ITT: We pretend we are normies

>haha hey guys I really thought about this hard. I feel like R&M (Rick and Morty for those who haven't seen it) has really thought me some valuable life lessons. Like you know when Rick shrinks himself and becomes a pickle (Pickle-Rick) just to avoid his responsibilities? He then gets into even more trouble by doing that right? He has to fight rats and use his very high IQ (which makes me relate to him) to figure out a way to leave this moist, dark and smelly (lol cause the rat poop) place. After that he gets into even more absurd situations like fighting Russians and sabotaging their plans. And that was all because of the responsibilities he was being avoidant of. And in the end, he still had to deal with the same issues. He just went through a lot more, and became wise enough to realize that it was all unnecessary. This has really motivated me to stop procrastinating. I used to be always late with paying child support for my friend Tyrone (who watches my wife and kids instead of me, even though the kids don't look like me I still love them) and now I've gotten used to working hard and getting things done the right way! No more old and slightly-very-lazy me! Lol.

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My gf loves me for who I am

Haha imagine having a gf haha
Imagine having a gf that loves you for who you are haha

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Ahhhh
How cute. It wont last user

You're there to keep her warm for Chad
Hypergamy is real

>wow user you don't do crunches? how did your abs get so toned?

I am happy working my normal desk job from 9 to 5 making enough to pay for my Netflix subscription and car insurance and go to dinner once a month with my mediocre girlfriend. :)

why do I get angry at people like this
they seem happy
something about them gets my blood flowing

the girl i like actually likes me back and thinks about me

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The predictability of such a life is utterly meaningless, how the fuck can people be satisfied living that way?

>they open the doors of the mall 2 hours before the stores open so you can walk in the morning get your blood pressure sorted
>sent the kids off to summer camp for the next few weeks and let me tell you the wife and I are so glad to have the house back to ourselves.
>skeeto seasons round the corner, make sure you get enough iodine i read on facebook they won't bite if you get enough iodine
>did you see that gif let me find it it was a gif of a thousand mexicans crossing the border I saw on twitter you gotta see it to believe it

Unscheduled panic attacks are so exciting, Fuck having a comfy routime

>I don’t wanna get big I just want to tone what I have
>I’m scared to drink protein because I don’t wanna get huge like those bodybuilders
>omg I’m so fat I need to start going to the gym

Also
>Skelly DYELS on the treadmill
why?

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>be fat
>Go to gym to get fit
>Don't diet, eat fast food after every workout
>Drink Soda
>"Exersice isn't working, guess I better give up in a week!"

>be me
>south indian
>home gym masterrace
>about to set a new squat pr in my freshest khakis
>as i descend i forget what my father told me about the streets
>immediately shit as i enter the apex of my squat as my cousin/wife enters the gym
I wish i didn't have to light her on fire but my familys honor was at stake.

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... and other funny jokes to tell yourself!

>Yeah lets go the the gym and get big and lose weight!
>Unironically, do keto
>I'm here to tone up my arms, lose some of that beer belly
>*Uses machines only*
>I try and go to the gym three days a week but sometimes, y'know, life happens
>*does 3x10, walks away*
>*5 minute jog on the treadmill, 20 minute walk*
>*Basketball shorts and Underarmor t's*
>I have a preposition for you: lets both go to the gym and get ripped!"

That last one was a real one a coworker tried on me. I gain absolutely nothing from this preposition and in fact lose with that preposition.

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I hope you're not an idiot and your coworker was the one who actually used the word 'preposition'

what kind of interesting life do you lead?

Lifting eating and watching anime doesn't make up my entire day

I’m doing biceps again today

*proposition my dude

A preposition is a part of grammar.

>high iq
>thought

JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY

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No, that's word for word what he said

I learned today

Jow Forums is filled with some of the most idiotic mouthbreathers alive, so this thread has little meaning.

The first 6 months .

>My dad is trying to be healthy
>Buys a pair of dumbbells
>They're 6kg bright orange women's dumbbells
>I tell him 6kg is not heavy enough to build muscle
>Explain the idea of progressive overload to him, that the weights you lift will go up over time
>"No user that's okay, I don't want to go past the muscle I get with these dumbbells"

I know it doesn't really matter because I doubt he's actually going to use the things for more than a week.

>He asks me how to work out his chest with the dumbbells.
>I tell him to do push ups
>"Ah yes push ups. They are very difficult"
>Tell him they're not that difficult
>"No, they are. I bet you couldn't do 10 push ups"
>Proceed to drop down and demonstrate about 20 perfect form push ups
>"uh yeah guess you were right"

I like it when I can outright prove my dad wrong on whatever bullshit we're arguing about.

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>Pretend
Lmaofxdgh at ur lives

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>I skip leg days because chicks don’t care about skinny legs I’ll just buy nice jeans to cover it

>omg I love pizza, adventures and dogs!
>If my dog doesn't like you I won't like you
>I LOVE to travel!
>Your dog probably likes me more
>I'm pretty tall (5"9) so swipe accordingly
>I'm polygamous
>I'm bi

Fuck my 9-5. Any advice on a job that isnt boring a shit? I'd happily break my back minimum wage if I can find something that interesting. Enough that it doesnt make me want to blow my brains Out.

>bro I just went to the gym and did some curls and rode the bicycle for twenty minutes
>my girlfriend says she's already seeing the difference in me
>Fuck man that's so choice, lets celebrate with some beers and get smashed
>I just bought the new smash so we can rock it till the sun comes up
>I'm down, I'll just have to spin down to my house and make sure I take my ssris or else my anxiety gets pretty bad
>Tell shelby hi while you're there
>I'm happy and content with being a worthless pudgy fraud with no accomplishments or discipline

>we stan so hard

Why do you lose?

>Likes proving his dad wrong
Anyone else find this really weird? I don't have the best relationship with my dad but the thought of going out of my way to humiliate him by proving him wrong just seems weird to him. I'll try and explain to him why he's wrong, if he's wrong, in a calm and collected manner and listen to what he's saying and use that as feedback to explain to him better if he doesn't understand. Am I the weird one here?

>DUDE today's WOD was sick. It had 40 burpees and 30 somepees and 25 dickpees in 5 minutes all. I'm gonna get shredded man.
>Also, Stacy was totally checking my out today at the end of the session. I'm totally gonna ask her out. I'll be banging her by tomorrow bro!
>When I was getting into my Ford™ Mustang ™ I saw user, do you remember him? From highschool. That fatass was getting into a rusty fagda Miata, with a half gallon of milk, who the hell goes by with half a gallon of milk? Fucking fatties man.

>I'm happy and content with being a worthless pudgy fraud with no accomplishments or discipline
ruined it. no norman has this level of self-awareness.

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You seem to have confused normie with retarded first year uni thot

If he started to tag along then all the sudden my workouts slow down because I have to babysit someone else. It's like carrying a crap player through a raid boss: your workload is increased because of their inability to fend for themselves and ultimately you gain nothing that you weren't gaining already while they reap the benefits while piggybacking off of you.

no user is an fag for trying to prove his dad wrong instead of maintaining his father-son relationship by helping his father. too many fags get big and start disrespecting their fathers.

>have you guys checked out Jow Forums?
>They're pretty weird but sometimes they have pretty dope memes that I can post to Facebook and come off as witty/funny to all my friends

Haha imagine the smell if she farted haha

Haha why do meme arrows make everything funny xD

>Roommate refers to me as his secret weapon because I'm ultra reclusive and only he gets to experience most of my jokes
>Occasionally invites me out with his friends
>Absolutely slay them to the point where they collapse on the floor every single time
>"Jesus Christ, user, what's even going on in your head?"

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>no man I don't want to do weights
>I want to do something sustainable that I can do in my old age
>walks for 'cardio' and does a meme class weight workout that looks like it's going send people to snap city

DELET

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>Skelly DYELS on the treadmill
That was me when I started. I cant tell you why I mean I guess when you "Work out" You always see people in movies and tv running on the treadmill so I just assumed. Plus its easy to do when you first start

HEY user

I WANT TO BE STRONG LIKE YOU

PLEASE TELL ME HOW

HEY user

I DID WHAT YOU SAID BUT I WAS SORE THE NEXT DAY. I THINK I OVER DID I T

I GUESS I DONT HAVE YOU GENETICS HHAHAHAHA. I QUIT

HEY user

I DID WHAT YOU SAID BUT I WAS SORE THE NEXT DAY. I THINK I OVER DID IT SO I'M GOING TO SKIP THE NEXT DAY OKAY

oooh nooo you've triggered all the blade runner posters to do the same "feels le bad man no le gf" posts over and over again like they're literally mindless bots. You fool.

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HEY user I'M GONNA ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE THEN DITCH MY SETS HALF WAY THROUGH. SORRY FOR INTERRUPTING YOUR TRAINING LOL

HEY user

IM A GIRL AND I CANT DO A PULLUP HOW DO I START?

NEGATIVES? THATS COMPLICATED... I QUIT!

>preposition

haha im depressed

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This shit right here makes my BP rise

>I'm soooo lazy, haha
>Maths is SO HARD, i hate it xD
>LOL haha i just wanna die, get it? its like suicide xDD
this makes me hate some people

what's wrong with 3x10 if you go heavy?

wow i just saw the new captain marvel and hes so ripped. what kind of gym moves does he do to get like that? im thinkin of signing up at the local planet fitness and using their treadmills

>you may not like it, but this is what peak of the oppression stack looks like in 2019
>pic related

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im not even gonna pretend to be a normie. i know that they are all the same, they just like the same stuff, watch the same stuff, participate in the same stuff, talk about the same things ad nauseum. they are all boring as fuck and indistinguishable from each other

i desperately want to be like them

i found a reddit board that is normie central and it is truly baffling. they are all literally carbon copies of each other. it's the exact same shit, day after day, every single fucking day. i thought you guys were joking but they are literally all the same. all just watch game of thrones obsessively, every 'top comment" is like those tweets you see go viral. they even just repeat the same tropes day after day after day

yet they are all apparently very happy, very successful in their careers (which are all the same, they are all basically either accountants or lawyers), all live in big cities, and they have lives most people would dream of

not more than I hate people who fucking say "maths"

Whoa, user, you lift? What are you insecure? Haha while you count calories like some autist I'm going to enjoy a nice fat burger! I'm so glad my friends like me for who I am.
*chugs coke zero*

Which subreddit?

No, I've noticed it's pretty common for many to still act like rebellious teens way into adulthood. Specially atheists and their incessant blasphemy and degeneracy.

barstool sports

...

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p-please delete this. I'm trying to have a nice Saturday morning.

Heh, stupid normies. Falling for fad diets
>carnivore thread

Stupid normies, focusing on only one area of fitness (cardio)
>focuses only on lifting

Stupid normies, falling for obvious marketing ploys
>which xxxtremecoretech supplement is the best?

Stupid normies, following dumb momscience tips
>Will cold showers and herbs raise my test?

wow, just kill me hahah

I have a friend like this, the dude is fucking hilarious and witty and could SLAY if he put in just a tiny bit of effort and just talked to girls.

But also 109lbs of skin and bone, a pussy who makes excuses all the time and plays video games and "job searches" for 10hours a day and sleeps the rest.

>Have you tried nofap?

I'm happy

I wish I was a normie tbqh. Sure it would be a vapid life, but at least I'd have social contact without an internal meltdown

I wish I could take the normie bluepill

CBD oil is legit though user.
Using cannabanoids for the high is for dumbasses.

>hating on 3x10

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>Feeling STRONG **arm flex emoji, weight lifting emoji**

>Game of thrones

Watch "office space"

No, you’re spot-on. Your way of explaining is pretty much word for word what Marcus Aurelius says to deal with mistaken people.

Delet

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I don't understand I have a low iq

triple dubs of truth
I swear gyms make most of their money from normies that never show up

Try hospital work, never be bored or relaxed in work ever again!

I tried the food pyramid but didn't lose weight, this proves weight is genetic and there's nothing I can do about it

Women only loves their children, never their partner

*selfie* Going to the gyyym gotta get rid of the Christmas bulk and ready for the summer haha!

*takes shirt off during bicep curls and stares in the mirror*

That just sounds like a based Boomer
Oh no no no

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