right
>notice roider phantom running at my direction
>literally rushing at me like mad
>suddenly gets impaled right in the heart from the side
>its the gym policeman
>im speechless, he walks towards me as the roider phantom turns to ashes
>gets very close to me, leans into my ear and whispers
>'seek out the whey of blue, natty one'
>a tear slides down my cheek as he disappears into the wind
>Carence, Squatter of the Deep
>Zyzz's unDEAD legion, The Aesthetics Crew
>And the bloated Lord of Greek descent, Kyriakos the Grizzly