What ruined your life, user...

>physically and emotionally abused from young childhood
>parents divorced when I was 4 because my father was physically abusive to my mother and brother
>brother would come into my room every night, lay on top of me and run scissors over my hair/body, whispering in my ear how he wanted to cut me up and kill me
>whenever I cried my mother would dig her nails into my skin and slap me
>she also starved my brother and I and forced us to eat vomit
>despite all of this grow up with an exceedingly positive outlook for my life
>walk out of my father's house at 15, move in with a friend who is a drug dealer
>unironically a more stable place to be than the fucked up life I had with my "family"
>try to go to school
>cant focus, too anxious to not perform perfectly
>try to fit in and make friends
>cant form relationships because I dont even know what "friendship" really is
>try to get a job
>not likable or confident enough to make my own living
>try to have intimate relationships
>cant connect with/trust in anyone due to decades of bottling in emotional trauma
>succumb to depression after each failure weighed heavier and heavier on me each year that passes by
>grandma who used to encourage me during her lucid moments passed away last year
>no more friends due to self imposed isolation, and my family is fucked beyond all repair

I am living alone. That being said, I think even in a room full of people saying they loved and cared about me I would still feel alone. The loneliness and isolation is getting to me. I cry myself to sleep every night now. I wish someone would listen and try to understand. I keep thinking I want to go home but I have no "home" to speak of.

well my chief problem is laziness and an utter lack of ambition. Whatever it was that caused that, it had happened by age 10. My parents sat me down and said "We want to start paying you an allowance, and in return we want you to wash the dishes and take out the garbage". And I thought for a bit and said "no thanks, I don't really need to buy anything". Even my autistic ass recognized the blindsided look they got. They were expecting me to haggle for more money, or to do different chores, but they never expected that I'd prefer not having to do anything to having pocket money.

Yeah probably this place

Hi there I'd like to summarize it in three easy things:
1. My genetics gave me awful man boobs
2. My parents are fat and raised me a fatty so my man boobs were awful
3. They replaced my need for social experiences by buying me video games and letting me spend my allowance on video games
It all unfolded from there

Have you tried therapy? sometimes you just need someone to talk to and the relationship lacks the ambiguity that real life ones have.

Yes, but therapy cannot replace a loving family or support group. It is only one piece of the puzzle. The time for it has passed as well as I am no longer insured and will not pay out of pocket for a therapist to tell me i have PTSD/Anxiety/Depression and to seek help from my support group. Where do I even find one?

I'll support you emotionally if you are a cute girl

Sorry, I'm looking for actual communion.

Kek that fucking picture. So elegant in it's design, his face...his smug fucking face as he eyes you observing that damn catastrophe beside him. What bliss.

For me it was my abusive relationship. It was my first (and only) relationship, and when it started, I was truly happy for the first time in my life... I went from a lonely virgin to someone who had a friend, and someone to love. She was great in the beginning... Smart, motivated, incredibly kind and caring, and gorgeous...
And then one day she just turned into the opposite... She started getting angry at the tiniest things, and then taking that anger out on me... I was always scared to confront her, because I knew it would only make her angrier. I was also scared to leave, because I knew she wouldn't be able to handle it. She belittled me, used me, and degraded me for about 8 months (3 months in...)

There would be moments when I would think about leaving, or start spending more time at my moms house instead of our apartment. When I did this, she instantly turned into the girl I fell in love with. She would be nice, fun and caring like before... Until she got hit with another wave of depression, and then came the bad days, the useless fights (literally screamed at me over whether or not a medicine I took was tylenol or not...) and the hitting... My body could handle her hitting me (sometimes), but inside it hurt me more than anything...

It completely killed me, I'm now just a husk of my former self. I'm not funny, attractive, smart, or motivated anymore... I don't trust anybody because I can't tell if they'll just switch on me like she did... And for some reason I still miss the girl she used to be... The one I fell in love with when I was just a little kid... She made me feel like such a weak person... an asshole came into my work doing a fraudulent return and instead of confronting him I just got scared and did it. I was shaking afterwards... I regret not standing up for myself in both cases...

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My first gf betrayed me and Ive lost all trust for people ever since and became a shut-in

The only thing that helps heal the scars that she left on me is my music, and even then I'm never satisfied with what I make... I find that most of it is about her, meaning the girl I fell in love with. Not the person she bacame... I haven't seen the real her in about two years. We broke up 8 months ago and it only lasted a year and a half.

I went on a date with this nice girl a few months afterwards, and we started getting closer. We were pretty much dating (and she knew this) when she started dating her ex boyfriend again.. Yet again I felt used, and it killed my trust for women even more...

Unitonically a guy off r9k did

>What ruined your life, user? What was it that obliterated your innocence and any chance of you becoming a well adjusted and mentally healthy man?

Autism

Same thing that ruined everyone elses life, TECHNOLOGY

Fuck the boomer bootstraps and handshake memes, society is garbage and needs to go

>dating apps destroy human connections, and spread loneliness and disease
>automation kills jobs
>SNS destroy freedom

When are you gonna take the anprim pill and start smashing the machines?

This, smartphones and computers should unironically be illegal.

Unironically, my videogame addition

My parents got me an original Xbox when I was 12 and the effects on me were inmediate. I was playing every day for hours. I'd sleep at 3:00 AM only to get up at 9:00 at start the machine. My behavior worsened. My grades started failing. At times I was distracted most of the time due to always thinking about games. Eventually, my parents realized their mistake and locked away the console against my will.

But the damage was done. I was seeking videogames wherever I was, by any medium necessary. Played flash games and Newgrounds, went to the local arcade where I spent all my money in an evening, stayed with friend's just to continue playing Smash Bros, etc. This continued for years. During a high school trip to Vancouver, instead of exploring and visiting new places, I'd go to malls and retail stores in the hunt for PS3/360 kiosks. Daily.

Eventually I grew up from it, but coupled with my internet dependency and lack of social skills, I was left with a racing mind that makes me easily distracted, and with mild sleep troubles that I can still feel to this day.

I cannot say I didn't enjoy it, but it certainly left a mark on me at a crucial period of my life.

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Was "bullied", though I hate the term, all through elementary and middle school, the middle school period including some shit that made me too afraid to ever develop feelings for or pursue a romantic relationship or have genuine friendships

After that I went through all of high school totally alone and never developed any social skills because it was too unsafe to my traumatized brain and now I am an alcoholic neet without a single friend but at least the booze currently is close to enough to anesthetize me which is the absolute best I can ask for

New rapidly growing Jow Forums server, join if you can't fit in anywhere else:
discord
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aj

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