He doesn't toke up a fat one after a painful workout session

>he doesnt snort coke and shoot testosterone after a painful workout session

>you gf
Pic related
I would like to, and while I could probably get a fake dick or tie a piss filled condom to my leg (the place I do the test makes you put all your items into a locked box) I don’t have anyone who I can get pee from that doesn’t smoke pot.

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>he doesn't take cocaine before workout

never gonna make it

>not sipping a delicious Irish/Scottish whiskey while feasting

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synthetic pee user

I'm 31.

I know 3 people who who smoked weed heavily over the last decade, one of them for nearly 2 decades. All 3 have schizophrenia now. Well, one of them doesn't have it any more because he committed suicide.

Yes of course not everyone who smokes it will get it, but there is definitely a correlation between it's use and psychosis.

So yeah, enjoy that bruv.

I won’t be able to pull it off man, even if I smuggled it in it would end up going cold. It’s the kind of place that gets crowded and you sit there waiting to get called in for over an hour. I’m just gonna fast, piss, sweat, and drink a fuck ton of water then los creatine and test a home kit

Doesn’t surprise me. If you abuse anything everyday you are gonna be fucked up. I abuse milk and now people accuse me of roiding. These are the risks we take user. Maybe when you grow up and understand the world alittle more you’ll understand why adults are the way they are

Nice reddit spacing

some days ago i smoked weed and got testicular pain

why ? its gone now of course it was like a month ago

Damn it's almost like abusing a substance can have deleterious long term effects woah dude you might be on to something

Stop working out, drink a shit ton of water, and get a legit cleansing system. Your best bet desu

Weed is a plant, yes? stop taking oxalates and anti-nutrients

How long do you have from smoking the last time to the piss test? 4g shouldn’t last that long in your piss.
Also fuck amerilards and their retarded need to test the piss of their employees, it shouldn’t be their fucking business

I’ve got a pouch in of that exact shit rn boi nice and smooth with a cup of coffee

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Fake piss. I bought some from a smoke shop for like 20 bucks, basically before the test you put the thing in the microwave for a bit, then you wrap it in this thing that keeps it warm, and you tie it to your leg right under your balls so your bodyheat keeps it warm. Then when you go in the bathroom you squeeze that shit out and you're all good.

I had to do this when I got a job at Best Buy, of all places.

Well it’s been over a week since the last time I smoked, I can probably wait a full month before taking the piss test so I’ll most likely be fine, the anxiety is still there though.

And while I do get why certain jobs piss test, I can’t help but agree with you. On one hand I wouldn’t want paramedics to be high on the job or using other drugs at all, but then again it should be fine and only my business if I smoke weed once a month in my free time

Assuming you have a few weeks do heavy cardio to eliminate the fat the THC stores itself in. Don't do any cardio a week before the test. Drink a shit ton of water and go to the bathroom a few times before your test but drink something like creatine or one of those drug test drinks to make the dilution less noticeable otherwise it will count as a failure

>Knows the whopping, astounding, and large number of 3 (THREE) people who smoked weed and got schizophrenia
>Conveniently ignores everyone else he's ever met who smoked weed regularly because it doesn't fit his correlation = causation narrative that he posts on some fitness board on Jow Forums to convince people not to smoke weed

rope yourself

What if I’m fat as shit? I’m like 25% bf

>he isn't happy with how he feels unless he posts about it on Jow Forums

>he dosen't snort a few lines before lifting, to get pumped as fuck, and dat crazy coke strength / pain tolarance
>he dosen't smoke a joint after lifting to chill and sleep like a baby

It's like you faggots don't want any gains

>he doesn’t choke on a fat one after a painful workout session

It’s like you enjoy being a coping addict in denial.

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weed fucks with your gains as it hinders REM sleep, enjoy your brainfog and constant fatigue cause you havent had a proper sleep, also, since weed has become more potent in THC content a lot of long term users are reporting what is called cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome which makes you feel like sick and unable to eat, so yeah, go ahead, keep smoking that shit and believeing it actually helps you

Based

one month and change is usually enough. what % bodyfat are you? how fast do you think your metabolism is/ how active are you?
- take niacin (the real deal not that flush-free stuff) until a few days before the test (dont take too close to it),
- buy some at-home tests like First Check tests since theyre like 99% accurate to the real deal,
- follow this when you're about to take the test and also throw in some creatine if its not mentioned there: youtube.com/watch?v=H7wobDcUqGk
- if all fails do synthetic pee, microwave before going in and strap to inside of your leg if you're concerned about retaining heat
t. dealt with the same shit a couple years ago

Haha WEED bro aren't I cool? Don't you just wanna take a LONG TOKE after a nasty cardio sesh? Like it just feels amazeballs!

This

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Right, the thing detected in the test is stored in fat cells and released into the blood when said fat is burnt, so want to cut as much as you can for as long as you can. 2-3 days before the test, you need to put fat back on. Keep hydrated, but especially before the test so what little is left in the blood will be diluted by the watery pee.

>sacrificing your privacy and off-the-clock freedom for any job
>ever
Must be terrible to be this desperate, though I know it is the fault of the system, not of any particular individual. Remember this desperation every time you hear someone making excuses for capitalism.

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Quick fix, look it up. Works Everytime.

Easiest thing is someone else's pee.
Hardway is shit-ton of water, lemon juice, beets and kale.

I agree with it for something like ems/paramedic/fire, I wouldn’t want the person saving my life to be impaired in any way. But weed needs to be treated like alcohol. If someone shows up to work high, send them home. If it’s a constant issue and they can’t just do it in the provacy of their own home, fire them. But that wouldn’t work, if you’re involved in any sort of accident on the job they drug test everyone involved, meaning if you smoked a few days prior to it you’re done.

So I’ve been trying to figure out ways to smoke and time it correctly so it’s out of my system when I come back to work, mostly just during vacations.

user, quit weed asap
>college/hs
>made stoner friends who I hang out with
>weed is fun, we have some good laughs lighting up 1-3 every day
>years later I'm still smoking it
>constant lack of dopamine and seratonin
>feel like shit even when smoking only once or twice a week
>fuckit.jpg
>quit weed
>week-long withdrawal where I feel paranoid, depressed and nearly schizophrenic
>1 month later, the happiest I've felt in a while
Not saying that you should never pick up weed, or even develop slight addiction. But when you feel your personal and professional life suffering, just get off it and take the fall for a week or two. You'll come out feeling freedom and happiness.

based

drink a bottle of vinegar is what i always hear. I've also seen people snort coke a week before their test and come out clean so you might be aight if you're lucky.

>shitty government regulations force employers to do something
>capitalism has failed

Yeah it would be a problem if someone was impaired on the job, but that doesn't mean a person who tests positive for cannabis is high when working. Unless I'm getting paid as if I was working 24 hours a day, then what I do with my body off-the-job is literally none of their business as long as it also does not interfere with my ability to do what they ask of me when I actually am working. The only reason this is considered acceptable is because historically cannabis has had a bad reputation due to terrible education. If the same rule applied to alcohol, it would be obvious that it is intrusive and an invasion of privacy.

Capitalism causes the desperation to hold a job no matter how shitty it is

make up an excuse not to take the test that day, reschedule, and fast like fuck

t. drug addict paramedic.
>the methoxyflurane keeps going missing.
>my kidneys hurt.

Jesus dude. I’m sure you’ve heard this before but I say it with your best interest, get help. It’s gonna catch up to yo hand they’ll figure you out man
I’m betting that in another 10 years it won’t be a problem. That’s all I want, to be able to come home after working long ass shifts or busting my ass for weeks straight and just enjoying a nice fat nug

>I’m betting that in another 10 years it won’t be a problem.
I hope so. Seems opinions are changing faster and faster each day so I'm optimistic.

this.

weed has been a godsend for my lifting. The deafening of my pain receptors has allowed me to lift on a new level. Even when I lift without it now, I at least know that I can push to that level. It raised my perceived personal limits ceiling. Waaay more motivated workouts now. Plus I get thirsty and hungry immediately after, so I hydrate and eat good foods.

>t. has not studied the history of any people at any point in time ever

How do I get good swedish shit shipped in if I'm not 21 for the ups signing

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Try to understand why unions exist
kek

I'm with you man. When I learned how to roll in college and started smoking regularly I lost out on way to many opportunities from being too high, not caring, too lazy, insecure and paranoid.

Missed out on parties, grad school (hard science field), women and friendships because of the psychosis. Still struggling now to kick the habit and transmute that energy for other things, and I know I will get there.

Thanks for your input.

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Get a travel size spray bottle and have somebody else pee in it, start boiling water 30 minutes before you leave for the doctor but dont make a crazy boil, hold the bottle with tongs and lower into water to heat up, make it a bit warmer than piss so by the time you take the test its normal temperature, get some tight tight shorts or leggings and wear something baggy, keep bottle between leg and cock to keep body temp

they call it devils lettuce for a reason

>in a pouch
fag

Yeah, that reason being that it is in the best interest of huge corporations and pleasure-hating puritans to label it as such.

I am suprised noone has mentioned an oil change yet youtube.com/watch?v=ZIqoRWjiFyo

Explanation begins at 2:37

Yo quick question is sativa or indigo better?

I'm trying go to olive garden and I want to mow food but also b relaxed. Can I mix CBD with this stuff or is it dangerous? Waxxy

Indigo is the dankest bro

>indigo

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smoking after a workout is nice for sure. Good way to wind down after winding up so much. Tried eating an edible before the workout the other day and that was awful. I never considered it but my buddy offered me one before we worked out together and I'm not one to turn weed down. My endurance was noticeably hurt and after my whole workout I felt like vomiting.

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Edibles are usually pretty strong. Not something to do before a workout unless you are confident in the accuracy of a low dose edible.

It was just a 5mg medicinal gummy. I take a 10 when I feel like being actually stoned.

>not doing PCP after you workout
faggots please

I workout first thing in the morning since test is highest when you've just woke up, if I smoke after a workout I'd be going into work stoned anything more than smoking on weekends is weak tier

whenever i smoke weed my muscles get shaggy especially my chest is it normal guys?

Coke degrades in 24-48 hours, weed can be 24hrs to 28 days depending on how frequently you smoke

>scottish
>whiskey
It's whisky you plebian

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Smells like shit

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>You'll come out feeling freedom and happiness.
Fuck, this is my last day and i'm taking a break, typing this as i am finishing my paki pash

Lmao get with the times gramps. It's all vaping and edibles now. No one burns anymore.

Any alternative ways of getting high? Don’t have any weed and don’t like drinking, but still want to keep it in the realm of “safer” shit. Might just end up getting drunk desu. Might try to get some shroomies

>tfw ate some edibles and got a deep tissue massage after lifting yesterday

Can't do it all the time because addiction, but hitting an extended two hour morning session on a weekend and then dropping 350mg tramadol and some acid and spending the rest of the day in bed listening to psytrance is based as fuck

>It's like you choose to be miserable

The pain I suffer is a worthy price to pay for glory. You numb your pain because you are weak. Pathetic.

So disgustingly anecdotal.
You're pretty damn stupid for 31

Smoking is shit. Vaping or edibles are the white man's way of getting it

stop being a pretentious little shitdick and just dip or chew. the only exception is if you're actually a swede

Weed makes me demotivated and lazy so I'll pass.

Bump

To clarify I have the weekend off and want to get fucked up and enjoy some munchies. Don’t really wanna smoke weed or drink but I don’t know what else to do that isn’t super degenerate.

Are you still posting this shit user? We told you you were retarded months ago. Focus on that instead.

DUDEEEEEEEEE WEEEEEEEEEEEED LMAOOOOOOOOO

>mfw havent smoked in years
>mfw only thing stopping me is my TS/SCI
life is suffering

of course we do, it's just that no-one cares enough to post about it.
>hey guys, do you also like to eat food when you are hungry?

I know at least 100 people who smoked weed over the past 2 decades and none of them have schizophrenia.

WEED

I'm probably high 70% of the time I do weights and 20% of the time I do cardio

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It just makes me lazy

Quick fix synthetic urine has gotten me through a ton of tests. About 20 bucks

>smoke weed habitually since 17
>as soon as i turn 25
>one joint gets me extremely anxious

can't even touch the shit anymore.
idk what happened, but it just fucks with my nerves so bad now.

This guy doesn't even lift but mogs everybody here

Fuck off, Forsen

They made weed stronger. Same shit happens to me and I’m only 24. Granted I would get a bit paranoid as a teen, but it was no where near how bad it is now. Now if I smoke I forget how to breath and have panic attacks. As a teen I rarely got anything better than mids, it was usually seed filled regs and dirt weed. The thc content was way lower, now all this new crack weed has minimum of 23%, there’s shit with 30% thc now. The thc is what makes you anxious. When it becomes legal to grow in my state I actually want to buy some shitty regs and just plant the seeds. Way more enjoyable for me.

>not keeping old reserves of your pee just in case
I shiggy diggy