>be me
>last saturday night
>out of town visiting family friends with mom
>bored and horny so decide to go downtown and booze
>dance with some cuties, make out with one chick
>having a good time so stay until bar close
>do some coke to sober up before I get ready to drive home
>driving parents truck, kinda different than mine
>immediately stopped by cops because no taillights are on
>fuckingfuck.jpg
>fucking manual lights
>officer ask if I’ve been drinking
>in thick canadian accent “bout two beers officer”
>breathalyzer says 0.2
>arrested for dwi
>go to jail cause weekend and no judge until Monday
>spend time in county waiting to get out
>not an autist and decide to hang with other inmates when not on lockdown
>”you aight white boy”
>”damn bruh, fuck you got some big arms”
>”popeye muhfucker”
>tfw not a DYEL even in prison jumpsuit
>tfw you finally made it
Mire Thread
Things that never happened, the thread
>be me
>be gay
>to even exist I need to be on point with nutrition and body or else subhuman
>mires everyday
Ez
imagine her making that face when you show her your cock haha oh god i need a wank
Breathalyzer I got for probation
Except for the whole truck and jail part are you fucking me ??
Based if true
High school I went to is closing down so there was an event today to visit it and buy old yearbooks etc
Talking to old friend take sweater off because it's getting hot the one girl goes "easy there user we know you're jacked" feelsgoodman
Oh damn
>Be working out
>Get talking with gym maxxed chad
>Tell him about my dyel baby PRs
>His are twice as high
>He insists that theyre impressive for a beginner like me
>Took him longer to reach my lvl because he used to be a skeleton while im working down from being fat
no i can guarantee someone is trashy enough that this actually happened.
>morning gym
>doing sets of weighed pullups
>2plates extra, 7 reps
>on last rep random Brad shouts 'Do one more real loud'
>1/5th of the gym watch me puah through one grueling rep
>see a qt smile at my autistic determination
>move on to squats and hit 2x bodyweight
>more looks from dyel crowd
>feels good to know you're better because you puah yourself harder every time
timestamp it
From the other day
>be me
>fresh hair cut, looking good
>at local festival with friends
>few of us sitting down
>friends girlfriend laughing at everything I say
>I'm about to leave
>hear her say 'user come here a second'
>what's up
>'I just wanted to touch your hair it looks soft haha'
>mfw
>ok whatever and lean over
>she touches it and goes like 'aw haha'
>I say something about me liking my hairdresser
>She realises how akward what she did was and says 'oh im sorry about that..'
>I laugh it off and say joking 'its cool user here does it all the time', referring to a male friend there
Should I tell my friend or? He was there but I don't know if he saw. They been going out for years...
>at gym
>curling
>doing sets of 8
>muscles are slowing down and I'm pushing hard af
>get to one where my muscle stops half way and I keep it there while pulling
>manage to pull it up
>guy next to me nods in approval
>my muscles have high af endurance
>I do one more
"Damn bro the pump is real"
"Fuck yeah it is"
>Be me waiting at the bus station
>have a very tight v neck T-shirt
>I look very good in that shirt and my 1/2 skills show off in that shirt very well
>girl is coming for over
>i see her no biggie it's just another one
>out of the corner of my eye i see her eyeing me
>she has basically challanged me
>she stared at me for like 5 seconds while she was walking in front of me
>i decided it's time to change things i looked in her eyes and didn't look away as fit told me not to
>she knows i know she mired and she got busted
>she continued to spy on me after this, a few times i just played it off like i didnt notice her staring at me
>her bus came and she told me about her friend (i saw through the window and she pointed at me)
I want to belive that she was mirin me but idk
she had a fine ass too, if i see her next time i might talk to her
>"people" this trashy actually exist
You have no idea of what kind of people exist sweetie
>Go to small 24/7 gym
>50% of cardio are old ass Asian women who hog treadmills and speed walk.
>most guys in free weight section cheat curl 20lbs
>40% of bench presses are quarter rep DYELs (they never get lower than half way and never touch chest with bar)
>many cable thots (if it can be worked with cables, they do it)
>couple of lunge and squat thots
>occasional big dudes. Maybe seen 1 bench press of 3pl8 in 7 months of coming.
>NGMI skellies and lardasses using same weight on machines that they've had for months and only do 2 rep...no struggle at the end, so not until failure.
>aerobic boomers using step up benches(?) and stairmaster
>1pl8 squatters hogging squat rack
>I'm a form nazi who fully researches/youtubes all exercises for hours and then start with small weights until I feel I have perfect form...and then move up.
>no one works abs for some reason
>do incline situps with 35lb weight in each hand in perfect form (to avoid back injury).
>mirror opposite incline situp bench.
>towards the end of 10 rep set, see 5 people in mirror (behind me) staring.
>as soon as I'm done and get off of bench, everyone is back to working out like that's what they've been doing the whole time.
That's when I realized benchpress is popular. When you are on bench you are looking up. People freely watch because they know you cant see them and eye contact is avoided.
that's crossing a major boundary dude, i saw you post this earlier too. tell your friend you faggot
Based "people" poster
Stop posting this faggot
bro fukkit, if you gotta make up some shit to feel better about yourself, nobody's getting hurt. errbody here's just getting a little bit of motivation
>tfw you meet an actual gymbro and you tell yourself to be a gymbro to other dweebs and get them on the path
Based 'based poster' poster
>be me, heavy ass dude
>193 cm tall and 107 kg
>walk up to the bars area where a bunch of skinny ass dyels doing worm pullups
>stretch, grab the bar and smoke their asses with perfect form weighted pullups while being fucking double their weight and height.
>catch them mirin' in the mirror as I walk away
Still no mires from women though, or they're just more subtle / filtered.
Based "Based 'based poster' poster" poster
>Be me, 5'8" 155lb manlet, go to different gym than usual to sign up little brother
>Wearing stringer (I'm admittedly not big)
>Walk by gay looking twink to get water
>Brother tells me the twinks jaw dropped when he walked by
A mire is a mire tho
gay mires arent real mires user
they’ll fuck anyone
we're banting like an old married couple haha
how do you know the difference between
>look at that freak, he dont stop looking at me
>look at that hottie boi i want to mantain sexual relations with him
Why i am so insecure?
neat
>be college fag
>run into girl from my lit class
>8/10 little brunette with a tight butt and blue eyes
>her sorority is throwing a year end toga party
>she asks if i want to go
>fuck yeah toga party sounds awesome
>show up
>two skeletors say i look like a greek statue
>find lit class girl and she says i look amazing shirtless
>she parades me around introducing me to all her friends
>realize halfway through the night she broke up with her boyfriend
>he was there
>i was invited to make this guy jealous
>a great and a bad feeling all at once
>end up playing beer pong on this guys team
>not a bad dude
>girl keeps kissing me in front of guy the whole time
>we finally lose the table
>she drags me to an empty room and we make out
>carry her up stairs to her room and smash
>as i'm leaving see guy and he was getting into car with 10/10 blonde
>figure thats why they broke up haha
this is your mind on autism
>Last Thursday
>Got approached and asked out for the first time in my life by a girl
>She was at best a 6/10, but still
>That same night
>Playing beerpong tournament with bros
>Wind up playing against two older women
>One was a milf
>They keep whispering to each other and pointing at me
>After the game the milf puts her hand on my chest and says "Oh my"
>and decide to hang with other inmates when not on lockdown
LET ME CHILL WITH FUCKING CRIMINALS JUST TO PROVE THAT I CAN SOCIALIZE RRREEEEEE
well, they broke up and he found someone prettier and probably less toxic
you fucked her and dipped
now shes all alone and hungover, men win once more
> 400 single leg on leg press
> thot pass by
> thot goes in confusion mode (my legs are not that big)
> thot say whoa, no way, you are cheating
> no, i am not
> yes you are
> try it yourself
> thot start pushing, getting red until fart
> toth stand up and walk away angry
> stupid bitch
since i started cutting i got a hundred 'you lost weight!'s but only like two 'you look good!'s
i was never fat to begin with, feels like i got back right where i started before lifting a year and half ago
fuck
But can man win against stick?
stick win every time
actually, you were fat
But what if man break stick?
get back into lifting after 3 year hiatus, 6 months in and girls already talk to me more than they used to
losing and then gaining a mere 10 kgs really demonstrated how shallow girls can be
Makes two stick, stick win every time
If you want to continue driving drunk you can trick a majority of those breathalyzers and ignition locks by getting a portable air pump like for an air mattress and blow thru because they usually run off car power 12v
Pls get ur shit together tho
what a rollercoaster fuck me
So this all kicks off when my schedule changes and I decide to swim at a different time, also note I'm a collegiate lvl swimmer.
>hop in pool next to 60s+ woman doing laps with an ironman swim cap on. This probably certifies her as a badass.
>across the pool is water-areobics hour
>full of young-middle aged hamplanets
>led by hamplanet instructor
>start my laps, today is sprints.
>lots of sprints, god I fuckin hate sprints
>about 10 minutes in all of a sudden I see jumbo fatty in my lane waving frantically underwater
>it's hamplanet instructor
>"excuse me can you stop splashing so much"
Wut.jpg
>"This is water aerobic hour and there is no reason you need to be making so much noise and splashing like that"
>the fatty apparently walked across the lanes right in front of badass granny and now shes watching too.
>procedes to threaten me more and i just calmly explain im not splashing on purpose, im just kicking normal
>"THERE IS NO REASON TO SHOW OFF AND SPLASH THAT MUCH IF YOU'RE JUST KICKING NORMAL"
>i shit you not she splashes me like child "HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT"
>more arguing
>bobs past granny and leaves pool to go complain to lifeguards who are watching bewildered, then to the front desk she goes.
>while I'm still in shock at what just happened I suddenly hear a little raspy voice next to me.
>"i dont think you were splashing very much" "Ill tell them when they come back"
Then we start talking waiting for staff to head back, she apparently has swam and run and cycled ever since she was in high school.
Hamplanet with staff comes back, im told to tone it down and they arent going to remove me for just swimming.
Granny
>"you know youre very nice, and handsome, back in my day you'd be considered quite the catch" with a little old lady wink she starts swimming away splashing as excessively as one can splash.
Tldr; based granny mires.
Got a subtle one last friday from the only current female friend I have since I finished Uni
>Be me, 22
>Go to language class after work
>Meet female friend; 7/10 face qt but 5/10body, flat ass and chest as she is leaving class (I have the same class but an hour after her)
>"OMG user, the classroom was so cold, look"
>Squishes my arm with both her hands
>Chit chat for a couple mins until her male friend, with whom she goes to the gym, arrives
>He actually seems like a cool guy, totally dyel, but gotta start somewhere
>I'm tired from work so just sit there with them till my class starts, barely paying them any attention
>She sits beside me halfway thru their convo while he remains standing
>He tells a funny joke
>She halfass fakes a laugh a leans her head on my shoulder while grabbing my bis again with one hand
>Squishes slightlier this time as if trying not to be obvious
>Mfw I feel sry for that guy who is totally getting friendzoned, but I'm not gonna be her puppet so idgaf
>She asks him "Are you coming with to the gym?
>"No" he replies
>Mfw ngmi and then felt disgusted rqther than sry for him
>Wave goodbye and go toclass
During class I could only think of oneitis I had in uni who used to grab my arm and lean her head on my shoulder like she did, and didnt remember how good physical non-verbal mires feel
based swim grandma
truly the most honest mires, nothing to gain or lose
>Told my friends mom if i met her before her husband i would have snatched her up
>She giggles grabs my arm and leans into my shoulder
Not gonna fuck my friends mom but god damn it if she isn't qt
>go to doctor for checkup back in January
>high blood pressure (don't worry, fixed it)
>need to take readings at home
>nurse looks at me when giving me the machine
>"d-do you need a XL armband for those big, pumped..."
>her voice trails off as she stares at my arms
>"nah I'm good"
>leave
>tfw the normal one barely fit me
>present day
>have lost a ton of weight, fixed BP with diet and cutting unhealthy habits
>everywhere I go I get mired
>girls straight up sit down in front of me on public transport and stare at me while fondling their necks and hair
>I've not even begun proper training yet
I have residual MA and farm strength, plus godlike Scandi genetics. Can't wait to lose the last flab so I can start a proper training regiment.
Swim grandmas are the best. I swear they're all insanely good at swimming.
Ill drop my story;
>be me, 22 year old just learned to swim
>Goto pool outside of swimming lessons for gainz
>See three elderly women doing breast stroke with heads above the water and talking
>Literally gobsmacked how they manage to talk and swim while doing the same form as me.
Thats when I learnt in the case of swimming form is king.
Got my first real mirin today like 10 mins ago!
>walking through mall on way to gym
>looking straight ahead mind my own business
>peripheral view catches an anomaly
>holy shit girl is engaging in eye contact with me first
>she smiles
>I smile
>she fucking winks at me as I pass
>mfw
>I don’t even look back
>too fucking cool
>or in shock desu
She was a hottie with a body too. I’m so fucking pumped right now. I feel like I could beat my bench record.
Side note: was I chill it was she asking for me to make a move?
Should have said hi, what's your name. Chatted about anything like what are you doing/where are you going etc. then after 5 mins tell her you have to head out and ask for her number. ez pz.
Why wait to start?
>See three elderly women doing breast stroke with heads above the water and talking
>Literally gobsmacked how they manage to talk and swim while doing the same form as me.
What makes this difficult?
If a grill gives you a wink that's a green light, all systems go, full steam ahead, invitation to her pussy (more or less)
Laziness, generally. Don't feel like straining myself on a caloric deficit when I might as well just cut hard for another month and then cleanbulk my way to glory.
i was a literal skeleton when i began lifting a year and half ago, been bulking since until feb. at my peak i was 5'7 68kg around 22% bf which is still not far from skeledyel
>work inna hotel reception
>have to wear a suit erryday
>get plenty of mires
>blame it on the suit
>one day my laundry isn't back on time
>have to pull a shift in jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie
>still get mires
>tfw
Got a short one:
>laying on bed with gf
> she suddenly grabs my arm and is trying to move it
>I think we’re play wrestling or some shit so I off a bit of resistance
>ends up she was trying to compare my arms to her legs cause she thought my arms were bigger
>feelsgood.jpg
>do some coke
dropped
The whole time I thought I was mogging this dude too turns out I got mogged on.
Post body or larp
What if we burn the stick?
The ashes fertilize the earth and helps trees grow more sticks. Fat chance, brad
Different kind of mire
>Last night at a festival
>Sitting outside of it drinking with my gf and 10 more girls and 2 guys
>Bunch of groups of people around us drinking as well
>Some guy on who knows what starts getting into people's faces in the group next to us
>He's yelling and shit people are trying to calm him down
>He moves on and is moving past our group now
>Just as he passes 3 girls get up to go to the bathroom and he bumps into one of them and starts yelling
>I flat out just didn't wanna listen to him yell and all the commotion of people trying to calm him down
>I'm a big boy 191cm 92kg and I'm wearing a red addidas tracksuit because it looks retarded
>I get up and walk up to him and I tower him by like 20cm and tell him to fuck off
>He makes an "ooooohhh" sound like "oh I'm I supposed to be afraid now" and gets in my face
>Push him and he falls down
>He gets up, people start getting involved with their "nooo don't shit"
>The guy then starts telling me how I'm a respectable guy in his broken language
>Starts talking about brotherhood and his kid or whatever
>Tell him to fuck off again and he leaves in like 10-15 seconds
>Everyone thanks me and mires my "courage", tells me you got drinks on us all night
>I'm sitting there and all that's going through my head is that I feel like a white knight beta bitch because it looks like I stood up to protect m'ladies (which I don't even know)
>I just didn't feel like having a drunk faggot yelling next to me for 5 min
>Even say it out loud
>2 girls mentioned how all their guy friends are pussies and would not do that
Fuck you and your memes
>go to mcdonalds drive thru for dat dere dirty bulk
>order 2x mcdoubles and a mcchicken
>pull up to window, qt black girl hands me my food
>"you look like you could be one a dem hollister models"
>t-thanks you too
>drive home feeling good about myself
>get home, open bag
>stupid bitch forgot my mcchicken
Haha simply le epic sir
*upvotes*
Idiot
I know I still look shit, but I'm not LARPing.
Similar experience, except the qt black girl gave me sausage biscuits instead of my pancakes. She was too busy mirin' and got distracted.
>Spot for my gym buddy who does 200kg bench press.
Any feels for a second hand mire?
lmfao she mothered the fuck out of you, you little cuck
>big boy can't defend himself from mean fat lady
>big boy embarrassed. Doesn't continue with his workout
>big boy looking sad. Grandma wants to cheer him up
>grandma tells you it's all okay you're still a big boy
>big boy feels a little better and continues his workout
>thinks he got mired
LMFAOO HAHAHAHHA
>68 kg, 22% bf
Are you a woman ?
I don't know what to do with this information
reply: Well as far as I can tell, it can still be your day if your willing to catch
What's perfect for incline situps? Do you go all the way down or hold it once you get to parallel?
timestamp pls
>thinking getting rightfully arrested for endangering the public is something to brag about
Based
I want to be one of the top guys. I already push mu friends to be the best they can be, and support them in what they're doing, but I'm far from gymmaxxed.
if you have any respect for the guy you would tell him?
>You look like one a dem Hollister models!
True if based
didn't mean to phrase that as a question
Kek'd
This also happens to me very often, I don't know why.
>>breathalyzer says 0.2
>>arrested for dwi
jesus what the fuck thats nothing
Fake and gay
>be at the gyem
>see my gymmaxxed Cambodian homie
>Literally lives the perfect life, drives GTR and goes to the gym everyday with his thicc Asian wife
>Always calls me bigger and more ripped Everytime he sees me
>I know he's being humble cause he's fuckin shredded
>Comes up and tells me he's got mad respect cause he sees youngins come in and mess around with weights but sees me actually lifting heavy shit
>"You young guys gotta keep it going for when us old men die out"
y-yes sir
>omw to the gym
>girl is outside having trouble with the card reader
>ask her what's up and swipe my card
>first try yo
>she says it seems to like me more than her
>"yeah that's cause I'm better than you" i say and begin my workout
>20% of your blood is alcohol
>nothing
Retard.
>20% of your blood is alcohol
wat
>lights cigarette
>internally combusts
>how do decimals work
>"Damn bro the pump is real"
>"Fuck yeah it is"
top stuff, proud of you hon
what if complete combustion?
>he can't just take a complement
>he has to make out that somehow every social situation was a failure
>he doesn't realise how unhealthy his mindset is