Be me

Can you at least post a paragraph or give us a tl:;Dr? What was the story about? Geniunely curious

A few of them are stand ins. But I've been trying to experiment with character some achetypes in such. Thing is I seem to fucking suck at doing that. Not only that but I struggle with pacing big time. It's always just a bit to quick.

Thank you. I probably won't stop writing, I love it too much. But nonetheless this hurt like hell.

This happened to me a few years ago actually. I went to a writers forum and posted my stuff. They said my style was blunt and horrible, and that I didn't know how to write a good plot for the life of me. I felt crushed.

But yet, 2 years later, I write almost every day and I'm not gonna stop anytime soon. After the initial blow, you'll want to keep writing again. Trust me. It gets better, user.

just read more, ya idiot. you can't write well if you aren't absorbing literature regularly. let me know if you want some author recommendations

If you don't like what you do regardless of whether other people do or not, then there's no point of doing it. Art is inherently masturbatory. Also, quality of artsy shit is always at least subjective. Even if that group disliked it there's someone who may like it. For me personally I've made hundreds of songs. I gave up trying to be "good" at it, though I do try new things.

I suppose I can give a paragraph or two. This isn't from the one that was critiqued.

AJ pulled the thin scarf over her face. The wind was blowing like a bat out of hell and the snow was coming down in sheets. Every bit of exposed skin felt like it was being pelted with a stream of razor blades. She was in trouble. Deep trouble. If she didn't find shelter soon she'd surely freeze to death. She and her partner, Sarah, waded through snow so deep it was up to their upper thighs.

Luckily for the two of them, their luck hadn't run out just yet. In the distance, behind a cluster of dead trees lay a run down hunting cabin. It's wood was rotting away and most of the windows were broken. It wouldn't do much to keep the cold out but it was certainly better than being right in the thick of it all. Sarah called out through the raging wind.

"AJ! Over there!"

"Right! I-I-I see it!"

AJ could hardly keep the chattering of her teeth under control. The cold had sunk to the deepest layer of her bones. They both waded through the deep snow, practically tripping over one another to get inside. Once inside, they collapsed on the floor, panting hard. Sarah reached into her burlap bag and unfurled the map.

"O-o-ok" she said "If we keep g-going this route we should be out of the Foxtail Mountains in j-just th-three days."

"Three days? Another minute here feels like torture."

"We can do it. We can. We just need to wait out this storm. Once it's over it'll be a lot easier."

The wind pounded the walls of the cabin like a construction worker with a hammer. It didn't muffle the one strange sound coming from the bedroom however. Soft breathing. Aj pulled out her revolver, pulling back the hammer.

"Hear that?"

Sarah nodded, pulling out her revolver as well. Silently, they both walked towards the bedroom where the sound was coming from. They took either side of the door, AJ on the right and Sarah on the left.

OK it's fucking awful. Just give up. Jesus user

fuck off. not op but dont be such a dick.

>hurr durr if u consume more then you will become better at producing
this is only slightly true. Someone may get ideas from consuming new material, but to get better at anything you should do that thing, not something else.

>Characters stuttering for no reason
>Awful grammar
>Terrible similes and metaphors that don't really add to the prose at all
>Bad sentence pacing and structure/length
>Both girls have fucking REVOLVERS and they're lesbians

you're fucking wrong, read some literature and literary critique. most critics and experts agree that you need to absorb the canon to provide insight into the written world. read The Anxiety of Influence

i don't think it's fair to judge the quality of a story from a few dialogue lines. However, the only stories i really like are the ones that interest me within the first few sentences.

This is a full work I've done.

fimfiction.net/story/419886/a-sunset-on-the-horizon

I know it's on fimfic but after looking at it some I think it's one of the better ones I've done. It's also a better look at things than what I can say in 2000 characters

awful, stop using so much exposition. i was bored to tears within the first few paragraphs.

but i shouldn't expect much from a fucking brony who names their main character "user"

Exposition was another big complaint I got.

I'm not a brony anymore. But there are a few pieces on there I'm actually confident about. At least confident enough to share. Just take the franchise out of it. MLP doesn't play into the plot. If I changed the names of all the characters it wouldn't change the story in the least. So don't let that put you off.

If someone wants to write something then they've probably already read enough to have at least somewhat of an idea of what they want to write.I don't care about "literature" because the vast majority of it is dull. Nobody is going to get strong just from watching people lift weights though they might understand the basic technique more, and nobody can be good at making songs just by listening to a lot of music.

Don't feel too bad user. I just typed up more than 8000 words worth of erotica from my personal notebook on this very board and not a single person even replied to the thread in like an hour.
You can do better, just do your best to correct the problems in text and try again. A proper editing process, where you band your head against a brick wall for a while trying to improve, is more a part of writing than any hobby.
Just keep trying man, I believe you can do it. I believe in you!

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I loved it. Never give up on your dreams user

people like you are the reason why they stop writing. instead of insulting user, how about giving some actual fucking advice? Tips? Critique? Or does being an asshole make your little dick rise.

Those analogies do not hold whatsoever. Reading is the one thing where you absorb literal words and thoughts that can surface in your writing. Understanding tropes, characters, motifs, ideas, thematic overtures, etc. gives you the proper insight and judgment into making literary decisions that create the best stories and prose. Writing should be practiced but if your entire premise is flawed and your motivations/background for writing isn't informed then you're going to make awful pieces.

i gave critique, he was using too much exposition. the entire story has little to no value because the context and setting are both bad. it's another garbage genre fiction cliche piece that starts off with rambling exposition about the world. that's not good writing. it's fanfic tier

i'm not that poster but if somebody can't take people trashing their work online then they shouldn't bother with it

This isn't anywhere remotely close to being "aggressively bad" as you have stated. It's just a bit bland and sometimes doesn't scan well. I really don't see why this level of writing would warrant a 0/10 score, it's just very amateur man. This is something you can easily improve by trying to be a bit more imaginative in the way you express certain things and descriptions, if that makes any sense.

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theres a difference between trashing the work and trashing the writer for no reason.

probably because it was fanfic instead of original work.

Some writers are very particular about that and consider fanfiction beneath them.

3 of your criticisms are pants on head retarded kek.
>Characters stuttering for no reason
Their teeth are chattering from the cold; it's actually a pretty alright way of reminding the reader of the situation without repeatedly stating how cold it is.

I didn't say "reading is useless for improving writing," but just consuming stuff is only useful up to a point, because it can fly out of your head as soon as it pops in. The weightlifting analogy is maybe off but the music analogy is completely accurate because you consume musical phrases in the same way you consume text.

if you wanna hate bronies/furfags, fine, but at least be honest about it

Ah really? fanfic of what story? not disagreeing with you just wondering
Although even then, assuming this level of writing extends to the rest of his work, then he's not really that bad

I really want to make a choose your own adventure book

You can. Those stories usually don't require a high level of writing at all and skate by on the gimmick alone.

I thought it was mlp based since I saw AJ and he posted something on fimfiction. Guess I was wrong.

Also a lot writers are pretentious assholes.

Yeah that's why I want to make one, I find them really fun and since I'm a shit writer it may be possible. I'll just add nice illustrations.

>A lot of writers are assholes
Yeah. Kinda makes me wonder if OP goes to university and knows anyone there/if they have a creative writing module he can take. I've taken one and people in the class with much worse writing than OP got much nicer feedback.
OP, have you written any poetry?

in low level classes there is expectation to be bad, you are learning after all. If he joined a higher level group it could be assumed that he knew all of the basics and just was not using them for whatever reasons.

Any tips on world building? I feel like that's where stories need to start but I'm horrible at it.

It's okay, user. Some years ago I tried to write my own stuff, but I am too lazy and inconsistent to improve.

This user ( ) is right. Be honest and write for yourself. It is the best way to go.

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One character stutters for their lines and one character isn't stuttering. As such, they are stuttering for no reason. If it was that cold, either both characters would be saying short phrases or both characters would be trying to speak but failing halfway through their lines. It's not cohesive with the situation at all.

kek. Read Doctor Who Decide Your Destiny

Dude, a lot of people will say shitty things about your work, use them to get better and you will improve a lot but don't take everything too serious because it will only make u feel bad about it, and never stop doing it, the best way of improvement is doing it regularly

user, I promise you I genuinely mean this. I like it. I want to read more and see what happens. The only thing i would like to see is if you could convey more emotion into the dialog, itself. But then again, I only read those two paragraphs so I don't really know the situation, but I would definitely like more

I disagree. I've been in plenty of freezing situations where I chatter but still make out some of my words. The non stuttering character also marks a difference in endurance or even personality between the two.
I agree that it would've been better if they failed halfway through their lines however and generally if their speech was more affected by the cold than occasional stutters, but "their stuttering is inconsistent and thus it reads as if you haven't created a deep enough connection between their behaviour and situation" isn't nearly the same as "they are stuttering for no reason". Come on dude.
Incidentally, I get we're on r9k and I'm just as much a woman hater as the next faggot, but do you genuinely believe
>Both girls have fucking REVOLVERS and they're lesbians
is a legitimate criticism in terms of writing? I mean, considering his writing probably operates outside the r9k bubble.

Run down cabin in the middle of frozen winter. Sounds pretty cliche, desu. The only real reason to use cliches that I can tell is to speed through scenes that don't matter.
This is boring. The plot seems to consist of you fawning over your own characters.

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Those look terrible. I was going to read Heart of Ice next.

It didn't read as realistic to me and made me question what I was reading. That was the biggest point I was trying to make. That's what bad writing is. Even if it's splitting hairs at the end of the day, if I am not engrossed in the characters or the prose or anything, then it serves as writing to be criticized. It doesn't have to be ultra realistic, the stuttering just wasn't the right thing to do for the characters and should have been done in a more realistic way.

I'm not a professional writer but I'll give my thoughts.
>The wind was blowing like a bat out of hell and the snow was coming down in sheets
Using a comparison of hell to a chilling wind kind of pauses the reader, at least me, for a moment because it kindof clashes, the description exaggerated to the extent of going against what's actually happening.
>a stream of razor blades. She was in trouble. Deep trouble.
Your sentences to me feel too sensationalized, which could work if that's what you're going for. Like you could've just said "She was in deep trouble" as the last sentence was already pretty extreme and attention-catching if the cold was relatable to razor blades.
>Luckily for the two of them, their luck
>Aj pulled out her revolver, pulling
The reuse of words doesn't flow well.
>It wouldn't do much to keep the cold out
"To keep the cold out" gets the idea across, but it feels disconnected from the present sensation of them out in the snow, since they're still standing out there. I'd rather word it something like "These winds were beyond brace to a shack of that state ("that", making the idea of being in the cabin impersonal to the present), yet it was certainly..."
>It didn't muffle the one strange sound coming from the bedroom however. Soft breathing.
These types of sentences building brief suspense usually feel unnecessary to me. You could just say, "Yet it didn't muffle a strange breathing that emanated from the bedroom". If the writing brings attention to it, there's no need to go through the process of the characters bringing attention to it. I'd describe the transition of the sounds of the wind to the breathing in more detail if I wanted that.

But believe it or not I more or less enjoyed the writing, it's not that bad at all. I usually nitpick everything, but that's possibly because I think in a different way.

And let me add on that I don't think wood would rot in such a situation considering fungus grows in moist environments. For some reason I doubt it would attack frozen logs. And even if it did, there's no reason for the windows to be broken, unless you talk about that later in the story, which for some reason I doubt.
That's where consuming media does get you. You start copying common themes without thinking about whether or not they make sense in your story.
Paying attention to those small, seemingly pointless concepts is what separates a good writer who can subtly foreshadow and a poor writer who pays no attention to their own events.
I'd take this all back if the broken windows were a subtle hint that the cabin has a dark past, but if you just throw a wolf or weird hermit at your characters... I'm afraid you'll need to be a bit more imaginative and detail-oriented.

Not op, I don't agree. Every detail of a story doesn't require explanation. They're likely in the middle of the wilderness and found an abandoned cabin that's been run-down. And if there's a lot of fallen dead trees nearby, it's very possible those were responsible for the shattering of the windows.
Also google: "Due to wind, rain, hail and snow, wood can become exposed to, and soak up, moisture. This causes the wood to become soft and damp, enabling wood rot."

>tfw genuinely worried OP got bullied away
I really liked what little I read of his story. I wanna read more.

if OP is still lurking, my email is lolhalf chan@gmail (no space) if you would be willing to let me read the whole thing before it gets burned

This is a disaster, holy moly.

Your style is very... Bland. I see potential, but it's currently not good. I feel like I'm constantly being smacked in the face by you telling me what is happening, short, descriptive, simple sentences - it's not immersive, I'm constantly reminded that this is something somebody has made up. Try to vary your sentences, begin your sentences with different words, similes, metaphors!

Don't give up, you can get better.

>The only real reason to use cliches that I can tell is to speed through scenes that don't matter.
You're an actual fucking idiot, I'm literally replying to this thread just to tell you that. Nobody should listen to a fucking word you say about anything, you might be the dumbest motherfucker alive when it comes to writing based on that comment alone, holy shit son.

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Every detail absolutely shouldn't be explained, but every detail should have a reason for existing. Even having windows in the first place means whoever lived there was not as disconnected from society as OP likely wanted to portray. Either way, I'm sure he didn't think that hard about it, which was my point.
It is important because it also applies in reverse direction. You can include details that suggest unwanted conclusions, but his stories also lack layers that could be provided by more details. In all of the ones I've read so far, he simply says what happens and never looks around the world he's creating. It's that lack of depth that is really his main problem. He doesn't pay attention to his own world.
The narrator is short-sighted, forcing the reader to be short sighted. That's annoying.

Well then tell me why I'm wrong then.

>every detail should have a reason for existing
literaryterms.net/verisimilitude/
>having windows means whoever lived there was not as disconnected from society as portrayed
Windows have a function of controlling temperature, it's not purely aesthetic. Also if the person is out in nature, but doesn't always want to be out in the wilderness which could be dangerous, he can have a window and gaze from inside. There's really no reason why it'd mean he's more connected with society.
>He doesn't pay attention to his own world
Noticing the windows are broken is paying attention, so to me it sounds like you're going against your own point. But it'd be understandable the characters aren't taking in the view as they're escaping a deadly blizzard.

>There's really no reason why it'd mean he's more connected with society.
Where'd they get the window from? Did they make them out of ice?
>Noticing the windows are broken is paying attention
Yeah but it was a detail that lead to the wrong conclusion, making it seem poorly thought out rather than deep and layered storytelling. Writers don't give details just to make themselves look smart, they do it to quietly tell you what's going on. That doesn't happen in any OP stories.

You could do very well at being a sissyboi bottom :)

You're assuming it's glass.

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:( I just want to hold you... I had my hopes and dreams crushed a few years ago in a similar and now I barely do anything I enjoy. mostly just on the npc script of exist each day auto pilot.
Sorry user I know that it broke me. I hope you can recover :(

No dont do that please. I burned all my works in a moment and now I can never get them back or re-read them to improve them. please do not destroy your creations user you kill those worlds existance when you do

>mfw people love the things I write and I'm likely going to be a profesional author soon

Shoulda gitten gud, spergboi.

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yeah you'll be needing to drop a paragraph right about now

That picture would make even less sense.

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double dubs confirm. do it now.

Howsoe?

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pastebin.com/N6641BHJ
Go nuts. This is a bit from a weeb story that I'm probably never going to finish. Didn't even give the characters real names yet.

Only because you boasted I'm going to nitpick you.
>the midsummer sun above
"Above" is unnecessary.
>carried with it a number of
>all year round
Feels awkward.
>a testament to some sorceress or another.
"... as if a testament to some sorceress."
"or another" feels awkward.
>wide, yet relatively isolated pathway,
"wide, yet relatively isolated, pathway"
Unless the sentence could also be, "Oujo found herself strolling down a wide enjoying the view and air both."
>the view and air both
Feels awkward.
>Her ornate white dress bore many tiers and ruffles, voluminous enough to reveal little of her figure even as the wind pressed it against her.
No nitpick here, nice sentence.
>some many miles away
Feels awkward.
>Lady x was one who not only could, but should be kept waiting, as far as Ojou was concerned.
Based.
>Even had she been feeling charitable, their business together was less than urgent.
Lessens based-ness of last sentence.

I like how smug Ojou is. Overall I could definitely see you becoming a young adult novelist.

>Only because you boasted I'm going to nitpick you.
I guess I deserve that, though it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Honestly, I wrote those paragraphs like a year ago, and you probably are right about a lot of it. Thank you for the compliments, although maybe it's just my victim complex, but the part about being a YA novelist feels like a jab. Then again, it was actually supposed to be a YA book, so maybe not. Either way thank/fuck you.

Its funny because I knew you'd think that even though I actually meant as it was worded. Reason is I was told similar in that I'd make a good fantasy writer from my fantasy writing and I thanked them reluctantly. If thread is still up in few hours I'll post an exerpt of mine.

Writing a short fantasy novel, Plz rate my rape scene

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Having only read a little bit, your prose is riddled with pointless phrases and words. A lot of these are words indirectly leading to a point, just cut out the filler. Words like relatively are overused. I think if you clean this itll read much smoother.

10/10 famili

DON'T LEAVE ME HANGlN

have a (you) and good luck with your erotica.

you have to post the rest now user

sorry it's not finished. probably never will be
it takes me ages to write anything since I use dice rolls to decide where the story goes.

That's fair, then.

I disagree for the most part but thank you anyway.

Well roll the dice mate, is it rape at all? She sounded into it

It's not really about ideas, reading other people's writing helps you improve your own grammar, and gives pointers as to how you can convey ideas and create compelling imagery and most importantly it expands your vocabulary.

this is more or less where the story was going.

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This writing style reminds me a lot of young adult novels like the ones Bruce Coville makes. In that vain, you are not entirely hopeless as long as your premise is appealing to the teenager/pre-teen demographic.

Sorry forgot pic.
Also try using less similes and more metaphors and expressive words.
>The wind was blowing like a bat out of hell
Could be like something like:
>The wind was blasting relentlessly against their bodies

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Not OP, but that alternative is dull its better to add an action to it or some description.
"If the snow weren't enough, the blizzard had begun pelleting hail throughout the valley. As if hearing the ring of a whip, a chunk of hail clocked AJ's skull. In a daze, he felt compelled to lay out and wish a soon summer."
A quick example of trying to paint a bigger picture rather than list individual details.

Oh...Oh God. I'm so sorry, user.

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>next JK Rowling
m8 if you were trying to make OP feel better about being a shit writer that's a terrible example to use.

sorry to hear
I don't have any skills at all but it probably feels worse to have your heart broken than to never experience that pride in the first place yada yada
Still kinda bitter at writers and artists in general

Considering trying to go the writing route myself, what was your path to getting published? A lot of the shit out there makes it sound like getting published is either impossible or if you do, it's impossible to make a living doing it.

At least you were brave enough to show it to people, which is good even if the criticism was heartbreaking. It should only motivate you to work harder at your craft. I have written/recorded a bunch of raw music and i cant bring myself to show it to anyone because i fear the same thing will happen to me

this isn't that bad. try to use fewer similes and more descriptive verbs, if that makes sense. it's easy to read and flows decently well.

my advice would be to write less like you're writing a novel and more like you're telling a story to a friend. if it sounds awkward or melodramatic when you say it out loud, that's probably because it is.

I actually just read a couple chapters of this and it's much better than the small sample. you shouldn't be so discouraged.

I've read the whole thread and just noticed this

>fimfiction
>Fimfiction.net (also known as FIMFiction.net) is a Web site dedicated to hosting Fan Fiction based on My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

not trying to be mean but why would you show a MLP fanfic to those people in the writing group, wouldn't it be better to share this with other MLP fans? Know your audience and all

this ought to calm the mind a tad

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All I can really say is don't get discouraged. I've had like 5 stories where I would write a 20k word draft and then scrap it because it was shit, and that was over the course of an embarassing amount of years. Behind every author is a lot of terrible stuff that you don't see. Just keep at it and try to do the next one better.