Messaging with a girl on a dating app

could be worse, i got one that only replies in the weekends and its been two weeks since i left an open question, tried following up a week later with asking if she had been busy
why cant they just say that you fucked it up or they arent interested anymore. being left hanging is not cool

t. les roastie

you might have to pull out the last resort and ask them if you've done something wrong or if they're just disinterested. it's usually gone two ways for me where it reinvigorates the conversation or just speeds up its death and makes things easier
t. year long relationship with my ex by asking her that when our initial convos seemed to be going downhill

i might as well try, if she thinks i fucked up because i asked why she was interested in dating a girl for the first time, then idk

Youre probably taking too long to get to the point of suggesting to meet. After a certain point, its a turn off. Make contact with someone you like, exchange a 2-3 messages and suggest getting together for something casual. Coffee, lunch, etc. Dont wait too long.

if you get nothing out of it then good at least you tried. onto the next one

>Sometimes girls value a mans effort to get her attention.

This is never a good thing, and always the beginning of an attempt to manipulate and gain power over a man.

You always want to have the uppper hand in ANY relationship, and as a man it's desirable for precisely the same reason women don't like men having it.

There's no point asking, since it just makes you seem even shittier and needier. Women really want Chad, who will be too busy fucking some other chick to notice she stopped replying to him.

As a man you're well advised to never make the first move, if women aren't pulling slut moves to attract YOUR attention the way they do for Chad, you will never wear the pants in the relationship anyway and are better off alone.

yup, there may be further between them, but i hope ill find that someone one day, being stuck with weekly replies at best doesnt seem like something you could build on, idk
well at least i send her a message now asking if i said something dumb or if she wasnt interested in seeing where it could end up. im honestly not expecting a reply at this point desu

im not the only one who gets really anxious when you get someone talking and they stop, right? there doesnt seem to be a winning move when it happens other than calm your tits and move on

youre forgetting we are talking about two girls here

Anons, if a guy doesn't respond for a week on discord is he ghosting or is any other explanation possible?

>im not the only one who gets really anxious when you get someone talking and they stop, right?
yeah it's super exciting getting to know someone new

>dating app
she's most likely responding to 10-20 other guys at the same time

these apps are like a buffet for women, providing them with all the different kinds of attention that they crave
she uses people like you to briefly fend off her insecurity until she eventually matches with a chad

donno, the two girls im "texting" with are "bad" at replying and checking tinder

it is, especially when you think there might be something, like you matched with them for a reason right?

Dunno, he might just be busy. If he's the type to be on his computer all day then definitely yes he ghosted you

Well then I guess it's time to give up :(

Did you do anything prior to make him ghost you? Sometimes I shit test people by not speaking to them for a week to gauge their interest lol

I don't think I said anything wrong. He even told me I won't have to worry about him ever ghosting me in our last conversation. And if he's testing me then honestly I'm not sure if I want to keep talking to him.

>shit test people
how and why?
what makes them pass or fail. at what point does it go from okay to needy/desperate?

If she's ignoring you on purpose them she didn't deserve you anyway.

Yes, but what mystifies me is that 30 dudes have messaged her in the two days since I asked my question. Why, then, would she still bother to scroll all the way down to reply to me? Especially if my last message hadn't been initially interesting enough

To add something different to this user, I get anxiety real bad when I talk to people too often and will pull away and cocoon until I feel comfortable enough to open up a little bit again. If you're gonna lose contact anyways, like other anons have suggested in this thread, might as well be kind and ask if they would like you to leave them alone or if they just need some time or what. But even if you open up and are vulnerable and forthcoming, don't expect them to be so take their verbal/text response with a grain of salt and weigh it against their behavior/actions and what you want/need from a relationship.
Sometimes people grow to love each other dearly but ultimately are simply incapable of being The Person for each other and it only creates unnecessary suffering.

They get bored of what they have tight in front of them, no matter what it is, and go looking for something else, no matter what that is. It's why they can have you and get tired and go to someone new, or have a bunch of new dudes but still decide to blow them off to occasionally string you along a bit more.

You must not have much experience with cats.

Hm. If he needs some time and would like to be left alone then that's okay with me but why wouldn't he say so? It just seems so weird because he seemed very open and genuine before. And then he suddenly just stopped responding. It's just hard for me to find an explanation

Talk to me instead bbycakes.

You need to be the one who messages her less
When you start messaging her, be forward and overly confident to give her a taste of how far you're willing to go
if she takes the bait, she's just accepted an invitation to be the one who gives more attention
Don't message her as much as she messages you, nowhere near
take typically 30 mins or more to open her messages
give blunt, distant careless replies
that will make them try harder to earn your attention

Thanks :')

Fucking why

You would probably ghost me too :(

Nah I'd ramble at you a lot. Probably try and play vidya with you

I literally don't even own a computer. I wouldn't make you happy

Why don't you own one?

Having to explain it is very overwhelming, if not also difficult/complicated, when you get to that breaking point and it either can loom ever nearer or come like a bolt. But, when it hits people like me, it feels like there's no point trying to explain because it only makes things worse. Like I've even tried explaining after the fact when I was more comfortable, but it didn't make a difference in the end.
Most people just can't understand. And I get that, it's hard to "be there" for a ghost when you also need someone to be there for you. It's certainly no way to conduct a healthy/balanced relationship.

I don't fucking know what goes on in their minds, I just know words and actions are two very different things. Maybe you are a bit interesting/attractive, I don't know. I mean, look at the Brad Pitt test again. It's obviously a caricature for an illustration, but it communicates the core features you need to understand. If a girl is actually interested and not shit-testing/power-grabbing all the time, then things will most likely work themselves out. If it's a limbo situation, then you are only choosing to stay in hell if you give them that role in your life/space in your mind.

I can't afford one and I don't need it that much anyway
Seriously, a simple "I'm sad and I need some time right now" would be enough for me, I would be ok with waiting for him to be more comfortable and I would be there for him whenever he would feel ready. It's much better than ghosting which just makes me feel anxious and worried especially after he specifically said that he wouldn't ghost me. However, the thought that maybe he's just ignoring me because he needs some time right now is still somehow comforting so thank you

That's retarded. If a guy acted this way towards me I would assume he's not interested and I would stop bothering with him

Come bother me

>Brad Pitt is literally 0.00000000000000000000001 percent of all men

And you think a roast would bother to take that into account? Naive, at best.

Brad Pitt isn't even that cute though

Not all people all the same.
But he's right about being distant sometimes.
I'm pretty sure that if a guy would always reply to you in one minute, you'd end up losing interest fast.

If he would always reply in a minute then yeah, because I would assume that nothing else was going on in his life. But if he was careless and distant I would just think that he doesn't care. I would be sad for a minute and then move on

Girls have such short attention spans now a days and have 500+ guys messaging them at once that you have to be really quick at closing the deal and asking them to hangout or else she'll just get bored.

holy original shit this is retarded

Only giga-stacies have so many guys messaging them

giga staceys as in kim kardashian?
500 guys at once fucking hell
and he thinks you should stand out by being one of the MORE desperate ones?

not him but this is a pretty common piece of advice
you want to get them off the app as soon as possible and looking at your face instead of a screen with messages from thirty different guys
in this world, you don't have the time to show her how unique and worthy you are through messages, she already has too much to deal with
you just have to accept that it's all based on appearances, pull whoever you can off the app, and try to make a connection in person

Not a bad advise but stop telling yourself all women have hundreds orbiters

all women talk to other men lmfao. That's why I laugh at morons who get into relationships when they will clearly put out without being in one.

I'm just trying to help you niggas, and it was a joke I didn't mean it literally. But you can go on a dating website and find a good looking girl and it'll say "message not sent - inbox full" because she literally has hundreds of unread messages. Now if you messaging chubs mcgrubs that might not be the case but my advice still holds up. Texting is just fucking boring if she's willing to hangout she's willing to do it after a few messages or not at all.

never said they all have hundreds of orbiters, but if they're attractive enough for you to want to message them, chances are they're attractive enough for other people to do the same

this is the real answer

girls are literally matching with 5-10 guys a day, most of which will message them. they don't give 2 shits about putting any effort back in.

>find cute girls on dating apps
>the relationships always fizzle out a few weeks to a month in
>have to wait a few months to find a girl willing to have sex with me again

I just want a permanent FWB, Jesus Christ

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5-10? More like 500-1000 a day.