Free (you)

>endless entropy,emotionally empty edition
its all fucked.
tell me what keeps you going
just tell me something about yourself.

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I'm a 27, almost 28 year old NEET with "schizo-affective disorder". I'm on 5 medications and use Kratom and smoke cigarettes on the side. I've been leaching off of Medicare/Medicaid for the past year and ran up a bill of probably 50 to 60 thousand dollars all on the taxpayer money. I've had quite a few spiritual experiences in the past 13 months and firmly believe I'm going to be experiencing extreme pain and torture eventually in my existence. I see a therapist once a week and might start group therapy in 2 weeks. Though I also believe life is kind of a joke / Truman set-up and nearly everyone else is "in on it" except a few very clueless and targeted individuals that are set up for failure and get taken for a ride / go with the flow of whatever they make us do.

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I need to stop having hope, it keeps putting me in a worse state than I was before.

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uhhhhhhhh tabletop games are cool but I'd like to play one that takes place in the zombie apocalypse
and no special zombies or nothin, im talking about hordes of slow moving mfers like how zombies SHOULD be
(running zombies are still cool tho but way too deadly)

>tell me what keeps you going
The Holy Rosary. If it wasn't for the Rosary and the 15 promises attached to it I would think I would never make it to heaven

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cool user! oriori

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my friends keep me going but honestly I coudn't give a fuck if i was alive or dead I just wanna have fun something about myself idk i was pretty close to suicide by shotgun but couldn't find the ammo lmao got caught and sent to a mental hospital but I'm semi-fine now

UP DOWN UP DOWN UP DOWN UP DOWN
COMEUPS AND COMEDOWNS COME UP COME DOWN COME

I might unironically kill myself this year or very early next.

not op but why user

Good bbq and ramen keep me going. Also big tiddy bitches make me wanna keep living

>If it wasn't for the Rosary and the 15 promises attached to it I would think I would never make it to heaven
My friend, you won't make it to heaven that way.

John 14:6
"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

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Aboriginal sex

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>tell me what keeps you going
my parents are still alive and i still have a little bit of hope left.
>just tell me something about yourself
wagecuck, caffeine pill addicted, gymfag, hs dropout, i don't know what positive thing i have besides my physique.

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Got work later, figured I'd have a proper sleep today in preparation for they days to come. My set up for sleep is so cuddly it should be a crime. Have this mega-cozy blanket under a giant duvet, its so hard to leave one's bed.

Hello Lain-poster, do you feel its a conspiracy to keep you on medications or something of the sort?

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man I hope it all works out for you then.
I am on welfare, 25yo hikki fucking loser.
>I need to stop having hope, it keeps putting me in a worse state than I was before.
black pill will free you from that and doom you
man you sound mad autistic but you seem like you have some fun
im unironically going to hell man, just one of the bad things I done was slowly get someone to take opiates and then convince him heroins better.
all to see if I could ruin his life.

>my friends keep me going
same here, I have no light, seriously.
glad you are fine now.
>I might unironically kill myself this year or very early next.
yeah, if life sucks go for it

>what keeps you goin
the thought of my familly being endangered and that i have to be there for them
>something about yourself
booring indoor looner at the age of 24, trained judo for over 11 years, accomplished nothing, but i was training very VERY fucking hard that made people think "how come this guy doesnt win anything whilst training so hard" and of course GODLY endurance, my bro on the other hand was training too , 12 years, he accomplished a lot but was a lazy FUCK and didnt gave much fuck about the training... natural talent huh? at least i was/still am happy that he made something. currently working with him, he got gf and baby underway, and we live in a foreing country... also i am uninteresting fuck that is too scared to go on a date, but i can still talk to wamyns and make em laugh ... also VIDIYA

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>judo for over 11 years
woah that sounds really cool did it ever come in handy?

i chose some things to focus on and specialize in at a young age. im PDD-NOS high functioning autist that somehow developed good social skills but the same reclusive behaviors of lower functioning types. Alot of manipulative people have been in my life, BPD to sociopath, so it hasnt been easy. Im a writer, and I have such crippling anxiety over my expression either verbally or written I always end up abandoning my attempts. By the process of my perfectionistic behavior towards my greatest natural weakness, ive developed a unique talent for said expression. Editors and critics have said my work is fantastic and to bring them something complete. But I can barely bring them a few pages I deem worthy enough. Ive done this for years, and I think my perfectionism alone is what gives me fulfillment. The fruits of my labor are not the glory or getting published, its that im improving. I fear sharing my work because of the fear that one day Ill stop improving, and ill decline. It is difficult to write at all with this anxiety, I get angry and stressed when I write and can barely stand to read what I wrote. But this is the price I have to pay and struggle with to produce something of value, some meaningful expression or wisdom. I refuse to just give up.

>did it ever come in handy
only once, or even twice, but for bro it was very usefull

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Hi Gunjy.
I don't have anything that keeps me going but I don't have anything that makes me wanna kms either, well I do I just don't go through with it.
I have green eyes.

Get well soon.

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>Aboriginal sex
half caste isnt bad.
im working on my physique as well man, no idea why.
stop comparing yourself to other people man.
you sound similar to me, I write poetry though man.

>stop comparing yourself to other people man
>i just said my bro had a naturall talent at judo and i am happy for him
what did he meant by this

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>what did he meant by this
made me kek

cant reply sorry im trippin

>tell me what keeps you going
Merely my dreams and ambition.
I always dreamt of having superpower and I'm now working in an experimental lab about regeneration mechanisms.
First, I'll be immortal, then I'll create my powers through science.

I'm 22. First year HS I started having mental breakdowns, OCD mixed with obsessing over whether the world is real or not. Fucked me up beyond belief, and I couldn't get help because I thought I could only do it myself, but I managed to get decent.
Had a gap year before college when I did nothing but play vidya, then studied Japanese for a year before switching majors to graphic design. I don't have anything I like doing, I make decent money just being good at gd, but I couldn't care less about it. Learning to code, but mostly because there's little else to do for me.
Also have BPD, identity switches going from trans to nat-soc and all the way in between. Freakishly tall at 7', already half-way bald, and stuttering since 6 yo. If I could have a gun where I live, I'd an hero a thousand times already.

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>endlessventropy
Entropy doesn't exist

youtube.com/watch?v=PIa9hjsIQJ4

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Think the gunj has collapsed. Are your green eyes pretty user? Seems there is a difference between those who have green/ brown eyes and 'real' green eyes. Hope you are doing well at the moment and that any troubles even out for you.

That's admirable if true, it does tend to induce pain watching superhero films as you come to realize how limited we are in terms of cool things that we can do. Buzzfeed and the dozens of list channels out there can say how the human body has "super-powers that you didn't know about" but in reality they are so mundane they aren't worth considering. Hope your experiments go well.

Japanese and graphic design seem to go hand-in-hand among majors then I suppose it makes sense, have you ever tried drawing on a cell or however they animate stuff? 'trans' as in transexuality?

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>have you ever tried drawing on a cell or however they animate stuff?
Nope. Hate drawing desu.
>'trans' as in transexuality?
Yup.

>tell me what keeps you going

The thought of oneday having a career in my chosen field. Thank goodness for social mobility. If I were going to be stuck in a dead-end job for 20 years, I'd off myself before I hit five.

I'm 26 and I can't hold down a job. I'm an aspie and I moved interstate to look for work before going back to uni. I've lived in the biggest city in my country for over a year now, and I've been through eight jobs.

If I wasn't on disability benefits, I would be homeless.

Every time the government fucks up my benefits and I end up getting cut off, I end up going without food.

Every time I'm told to just go get a job, I feel like fucking stabbing them.

Every time I visit my mum, it's always "just get a job, user. When I was your age I bought my first house. Your sister has 20k in savings and she's not even 20 yet."

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>That's admirable if true.
Thanks user!
My dream is to make a group (maybe 200 at most) of superior beings and just go live somewhere hidden, out of human strife.
>Hope your experiments go well.
Thanks, it's going to take a lot of time just to find exactly how each process works and then, ethical problems will arise because making experiences on human cells is very, very controlled.
I'll probably be considered as a criminal for that.
I don't want to make my breakthrough public else all the rich cunts will try to get a hold of this and the rest of humanity will suffer.

I'm addicted to abusing twinks and or sissies off of Grindr, I find subs that are strictly bottoms with daddy issues and do what I want with them

What's with the illustration course then lest I have read that incorrectly. Do you see yourself as being a "better girl" than the majority of women in the modern era, it seems many come to that conclusion for better or for worse, how do you feel?

It seems unfortunate in the case of your woes with labour, hopefully you can find something concrete. I take it you are in the type of countries where very long hours are needed to obtain a sustainable income? I hear in some that its either work for the government or trawl multiple part-tie jobs. Still, even if its low-skill labour there is the need for a class to tow the line, the best one can do is take advantage of it and put the spare time to good use and - especially in regards to physical labour, work through quick enough to exercise ones muscles.

That'd be great if you could pull it off, have you ever planned a location of the sort? Honestly it sucks that human experimentation never got as far as it could have. Some say we should explore our oceans and our wild-life before we even dream of space yet what of the human body? As unethical as it'd be, the fruits of such work would provide incredible benefit for our species.

>That'd be great if you could pull it off, have you ever planned a location of the sort?
Not yet, but I'm thinking of a place quite remote, but still fertile with rivers around. I have a few candidates (I'm taking in account also climate changes) but I didn't yet look very intensively on the subject as I don't have enough people (and I'm not ready to move).
I want an utopia, where everyone can do what they like and we will all be equals. I'm already redacting how the system will work.
>As unethical as it'd be, the fruits of such work would provide incredible benefit for our species.
Indeed. Besides it's only by hypocrisy that people don't want us to research. Look for example embryonic stem cells.
In some countries, it's completely forbidden to work with them, meanwhile you can abort a baby even after the embryonic stage. Why couldn't they give us the sample?

>What's with the illustration course then
It's graphic design - it's 90% layout, no need to draw anything. Wouldn't be able to do it otherwise
>Do you see yourself as being a "better girl" than the majority of women in the modern era, it seems many come to that conclusion for better or for worse, how do you feel?
I don't think it works that way for me, desu. As I said, I cycle between being an ultra-masculine Jow Forumstard and a liberal MtF in the matter of hours, and it's hard to pinpoint the reason. I think it just makes me happy while it lasts

>subs that are strictly bottoms
Isn't that the same thing?

>Isn't that the same thing?
No.
For instance I'm a top sub (at least in my fetishes).
As bottom dom are really hard to find, I'm forced to be dominant in bed, which sucks.
Well at least in theory, since I've never been laid yet.

How is any of this an actual struggle if you're a virgin? You don't need to fake it on this board. It's more pathetic to talk about your "struggle to find a sub top" when you're a virgin than to talk about your struggle to make any moves.

Huh, never thought it could work that way. Thanks for explaining

I have no motivation to do anything, and I'd rather just die in my sleep than be productive at this point.

That'd be quite comfortable, I take it then you live in a sparser country? It'd be great if we could have such a world then the concept of a utopia is wholly subjective, hopefully in some afterlife we can be granted a thing resembling our own ideal worlds.

Ah, more modelling online then and the sort? Have you ever been entranced by the prospect of drawing or are you more the type to have written it off as an unsustainable long-term pursuit? Ah, you mean your political views fluctuate with mood, that seems to be common among many so I wouldn't feel too isolated in that regard (of course, probably not in such extreme swings as yours). What do you think of the more middle-ground ideologies e.g. conservatism, democratic socialism? Are they more skimmed over in that regard though I suppose one may perceive liberalism as perhaps the most centrist ideology depending on the type.

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>tell me what keeps you going
Not much really. I tried suicide before and failed, I'll probably try again sooner rather than later. Who knows.
>just tell me something about yourself.
There's nothing interesting to say.

typical depressed normie npc faggot. if you can't contribute the shut the fuck up for gods sake. threads like these get deleted on 8ch r9k for a reason, you're all vapid fucktards vomiting useless socializing bullshit out of your empty brains. disgusting.

>Gets asked a depressing question
>Gives a depressing answer
>"ReeEEeeEEeeee"
Suck start a shotgun faggot

>gets asked
nobody asked for your worthless opinion you fucking grabage human
protip if you have nothing to say then
SHUT THE FUCK UP

I hate these next two days, hate this month so far.
>tell me what keeps you going
I've seen the light

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>Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Pathetic.

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kys you worthless shitposting memelord zoomer

>being this triggered
Take your pills you fucking headcase

how many (you)s does it take for your teenage brain to realize that you should end your worthless existence

I don't know, let's keep going and find out.

well i guess you finally realized you are only helping me to sht up this thread. thanks anyways

Thread was shit already. Might as well have some fun with it.

i like the way you think user, keep it up!

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I love scamming robots out of money for freedo-kun~

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being salty you arent one of the select few I have feelings towards


Im back

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*gets cucked by a tranny*
Bros wtf how could this happen to a manipulator supreme?????

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>he isnt part of the few people I like so he posts shit every thread

>he still hasn't figured out how to get his bot to read apis

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uuuh gunjy, not the guy you replied to and i hate to tell you this, but nobody likes you. not a single person in your discord. are some of the people dependent on you? yes, probably, since nobody else will spare them any attention, so they need you. do they like other people in your discord? yes probably, some charming people are in your discord, most don't stay for long, because they have an easy time finding freinds elsewhere, but your non-stop shilling will bring new nice people in to replace those eventually. what will happen when you stop shilling? your discord will die. why? because none of the regulars are in any way likeable or charming people (sorry). why do people hate you gunjy? i will tell you why. you ban them for some silly reason or they just leave because they can't take your shit (or that of other regulars) anymore, but feel cheated out of the time they invested (or better: wasted) many of those will just forget about you but some will hate you because they can't find a new place.
TLDR:
nobody likes you gunjy (not even your waifu, sorry)

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>Are your green eyes pretty user?
I am. They are, they're pretty light and people have told me that they're pretty.

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I think I'm actually having some sort of prolonged mental breakdown
I won't say exactly who because its cringy as fuck, but over the last year or so I've become increasingly obsessed with becoming a different, specific person. The physical changes are easy (put on 30+ pounds of muscle, gotten tattoos, dyed my hair and even physically scarring myself), but the mental changes are all so difficult. It's easy to be that person when everything is good and I'm fine, but if I get tired, hungry, bored, or any other sort of shitty thing happens, I go back to being the regular, shitty me. How do I make that push to get away from that bullshit?

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antipsychotics
no way you can go on living like that man, try get to a psych

What keeps me going huh?
Well pure spite and schadenfreude honestly.

That and as the pic shows we live in times with rapid technological advancement, i kinda want to see where it all goes and how far i (potential) can augment my ass,
if we as a species manage to last that long in the first place.

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I'm probably just insane, I've done some crazy shit like forcing myself to sleep less just to adhere to this mental image more. I very rarely sleep more than two hours at a time, and this is with having a physically demanding job too. I want it so badly, sometimes I just wish I could tear my skin off and replace it with someone elses

Gunjy only attracts people because they are curious about his pathetic lifestyle or the rumors that surround him, i have never seen any people show true compassion for him.
People in his server do show compassion for each other but not for him, he just gets the standard good social manners treatment, mostly because they are afraid of getting banned.
I liked it because it was pretty active and there were quality discussions to be had sometimes.
I think his problem is that since he can't show true compassion for others because of his mental illness, they can't give him any either in return.
He might make for an an interesting case study for a psychology student.
t. someone who wasted several weeks in his discord.

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yeee i guess he might be interesting from a normie perspective but hes just WAAAAYY too manipulative to be a real fren DESU

>>he still hasn't figured out how to get his bot to read apis
I banned daiko like this week.

>nobody likes you. not a single person in your discord
I am aware of this and actually mention that in my discord.

>I think his problem is that since he can't show true compassion for others because of his mental illness
working on fixing this.
>WAAAAYY too manipulative to be a real fren
I dont have any friends but 2 people and I try hard to make friends

online friends will never be real friends gunjy, you have to get the fuck up, move outside your 4 wall comfort zone and overcome your greatest fears to find a real friend.
t.envoyage

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I'm saving money for when my niece gets older. Just trying to go for as long as i can. I had planned on ending it last year but found out i was going to be an uncle. I won't be there for her in life as I'm an awkward fuck around my family but i can try help out financially, and give her a bit of a safety net. 10k+ would be good. I can do 2k a year so it just depends on how long I can keep going.

online friends will never be real friends gunjy, you have to get the fuck up, move outside your 4 wall comfort zone and overcome your greatest fears to find a real friend

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>online friends will never be real friends gunjy
thats all I have.
I dont even care if they dont like me I just dont enjoy anything but chattting to them.
>you have to get the fuck up, move outside your 4 wall comfort zone and overcome your greatest fears to find a real friend
some fag from my city is in my server and asked to come around and I said no.
I dont want to see people

its good you have a reason to live, it can really make all the misery worth it

even perfectly normal people would agree that meeting strangers from the internet is one of the most awkward things you can do, its even more awkward when you have known them quite a while before meeting them. i wasted years on discord and have not made a single friend. its just a distraction, like videogames, it keeps you from improving your situation by giving you something to do instead of doing what you need to do. what you need is not always what you want. if your condition allows it, why not get drunk, go outside and share some of your booze with a friendly abbo, its something you will remember and maybe youll even make a real friend

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Bloody hell i don't even know what keeps me going anymore, what the hell i don't even know why i am writhing this