Is it effective trying to improve your social gains with the same method you use at the gym? I mean, when I first started, I trained pecs in the leveraged bench press until I’ve internalized the movement so I can then move to barbell bench. Is it ok if I set a goal of talking to one (random) women a day to help me naturalize this attitude until I’m able to talk (flirty?) unconsciously and without fear? Or should I learn it spontaneously like playing it cool when you cannot lift the barbell off your chest?
Gains vs social gains
Zachary Hall
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David Cooper
jesus christ man autism can't be undone with simple tricks like these
Elijah Wood
Yeah but you can reverse engineer a normal personality by doing things you think people without autism would do until it becomes automatic
Luke Howard
Anything works really. The only way to get better is exposure. Just don't throw yourself into the deep end if youre super autistic
Luis Rogers
>Yeah but you can reverse engineer a normal personality by
Dude stop. Just watch how people around you act in public. Act like them.
Camden Green
Yeah thats the point basically
People like that don’t need to do this because they have naturalized it or because they are in a worst spot than me and don’t even want to try. That why I thought of setting goals like this first
Mind explaining some examples of ‘anything’?
Andrew Powell
Bro literally chat with coworkers or other students if you are at uni. Its not necessary for them to be complete strangers
Hudson Price
You can take a systematic approach with social situations.
My advice is to become pretty fit first, because LOOKING like a juicy jock is automatically going to make people THINK you're a juicy jock and women will give you the benefit of the doubt, unlike pic related. It's playing in easy mode.
I'd try setting things up on Tinder or similar instead. Issue being that cold approaching randoms takes an above-average nerve and you have to be pretty good with your timing to even start playing at some level. It's like the difference between a noob playing tennis (very difficult to play anything close to a real game) vs. soccer (you suck but it's playable).
Assuming you don't fuck up tremendously, a Tinder date should give you a minimum of an hour of practice with someone who presumably has some level of interest in you. This means you can focus on sustaining a conversation instead of grabbing her attention.
Just focus on keeping her entertained, surprised, or interested with basically everything you say. Think of yourself as a talk-show host with a guest on- you're saying relatively little, but you are cracking jokes and are generally very charming. You should initiate touch through a hug on meeting, and occasionally touch every few minutes at least- hand on shoulder when delivering a joke, touch hands to look at bracelets or rings, etc. Eventually you can put your hand on knee and escalate depending on how it's going, but you really don't have to.
Goal should just be to kiss close. If she doesn't want a kiss you probably goofed.
You should be able to run this pretty systematically- coffee is kind of universal and casual. Drinks and dinner will be more sexual but you can only eat so much.
Nicholas Adams
I dropped out of high school and worked with my dad and then in factories so I hadn't worked, or consistently hung out, with my peers in like 10 years
That combined with this website I had convinced myself I was an autistic virgin
Got a job at a restaurant working with cute girls and some guys my age and I was quiet at first but I saw that everyone liked me and I regularly overheard the girls saying they had a crush on me and the guys invited me to the parties
Work on listening to what people have to say and pretend you're interested if you have to and you'll do better than most guys because no one really listens or has any meaningful advice anymore
If you're a yes man they will put you in the friend zone though, tell the truth and disagree every once in a while as long as it's not TOO controversial
Andrew Taylor
From first hand experience, yes it does work. Start conversations with anyone you happen to be next to while waiting in line at places or sitting down regardless of gender. Learn what keeps an introductory conversation going and what people get annoyed by. As you improve, you will learn to be more outgoing.
What did it for me was working at a burrito place in college. I could have just made the food, but I chose to have a basic conversation with everyone that came in so that I could improve socially. I got my first, second, and third girlfriend through that job.
David Wilson
Tinder helps. I’ve reinstalled it and matched, talk with girls. But somehow, i cant arrange a date. I tell them that we should see each other but for some reason it never happens. I used to date girls from this app idk what im doing wrong now. Some advice on that? Also, i have hit the gym and look significantly better, not very big but somehow fit.
Yeah im really bad with talking both with guys but mostly girls. I’ll try listening more, but first i should initiate a conversation kek
Jayden Murphy
Well thats pretty cool user. I kinda got motivated by your experience. Ive applied for a job recently so if I get selected I’ll be chatty with my coworkers and clients
Zachary Turner
Social gains are more like cardio gains in my experience. You don't need to increase the weight of each interaction, you just need to do more interactions. So yes, talking to random girls will slowly help you. Try not to get dissuaded by negative interactions because those are the ones that can teach you most important lessons, but do let every positive interaction encourage you. You might struggle with the basic stuff at first, but eventually that'll just be your warm up.
When I was 18 I was borderline autistic. Skinny too. But my one and only friend managed to get me a job at a nightclub he worked at. That was where I learned all this. being thrown into a situation where I didn't have a choice was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Every weekend I'd have to talk to people who I either worked with or were club patrons. The more I talked to people, the better I got, the more confident I felt, the easier it was to do.
Juan Bennett
You know what would be easier? Doing cocaine. Cocaine is literally pure confidence mixed with energy delivered as a powder.
Jaxson Lopez
You need to efficiently shotgun every match into giving you your number within 3-5 messages. That's the ask, and if they aren't willing, move on.
Once you get the number then text and setup a date
Ryan Rivera
Good to hear user!
Nolan Nguyen
Yeah dude. That’s what i do, get their number pretty fast. But simply the softly decline everytime i suggest having a date. That the part im lacking. Feels bad.
Brandon Evans
Forget talking to random women if you can't even relax and hold a conversation with people you already know.
However, socializing and talking will become easier and feel more natural the more of it you do, so in that respect you could compare it to working out, yes. However keep in mind that interactions with people are more nuanced than just lifting iron up and down.
Jacob Sanders
Dude i can talk to men a women i know. Thats not hard for me. What i have trouble is talking to new people, more if i have some sexual interest in her
Joseph Hernandez
>Yeah but you can reverse engineer a normal personality by doing things you think people without autism would do until it becomes automatic
It does work, but it can be hard to motivate yourself. The easiest way IMO is to just get a job in sales where you're forced to interact with a ton of people daily.
Josiah Davis
Well that's not what you titled your OP as, but ok if that's the case then the first thing to do is rationalize exactly why you are afraid to talk to new women and/or ones you are interested in. Social anxiety (which this really isn't, but let's call it that for the sake of argument) is just like most other phobias: you're never in any actual danger. Meaning the fear is unfounded. Once you've internalized that you can then ask yourself what exactly is stopping you.
When a guy is afraid to approach or ask out a women he's interested in, 99% of the time the "phobia" in question is just their ego being unwilling to take the hit if she's not into you back.
Connor Mitchell
you're partly wrong. Yes, autism can't be "undone" but behavior therapy is the most effective way of "treating" autism, where you essentially just "program" normal behavior. If done at a young enough age, even autistic children can develop somewhat normally
Mason Hernandez
>ego being unwilling to take the hit if she’s not into you back
Yeah i know. The so called fear of rejection. As you said, phobias are unfounded, but still you cannot just tell yourself that and do it. It takes time. And forcing myself to talk with strangers is the first baby step I think i should achive to naturalize this and stop being such a pussy.
Mason Sanchez
What if we just dont know the right tricks
Connor Lewis
>tinder
Gtfo nigger, this is a waste of time and a way to fool yourself into thinking you're making progress. The best way to meet people is organically, i.e. as you make friends they'll introduce you to their friends and so forth. Even if you manage to get a tinder date, it's of no use if you're still an autist, there is no magic pill solution, you need to develop your overall social skills first.
Aaron Watson
Alexander Gutierrez
>"yeah but no"
Tyler Rivera
>The best way to meet people is organically, i.e. as you make friends they'll introduce you to their friends and so forth.
Bad idea
1. Romantic opportunities don't really align with friendship ones- friends of friends can have few prospects romantically, and it's far more difficult to deal with rejection or difficulties of those connected to your friend group
2. It's horribly inefficient time-wise. It's like telling someone who wants to get fit to go live on a farm pitching hay and hauling grainbags instead of going to the gym. How many hours of "hanging out" are you going to spend to get one hour of 1:1 romantic time?
Caleb Phillips
What do you say? Like what's a good opener? "How is class"? Sounds fucking weird.
Chase Perry
If you want an example of "anything" I just mean anything that boosts confidence socially. So if you're super awkward irl just learn to break the ice with the wamens over msg eg try tinder or some app (be one of those twats that just wants to be Freinds) like that. Say you're less awkward now as a result. You've met some girls, keep meeting them, speech lvl 30.
You wanna learn to flirt, come up with some good uns that work over text and you jam them in there eg "I play piano too! You should see what else I can do with my fingers ;) " practice over msg then move to irl, this steadyly builds your confidence gainz. Flirting with strangers is like tryna bench 500lbs, unlikely gonna happen. Get confident, practice, increase difficulty. Voila, do any of these examples, I just emphasize gradual pushing of your social boundary
Jack King
It's all in how you say it.
Basically just wait for something odd to happen in class. Go from there